Thanks guys for the reviews and suggestions! Trying to figure out how to work in some of your suggestions. So here it is, the next ch. Enjoy!
(Joanne's POV)
After my dinner with Mark, I went back to my hotel, buried myself in the bed, and cried. I just laid there and cried. I couldn't stop the tears, nor did I want to. The pain hurt too bad; I needed to allow it all to escape somehow. My heart was literally hurting, my body shaking from the continuous sobs, and mostly I hated myself right now. How could I have left and not even attempted to stay in contact with them all. I knew that Roger, Mimi, and Collins didn't have much longer; but I had to be stubborn. Each of them are gone and none of them realize how much I truly missed them, how much I loved them; what I would give to be able to see them, to tell them goodbye. My pillow was becoming soaked from my tears, but I didn't care. I clutched the pillow tighter, now becoming angry. Angry at them for leaving, angry at Maureen for being the reason I was being so stubborn, but then again it all fell back on me….I hate myself right now.
When I first left I wanted so bad to call all of them, tell them I was coming home, but I didn't. My job had taken me to Chicago, my new home, but I wanted my old home back. I hated Chicago at first. Everyday when I would come home and hear Mark or Mimi's voice on my answering machine, I would grab the phone ready to dial their numbers, but never quite able to dial that last number. Typically I'd throw the phone across the apartment, pissed off, and then cry into my hands. But with everyday it got a little better. The phone calls didn't come as often, so they were forgetting about me right? That's what I thought. And I began opening up to the possibility of making a life for myself in Chicago. Then I met Kristin; that's when New York became a part of my past and I no longer wanted it to be a possibility in my future.
Kristin and I met at a convention there in Chicago. She was tall, with wavy brown hair that reached just past her shoulders, the brightest blue eyes, and just the right shade of brown skin. She was absolutely gorgeous; as cliché as it is; she took my breath away when she walked into the room. I wanted to walk right up to her then and introduce myself, but I had become shy just in her presence. It wasn't until later in the day, that a colleague of mine introduced us.
We sat together at every meeting, spent every break during the day with each other, and we even spent our evenings out with one another. She was intelligent, witty, funny, charming, and did I mention beautiful. One reason I mainly enjoyed being around Kristin, she helped me to forget about Maureen. True Maureen and her shared some similar qualities, you can't deny either of them their beauty, but they were so different too. Kristin was more level headed and down to earth; while Maureen was more spontaneous, crazier than Kristin. But then Maureen started fading further and further back into my mind, while I was starting to fall in love with Kristin. Soon Maureen would only be an ex-girlfriend, part of my past I didn't want anymore.
When I first left New York, it's true I would have loved to have Maureen back in my life. But then I just started getting angrier and angrier with her the longer we were apart, the longer time passed without us speaking. She hadn't made a single attempt to contact me; did I not even mean enough to her that she would want to call and at least see that I was ok? It's her fault were not together now anyway.
The memory of the day I told Maureen about my new job and the day I left flood into my mind; my tears again uncontrollably begin to flow from my eyes.
"Hey Maureen, we've got to talk," I finally had gotten the nerve up to say to her. I wasn't sure how she was going to react and it scared me. My stomach was turning into one giant knot as she turned in my arms, now facing me, lying next to me in bed.
"What is it?" she nervously asked. I could see the worry that had come over her face and could easily hear it in her voice.
"Baby," I continued as I sat up in bed; her soon sitting up beside me, "I got a new job offer."
"That's great," she screamed throwing her arms around my neck, kissing me on the cheek, "congratulations, I'm so proud of you pookie."
"Well," I turned facing her, staring her straight in the eyes, "the job is in Chicago." I held my breath waiting to hear her reaction.
"Chicago?" her voice lowered, the excitement had left her body. She sat completely still, staring right back at me.
"But baby," I quickly added, "I want you to come with me." I was hoping that her sadness was because she wasn't sure if I wanted her to come with me or if she didn't want to leave New York; I was hoping for the first.
"Joanne, leave New York?" she questionably asked me. "I don't know," she got out of bed, pacing the bedroom floor. "My life is here…"
"I thought I was your life," I was hurt and it came through loud and clear in my voice.
"You are," she told me as she sat down beside me again.
"Then what's the problem?"
"I don't know if I can leave everything else here. Our friends, my career, my dreams…" her voice trailed off as she got up off the bed, walking over to the window staring out into the night.
Neither of us spoke for what felt like hours. Our eyes never turned to one another's, we just sat there. I didn't know what to say. Does she really not want to go or is this just her needing time to think it over…if it was time she needed to think it over I'd give it to her, it wasn't like I had to have an answer tonight. I didn't want us to breakup, I love her so much, but if she didn't want to go to Chicago what can I do? This job wasn't just some other job that I could so easily turn down to stay with her in New York. This job was a high profile, take you places type of job. Thousands of people all over the United States applied and I got it…I couldn't tell them no.
I lay back down in bed; Maureen was still standing at the window, she hadn't budged. I fell asleep alone that night in our bed, waking up alone too.
I walked into the living room to see Maureen curled up in a ball on the couch. I could see the trails her tears had left on her cheeks. It doesn't even look like she has slept. I slowly walk over to her, sitting down beside her, avoiding eye contact as I spoke.
"So Maureen," I softly began. "Have you thought about what you want to do?"
"Fuck yes," she screamed as she stood up, "that's all I've done all night Joanne." She was storming around the living room. "Joanne I can't go…I can't leave New York."
"But you can leave me?" I was becoming angry that she was choosing New York over me; I didn't mean more to her than this damn city.
"I'm not the one leaving, you are. Fuck Joanne stay here, and then we wouldn't have this problem." She was still yelling; how could she tell me what to do. I wasn't telling her what she should do, but she found it ok for her to act like my mother, telling me to stay in New York.
"Maureen, I can't pass this job up," my voice was harsh as I stood off the couch, walking towards her. "Please come with me to Chicago, I want you there with me," I took hold of her shoulders, looking into her eyes, pleading with her to choose me.
"I can't Joanne," she pulled away from my grip, collapsing down into the chair. "New York is the only place I've ever felt comfortable in…I can't."
"Please baby," I again begged as I knelt down in front of her. "I love you," I was starting to cry now and so was she.
"Joanne, don't make this any harder please," she begged. "I can't ok," her voice had quickly turned angry again.
"Fine," I harshly stated as I stood up, "then I guess this is it huh," I was trying to act like this wasn't bothering me, but I was breaking down inside. She just sat in silence as I looked down at her; I am so pissed off right now. "You know what," my rage was taking over, "fuck you then. If you want to just stay here and throw away what we have, that's fine with me," but it wasn't, "I'm going to go to work, have your stuff out when I get home."
I stormed out of the living room, heading back to our…my bedroom. I stopped just outside of the living room, leaning up against the wall, frustrated at what had just happened. I couldn't help but cry, I loved her and she wasn't even willing to give up New York to come with me.
As I stood there, I could hear Maureen start to cry as well and ever so faintly heard her say, "I love you Joanne." I turned around wanting to go back in there, try to work something out…but I couldn't, I wouldn't.
I got home from work that day and all of Maureen's stuff was gone.
My mind slowly faded back into reality. Just thinking about that day made me hurt even more. I haven't seen Maureen since I left my apartment that morning. As soon as I got to work I had called the company told them I was accepting the position and the next week I was on a flight to Chicago. When I was at the airport I kept hoping to see Maureen running around the corner to stop me, but she didn't…she was nowhere in sight. She hadn't even come to tell me bye, which hurt worse than almost anything. Maureen was the one person that I was hoping to see before I left, but I didn't and now I'm back in New York five years later, without even hearing of her and I'm going to be seeing her tomorrow night.
My phone rang, startling me out of the almost trancelike state I was in now. I looked at the caller ID and smiled when I saw Kristin's name flashing; she made me so happy. She wasn't perfect by any means, but she was perfect to me.
"Hey honey," I managed somehow to say this without letting on that I had just been crying.
"Hi," her voice sweet as ever, "how was your dinner with your friend Mark?"
"Ummm…it was pretty good," I paused debating whether or not to tell her everything I had found out. Figuring that it wouldn't take her long to figure out that something was wrong, I continued. "Actually, found out some bad news though."
"Oh baby," one thing I hate is when Kristin calls me baby, "I'm sorry. What's going on?"
"Mark told me that our friends Roger, Mimi, and Collins have all died…" my voice trailed off, I was fighting back the tears once more.
"Joanne, I'm sorry. But baby you knew…"
"I know," I cut her off, not wanting to talk about it anymore. "But," I pushed back the tears, "Mark is married and his wife is pregnant. And we're meeting them after dinner tomorrow night, hope that is ok?"
"Sure," she seemed happy yet still worried about me, "I'd love to meet Mark."
"And Maureen is going to be there," Kristin has heard all about Maureen. She never really said anything horrible about her, but I knew that she didn't like her much.
"Oh," she mumbled, "well…it'll be nice for you two to catch up."
"I suppose," I was trying to convince myself of this too; "it'll be fine I'm sure. But anyway, I can't wait for you to get here." My smile had again taken over my face at the thought of Kristin here with me.
"Me either," she paused for a second, "hey Joanne I have to take this call, but I will see you tomorrow. I love you."
"I love you too," then she hung up, leaving me to listen to the dial tone.
I hung up my phone, again curling down into the bed. I just wanted to sleep; escape reality. But my mind was racing with everything that I had found out about today. I forced my eyes shut, squeezing them tightly together. The tears still managed to escape though. I just lay there alone, wanting so bad for someone to hold onto, wanting to feel those comforting arms around me, someone to tell me it was ok.
My eyes slowly opened, focusing on the mini bar in my room. I tried to force myself to remain in bed, not to get up and start drinking. But I found myself soon crawling out of bed over to the bar, searching for something to take away the pain, something to let me sleep and forget about today. I found some vodka, whiskey, and rum; grabbed the bottles and started drinking. I don't even remember passing out.
So what did you think? Let me know please...review! Thanks for reading!
