ZADA'S POV-REAL LIFE
It had taken me hours to convince my mother to let me go out tonight, and now that I was at Marlene's party I wasn't so sure I even wanted to be there.
"Zada?" I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to face it.
"Adam," I smiled, relived and delighted to see him. Adam was Marlene's brother, he was my most recent crush. I felt the butterflies rising in my stomach as he stepped closer so we could talk.
"Wanna go outside? It's pretty crazy in here." He said, leaning down so I could hear him better over the blasting bass.
"Sure," He took my hand and led me out the back door. "Oh, wow."
"You like it out here?" He asked.
"Yeah, it's kind of awesome." I said, stepping off of the dark wooden porch and onto a stone path leading through a massive garden in full bloom despite the chill of October. I stopped to marvel at a particularly big and bright orange flower.
"Those are my favorite." Adam reached out to touch one of the same flowers on the bush.
"They're beautiful." I told him.
"Are you cold?" He asked.
"Not if you're going to be a major cliché and give me your jacket." I laughed. Adam chuckled and took one more step towards me.
"I've never been one for clichés, I had another idea." He breathed as his hands slid around my waist and his lips met mine.
I don't know how long we were making out in that garden for, and I suppose although the garden aspect of it was romantic it was really just making out at a party. At the end, I actually felt a little skanky. I'd never hooked up at a party before, never even kissed a guy I wasn't dating at one. Actually, I'd never even kissed a guy I was dating at one. I paused to take a long breath and lean back on the ancient green bench we'd ended up on.
"Hey," Adam whispered, leaning over me and grinning, "There's a spare room upstairs." I just blinked, staring at him for a second. In that moment I realized that he didn't actually like me. I'd thought this might lead to something more, but that was stupid. I could never again have a real relationship with a boy.
"All my life I've been good," I said aloud, more talking to myself than I was to Adam. He took on a confused face, waiting for me to continue. "But now, I'm thinking what the hell! I just want to mess around." I grinned and he knew I was in.
"Then milady, shall I carry you?" He offered jovially and wrapped his strong arms around my thin body.
"Don't you dare!" I squealed as he lifted me and began running towards the house. "Adam!" I laughed, slapping his chest.
"Don't worry, my dear. We'll be alone soon!" He announced, and I blushed at his public blatancy.
An hour later, I was lying on his chest with his arms wrapped around me, my clothes halfway across the room, and I was horribly confused. I didn't know if I was happy with what I'd done, or if I hated myself.
"I'm an idiot." Adam said.
"What?" I sat up, clutching a sheet to my body.
"I fucked this up so bad." Adam sat up too, shaking his head and hiding behind his hands.
"Adam, what's wrong." I insisted, using my hand that wasn't keeping me covered to pull his hands away from his face.
"We shouldn't have done this, Zada."
"Why not?"
"Because I like you!" He exclaimed, facing me. "I like you, and I just fucked everything up. You probably thought I was just using you." His face ended up back in his hands.
"I did think that." I admitted.
"Fuck."
"But I like you too." I mentally scolded myself for saying that. I couldn't start a relationship!
"Oh." He sat up again, looking surprised. "You do?"
"No, I lied." His face fell and I realized he wasn't grasping my sarcasm. "It was sarcasm, Adam. I do like you."
"Good." He grinned again.
I suddenly gasped and hunched over in a spasm of pain. I felt like someone was twisting knives round in my gut and I could feel the sobs starting to come as I lay there, doubled over in pain.
"Zada?" He asked, concerned. I could feel him lean over me, trying to see my face. I couldn't hold back any longer and strangled sobs began tearing their way out of my throat to accompany the agonized tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Oh, oh, my god! Zada, what should I do? Should I call someone?" He was panicking now. I wanted to tell him no, he didn't need to call anyone. He didn't need to do anything but wait. I knew that if he just waited a minute, I would be fine. Due to my lack of an answer, and his slow panicked thinking, by the time he'd finally decided what to do my pain was fading, and though I hadn't moved I was just laying there, feeling the tears drying on my cheeks and listening to my own ragged breaths. I was suddenly ashamed of my illness. I knew how my pained wails sounded, having heard them so many times. I knew how I became paralyzed during my agonizing spasms, unable to move or speak for the pain.
When it had finally gone away enough for me to function again, my first action was to cover myself with the blanket again. He was out of the bed, pulling on his jeans and getting ready to go out the door and get someone.
"Don't," I said, my voice still weak. He turned around, his eyes full of worry and fear.
"You're better?" He asked. I nodded. "What happened?"
"I'm sick."
"Wait…" His eyes went wide. "It's not um, 'contagious', is it?"
"No!" I assured him hurriedly.
"Good." He sighed, relaxing. He came back and crawled onto the bed and over to me, still concerned. "You're not okay, are you?"
"You can't tell anybody." I told him.
"I won't. But you have to tell me."
"I've been sick for a really long time. And I'm always going to be sick."
"But, you still go to school every day, and you were at the party. It can't be that bad, can it?"
"I don't know."
"How can you not know?"
"I don't know!" I snapped. I sighed, regretting yelling at him. "They don't know what exactly is wrong with me."
"Oh…" He paused, his face twisting up in thought. "But, would we ever be able to have a real relationship then?"
"I think so. It would just be a little harder for us than anyone else." No, no, no! What was I doing? This was so stupid! Why was I being such an idiot!
"Then we should try." He insisted, grinning.
"Okay." I grinned back, and then jokingly slapped his bare chest. "You're an idiot." He laughed and lay back down next to me, wrapping his arms around me.
"I am. But maybe you'll have the patience to put up with me." He said as I settled into his arms. I sighed, happily this time. This really was an unusual way to start dating someone, but for some reason it felt right. I felt like this would work for us. For the first time in a long time, I felt like things were going to go my way.
"Maybe."
