Clause and Effect
Cordelia's daily morning haranguing was really counterproductive, why couldn't she see that?
Angel wondered this again as she lectured him on the virtues of human contact, and the necessity of being among the living in order to do his job effectively. She never seemed to understand that the more she and Doyle lectured him, the less it made him want to go mingle. He just wasn't a people person these days, and was fairly convinced that he could live quite comfortably this way for the next century or so, so why couldn't they both just leave him alone?
As Cordelia shrieked and Angel and Doyle sat by, watching her and sipping coffee, Angel felt a pemonitory sensation. He could sense something – danger, perhaps? As the feeling got stronger, he ruled out danger, and decided upon pleasure. He focused on the tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach that wasn't quite hunger, and wasn't quite libido. It was a mystical awareness, something drawing near to bring good, to bring peace...
All of this ran through his head in the three seconds it took for Buffy to enter the building, find Angel's office and open the door. All eyes went to her, and even Cordelia's oratory stopped dead in its tracks.
"Hi," Angel said, so overwhelmed that words failed him.
"Hi," she said back, knowing she sounded lame, but she was equally tongue-tied. Her insides were boiling and tied in knots, and all she wanted to do was explode from excitement and rain kisses all over Angel's body and face.
Fortunately, she was able to control herself, and the two of them just stared at each other for several long moments, before Angel finally invited her inside.
"Buffy! How are you?" shreiked Cordelia, coming in for a hug. It was a big morning for Cordelia and shreiking.
"I'm good, Cordy," Buffy answered with a genuine smile. "Great, actually. So how's the acting going?"
"Oh, um, I'm, you know... between things right now," she said with an uneasy laugh. "In the meantime, I'm a supersleuth for Angel, and I try not to put stress on my cuticles."
Doyle stepped forward and introduced himself, and shaking Buffy's hand, said, "And you must be the famous Buffy Summers. I've heard a lot about you. Seen you, as well!"
"Doyle's the one withthe visions. He saw you in trouble which is why I came..." Angel explained, trailing off, realizing his mistake.
"Yeah," Buffy said, showing some irritation. "We are going to have to discuss your showing up in my town to 'help' me, and not even telling me you were there."
"Told you that was a bad idea," Cordy whispered to Angel indiscreetly.
"But not right now," Buffy continued, ignoring Cordelia's remark. She addressed Cordelia nevertheless, as well as Doyle. "Guys, do you mind if I talk to Angel alone?"
Cordelia and Doyle were a little surprised, but when they looked at their boss, he nodded slightly. They both muttered about how they were just leaving, and they exited the office through the front door.
For an agonizingly long moment, Angel and Buffy simply stared. Again. They were ecstatic to be in each other's presence, but were restraining for the usual reasons. Well, almost the usual reasons.
"So," Angel breached finally. "What's up?"
"I need to tell you something. I think we should sit."
Angel was concerned, not that it showed on his face. He ushered her into his office and shut the door. They both took seats on the clients' side of the desk, and again, a silence hung in the air for quite some time before anyone spoke.
"Are you going to tell me?" Angel asked, without any impatience or frustration betrayed in his voice.
"Yeah."
Buffy took a deep breath, contemplating how to begin in a way that didn't sound spazzy or insane.
She began slowly, haltingly, speaking softly and avoiding Angel's eyes, though she wasn't sure why. "We all did some research, Giles and... the gang. And we found something."
"Okay," Angel said, a probing look on his face.
"Willow noticed that... something wasn't right with the curse she used on you, to give you your soul the second time. Something was missing," she explained. At the mention of his soul, her voice went a little hoarse.
"Missing?"
"Yes. The diskette... the one that Miss Calendar used to store the information has been sitting in a box on Willow's desk all this time, and... when she pulled it out the other day, she found that the original Romanian incantation file and the English translation were different sizes."
"Different sizes?"
"Yeah, it's a computer thing. It means that one text was longer than the other, and I think by quite a lot. Anyway, we figured out that something was missing. There was something in the original curse that didn't make it into the new curse."
"Mm-hm."
"We looked up gypsy symbolism, and Xander did some reading on Romanian etymology... and we think..." she stopped, the emotion choking her words.
"You think what?" Angel asked, again, without any irritation showing through.
"We think that the perfect happiness clause is... not there."
"Excuse me?"
"We did some translating of our own, and we think the part that got left out was the part that says you lose your soul if you experience perfect happiness."
Angel didn't say anything for a long time. He shifted in his chair. He looked at Buffy, then looked away. He opened his mouth several times, but did not speak. He exhaled with gusto, he blinked his eyes pointedly, he smiled and chuckled a few times, but no words were forthcoming. At last, he managed to say, "Well... that's good."
Without mirth, Buffy said, "Yes, I think so."
That afternoon saw Buffy try to explain to Angel twice more what she had initially said, as he hadn't been sure that he'd been hearing properly. He also quizzed her, wanting to make damn sure that it was Buffy he was talking to, and not some shape-shifting demon.
It also saw the two of them trying to explain it all to Cordy and Doyle, and involved in a very long conference call with Giles, Willow and Xander. The Scoobies back in Sunnydale tried to explain how they had come to the shaky conclusion that Angel was clause-free. Angel and Giles had some intense, deep, discussion over Bohemian symbology and its evolution over the years, which went right over everyone's head. In the end, Angel was reasonably satisfied that he was free of the wretched loophole that kept him in constant misery.
After the confab had ended, Giles asked Buffy to pick up the receiver so that he could speak to her privately.
Before he had the chance to say anything, she said, "Look Giles, I know you think this is all a very thinly-veiled excuse for me to sleep with Angel, but it's not."
"I know that, Buffy."
"What?" She was shocked. She had been sure that he was going to lecture her on taking rash actions and being responsible for the weight of the world, or something.
"A few hours ago, yes, that's what I would have said," Giles explained gently. "But I've changed my mind. Yes, our researches have not been perfect, yes, we're dealing with translations that can't entirely be trusted, but when are circumstances ever perfect? We don't have access to a higher plane of information, an all-knowing entity that can see what is and what has passed. We have to live the best we can with the information we have, Buffy, and that means taking chances sometimes in order to find a little bit of joy."
"Wow," she said. "That's just what I was thinking about on the bus all the way out here. I was rehearsing how I was going to say it to you!"
"I'll support you and trust you in whatever decision you make regarding Angel," he said. "Just be on your guard. You know what can happen."
"Thanks, Giles," she said, and hung up.
Fleetingly, she marveled at the fact that what had just transpired on the phone amounted to Giles giving his blessing for her to have sex. Pseudo-parentally-sanctioned sex was kind of creepy. Luckily, she didn't dwell on it too long.
