Confidante

Chapter 3

Finally back at her own home, Rayna showers, pulls her hair back into a high ponytail, brushes on mascara and throws on jeans and a light sweater before heading back out to Luke's. She's dressed down but decides it's acceptable for a casual brunch with family.

"Hey sugar," Luke says when he greets her at the door. "Well you do look like you had a long night." He smiles and kisses her, but Rayna's not sure what to make of his comment. She's not as glammed up as she was the night before, but she thought she looked pretty enough.

"Come on. I want you to meet Sage."

Colt and Sage are laughing about a story he's telling when Luke and Rayna walk through the kitchen onto the back patio. Sage immediately stands up to shake Rayna's hand. "So nice to finally meet! Dad's told me so much about you."

"Thank you, Sage. I've heard a lot about you as well. I'm sorry my girls couldn't be here but I'm glad we've got this time together," Rayna says pleasantly.

"Well, let's sit down. Brunch is getting cold." Rayna thinks she detects a harshness to Luke's tone, and she's not sure what to make of it. Is he angry that she didn't arrive sooner?

"So Sage, I hear you a talented pianist," Rayna says, trying to make conversation.

"Really great, actually. I even think so!" Colt adds, elbowing Sage.

"All set for Julliard this fall! Only the best!"

"Dad," Sage scolds gently, passing the fruit salad to Rayna. "I'm sure my name didn't hurt."

"Still, that's impressive!" Rayna compliments. "So exciting!"

They continue to make small talk and enjoy a pleasant brunch. It's obvious the Wheelers are a close knit family. Colt even has his headphones off for the occasion. Lots of inside jokes are shared, the kids are well mannered and friendly, but still, Rayna can't help but feel like an outsider. She's distracted, wondering what her girls are up to, wondering if her own family will ever be this comfortable with each other again.

Her own family. She thinks about that. She becomes painfully aware that this isn't her family. She has a family that she's a part of, and yet she's not with them. Loneliness overwhelms her.

"You don't seem yourself today. Did all the excitement finally catch up with you?" Luke asks once he and Rayna are alone together.

"Can we talk? Privately?"

"Uh, oh. Sounds serious." Luke escorts Rayna back outside and they head off walking towards the barns.

"Being here with you and your kids today...it just reminded me of how unhappy my girls are with me. I miss this closeness that you all share. I miss having that with my own kids." She pauses. "They're both really upset about last night."

"Last night? About me proposing?" Luke is surprised. "Don't they want their mama to be happy?"

She frowns for a moment, upset that he would accuse her girls of such a thing, but decides to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he meant no harm. "It's been a tough year for them. And I admit, it's not new for Maddie to be giving me the cold shoulder, but Daphne isn't talking to me either. Maddie even called Deacon to tell 'im how mad she is at me."

"He told you that?"

Rayna quickly realizes her error in mentioning Deacon. She decides it's better to get right to the point of her issue with Luke, rather than get off topic and start discussing her visits with Deacon. "Luke, I do love you." She takes his ring off. "But I can't marry you." She hands him the diamond.

"What?" Luke asks, hurt.

"Luke, you are a wonderful man, and you deserve someone who can love you completely. I know we could have a great life together, but…" her voice trails off, but Luke finishes her sentence.

"But I'm not Deacon."

#

Later that afternoon Deacon is at Teddy's waiting on Maddie to gather her things. Teddy uncomfortably thanks Deacon for picking her up earlier. Plans have changed and he's now got to meet with some people before the dinner.

"Daddy!" Daphne calls, running down the stairs. "Michelle is throwing up all over the place so the sleepover is cancelled!"

Teddy sighs. "Great." Running his hand through his hair, he tries to think of another option for his ten year old.

"She can come hang with us," Deacon suggests.

Daphne brightens. "Can I? It will be so fun! Can we play guitar? I have my stuff all ready to go!"

Maddie smiles, uncharacteristically, and hugs her little sister, in part to stop the bouncing.

Not having time to search for other options, Teddy agrees.

It's about an hour later when Rayna knocks on the door in East Nashville. Deacon and the girls are in the kitchen making pizzas after having stopped at the supermarket for toppings. He's toweling the flour off of his hands when he opens the door to find Rayna on his porch for the second time that day.

They stare at each other for a long moment, their eyes expressing more than words ever could.

"Hey," he finally says, doing his best to control his racing heart.

"Hey," she responds, her vulnerability showing through. "I missed my family," she says matter-of-factly.

Tears threaten to escape both sets of eyes. Deacon finally motions for her to come in and she follows the sounds of laughter to his kitchen.

"Mom! We're making pizzas!" Daphne shouts when she sees Rayna.

"Daphne! What are you doing here?" Rayna responds, a huge smile spreading across her face. Deacon grins as he watches Rayna wrap her arms around her youngest and give her a squeeze.

"Michelle got sick at the last minute, so Deacon said I could come here, and dad said it was okay. So we're making pizzas!"

"Y'all are making pizzas?"

"It's not that hard. The dough was already made."

"The hard part will be making sure it doesn't burn," Maddie adds, directing her comment at Deacon, who in turn tosses a few slices of pepperoni at her.

"That was one time," he adds.

"One time?" Rayna questions.

"Well, one time while Maddie was here." Deacon nonchalantly goes back to his own pizza. Maddie and Rayna giggle at each other, and Rayna's heart warms to be included in this joke.

"We are not burning these! We only had enough for three as it is. Mom! You can be the taste tester!"

"Well I would love that! They all look so good already!"

Rayna observes her daughters, who seem to be getting along for the first time in months. Deacon seems so at ease, as though he's completely in his element. Rayna's in awe of how comfortable they all are together, like a real family.

Rayna is startled out of her reverie when she hears Daphne squeal. "You did not just do that!" Daphne accuses her sister.

"You had sauce on your face so I licked it off for you!" Maddie giggles at her and she laughs back. "Maddie that's so gross!"

Deacon smiles and checks the temperature on the oven. "Okay, here are the taste test rules. Your mama will get one slice from each of our pizzas, that way we'll all have three quarters of a pie. The pizzas will be scored on taste, uh, creativity," Daphne smiles at that "and appearance. The oven is ready, so make your finishing touches now."

They clean up and set the table while they wait for the pizzas to cook.

"So is this a blind taste test? Who's going to keep track of what's what?" Daphne asks.

"Honor system, I suppose." Deacon responds.

"I will do my best to be completely impartial. Can I help make a salad or anything?" Rayna asks.

The other three look at each other and start laughing. "Oops!" Maddie jokes.

"I think tomato sauce counts as a vegetable." Deacon suggests. The girls quickly agree. Rayna just smiles at their camaraderie.

A short while later the pizzas are served.

"Well, these two are EXACTLY alike," Rayna says, looking at her three slices of pizza. "They're layered exactly the same, with pepperoni under the cheese and mushrooms on top. They look like they're from the same pie! These two tie," she decides. Maddie and Deacon smirk at each other. "And this one," she continues, "well, I thought the gummy bears might be a bit odd...but they're surprisingly good. This one wins!"

"Yes! Thank you Mommy!" Daphne says, smiling. "Oh no! We forgot marshmallows!"

"Marshmallows?" Rayna asks. "For the pizza?"

"I can fix this!" Deacon reaches into his top cabinet and comes back with 3 boxes of bunny shaped Peeps.

#

Later that night, Deacon lights some logs in the outdoor firepit and Daphne sits close by roasting the bright yellow sugared marshmallows. "I think these are even more fun than regular marshmallows!"

Rayna sits next to Daphne, sipping a cup of coffee and watching Deacon and Maddie play guitar.

"Okay, my turn." Deacon plays a new song on his guitar to see who will guess the lyrics first.

"Really, Dad? Is that Barry Manilow?" Maddie makes fun of his choice but Daphne starts to sing along and Deacon joins in.

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything

Maddie smiles. They four of them continue laughing, taking turns playing songs, and singing a few together. By the time the summer sun sets Daphne's sugar high has worn off and she is passed out on the loveseat, her head on Rayna's lap.

"I'm pretty tired, too. Are we sleeping in Scarlett's room?"

"Yup. She made up the bed for you. Why don't I carry this one in and you can join her."
He carries Daphne up to bed, takes her boots off and tucks her in.

"Tonight was so much fun," Maddie says.

Deacon smiles. "I was thinking," he says shyly, "maybe I can move all of those guitars out of that third room, and we can fix it up, so you have your own space when you're here."

"Really?!" Maddie asks excitedly.

"I want you to feel at home here." He grins sheepishly. "You know how much I love you, right?"

Maddie hugs him. "I love you too, Dad."

#

Deacon goes back out to find Rayna by the fire and sits down next to her.

"Thanks for letting me crash your party tonight. "

He looks at her and they share a smile. He continues poking the fire.

"I'm serious, Deacon. Thank you. This is one of the best nights I've had in…a really long time. And I haven't seen the girls get along this well since at least before the divorce. This really feels like...home...being here with them...and with you."

Deacon watches her, waiting for her to continue, scared to make any false moves or say anything that will push her away. It's one of the best nights he's had in possibly his entire life, and he's not ready to let the feeling go.

"I gave Luke his ring back."

Deacon's heart rate quickens.

"I think…I'd like more nights like these. I feel like, maybe, everyone healed a little bit tonight. At least, my relationship with the girls did. It didn't feel like they were just pretending to be happy tonight. This just, felt real...and right.

I've been so busy worrying about what would happen if things went wrong if we were in a relationship that it never occurred to me that they could go so right. I feel like, any amount of time together would be worth it the risk. That anxiety I've been carrying with me for the past 14 years...it's not there now. I guess you were right. Again. I can't expect to be happy if I don't deal with the issues underneath the surface. I just keep trying to build a house on sand. And you. You're so different." Deacon smiles. "I think, I'd really like to take some time to get to know you. Does that seem strange? After 26 years?"

"I don't think either of us is the same as we once were. A lot has changed."

She pulls his ring out of her pocket. "I'm not ready to wear this. Not just yet."

Deacon looks back at the fire, feeling a bit crestfallen.

She reaches for his hand. "But I'm not giving it back either, not ever." Deacon relaxes a little.

"Do you think it's possible to start over?"

"Yes and no. I don't think we should forget where we came from. It got us to where we are right now. But, we can take some time and get to know the people we are now. Maybe have an actual first date?"

"I would love that. But does that mean I can't sleep over tonight?"

He grins. "What's your heart telling you?"

"That there's no way I should leave you and the girls."