I'm the fly in your soup
I'm the pebble in your shoe
I'm the pea beneath your bed
I'm a bump on every head
I'm the peel on which you slip
I'm a pin in every hip
I'm the thorn in your side
Makes you wriggle and writhe

Voltaire - When You're Evil

Chapter 3: Anne with People

The carriage stopped in front of the Pemberley gates.

Anne quickly put down her cigarette and got out of the vehicle. She whistled softly in her cheek as she stared at the tall, beautiful building. Her mouth almost watered.

'Just as I recall it,' she muttered smiling. 'Tall, pompous house. Too bad Darcy didn't pick me. Right, Mrs. Richards?'

'Yes, Miss. It is a pity he did not choose a stubborn, spoilt little girl with no manners,' she huffed.

'Oh, be quiet now. I really feel like taking a long bath.'

'Anne? Anne de Bourgh?' someone called.

Elizabeth soon-to-be Darcy stood on the front steps, dressed in a delicate pink dress.

'It is an honour to have you here, please come in! The servants will bring the luggage inside. Darcy is in his study. He will come shortly. You are the first guest to arrive.'

'First? It shows how eager I am,' she said dryly.

'Your mother is not with you, is she?'

'I couldn't tear her away from Mr. Collins. They have started a tumultuous affair.'
Elizabeth laughed good-humouredly.

'Oh, Anne, the things you say...I think you shall entertain us all!'

'I wasn't jesting,' she argued, looking around the hallway. 'I see you've added some paintings. Well, what does it feel like to be mistress of this place?'

'It's certainly hard to take in at once. I will have to grow accustomed to it.'

'It will take three or four days, I assume,' Anne replied, tracing an urn with her finger.

'Well, the servant will show you to your room. Is there anything you need? You must be very tired.'

'Two hot bricks and hot water would be nice," Anne replied. 'Oh and some brandy.'
Elizabeth chuckled at her request.

'I can service the first two, but I'm afraid we only have wine for the latter,' Lizzie joked.

'It would be rude of me to mind so I will take any drink you have,' Anne replied.

Lizzie stared at her warily and waved her hand.

'I'll let you settle in. The servants are at your disposition.'

"Mrs. Richards, tell the servans to take care of the bath," Anne said climbing the stairs carelessly.

When she reached her room, Anne took off her shoes and her dress and threw herself on the bed. Mrs. Richards was climbing up the stairs as well, giving the servants instructions.

'Keep her out of my room,' Anne told the servants. 'I will pay you handsomely.'

The chambermaid brought in her luggage and unpacked it.

'I'm sorry ma'am, I cannot let you see the lady. She specified so.'
'Well! I am her governess, you will let me through!'

'She will visit you in her room. She said she would come by later.'

'Anne? Anne? Stop this nonsense and let me in!'

Anne was already sitting up on the bed in her petticoat, flipping through a newspaper, while a servant prepared the hot water for the bath.

Mrs. Richards had to give up eventually and retire to her own room.

Anne shooed the servants and stayed in the hot water tub for almost three hours. She put the hot bricks at her feet and started thinking of what she should do to the following days. It would have to be something cruel and outrageous. Nothing else would shock or hurt the feelings of the high society at this wedding. They were cold-blooded creatures with stones for hearts.

But then again she was tired. She would think tomorrow. Maybe she would arrive at the wedding with no clothes on.

No, someone most likely did that already, she thought.

Someone knocked on the door of her room.

'Who knocks like that?'

'It's me, the servant, Miss. Supper will be served in an hour.'

Anne got out of the tub and walked into her room, stark-naked. She looked in the mirror and stuck out her tongue.

She took out several dresses and tried them out. She put on several necklaces until she found the right one to match her shoes.

Bracelets and earrings, perfume, maybe a bit of powder. A tint of black charcoal for her eyes.

She sat on the bed staring at the image in the mirror. It was a very beautiful girl, pampered, spoilt, rich, lavish, barely shining, like a dirty oyster. She wrinkled her nose. How she hated her last name.

She was led to the drawing room where Elizabeth, Darcy, Jane and Mr. Bingley were waiting for the guests. She noticed Lizzie's sisters were sitting and chatting in a corner alone. There were two other women in the room, one plump and red-faced, talking incessantly, the other one more quiet and obedient, nodding her head at what the woman said. She was younger and sweeter. Her face was delicate, framed by golden locks. She looked fragile and child-like.

There were three young men standing by the fire and a little girl sitting next to them, listening to their conversation.

'Anne, it is so good of you to have joined us!' Lizzie said anxiously, welcoming her.

'Yes, Anne, it is good to see you. I trust your mother is in good health?' Mr. Darcy asked politely.

'Your aunt is very healthy and sends you her kind regards. She would have come in person but she was overwhelmed with joy.'

Darcy smiled reluctantly and kissed her hand.

'Jane, Charles, may I introduce my cousin, Miss Anne to you,' Darcy said.

'I have heard many great things about you Miss Anne,' Jane said curtsying.

'I hope none of those are true,' Anne replied bowing politely.

'Miss de Bourgh, I think your mother was acquainted with my father. He helped her with some purchases some time ago,' Charles mentioned.

'I wouldn't know. I don't care much for my mother's affairs,' she replied. 'But I am sure your father was a great man.'
Anne was presented to the rest of the group. She found out that the sturdy gabbing lady was Mrs. Bennet and the pretty delicate flower sitting next to her was Fanny Darlington, a young debutante, engaged to one of the three men sitting by the fire.

'Miss Anne,' Fanny said curtsying. 'It is an honour to meet you. I have heard you are a favourite of the Bath society.'

'Really? They said that?'

'Well, my mother is acquainted with your cousin, Isabella and she admires you greatly.'

'Well, the world is small. It is odd we didn't meet in Bath at all.'

'I was eager to be acquainted but I believe you never came to any of the balls.'
'Oh, yes, I was in one of my moods when I didn't want to see people,' she replied smiling.

Fanny opened her mouth to say something but closed it surprised.

'Don't worry, they come and go,' Anne assured her.

'Perhaps this year we shall see you at the Pump Room.'
'Maybe, I cannot promise anything.'

'I'd like to introduce you to my fiancé, Robert Miller, he stands over there,' Fanny said proudly.

Robert was the eldest from the three men and had the grimmest look about him, like he was displeased with everything. His face lit up when Fanny came by his side, however.

'My dear, this is Anne de Bourgh, daughter of Lady Catherine.'
He surveyed her critically, from her elegant dress to her slightly white cheeks.

'De Bourgh? The headstrong daughter of Lady Catherine? I have heard of you from Bath.'
'Oh, you have? I am glad to see they paint a true picture of me,' she said smiling cynically.

'How can they not? Every season you come, there is always a scandal of some lady 0r other being horribly insulted.'
'I would have no idea of that. I only sit around the house embroidering cushions for church,' Anne replied, faking modesty.

'And perhaps you find time in between to talk with the young ladies. I suppose you remember my sister, Elinor Miller?'
Anne unfortunately did. She realized quickly that she had visited her house and had been introduced to her. She had not seen her brother then but she had talked to her. And when Elinor had bragged about the large number of suitors trying to win her heart, Anne mentioned that she knew two of them. Elinor had been delighted to find out. Anne, however, reported that she had seen them visiting some women of indefinite occupations.

Anne had no sense of pain or humiliation. She had told seventeen year-old Elinor her suitors were wasting their nights with harlots. Elinor refused to go out of the house for three full days. She and Anne didn't speak anymore afterwards. In answer to Isabella's inquiries, Anne replied gravely that on the one hand Elinor had annoyed her with her boasting and on the other hand, she thought Elinor deserved to know if her future husbands had any shameful records.

'I think I do. Lovely girl she was,' Anne said slightly embarrassed. 'You are probably upset about our little...inconvenience. It was a small, negligible thing. I am sure she has forgotten it already.'

'She has not,' Robert replied sternly. 'And it certainly was not a small thing.'

'Maybe it wasn't a small thing, but it wasn't so very wrong to let her know about the realities of society. Before me, she was completely persuaded that gambling was a myth.'

'And I suppose I am to thank you for the service.'

'No, but you should perhaps forget the incident.'

'I'm afraid it is not I who must forget it. If you happen to pass through Bath this year perhaps you will find time to rectify your mistake and pay some excuses to my sister.'

Fanny Darlington was already feeling very nervous about their conversation. She was confused and did not understand Anne de Bourgh's behaviour at all, much as she tried.

'If I pass through Bath I will surely let her know,' Anne replied emptily. 'Congratulations on your engagement.'

With that she excused herself and went to sit by the fireplace. She wondered if the society in Bath could follow her beyond the grave as well.

No matter, the Bennet girls were already approaching her to introduce themselves.

Anne prepared a charming smile.