Disclaimer: It's not mine. Only the situations and the greatest character of all time, Spune.

To ClumsyHeart: Aw thanks! Hahaha, what? Isn't that what everyone's knitting experiences are like?;)


Who The F*ck Dares To Call Spune A Mary Sue?

Spune leaped out of bed to the sun shining beauteously in her bedroom. It was going to be a great day, it was the day of her first battle! She couldn't wait to show the other Smashers what she could do!

The majestic beauty skipped down the halls, singing a happy tune. The walls stood straighter and the lights shone brighter when she passed. The entire mansion seemed to be more pleasant while she was inside it. The whole world, in fact, was a much better place to be while Spune resided on it.

Spune twirled into the dining room to join the fellow Smashers. There was the usual battle to gain her attention, Link ended up being sent to Doctor Mario after Samus sent him flying across the room, crashing into a stack of silverware. In the end, Spune decided to sit in the empty seat between Snake and Captain Falcon.

"Wow, Snake! I've never met a real ninja before!" Spune said admiringly.

"Well, you know. I am the best around!" Snake flexed his muscles and grinned creepily at the young girl.

"I didn't know Snake was a ninja." Ness said skeptically while raising one eyebrow.

He's not really a ninja. But he's the closest thing we have to one. Otherwise he'd just be some creeper who watches people from under a cardboard box. That doesn't scream pervert at all!

"Oh yeah!" Ness chuckled. The rest of the Smashers chortled merrily as Snake turned beet red and curled under his box and scuttled away. After bumping into several pieces of furniture and random objects, all the while letting out a steady stream of curses, he made his way to the kitchen. He then proceeded to blindly inch along until he tumbled down the cellar stairs, landing with a loud whack followed by a groan. Samus jumped up, using Lucas' and Mario's heads as human hand holds to push herself into the air, across the table, into Snake's seat.

"Hey, gorgeous! Are you ready for your big match today?" Samus asked brightly.

"Oh, I hope so! I'm kind of nervous!" Spune said as she pulled a mountain of pancakes towards her.

"Who are you battling, dearest girl whom I hope to one day call my own?" Captain Falcon inquired in his Australian accent.

Why does he always have an Australian accent in your stories?

Why do you feel the need to question it?

Well, he doesn't actually have one. You are making everyone way out of character!

Um, excuse me, but is this your story?

No, but-

Yeah, I didn't think so b*tch.

Anyway, Spune paused as she lifted a forkful of pancakes to her lips. "It's a five stock battle against Peach, Jigglypuff, and Luigi."

"Oh, you'll win for sure!" The racer exclaimed.

"I don't know, they're all really great fighters!" Spune mumbled, casting her gleaming hazel eyes downwards.

"Hahaha! Aw, Spune! You are so funny! You are a riot! You should be a comedian! Everyone knows Jigglypuff is completely useless! And Luigi? Don't even get me started!" Samus guffawed. The rest of the Smashers burst out laughing while nodding in agreement. Jigglypuff lay on the ground a few feet away, sleeping. Because that's all she does. Sleep. Around. Anywhere. What a whore.

Luigi shoved himself away from the table and stood defiantly.

"I am not-a useless! I'm-a good-a fighter!" Luigi screamed, placing his hands on his hips.

"Luigi, just-a face it! You're-a like-a the wimpier version of-a me-a!" Mario said, patting his brother on the back.

"Well-a, I guess-a I can't argue with-a that." Luigi sighed and sat back down.

Suddenly, Master Hand hovered into the room and loudly announce, "The Smashers scheduled for the match today must please make their way to the stadium! You will be battling on the Battlefield stage!"

"Well, I guess I'd better go!" Spune skipped out of the dining room, followed by a loud chorus of 'Good Lucks'.


Spune squinted her eyes in the bright lights of the battlefield. She had just magically appeared there and was waiting for the other Smashers to make their way on stage. She smiled excitedly when they shimmered into view. Peach dusted off her pink silk dress and waved daintily at the new girl. Jigglypuff rubbed the sleep from her creepy eyes while Luigi spun around several times, looking lost.

Suddenly, everything was a blur around the spectacular human being known as Spune. Peach was using a frying pan to smash in Jigglypuff's face, as Luigi ran after a huge wooden box. Upon crushing the box, several items flew out.

The next thing she knew, a giant black hammer lay in Spune's hands. How it had gotten there, she had no clue. She was overpowered by the sudden urge to run back and forth with the hammer, beating anything in her way to a bloody pulp. The angelic girl cackled maniacally as Peach, Jigglypuff, and Luigi flew out of sight.

They whizzed back into sight and stood on platforms floating above Spune's head. Spotting a black line on the ground, she decided to investigate. Grabbing one side and pulling it back, the black line widened into a huge gaping hole-

Did you just make up an item?

*Exasperated sigh* Yes, I did.

You can't do that!

Why not?

You just can't! You can't just go around making stuff up as you go!

You know what? That's kinda the point of this story, if you haven't noticed.

But it's all wrong!

I don't know how to tell you this, but... I don't give a f*ck.

.

What was I saying? Oh yeah.

Grabbing one side and pulling it back, the black line widened into a huge gaping hole that seemed to stretch on and on forever. The three Smashers couldn't escape as they fell from their platforms into the dark abyss. They fell screaming, wildly kicking and waving their arms and legs, trying to stop the fall. The hole closed, leaving nothing behind.

Spune giggled as they reappeared on their platforms overhead. Peach's hair was wild and blown back off her face, her crown hanging by a few strands of hair. Luigi's hat was missing and Jigglypuff kept rocking back and forth, her eyes darting back and forth. All three Smashers' eyes were wide open and haunted. Spune smiled brightly as they jumped down and ran towards her.

As they neared, Spune yawned and reached into her pocket. She pulled out a miniature rainbow sphere. It was a tiny Smash Ball. The perfect specimen crushed it between her delicate hands. Spune began to glow as the power of the Smash Ball flowed through her.

"Good thing I always keep a never-ending supply of these with me!" Spune sang happily as she floated into the air.

She tossed her head, her rich brown locks rippling down her back. She fluttered thick black eyelashes over stunning hazel eyes.

Peach, Luigi, and Jigglypuff all stared at the most glorious thing they had ever seen in their entire lives. Spune's pure beauty blasted them straight off the stage. Spune grinned dazzlingly as she gently floated back down.

The power of her beauty was so strong, that it had completely finished off the challengers! Spune had won the battle!

Spune jumped into the air, triumphant 80's music blasting and swirls of bright colors surrounded her. Soon, the other Smashers had gathered onto the stage and lifted her onto their shoulders, cheering.

"Spune! Spune! Spune! Spune! Spune!"

They continued to cheer as they carried their queen back to the mansion.


For everyone who thinks this story is a parody: You are wrong. This is obviously completely serious and not to be laughed at. You fool.

I think this is my favorite chapter title I've ever made :)