I do not allow myself to feel anything as I stare down at the pale brown apprentice held under my paws, her blood staining the ground and my fur a bright red. Her throat is no longer intact, not after I sliced it open with my own claws.
I bow my head for half-a-heartbeat before lifting it, sweeping my cold amber eyes around the shocked and horrified faces of the WindClan warriors surrounding my circle of safety. I see Tallstar, who was the father of the small she-cat whose life I have taken. I see a young brown tabby tom, the one who I had originally planned on killing, who is glaring back at me with a mixture of shock, hatred, and grief. And I see Deerleap, mother of the dead cat under me.
I refuse to let any emotion show through my mask of indifference. I will show my ShadowClan cats what it means to be a real warrior. I will not show any weakness. "This," I growl softly, "is what she gets for trying to trick me."
"She let you catch her!" yowls the brown tabby apprentice. "If she wanted to escape, you wouldn't have been able to touch her."
"If that was true," I respond, "why did she try to get away? It seems to me that she was just some foolish idiot trying to make a show of herself."
The apprentice opens his jaws to respond but Morningflower clamps her tail over his mouth, silencing his protests. I see some movement out of the corner of my eye and turn to see Tallstar stepping forward.
"You have proven what you wanted to prove," he says, voice strong despite the grief shadowing his eyes. "Please, leave us in peace now."
I pounce on his show of emotion; it only proves how weak he is. "You're right," I agree sardonically. "I suppose that the fact that your daughter is dead is enough to let you have a couple of days set aside for mourning. ShadowClan, to me!"
With that, I pull my claws from the still form of Heatherpaw and lead my warriors on what should be a triumphant journey home. And yet… I cannot snuff out the smallest form of guilt.
-o- -o- -o-
The next night, I fall asleep quickly. I dream of the fight with WindClan, but this time, instead Heatherpaw sacrificing herself for Gorsepaw, she just watches as I kill him. I sink my claws deeper into his flesh, enjoying his screams of pain. Then I hear a voice from behind me.
"You always had it in for Gorsepaw, didn't you? Ever since Firestar saved his life you've had it in him. That's why you wanted to murder him." I whip around to see a second Heatherpaw stalking toward me, but this one has stars dusting her fur. "You are the most messed up cat I have ever seen. And you don't have a very good reason for it, either."
I lunge at her, claws outstretched, but she doesn't even move as I fly right through her. "What do you know of my reasoning?" I snarl, landing on all four paws.
"Quite a bit," she responds calmly. "We're not so different, you know. We are both the sole survivors of our litters, and both of our fathers left our clans. The difference is that my father came back."
I narrow my eyes at her. "What I am doing has nothing to do with Pinestar," I growl. "I just want to fix the warrior code so it makes sense."
She rolls her green eyes impressively. "Yeah right, keep telling yourself that," she growls. "You're just saying that to convince yourself that you aren't evil. That you aren't seriously biased against kittypets."
I snarl wordlessly. "You don't know what it's like to have your father leave the clan when you're just a kit," I hiss. "You were born after Tallstar returned to WindClan."
"Well, your mother loved you, didn't she?" she says. "Didn't your entire clan support you? And what about Whitestorm? Didn't his mother die when he was a kit? Admit it; you're just a coward."
"Don't call me a coward!" I roar, launching myself at her again, fruitlessly swiping at her smug face. "You were born from a warrior too scared to stay in his clan!" I realize my mistake as soon as it leaves my mouth.
Heatherpaw bares her fangs. "And you are the spawn of a leader who became a kittypet. My father left his clan to avenge his father's death. He had a noble cause. Can Pinestar say the same?"
Again, I leap at her. "How dare you?" I rage, landing right in front of her. "My father took back Sunningrocks time and time again!"
She flicks her striped tail. "Oh, shut up," she orders, moving slightly to the side. "I didn't come here to argue with you. I brought friends." To my shock, behind her I see two very familiar faces. Two faces that I never thought I would see again. My dead sisters.
Heatherpaw looks very smug at my obvious surprise. "Told you your sisters are proud," she mocks. "Why don't you go talk to them?"
I take two hesitant steps forward, and when they don't flinch, I run the rest of the way. Skidding to a halt just in front of them, I try to nuzzle Nightkit, but my nose goes right through her tiny body. The same thing happens with Mistkit.
"When did this happen to you, Tigerkit?" murmurs Nightkit sadly. "When did you get so that you thought it was okay to kill innocent cats?"
"I-I…"
It's Mistkit's turn now. "You can't just assume that because our father left the clan it's your inherit right to take over the clans," she scolds. "Whitestorm's mother left, and he turned out just fine. You should have followed his example, but now it's too late."
"But what if I–" I try to speak, but Heatherpaw interrupts me.
"Don't even bother," she growls. "You know that as soon as you wake up you'll convince yourself this was just a dream."
As much as I hate to admit it, I know she's right. So, I decide to force myself awake. "You may be correct," I growl at my sisters and Heatherpaw, "but that doesn't mean I can't rule the forest."
Heatherpaw shrugs. My sisters are vanishing. "Maybe not," she responds as my dream fades. "But we didn't come here to change your mind. We came here to make you see the flaws in your actions. And trust me, we succeeded greatly in that."
