A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a few days! It's summer… I have stuff… And yeah. I hope you understand. So if I go for a week without updating, I'm sorry and I love you all.

WARNING: Mentions of drugs. I do not condone it, just an FYI. Some bad words. Eh.

Pergjithshme: You'll see that a bit later. Because you can never predict the antics of Tony Stark.

TeddyBearSunshineJoy54: I promised. (;

Captain Rogers was walking briskly to the Avenger's meeting room when one of Stark's workers nearly knocked him down. She was frantic. "Oh, ohhh my gosh I am so soso so sorry, Captain! I didn't mean to- and Mr. Stark told me to find you anyway, but I don't think he meant like this." Steve smiled, and stood up, taking her with him. "It's fine; I was heading in that direction anyway. What does Tony need me for?" The worker smiled. "I'm afraid he didn't tell me that, sir. But please, we need to go to his office."

Steve smiled again, and followed the worker. "My name is Katerina." "It's a pleasure to meet you." "The pleasure is all mine, Cap." She grinned, and turned to Tony's office.

"Ah, Katerina, thank you for bringing our favorite Spangly Superhero. You may take a seat. Now, I need an opinion on something, Steve." Not trusting the joking tone in his voice, a weary Steve stayed by the doorway. "What is it, Tony? Really."

The man laughed. "I thought it was your birthday tomorrow, Cap! I want your opinion. What cake flavor do you prefer? I have samples of three and I want you to try them all."

Rolling his eyes, but feeling a bit warmhearted at Tony's gesture, he walked over to Tony's desk. They both picked up two slices of chocolate and tried it.

Tony smiled when the significantly larger man fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Now, Katerina. Your initiation to Stark Industries begins now. Go get the paint."

When Steve woke up, he was not in his room.

Oh gosh, my head… What happened? Everything was fuzzy when he opened up his eyes.

"SURPRISE! HAPPY 95th BIRTHDAY, CAPTAIN!"

Steve jumped up. The Avengers were looking down on him, in the command center of Stark Industries. Everything was decked out in red, white and blue.

Steve groaned. "Why did you… What happened?"

Tony walked over to where the groggy man was laying, and helped him up. "Tony, why am I painted in red, white and blue?"

"Because I drugged you and told my new assistant to paint you while you were sleeping for her initiation rites of passage. And it's not like I could hide a birthday party from you, so, naturally, I did the only thing I could think of."

Looking around incredulously, Steve asked his coworkers, "You guys let this happen?" Everybody shrugged nonchalantly.

Katerina couldn't stand the awkward silence, so she yelled, "PRESENT TIME!" Steve rolled his eyes. "Please, no, I don't like having a fuss made over me-"

Thor picked him up and set him down next to the present table. "Too bad. Open them."

Tony bounced over. "MINE FIRST!" Steve picked up the gaudiest gift and unwrapped it. "Tony. No. Really? I.. uh… thanks?" Tony grinned. "Hold it up." Steve groaned, but obliged. Everybody busted out laughing at the red, white and blue speedo.

Natasha said, "Open mine and Clint's next!" Steve grabbed a box and opened it. "What is it?" Asked Tony eagerly. "It's a titanium bowie knife. Just in case. You can strap it to your leg during battle." Natasha answered for Steve. "Thank you both; I love it." Thor handed a couple of presents at Steve. "The gold one with the air holes is from me. The green one is from my brother… Don't worry, it's more of an 'I'm sorry for almost murdering everybody you care about' present. It won't be embarrassing."

Steve opened Thor's first, and was greeted with a tiny bark. "I'm not exactly sure what this is." "Oh, don't be silly! It's a baby kijja. You don't have these on earth?" "No… Not exactly. But it looks like a palm-sized dog." "I guess it is. But the breed is the most loyal dog on Asgard. It may be small, but it is a fierce warrior. You may name her whatever you please." "How big will she grow? What does she eat?" Steve asked, pulling the fuzzy baby dog out of the box. The dog reminded him of a small, white Pomeranian. Except 1/5 its size. The dog uncurled from his hand and wagged its tail and licked Steve's face. "She will eat anything given to her. She can grow to be as tall as your waist, but that will take several years. What are you going to name her?" "I'll think on that and get back to you. Thank you, Thor. I love her." Steve put the kijja in his lap and reached for Loki's gift.

Carefully pulling the ribbon, the box fell apart in his hand and a clear, flat stone was left in Steve's hand. "What does it do?" He tossed it between his hands. "Loki sent what I think you humans would call… A paperweight? But this one reminds you of your tasks that you need to complete, all you have to do is tell it."

Everybody laughed. "Tell your brother I said thank you for the 'I'm sorry I nearly murdered everyone you love' present. A paperweight makes everything better." Steve laughed.

Bruce's gift was next. Steve unwrapped a vial and swirled it. It changed colors. "It's what you would call a dream serum. One drop and you'll fall into the most wonderful of dreams your subconscious can create."

Tony laughed. "You didn't give him any LSD?" "No, that would be mean." Bruce said sincerely. Tony laughed. Katerina bounced up and down beside Steve. "Now for mine! Mine! Open it!" She handed Steve a simple present with a light pink bow and yellow wrappings. "I figured you'd be tired of the colors red, white and blue for awhile, so I made you a normal present." Steve tore the paper open and laughed. "Now, what is this?" "That would be a t-shirt that says, 'Captain America, Coming again to save the motherfucking day, yeah.' And on the back it says, 'FUCK YEAH!'" Katerina clapped her hands. Everybody busted out into fits of laughter.

"Thank you all for the presents. Really, I love them all." Steve laughed.

After cake, Steve took his gifts and his kijja back to his room. He sat her on the bed and she barked excitedly. "I think this may be cheesy, but I'll name you… Liberty." She looked at him with blue eyes and licked his face. He laughed, and went to go take a shower.

Suddenly, Tony knocked on the door just as Steve caught his reflection in the mirror.

"ANTHONY STARK, YOU ARE A DEAD MAN."

Tony casually walked into the room to face the raging Captain.

"What, Cap? You don't like Sharpie and facepaint?" "NOT WHEN IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE WONDER WOMAN!" Steve ran at him from the bathroom, and Tony scrambled for the door.

When Steve reached his bedroom, Tony was at the door. "You don't want to do this again, Cap." Tony said. Steve put his hand on his hip and smirked. "I don't have to. Liberty, attack!" He pointed at Tony. The tiny kijja jumped from the bed, and it's body engorged to that of a normal sized Pomeranian, but with a terrifying mouth of teeth that could rival that of a shark and a dinosaur at the same time. Tony yelped and sprinted out of his room as fast as he could, the kijja keeping up with him. Steve walked to the door and watched as Tony threw people down in the hallway as he tried to save himself.

He'll call off Liberty when he gets all of the paint and Sharpie off of him… However long that'll take.