AN: Thanks to EVERYONE for their reviews on the last chapter, you guys are awesome! Onward to the next chapter!
Chapter 3 - Melina and Dave Batista (OMG! It's A Case of He Said, She Said!)
Later...
Maury was onstage, sitting in the middle between an angry Melina and an equally angry Dave Batista.
"Everyone, this is Melina, and this is Melina's husband of one year, Dave. Melina is here because she thinks Dave is cheating."
"Oooooooooh..." murmured the crowd.
"Dave is here because he thinks Melina is cheating!"
"OOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" they cried even louder.
"And we're gonna do something that we've never really done on the show before, we've given them BOTH lie detector tests!" he exclaimed.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Melina sneered towards Dave while he snorted back and coolly nodded his head.
Maury continued, "True TV! A Face Off! Listen to this..."
Time for another backstage montage segment!
"My name is Melina, I've been married for a year, and I'm here to find out if my husband Dave is cheating on me." she said.
"My name is Dave, I've been married to my wife Melina for one year, and I think she's cheating on me." he said.
"I love my husband Dave." she continued.
"I really love my wife Melina." he continued.
"But I KNOW he is cheating!" she cried.
"But I KNOW she's cheating on me." he huffed.
"Last month, I got a text message for my husband, and it said to meet up at 2:45. I know that text message was from the slut that he's cheating on me with." Melina continued.
"The text message? Yeah, right." Dave scoffed.
"He's accusing me because HE'S the one cheating on me!" she exclaimed.
"Look, my family owns two hot dog shacks. I used to work in one, and she used to work in another." Dave continued. "I saw her flirting with a coworker, and I saw her disappearing with him! Explain THAT!"
"There's cameras at the Family Hot Dog shack, and that's how I know my husband Dave is cheating on me with the coworkers, because he's always flirting with them and hanging out with them!" she cried. "We've only been married for one year. Sometimes I think we rushed into things."
"I'm NOT going to spend the rest of my life with a cheater!" Dave cried.
"I just want this to end!" Melina cried.
"And if she's cheating..." he began.
"And if he's cheating..." she began.
Both: "I'M LEAVING!"
Back onstage...
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience.
"Wow." began Maury. "You got married a year ago."
The Diva nodded.
"How can you be in this mess?"
She shrugged and replied, "Because of my husband."
"Really?"
"Cause of me? (BLEEP)" Dave muttered, rolling his eyes.
"First of all, you admit something." announced the host. "You kissed a girl, twice."
"Yeah." he agreed.
A round of 'OOH's!' from the crowd.
"TWO different girls!" added Melina.
"You kissed one girl once and another girl once, right?" asked Maury. (DUH, Povich!)
Before Dave could answer, Melina cut in, "No, one girl TWICE and another girl THREE times!"
A louder round of 'OH's!' from the crowd.
"Now how about the text message? What did you do when you found it?" asked the host.
"I received the text message by mistake. I know it wasn't for me. It was for the slut that he's cheating on me with." she explained.
"Well then, you went to the phone company, what'd you do?" he asked.
"I called the phone company to track the message to see where the call came from." she continued.
"Reeeeally?" Maury asked in a high pitched voice. "You did that?"
"Yeah!" she nodded as the crowd clapped for her and Dave just sat there with a smirk on his face.
"All right, did he disappear at night?" he asked.
"Not really. But one time I got the text message saying to his boss 'if I could get paid early and leave early from work at 8:30 because I have a date.'" she remembered.
"OH!" everyone cried as Dave said absolutely nothing and smiled.
"I got the message twice!" the Diva cried.
"So, did you really (insert random BLEEEEEEEEP here) investigate?" asked Maury.
"Yeah, after work! When he left at 8:30, he called me and said, 'baby, listen, I'm gonna stay at work, because I'm gonna help out my boss', and I'm like, 'Ok! That's fine because I already got the message.' I know he's lying." she explained.
"So you drove down there?" asked the host.
"Yep! I went there, and he WASN'T there!" she exclaimed.
"Aw, I didn't do anything that night, stop lying." Dave finally spoke up.
"OHHH!" everyone else exclaimed. (BLEEP!)
"Why do you think she's cheating?" Maury asked Dave.
"Can I-Can I tell my side of the story, please?" he demanded. "She thinks I've been cheating on her for the past two months! And she and I haven't had sex in months, either!"
"Cause you're cheating! Who wants to have sex with a cheater?" Melina snapped back as the audience cheered in her favor.
"Oh! I thought you didn't want to have sex with me because you were having sex with somebody else." the Animal said, cocking his head to the side.
"Whatever." the Latina muttered.
"It's TRUE!" he cried.
"There's a lot of miscommunication here!" announced Maury.
"A LOT of miscommunication." Dave agreed.
"Well guess what? We got the lie detector results right here!" he exclaimed.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.
The results are IN!
"Cheater..." Dave muttered towards Melina.
"Oh, shut up!" she snapped back.
"Well that's it, you're accusing her of the same thing that she's accusing you of!" exclaimed the host.
"He was definitely up to something if he got back at 12:00 midnight..." the Diva explained.
"OH!"
"Stop LYING, Melina!-No, you know what you did-(BLEEP!)-YOU need to get your facts straight-No, YOU listen to ME-(BLEEP!)-cheated on me with a prostitute!" the two screamed over one another while the audience cheered along.
"All right, ALL RIGHT!" cried Maury. "So we're gonna reveal the results to the both of you in two categories. The first category's 'Love & Regret'. We asked both of you if you loved each other. Both of you said yes. That's the truth."
"AWW!" the audience cried, applauding, as Dave smirked at the same time Melina did.
"We asked both of you if you're attracted to one another. Both of you said yes. That's the truth."
"YAY!" the crowd continued.
"We asked both of you if you thought you were better looking than each other..." began Maury.
The audience, including Dave and Melina laughed at this.
"Melina said no, she's not better looking and that was the truth. Dave said no, he's not better looking and that was a LIE." he revealed.
"OOOOOOOOOOOH!" the crowd whooped in surprise.
The Superstar let out a chuckle while Melina raised her eyebrows in surprise, too. "Oh, really? Ok, ok." she nodded.
"That's terrible!" Maury exclaimed, smiling. The audience laughed again. "We asked, since you've been married, are you bored with your sex life? Melina said no. That was the truth. Dave ADMITTED, yes, he's bored."
"OH!" everyone cried out.
"Heh." the Superstar chuckled again.
"It's not funny!" Melina called back.
"Ok, Category two, 'Newlywed Cheating'. We asked, since you got married, are either of you looking to have an affair. Melina said no, she was telling the truth. Dave said no, and that was a LIE!" he announced, to another round of 'OH's!' from the audience.
Melina smiled wickedly, knowing that her accusations were right. Meanwhile, Dave sat there, chuckling his ass off.
The Diva called to him, "(BLEEEEEEP!)"
"OH!"
"Of course, if I didn't have sex for two months, of course I'd be looking for an affair, what do you want me to do?" Dave confessed.
"Sex for (BLEEP), you were probably looking for prostitutes!" Melina called back.
"OOHH!"
"Ok, we asked if either of you if you could have an affair and not get caught, would you? Melina said no, she was telling the truth." Maury continued.
The audience cheered for her.
"Dave ADMITTED, he would have an affair if he wouldn't get caught." he finished.
"Ahahaha..." Melina snickered, shaking her head.
"We asked Melina, have you cheated on Dave at all since you were married. You said no...the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth." he went on.
"WHOO!"
"See? Told ya!" the Diva exclaimed. "You better kneel down, kiss my feet, and apologize!"
"We asked you, Dave, if you were keeping a secret that could destroy your marriage. You said no, the lie detector determined, that's a lie."
"OH!"
"Dave we asked you, are you cheating on Melina OTHER than the two times you admitted to kissing the girls. You said no. That was a lie, you've cheated over 25 times and-!"
"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd whooped, and Melina finally grew furious, cut Maury off and sprinted towards Dave, trying to attack him there! Two security guards rushed to the scene and had to pry her off of him.
"WHAT?" she screamed. "25 times, (BLEEEEP!)"
Dave was shocked at this too, and stood up while a few guards had to hold him back, too. "NO! That's a LIE, that's a LIE!" he shouted.
"25 TIMES? 25 TIMES?" she screamed.
Dave pointed towards Maury and repeated. "THAT'S A LIE, THAT'S A LIE, A CLASS A LIE!" he yelled defensively.
This was getting hilarious. Melina kept screaming and pointing towards Dave on the other side of the room, as Dave continued repeating the phrase, 'That's a lie!' for another 2 minutes straight.
"NO! Nonononononono!" the Animal shook his head, as all chaos was breaking out onstage. "I want a damn recount, take this test somewhere else!"
"SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN!" some guards cried.
"SCREW YOU!" Melina screamed across the stage.
"I AIN'T CHEATIN'!" Dave screamed back.
"It's OVER, damn it, it's OVER-(BLEEP!)-DON'T you walk away from me! (BLEEP) (BLEEP!)" overlapping voices of the couple cried.
Meanwhile, through all this mess, Maury just patiently sat there. "Dave, Dave!"
Melina angrily stormed backstage as Dave kept screaming for about the 30,000th time, "Hey, you get back here, IT'S A LIE!"
Backstage, the drama wasn't over. Dave followed his wife backstage as their arguing voices continued to overlap...
"Whatever, whatever..." she called.
"...didn't have sex!" Dave shouted.
"SHUT UP!" she screamed back. "You're a CHEATER!"
They approached one another. "You're outta here...oh now you're running, you wuss?" she asked him. "Why you running?"
"I'm NOT running!"
"Get over here, I want to hear the rest of the results NOW!" she exclaimed, dragging him back onstage. The crowd welcomed Dave with a rousing chorus of boos.
"Fine, I guess we're hearin' the rest!" he agreed.
A few minutes after they took their seats...
"All right, all right, I wanna ask this question!" Maury exclaimed. "Ok, we asked you if you ever had any sexual intercourse with one of your coworkers, you said no, and the lie detector determined, THAT was a lie."
"OOH!"
"(BLEEEEEP!)" shouted Melina.
"Ok, you know what, screw this bull. I am going to take this test somewhere else." Dave announced.
The audience laughed at him as Melina turned away and muttered, "No, you're not."
"Hey, we'll give you the test again! Any legitimate place..." began Maury.
"Aw I'm gonna go and take the test down at the clinic!" Dave exclaimed.
"I think we've had enough! We'll be back right after this!" he finished.
After the show...
The show's psychiatrist, John Morrison (nobody really knew how he'd become the psychiatrist, but he was there anyway) had the two backstage in the green room, trying to provide some wisdom to the doomed couple.
"Now, what do you think caused all this?" he asked. "Why do you think the results came out that way?"
"Cause, pretty boy! The phone calls, uh,-" Dave began.
"Ok, let's assume you didn't screw with any other chicks." Morrison continued. "But did you have SOME kind of sexual contact? Something else that didn't involve the bedroom mambo?"
"I uh, touched a boob." Dave announced.
Melina glared at the Animal while John raised an eyebrow. "Ok, then...Look, you're in front of this wonderful, beautiful woman right now."
Melina flashed him a bright smile. "Aww!"
"You gotta tell her the truth." he continued, before quickly winking at her.
"Yeah, tell me the truth cause I should (BLEEP)ing slap you right now." Melina agreed, looking at her 'husband' Dave.
A few minutes later...
"Ok, so he's admitting that yes, he was sexually inappropriate." John announced.
"LIES!" Dave cried.
"What lie, you just admitted it, you douche!" Melina snapped back.
"Listen, listen, listen!" Morrison cried.
Ralph, the lie detector guy was there, too. "Ok, so do you admit that you kissed that girl more than three times?" he asked.
"...Yeah." the Superstar muttered.
Melina slapped him HARD across the face! "You're a DOUCHE!" she screamed, before all hell could break loose.
Melina and Dave had to be separated...
Dave was in the room with John. "Ok, now, you're gonna have to give her space..." Morrison began. "...to deal with this."
Melina popped back in. "No, to me, this is over!" she replied. "When I go home, he's packing his things, he's outta my house, I don't wanna (BLEEP) with you anymore, I'm dead serious."
"Aw, come on, baby, you're just bluffing!" Dave exclaimed. "You need me!"
"Hey, I am the doctor here, and I'm telling you to give her some space..." Morrison repeated. "So that I can take her home with me."
Dave's eyes bugged out. "WHAT? But she's MY wife!"
"Too friggin bad, you had your chance. I'm moving on." Melina smiled, taking John's arm. "Your place or mine?"
"The Palace of Wisdom, baby." JoMo smiled, giving her a kiss and leading her out of the room, with just Dave and Ralph The Lie Detector Guy left in the room.
Ralph looked Dave down and smiled. "Nice biceps. Can I touch them?"
Dave made a face and looked back at him. "Go have your wet dream with me not in the room, ok?" he said before leaving.
Maury VO: "So what happened to Melina and Dave? We spoke to Melina and she revealed that she's decided to leave Dave for our psychiatrist, John Morrison, and she and Dave are filing for divorce. Dave was also forced to get a restraining order from Ralph, our lie detector guy. Cause heaven knows that Ralph hasn't had any since 1991. You all know what I mean."
AN: Hope you liked it, and stay tuned for even MORE drama! Reviews are always welcome, please!
