Day 3 – Miscalculation of Ginormous Proportions

Near as I can figure it, the date is January 13, 3019. Or thereabouts. The pissy wolves and fireworks in the distance were, indeed, the Fellowship passing through on their way to Moria, having discovered that the Redhorn Pass is full of shit. I mean snow. And cranky mountain attitude problems.

Slight miscalculation regarding the language barrier. And apparently the proximity of English to Westron. Every word out of my mouth makes them all pee their pants. Not because I sound funny, either; they are not smiling. I have no idea what the problem is. All I said was, 'Do you understand me?' and they flipped their shit in six different directions.

Major miscalculation about the Fellowship's grasp of poorly pronounced Sindarin. Aragorn is trying like a trooper to understand me, so he gets Awesome Future King points. Legolas is evidently offended by my struggles, as if I'm doing it on purpose. Frodo is super tolerant, and seems to commiserate with me, like his first forays into Elvish 101 were also fraught with pain and anguish. I've managed, I think, to convey that I don't eat people, I couldn't hurt anyone appreciably (pepper spray attacks notwithstanding), and what a coincidence, I'm heading in the same direction as they are! Lucky me! And by the way, has second breakfast started yet? (Pippin is now completely in favor of me joining the group.)

Boromir, of all people, is eying me warily. Like I'm somehow a bigger threat to their quest than he is. Oh son... you and I have to talk...

Then there's Gandalf. I can't be sure, but I think he knows what I'm saying, whether because he actually speaks English, or he has some sort of bizarro Maia translation power. Or a fish in his ear. I'm going to be keeping an eye on him, because Sindarin is bullshit. They're all watching me suspiciously, which is really unnerving, but at least they haven't set fire to torches and run me off yet.

I'll have to take Gandalf aside pretty soon and 'splain things. The last thing I want to do is run afoul of a wizard ten minutes into my mission.

Well, this one, anyway. I could give a shit about Saruman.