Rachel had rarely been so confused in her entire life. She couldn't figure out exactly how or when she had fallen in love with three different guys, but it was becoming more and more problematic the most she lay in bed thinking about it.
There was Finn, the semi-reliable goof ball who she was constantly correcting. He was her first love. He was the first one to really notice her talent, to have faith in her that she could be more than just another small town dreamer. She knew that when she was a huge star-it was an eventuality not a 'what if' to her- she would thank him for helping push her towards her dreams. Simply by believing in her.
But then there were the drastically contradicting downsides to Finn. How much he had hurt her by sleeping with Santana, regardless of their relationship status or not, how he dumped her for an error in judgment that went no further than kissing and yet took Quinn back after she got pregnant with another guy's child. There was the time he broke up with her because he wanted to date Brittany and Santana. There were all those times that he didn't stick up for her and made fun of her, which were just as often as the times he came to her rescue.
Really, Finn had a 50% rate of being amazing and being a dick.
And then, of course, there was Jesse St. James. The second boy she loved, originally used as a tool to get over the first. The one who helped her reconnect with her mother and whispered how beautiful she was late at night on the phone and switched schools just so they could be together. She knew, now, that some of his moves hadn't been just because of their relationship. They had been made so that she could fall for him, trust him, and he could ultimately hurt her.
And, as everyone was quick to point out, there was the egging. But she had moved on from that now. She had moved on from that a while ago, really, there was just no need to verbally go "Do you guys remember the time Jesse St. James and the entirety of Vocal Adrenaline threw eggs at me in the parking lot? I've moved on from that now," until he came back. It wasn't like she knew he was going to come back either.
But there he was. In her life once more, taking her to prom, planning on coming to help the New Directions with their National's routines. And she couldn't exactly ignore the fact that they had chemistry, both musically and romantically.
And then there was the boy no one could know she was in love with. The one she had lost all hope for in a coffee shop one winter afternoon. The one she would never have because now he was dating one of her few close friends. And she knew, no matter how deep her feelings grew, that she would never hurt Kurt like that. Not again. She had her shot with Blaine, and he rejected her.
She chuckled darkly to her ceiling. It was funny how all the boys she wanted had rejected her at some point or other. Maybe it was a sign that she just needed someone new, or maybe it was just a sign that she had to move on from all of them.
She took a deep sigh, turning over on her side. It was too much to think about. She chided herself internally, aware that there were bigger problems in the world than her love life, but she couldn't bring herself to care that much. It was big to her, it was two in the morning, and she had no one to vent about this to. She supposed she could try Mercedes, but she'd have to leave out the part about Blaine. And she could already hear Mercedes going "Girl, Finn is Quinn's man, and that St. James boy is just not worth anyone's time."
So really, Rachel had no one else to talk to. That was her excuse when she found herself dialing his number, trying to decide if she hoped he would answer more than she hoped he wouldn't.
"Hello?" answered an exhausted voice on the other end. It was a whisper, and Rachel felt a twinge of guilt.
"Hi," she whispered back. She didn't have to worry about her dad's hearing her, but it was instinctual.
"Rachel?" Blaine's voice asked, and she could hear a faint rustling of sheets on the other end. "Hold on," he told her, his voice quieter than before. It was barely above a breath, but she heard it anyways. She heard a door close quietly before he talked again, his voice still full of sleep. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I mean, I guess," she answered back. She wrapped herself tighter in her blankets. "It's stupid, I shouldn't be calling you this late, I don't want to get you in trouble with your parents or anything. It probably should have waited until morning, I'm sorry."
"No, hey, it's fine." He chuckled a little. "I'm not even home, I'm at Kurt and Finn's. It's a good thing I heard the phone go off before Kurt did, he hates having his beauty rest disturbed." Rachel felt her stomach drop.
"Oh, wow, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to wake anyone or interrupt anything or anything, I should-"
"Rachel, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," she lied.
"You obviously want to talk about it," he replied. "Whatever it is."
"No, really-"
"Rachel, you've now woken me up and I'm risking an extremely awkward discussion as to why I'm curled up in Kurt's bathtub-which is immaculately clean by the way-with a blanket and a pillow-so you better get to talking. I don't care if it's as small as 'my hair won't curl the right way' or as big as 'I think I want to go into the Peace Corp'-which you should never do, by the way, because I don't think you'd last very long without your impromptu concerts-just talk." Rachel smiled despite herself, faking a frustrated sigh for his benefit.
"Fine," she told him. "I was just thinking about how I can't decide between boys, and I already could hear Mercedes and Kurt's reactions, so I wanted someone who isn't quite as predictable to vent to," she admitted.
She heard him chuckle on the other side of the phone. "Trying to pick between multiple boys? That's awfully promiscuous of you Ms. Berry," he joked.
She laughed as a warm feeling of content traveling through her body. "Yes, well, it's a tough decision, and even the best need help occasionally," she retorted back. Her brain reminded her of the very thought she had been trying to push back for a while now-Blaine would be perfect for her. He wouldn't hurt her, not intentionally, wouldn't leave her for someone else.
Except for Kurt.
Because he was gay.
She closed her eyes, pushing the thought away once more, before going into her rant about Jesse vs. Finn.
Blaine listened patiently on the other end of the phone. He had almost ignored the phone call-he was exhausted and half asleep, the night had certainly taken a lot out of him with everything that happened-but when he saw Rachel's name he answered quickly. Between his drama with Kurt, and her drama with Jesse and Finn, they hadn't gotten a chance to talk. He hadn't gotten a chance to dance with her, in public, hold her in his arms and see what it felt like to be the boy of her affections if only for a few moments. Hadn't gotten a chance to tell her how beautiful she looked, how the song he had chosen to sing wasn't just a coincidence.
Instead, he stood by his boyfriend in his time of need. Because Kurt needed him. And Blaine was crazy about Kurt in a way he hadn't really ever been about a guy before, and he liked where they were in their relationship.
Still, his mind couldn't stop from wandering to where he and Rachel could be too.
"So, basically, you have to choose between the guy who massively humiliated you last year, but made you incredibly happy, or the one who goes back and forth between you and another member of Glee club because he can't make up his mind about who he loves more?" Blaine clarified a half hour later when Rachel finally ran out of steam from her venting.
"It sounds so ridiculous when you put it like that," she argued.
He chuckled lightly. "It is kind of ridiculous," he pointed out. He hesitated a moment, but it was almost three in the morning and he figured there was no harm in throwing the question out there, pressing on with a quiet "So there's no one else that you could even think of trying for?"
He heard her sharp intake of breath, but waited patiently. The answer took a moment to come, but eventually she spoke again. "Well, you're gay, Puck is content with Lauren, and really my only other option is Jacob Ben Isreal and I'd rather die alone," she finished melodramatically. Blaine nodded, vaguely aware that she couldn't see it. He wished for the thousandth time that she hadn't attacked him when Kurt was around, waited until they were alone and they could really talk about what their kisses had left him feeling. Instead, he had to tell her he was definitely gay and run away-just like he did with most problems in his life.
"Right," he agreed quietly, holding back the words he wanted to desperately pour out.
"Oh my god," she said from the other end, and he sat up quickly. "It's almost three in the morning."
"You scared the fuck out of me," he groaned, laying back down.
"Sorry," she replied. "I should probably get to bed. You probably should too."
His back was in pain, but he didn't really want to let her go yet. The risk of being caught was greater the longer he stayed in the bathroom though, and how could he really explain this to Kurt? "Yeah, probably. Good night Rachel," he whispered.
"Night Blaine," she whispered back, hanging up a second later. He turned his phone on silent and picked the blankets and pillow up, dragging them back into the bedroom. Kurt was snoring softly as Blaine settled into the bed next to him. He turned his back on Kurt, the burning feeling of guilt rising through him as he tried to fall asleep.
