Still chuckling to himself over the sight of Lian dancing -- Christ, the kid had looked like some coked-up puppy, wriggling around and grinning -- Lex knocked on the door to Lin's room. They'd all been downstairs, all but Lin, and Lex wanted to make sure his brother knew he was welcomed, wanted, to join. After lunch, Lin had gone back upstairs claiming he was tired and needed a nap.
Well, it was four in the afternoon, now, and Lex thought three hours was damn long for a nap. Time Lin got up, and maybe watching Lian "dance" would cheer him up.
Lex knocked again, but there was still no answer. Usually Colin was such a light sleeper that he woke up at the slightest noise, if he slept at all, which Lex was beginning to doubt.
A sick feeling of dread crept down Lex's spine. Colin hadn't been sleeping. In fact, the kid had been actively trying his best not to fall asleep, and Lin was a fool if he thought they wouldn't notice. True, it was Bruce who pointed it out to him, but Lex was sure to have spotted sooner or later.
But if Lin weren't sleeping now, then what the hell was he doing in his room? Just some breathing room, maybe? Yeah, Lex thought to himself. That's probably it. He just wanted some time alone, with only his thoughts. He's probably not used to being around this many people all the time, and the last week has been pretty hard on him, and--
--and Lex would just take a quick peek inside, say 'Hi,' give the invitation to come downstairs, and make sure everything was okay, and then he'd. . .
Opening the door a little, Lex called, "Lin? You in here?"
But again there was no answer. Giving up the pretense of subtlety, he walked fully into the room and looked around. Lin had managed to put his clothes away, but the bed was a mess. Lex walked over to it, and as soon as he made out the keepsake box with all its sacred contents spilled and tangled all over, he knew something bad was going to happen. Okay, if Lin isn't here. . .
He turned his head towards the bathroom when a strange sound reached his ears. Striding over to the closed door, Lex knocked loudly and quickly, the dread pumping adrenaline through his whole body.
"Lin?" God, his voice shook so much it was nearing shrill. "Lin, you okay?"
Lex waited, but when he heard the sound of something being dropped, he gave into his first instinct and flung the door open.
***
Well, Lex was glad for that burst of adrenaline now, otherwise he was sure he would have passed out and that just wouldn't do.
Jesus, Lin. Jesus, what the hell are you doing?!
A thousand words and speeches passed through Lex's head at that moment. If he found just the right turn of phrase, then everything would be okay and Lin wouldn't--
--but all that came out of his mouth was, "What the fuck, Lin?!"
Hair was everywhere. The clanking noise had been the scissors hitting the tile floor, and looking up Lex saw such a stark, terrified look on Lin's face.
"What-- what were you doing, Lin?" Moving jerkily closer, Lex raised a hand to reach out for Lin, but the kid skirted away like some frightened animal. He let his hand drop back down and looked over at the vanity and sink where Lin's gorgeous hair was just lying in piles. He'd cut all his hair off. And Lex flashed back to that day on the rooftop. . . only last week. Lin flinging his drawings over the edge, all his hard work and patience in creating them just gone and ruined--
Lex looked at Lin again, crouching into himself in between the shower stall and the toilet. Lin had destroyed his drawings and cut off his hair. He'd tried to destroy himself, make himself ugly.
Punish himself.
Lex rushed over to Lin, getting to his knees so quickly he slid into his brother. His hands found Lin's shoulders and he gripped him hard.
"No, Lin," he said, and it wasn't until he tasted salt on his lips that he realized he was crying. "No, you have to stay here with us. You have to, Lin." No matter how hard Lex tried to lift Colin's head up so he could look into those beautiful eyes, he couldn't. Lin's head wouldn't budge, just remained bent low and over to the side away from Lex.
Lex sat back on his heels, anger overtaking him. He glanced back at the counter where a dull grey box sat unopened. Jerking his head back to Colin he said, "Is that what you were going to use, Colin? Whatever's in that box over there? You just going to kill yourself in Bruce's house, and leave Julian to find you? Like last time? Bathrooms seem to be your endroit de choix, huh?"
He knew he shouldn't get angry. He knew with every fiber of his being that showing how mad this made him was possibly the worst thing he could do at this moment. But Lex. Didn't. Care. Lin was smart. He'd figure out why Lex was mad, and it was for damn sure not because he didn't love him. Lin had to know that--
But, what if? a voice asked. What if he doesn't? Looking at the top of Lin's shorn head, Lex came to a realization that Lin probably didn't know how much he was loved. That if he'd known, he would have come to talk to them about what was hurting him so much inside that he wanted to kill himself, mutilate himself, destroy the things that he loved.
Lex leaned close to Colin and with his left hand carefully, oh-so-gently, cupped the boy's cheek. Lin flinched and tried to squirm away, but Lex just followed along with him. He leaned in close and whispered into Lin's ear, "I love you so much, Colin, that even if you were completely bald I'd still love you." Lex gave a wet chuckle. "I love you so much that walking into this room, and figuring out what you were planning on doing. . . I have never been as frightened in my whole life as I am, now, Lin."
Colin stopped trying to get away from him and Lex tugged the boy's head up with his right hand, his left still plastered to Lin's cheek. Colin's eyes remained down for a long time, but Lex rubbed his thumb back and forth across the soft skin of his brother's face until finally they came up to meet his own.
"Please, tell me why you did this, Lin. Why wouldn't you talk to me? Or Julian, for Chrissake! Bruce-- you think Bruce wouldn't understand? God, even fuckin' Alfred, Liza, or goddamn-Nick-fuckin'-Fallin would have-- could've. . . why wouldn't you say something? We love you so much, all of us do. You're Julian's hero, you're his world, Lin. And I-- I've been a terrible brother. I know I've fucked everything up! I never should have left. I love you so much and all I've ever done is hurt you." Lex felt more tears stream down his face, and breathing was suddenly hard to do, and his mouth just wouldn't stop moving-- "I'm worse than he is! God!"
Quick as a flash, and now there was a hand wiping the tears away from Lex's face and holding the back of his head. Lex looked up and tried to get his bearings. Colin must've moved, and quickly, too. When Lex looked for Lin's eyes he found them zeroing in on him, so many emotions on his face.
"You are not him! You're not anything like him! Don't ever say things like that. You-- you and Lian, you're all I have." Lin's voice broke painfully on the last part, and now they were both crying like babies, but Lex couldn't care less at the moment. Colin was talking and he was alive, and everything had turned to shit, but maybe if they just talked about it--
"Why, Colin? Why were you-- what were you going to do?!"
Lin released his grip on Lex and sat down on the floor cross-legged. He put his head in his hand and gave a huge sigh, and Lex, himself, leaned back against the toilet.
"I-- Lionel gave me a cell phone," Lin said, looking back up at Lex, nervously. "He gave it to me and told me to always answer, and I'd forgotten it even existed until it started ringing today. And-- and I was so stupid, Lex! I picked it up!" Lin held out his hands, begging and beseeching, towards Lex. "I didn't want to. I really didn't. But, he'd always said I had to. He told me that I had to, that he wouldn't tolerate disobedience. Not in me."
And now Lex was glad he was sitting so close to a toilet because hearing that made him want to throw up everything he'd ever eaten. Ever.
"So you answered," Lex said, as calmly and understandingly as he could. "You answered like he'd told you to. I understand, Lin." Colin just looked back at him, disbelief clearly written on his face. "You think I haven't been conditioned to respond in certain ways? He calls me, tells me I'm to fly back to Metropolis and meet with him, and I drop everything and do exactly that." He made sure he had Lin's eyes on him and said, "That was last week, Lin. He ordered me home, and I came. No thought of disobeying." Lex reached out for Colin's hand, and slowly his brother reached forward, too, gripping hard. "You picked up and he said, what?"
"He told me to come back. To him." Lin took a deep breath and that deer-in-the-headlights look was back as he slowly said, eyes focused on Lex's face, "He said I had to be in his office in 20 minutes or he'd tell. He'd tell everyone what a freak I am." Lex reacted by bringing his other hand up, too, and cradling Lin's tight. This was it. This was Lin telling him what he was, and Lex had to tread very carefully, lose everything.
"You're not a freak, Lin. No matter what he says, it's always meant to hurt and cut you up where you're most vulnerable. He lies. He lies all the time, about everything. You can't believe anything he says. If he said I were a man, I'd have to check for myself."
Lin gave a hysterical laugh at that and smiled weakly at Lex. The tears had stopped falling, and with his hair all hacked off, Colin looked like a sad punk rocker. The thought made Lex chuckle, and he reached forward to wrap his arms around Lin. At first, there were the expected flinch and quickly stifled jerk away. Soon, though, Lin's arms came up and he returned Lex's embrace, and his face came to rest against Lex's neck. The spiky bits of hair tickled, but Lex just held him tighter.
Everything was still shit. But at least Colin was here, hugging him. . .
. . . and not dead on the floor.
***
Lex pulled Colin to his feet, and guided him back into the bedroom proper. He left the metal box next to the sink for now. When the backup got here, then they'd tackle that. Right now he just wanted Lin away from whatever it was, thinking, "out of sight, out of mind." Gently pushing Lin down to sit on the bed, next to all of the displaced "keepsakes," Lex reached into his pocket and took out his cell. It was the best way to get Bruce and Lian up here without leaving Lin alone, but Lex still felt like a royal brat, calling someone who was in the same house.
He kept a close eye on Colin, but the kid just sat meekly on the bed, head down and shoulders slumped. The ringing on the other side of the connection quit abruptly with a click, and then Bruce's voice asked, "Lex?" in an amused tone. Lex took a deep breath, hating how he had to take that good mood away.
"Bruce, grab Lian and come up to Lin's room. Now." And with that, Lex disconnected, knowing the other man would do as he'd said. Lex was serious and freaked out, and Bruce would be able to tell. Now was not the time for niceties.
Shuffling slowly closer to Colin, Lex reached out for the upside down wooden box. Picking it up and looking inside showed him where the metal case in the bathroom had come from. Well, what a clever little shit, Lex thought, throwing a rueful look at an oblivious Lin. Lowering the box back down, he then looked at the cell phone lying next to an innocent pile of comics. He didn't even want to touch the damn thing. It was just like Lionel to do something like this: somehow he always managed to ruin everything good in their lives.
Lex began pacing. Yes, it was a bad habit, but that was something his father had said to him. And right now he didn't give a flying fuck! what would disappoint Lionel. It helped Lex calm down a bit, and his father could go to Hell. Would go to Hell, if he had anything to do with it.
The door was pushed open, and then Lian and Bruce were there, anxiously coming through. Both stopped short at the same time upon seeing Lin, and any other time Lex would have laughed. It was like something from a 3 Stooges bit, and that was the moment when Lex recognized he was getting hysterical. He stopped pacing and moved over to Bruce, while Lian cautiously went to sit with Colin on the bed.
"Lex?" Bruce asked, only this time even Bruce's ever-calm voice sounded alarmed. "What did he do?"
Lex rubbed a hand over his face, and replied, "I came in and I think-- I'm pretty sure he was getting ready to kill himself." He waited until the other man returned his stare. "Bruce, he cut all his hair off, and said Dad-- Lionel had called him. That he had a phone, and was ordered to answer it." It felt like the room was closing in on him. "He said something to Lin, that he had to return or-- well, I don't know what the 'or else' was, but knowing Lionel it was something especially sadistic." Looking back to where Lian was leaning close to Lin, Lex said quietly, "I'm stuck, Bruce. I don't know where to go from here."
A large hand suddenly gripped his arm hard, and Lex looked back at Bruce. God, he'd never seen so many emotions on that face before. Usually as relaxed and tranquil as a lazy summer afternoon, now Lex could see fear and anger and bone-deep sadness.
"We're going to go over there and ask Colin the questions we should have a long time ago. Lex," the grip on his arm tightened briefly before loosening altogether. "We are going to do this, the four of us. Don't you get it, yet? You are my family, Lex. You and Julian and Colin, you're our family. . . mine and Alfred's. You have been for a very long time." Bruce frowned and Lex could see the other man was trying to say something more, but couldn't seem to find the right words. Lex reached out and drew him close in a hug.
"I understand. I do." And with that, Lex put his hand on Bruce's shoulder and led them over closer to the bed. Lian was sitting next to Colin, holding his brother's hands and trying to get Lin to look at him. Lex reached over and pulled a couple of chairs closer to the bed, for himself and Bruce.
"Lin, I want to know what you were trying to tell me, back in the bathroom. And I think it's time you told us what you can do. . . how you disappeared in Jameson's office that day, and what it is that's in that box in there." Lex pointed angrily towards the bathroom."Secrets have put us here, right now, in this position. I ran away, and I left both of you alone with him. I did that, and God! do I regret it -- you'll never know how much. But we have to start being honest with each other if we're to get through this."
Lex leaned forward in his chair. "You think we're going to run away from you if you say it? Lin? Tell Lian and Bruce what you said to me back there, after I found you had cut all your hair off." He touched Lin's knee and said quietly, "You told me that I was nothing like him. You said that we are all you have. And, Lin, that's true for all three of us, as well. None of us are Lionel," Lex felt him flinch at the name, but kept going, "and we need to know this. You need to tell someone, Lin. You can't do this alone, it's eating you up inside, and obviously we were wrong to wait. Maybe we should have asked you sooner, huh?"
Lex kept his hand on Colin's knee, hoping it would remind the boy that he wasn't alone. He saw Lian nudge Lin with his shoulder, and then the two of them exchanged looks. Lin then took a steadying breath, and said, eyes downcast, "I'm-- I'm not human. He told me-- he always said that he found me in a cornfield. That the moment his heir was taken away from him, luck set me down right in front of him." Lin's eyes met Lex's. "He called me his instrument, his bargaining chip." Another deep breath, and without looking away Colin said, "I'm an alien. I wasn't born on Earth. Somehow I came to be there, when you and he were in Smallville. Lex-- " he started to say, but stopped, dropping his head down again.
And Lex felt his breath stick in his throat. Smallville. Fuck. 'The moment his heir was taken away. . . ' Lin's words echoing over and over in his head. So Dad had never intended for him to take over. Since Smallville, he'd just been a burden. What are you thinking about that for? a voice asked, disgusted. Colin says he's an alien, and all you can do is feel sorry for yourself because Daddy never loved you? The bastard is incapable of love. Look at how he treated such an incredible being as Colin. Abused and tormented and tortured this wonderful gift to Earth, all so he could feel superior. Lionel can't love anyone, probably didn't love your mother or Julian, either. Lionel is the alien. He's the one who has no humanity. Lex looked up at Colin, and thought, he might not have been born here, but that kid is all that's good in us.
"So?" Lex asked Colin, and felt giddy when the teen's head jerked up. Confusion and shock were written all over his face, and Lex gave in to the laughter bubbling up inside of him. He laughed hard, and most likely hysterically, wheezing out, "If you could see your face, right now, Lin-- "
He heard Julian giggle nearby, and that just made him laugh harder. Get it together, Luthor, he thought to himself. Taking a breath, and wiping the tears from his eyes, Lex made eye contact with a still-dumbstruck Lin and said, "I had already guessed you were different, Colin. Truth to tell, I'd thought you were meta, or mutated like me. If I easily considered those, is it so hard to think I believe in the existence of extraterrestrial beings. . . such as yourself?" Lex looked over at Bruce, whose entire focus was on Lin, and then at Lian. Studying his brother a bit, Lex came to the conclusion that none of this was a surprise to little Lian. "So, Julian, I take it you already knew Lin wasn't. . . from around here?"
Lian looked guilty and nervous, and wouldn't meet his eyes. Yep, definitely in on it. But Lex couldn't find any resentment or anger in himself towards either of his brothers. And Lin was still his brother, no matter that they were born on different worlds. He was just glad that Lin had told somebody, that perhaps the kid hadn't been completely alone all these years.
"It's okay, Lian," Lex told him, watching, amused, as Julian relaxed his posture back into a slouch. "Now," he said, turning his attention back to Lin. "What's in that box in the bathroom, Lin?"
Colin visibly swallowed, and glanced at Bruce. Lex just shrugged at him, and said, "Bruce is fine, Lin." He leaned in closer and stage-whispered, "That's his thinking face." He lifted his hand from Lin's knee and leaned back in his seat.
"I-- I was going to try. . . again," Colin said. "And there's this stuff, this rock, that makes me sick. It's the only thing that does, and so after last time, I. . . took some of it. Just in case. And then he called, and I answered. And then you came in. . . before I could do anything."
"Besides hack all your hair off, you mean," Lex said with a raised eyebrow. "So do you know what this 'rock' is? What's the composition of it?"
"Uh, it came with me," Lin replied, looking warily at him. "He said it followed me. The rocks did. I came down, and that was the meteor shower in Smallville." Colin's face became sad and apologetic. "The meteors were me, Lex. And the radiation from them. . . that was what caused your hair to-- "
"I know, Lin," Lex cut him off, waving his hand. "When you told me that he'd found you in Smallville, I put it together." He looked closer at Lin's face. "It's not your fault. You were just a child, Lin. Me having no hair isn't that big of a deal. Not anymore. In fact, I've grown so used to it now that I wouldn't change it even if I could."
Bruce sighed, and Lex looked at him. The man was shaking his head and gazing at Lex with a fondness he rarely showed. Lex swallowed and forced his mind back onto Colin. Looking at his two brothers on the bed, something came to him.
"Lian, do you remember that time, years ago, when you called me at Princeton? You said you'd found Lin . . . unconscious in the house?" He looked pointedly at Colin, and asked him, "What happened back then? Lian said you were acting funny all night."
"I, uh-- "
"He wasn't wearing the necklace," Julian said in a hurry, talking over Colin. "He always wore that green necklace. Dad made him wear it." Lian shook his head angrily. "I mean, Lionel made him wear it. It's made of that meteor rock, and it makes Lin all quiet, more quiet than he usually is. And sick, too." Lian looked at Lin, and moved closer to him on the bed. "You never ate anything when you were wearing it, and your face was always really white. Was it a punishment?" he asked in a whisper.
Lex got the impression that Lian had some experience with Lionel's "punishments" and closed his eyes in pain. Goddamn you, Lex, he thought to himself. You selfish, son of a bitch.
"No, Lian," Colin replied, sadly. Lex opened his eyes at the resignation in his voice. "It was just another threat." Looking at Lex, he told him, "that day you're asking about, when Lian found me, they told me I died. When I was at the Centre earlier, they gave me a pendant to wear. It was meteor rock, but it was red instead of green, and it made me feel-- It wasn't like the other. I felt angry and careless while I had it. I remember yelling and shouting at him, at. . . Lionel. . . and then I took the green necklace that I still had, and I-- I swallowed it." Colin's eyes shut. "It hurt so much and I kept telling myself, 'He'll be sorry, now.'" He opened his eyes, and Lex saw all that pain the kid had been blanking for the whole week. "He wasn't sorry. He was angry. I was the one who was sorry." His voice broke on the last word, and Lex stood up, stepped over to him, and reached down to wrap his arms around Lin.
Lex said, close to Lin's ear, "We'll get rid of that stuff. I'll take it away, and you won't do this again." Leaning back so he could look him in the eyes, and holding him by the shoulders, Lex asked, "Right? You're not alone, Lin, and I want you to swear that you'll come and talk to us -- any one of us! -- if you feel like doing this. . . like trying to kill yourself. Swear, Lin. Promise Mom you won't do this again." He made his voice hard as he said this, knowing if he didn't he'd start crying again.
Colin's eyes were wide and wet, as he nodded, and said, "Okay. I promise I won't do it again. I promise Lillian that I won't try, anymore, that I'll talk to you when I-- whenever I feel alone." His lips quirked and Lin said, "I promise you, Lex."
Lex brought him back into a hug, and one of his hands reached up to subconsciously smooth over his hair. At the unfamiliar prickly sensation, though, Lex's hand jerked back. But for only a moment. After a split second hesitation, Lex laid his hand down on Colin's head and ruffled it back and forth, causing all three of them, Lex, Lin, and Lian, to smile, and Bruce to snort.
"Well, Lin," Lex said, still hugging him close. "It appears I was right all along, hmmm? You really are out of this world."
***
Lex held Colin's elbow as they walked into the kitchen. Bruce had gone down first to prepare Alfred for the shock, and ask the older man's assistance. The three of them had no idea how to transform Lin's shearing into a hairstyle. Lex had actually snorted when Bruce looked towards him. He may be queer, but given his own follicly challenged lifestyle, Lex wouldn't trust himself within ten feet of a pair of scissors, accurate stereotypes be damned.
So now, here they all sat. Colin in the middle of the Wayne kitchen, sheet covering him, while Alfred alternately squinted and snicked away above him. Lex, Bruce, and Lian sat at the breakfast table watching in an uncomfortable silence. Not much had been said after Bruce had pointed out the hair emergency, and the tension in the room wasn't only Lex's paranoia showing.
At least, he didn't think so, anyway.
"How'd you get so good at cutting hair, Mr. Alfred?" Julian asked.
Glancing over at the boy in between assessments of the evenness of Lin's bangs, Alfred gave a tight smile and while snicking replied, "Oh, Master Bruce for a long time loathed going anywhere near a barbershop. I became quite adept at distracting him long enough to wrangle him into a chair." Stopping and standing up straight, Alfred grinned over at Lian. "I simply gave him a book to read." Returning to contemplate Lin's hair, he continued as though distracted, "and if it happened to be one which I'd heard most children his age would find too difficult, and if he then just happened to study it closely. . . well, that's just the way things work out sometimes, yes?" He gave Lian a little smirk and winked at him, and went back to inspecting Colin's head.
Julian laughed and looked over to Bruce who, much to Lex's delighted surprise, had a small smile on his face and was shaking his head back and forth. Lex could easily picture a younger Bruce responding to the challenge of reading and understanding a book above his level. Hell, the man still did that today, only now it was scientific and economic texts rather than literature or philosophy. . . but still. Bruce was, and always had been, competitive. At least that was something which hadn't changed as he'd gotten older, and as so much of his life had fallen apart.
Lex looked back over to Lin, and saw Alfred lifting up the sheet and brushing off the boy's collar. So the hair-save was done. Colin stood up and ran a hand from the back of his head, up and over the top, and then let it drift down the side past his ear. He turned around, and stopped short upon seeing Lex looking at him. Lex tried to look understanding and encouraging, and Lin relaxed a little as he drifted over to the table.
It was a quarter to seven in the evening, and after putting things away, Alfred went back to dinner preparations.
After a few minutes of collective silence Lian spoke up and asked, "Do you have any movies, Bruce?"
"Yes," Bruce replied, looking a bit confused. "There's a whole collection upstairs, in fact. Did you want me to show you?"
Lian returned Bruce's gaze and said, "I just thought-- well, maybe it would be a good idea to watch something. . . tonight. As a-- you know, as a sort of distraction, maybe?"
He looked so earnest and unsure that Lex jumped in with, "I think that's a good idea, Lian. You're right, a good movie will be just the thing." Turning to look at Bruce, he asked, "What kind of films do you have? Something dark and broody, no doubt."
Bruce looked affronted and gently punched Lex on the arm. "I'll remind you that it wasn't I who insisted we see 'Se7en' at the cinema. Dark and broody, hmmm?" He pointedly ignored Lex then, and said to Lian, "Actually, there are some from several different genres." His expression turned a bit wistful. "My father loved 'Monty Python.' I think the whole series and all the movies are up there, as well as quite a few comedies. Mother loved Katherine Hepburn." He turned and called out to Alfred, "Alfred! Do you remember that marathon we had, the one where we each picked out a movie?"
Alfred turned halfway from the stove, eyes on his stirring as he replied, "I do indeed, Master Bruce. You chose 'Young Frankenstein.' Or should I say, Frank-en-schteen?"
Bruce chuckled and Lex found himself laughing, too. Lian had never seen the movie, and so merely looked bewildered which did nothing to stop Lex laughing. He glanced over at Lin and saw a little quirk to the kid's lips, hinting at a smile.
"Well, I think I know what we're watching tonight, then," Lex said. "There's no way a brother of mine will go through life not knowing Mel Brooks. 'Roll, roll, roll in ze hay!'"
Bruce snorted and laid his head down on his arms, as his shoulders shook. Looking over at Alfred, he saw the older man shaking his head as he stirred, and Lex knew he had a dopey grin on his face. And then from out of nowhere, Colin said in a wheezing, high-pitched voice, "'Puttin' on the Riiiiiitz!'" and they dissolved into laughing buffoons. Julian was turning red and had crossed his arms in indignance, and that just made Lex laugh so hard he couldn't breathe.
***
After dinner, they went upstairs and rifled through the Wayne family's film collection. Saying it held some from several genres was an understatement. It was a film library in the truest sense of the word, and after figuring out the organization, the four of them retreated to the tv room with their pick. There were a couple sofas and Lex watched as Lin and Lian settled on one. Lex took a chair and Bruce sat in one across from him.
The next hour and a half was filled with laughter and smiles, and Lex was going to give Lian the best present he could when the boy's birthday finally rolled around.
***
Afterward, Lian said he was going to stay with Colin that night. Lex had been fretting over leaving the kid alone, and now the solution was clear. Looking at Lin, Lex didn't see any resistance to the idea and breathed a sigh of relief.
Lian grabbed Lin's hand and pulled him up, as the two of them walked out of the room. But when Lex went to follow, Bruce placed a hand on his arm stopping him. Looking first at the hand, and then raising his eyes up to meet Bruce's, Lex saw worry there. Something serious, Lex thought. Stealing a quick glance towards the doorway, he also made the connection that it was something Bruce wanted to discuss alone, and felt a bit angry at him. No more secrets, damn it.
"Wait a minute, Lex," Bruce said. He removed his hand from Lex's arm and put both in his pants pockets. "I wanted to ask you what you're thinking of doing for Colin's therapy. Nick called me this afternoon and told me we need to get him in to see someone. Soon. He said it's crucial, that the psychiatrist who did their evaluation told Nick that Colin was in serious condition." Bruce looked at Lex and said, "He's going to put that in the report -- that Lin's unstable, and if we report that Lin. . . cut off his hair, himself, then. . . "
He trailed off, and Lex nodded, running a hand over the back of his head. "Yeah, he called me, too. I just-- I haven't had time to think about it. Not with what happened earlier. I think we shouldn't-- " Lex looked at Bruce. "Should we say what happened? Tell someone? That Colin did that, and confessed that he was going to attempt suicide? I just-- but then what if they take him away, Bruce?" His hands came up and Lex gestured towards the door. "It happened here. On my watch. They're going to think I can't take care of him, or that we're not doing anything about how broken he is." He dropped his hands fast and said, "No. No, I think we should say, if they ask, that he just didn't want long hair, anymore. That he asked Alfred to cut it for him. It's not entirely false, and I don't want to risk-- I won't give them any reason to take him away, Bruce! He needs to be here. With me and Lian."
Bruce placed his hands on Lex's shoulders and pulled him close. "Okay. I agree with you, Lex. I just think we need to figure out how to get him some therapy. . . without pressuring him into lying. He's already under so much stress that taking him to a shrink and making him have to hide most of what's going on inside him . . . I'm just afraid that'll make it worse instead of better."
Lex sighed and nodded wearily. "Yeah, but what else are we going to do? We can't have him say he's an alien, for Chrissake! They'll lock him up in some institution! I just-- I need to think about this. And we need to talk with Lin about this, too." He gave Bruce a hard look and said, "He should have a say in what's going on. After all, he's the one it concerns."
Bruce nodded and drew back from him, his arms sliding off Lex's shoulders. "Yes, you're right. I'll look up some names, maybe. And we'll talk to him later?"
"Yeah, in the morning." He deliberately moved closer to Bruce and lifted a hand to the other man's rough cheek. "I'll see you later. I'm going to go see how they're doing, and then I'll meet you. . . in your room?"
Bruce turned his face and kissed Lex's palm. "I'll see you soon," he said in that deep, raspy voice. Then he brushed past and walked out of the room, leaving Lex alone to gather himself, before going to see Lian and Lin.
***
When he got there, Lex found Lian on the bed reading a Warrior Angel comic. Lex smiled and felt something deep inside him warm when he recognized it as one he had gifted to Lin. Turning to look around, he saw Lin at the small table which sat near the windows. He was hunched over and drawing rapidly. Lex walked closer and sat down in the chair across from him.
"I wasn't the only one," Lin's voice said. Lex looked up and the boy's focus was still wholly on his work, his left hand moving across the paper in short jerky motions. From upside down, Lex couldn't make out what he was drawing exactly, but whatever it was. . . it was dark. Hardly any white left on the paper, as Lin scratched manically at it. Then he realized what Lin had said, and Lex felt cold again.
"You weren't the only what, Lin? What do you mean?"
Lin sat back suddenly, startling Lex. He squinted at the drawing, in the way Lex had come to recognize as him judging it done, or not. Then. . . Lin looked up at Lex and, without breaking eye contact, turned the pad around and slid it across.
He dreaded what was drawn there, for the look on Lin's face was the same one he'd worn in Lex's presence for years. It was his 'Lionel-face,' and it scared the crap out of Lex. He hesitated, and Lin smirked at him and raised an eyebrow.
"Aren't you going to look? I think it'll answer your questions."
Closing his eyes, Lex took a deep breath before opening them again and looking down at the sketch.
Jesus.
It was a lab. A young boy with short hair was shown tied down to a table, tubes and wires attached to him. And on a table next to him was drawn another boy. This one had his eyes shut, and his body arched and contorted in obvious pain. And instead of soft restraints like the first, the second boy had chains wrapped around each limb. Literally, chains.
Lex felt a tear slide down his face. It was Colin writhing on that table, chained to it like some kind of violent animal. God, he looked so young!
Still in shock at the horror of what he was seeing, Lin's next words took awhile to filter through. When they did, Lex closed his eyes and brought a hand up to cover them.
"His name's Lucas," Lin said calmly.
But no matter how he covered his eyes, the image remained seared onto his brain.
***
Sunday passed much like Saturday had, in awkward and jilted silences, interspersed with brief discussions on what the hell the coming week would bring. Bright and early Tuesday, Lex and Nick Fallin were scheduled to board Bruce's jet, on their way to Metropolis for Julian and Colin's custody hearing. Jameson had called Lex Monday afternoon to tell him he'd also be there. Two lawyers, two damn good lawyers on his side. . . against Lionel.
Actually, thinking about it, Lex probably had the Metropolis District Attorney's Office rooting for him, as well. While not necessarily best friends by any means, if Lex won today it would make Lionel look worse during the criminal trial in his near future, and thus, the DA was throwing his weight behind Lex.
They were not alone.
But his hands still shook that morning as he went to button up his shirt, and several times he had to resist the urge to run a hand over his head. Bruce had left sometime in the middle of the night, and so Lex had been startled out of a terrifying dream -- in which Lian wore a mask with their father's face on it, and Colin drank a glass of blood while walking on a sea of paintings, his bare feet burning each as he passed over them -- by the alarm clock, and not by Bruce's warm breath in his ear. It was oddly fitting that he be so focused on his brothers that he dreamt of them, and it didn't take a genius to interpret that dream.
After finishing dressing, Lex gathered up his coat and bag and descended the stairs down to the kitchen. Bruce was nowhere to be seen, but Lin, Julian and Liza were at the table, Alfred chopping something on the island in the center.
"Master Lex," Alfred said, looking up. He gave a tight smile and asked, "What would you like for breakfast?"
"Just coffee, thanks," Lex responded as he took a seat on one of the stools surrounding the island. He perched on it sideways enough that he could see both Alfred and all of them over at the table. Julian looked to be eating some kind of oatmeal with single-minded determination, while Liza talked quietly to Lin. Colin had his sketchbook open, and appeared to be listening to her as he drew in it.
Lex hoped it was a different subject than the one he'd done last night. He wasn't sure what Liza would say if she saw that, but Lex was sure it'd freak her out and scare her as much as it had him. And she didn't know about Lin's. . . origins. She might call the men in white coats while he was gone, and tomorrow Lex would come home to find Lin locked up and. . .
Alfred set a cup down in front of him, along with a few pieces of toast, and Lex thanked him with a smile. As he took a bite, suddenly a pair of hands came up to cover Lex's eyes from behind. He laughed and kept right on chewing, acting as though nothing were out of the ordinary. A quiet giggle gave away his "attacker," and Lex calmly asked, "Lian?"
The hands left and now he was faced with the hilarious sight of his youngest brother pouting at him. Lian slid up onto the stool next to him. "You looked sad, so I tried to lighten things up." He bit his lip, and after a pause asked, "How did you know it was me? Could've been Bruce or Lin."
Lex chuckled and finished off his coffee, thanking Alfred when the man refilled it. Giving Lian a quick glance, he said, "Your hands." A confused look was the boy's response, and Lex again chuckled. He gestured towards the objects in question with his cup, and said, "They're too small to be anyone else's but yours." Turning back to his food, he added with a grin, "And I'd recognize that giggle anywhere."
Julian huffed and lightly punched Lex on the arm. Looking closely, Lex could make out the humor in Lian's face, but mostly what he saw was a deep weariness that made him look much older than his eight years. Sure, Lex and Bruce were already worn out with all the stress and worry, but Julian was just as susceptible to depression as any of them were. He was a child far away from the house he'd lived in for his whole life. And one of his brothers had been severely abused. . . and was an alien, and the other was attempting to rescue the day and make everything right.
Lin wasn't the only one who was going to need therapy. Maybe they could get a special family discount: three Luthors for the price of one.
"So, what are you guys going to be doing today, do you think?" Lex asked.
Lian glanced over at the table and then back to Lex. "I don't know for sure. Liza asked me out in the hallway what I wanted to do. And then she asked me what I thought Lin would like." He shrugged and then said, "I told her anything with art. Do you think that was right? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe Lin doesn't-- "
Lex reached over and placed a hand on Lian's shoulder. He nodded his head back towards the kitchen table, where Colin and Liza were conferring over the sketch pad in front of them, and said, "Does that look like he doesn't want to do anything with art, Lian?" Then Lex put a finger on Lian's cheek, turning him back so he could look the kid in the eyes. "You know. Trust yourself. I trust you, and Lin certainly trusts you."
Lex then reached forward and gathered Lian into a hug, as natural as gravity. Lian didn't hesitate to return the embrace, squeezing him and laying his head on Lex's shoulder.
And as he looked over Lian's shoulder at the table, his eyes met Lin's and Lex found approval and love there, and for a brief moment everything was okay.
***
Unfortunately, he still had to go to Metropolis. Nick was already at the hangar when Lex arrived, and they boarded the plane one right behind the other.
Lex sat down in the same seat he'd taken on the flight into Gotham last week, and Nick slid into the window seat opposite him.
"So, how are things in Nicholas Fallin's life right now?" Lex asked after takeoff, laying his head back on the headrest, but keeping his eyes on Nick's face.
A twist of the lips that might be considered a smile, and sad eyes, and Nick responded without looking at Lex, "Hmm. As things ever are, it seems." A beat, and then he met Lex's eyes and said, "Fucked up." Nick settled back into his seat, crossing his legs at the ankles and resting his head on his hand. "Though, don't get me wrong, things have been worse, sure."
"Did you ever want siblings, Nick? A younger brother or sister?"
Nick swallowed and actually looked nervous. Lex blinked. Yeah, that was the first time he'd ever seen Nick look unsure about anything. "I'm sorry. That's a very personal question."
"No. No, it's okay. A reasonable question, actually." He smiled, and Lex swore that even a tense, fake smile from Nicholas Fallin was a beautiful thing. Nick looked back out the window as he said quietly, "I did, for a long while. . . want a brother, that is." He gave a short chuckle and shook his head. "I remember asking my mom when they would get me one. . . like it was a puppy or something." Lex laughed and Nick turned to him and grinned.
"I was an only child for so long," Lex put in. "When I was four, I believed parents were only allowed one child because all of the families I ever had contact with only had a single son or daughter. And then one day, years later, I come into the room and there are both my parents and a little boy, all looking back at me with different expressions on their faces."
Nick seemed to study him for a minute, then asked, "How old were you when your parents adopted Colin?"
"Ten, almost eleven. And Lin was four." Lex made eye contact with Nick and carefully said, "At least that's what Lionel told us. I don't know what happened to his real parents, or if they're even still alive." He closed his eyes and quietly confessed, "I don't how long Lionel had him before he brought him home to us. God, I don't know anything."
"That's not true at all," Nick interjected. . . almost angrily. Lex jerked his head up and was met with hot eyes and Nick's serious expression. "You know enough, Lex. You got them out of that house, and you knew who to go to for help. And you know right from wrong." His lips again twisted into that not-quite-a-smile, but this time Nick's eyes were bright as he said confidently, "You're not your father's son, Lex."
And for the first time in his life, that comment made Lex feel good, and proud.
***
The plane arrived in Metropolis at 11:30 that morning, and he and Nick had a driver waiting for them just outside the hangar. Nick stopped walking and eyed the car suspiciously, but Lex just laid a hand on his arm and said, "It's Bruce's doing. He told me to expect someone at the airport. I imagine he wanted to make it so that I wouldn't drive while here." Lex started towards the car and said under his breath, "Imperious bastard." Nick must have overheard him, though, because his laugh followed Lex as he led the way over to the Rolls Royce. Lex shook his head in true amusement. Only Bruce would make sure to hire a driver with a Rolls. Or maybe it had been Alfred. Chuckling, he got in and scooted over to make room for Nick.
***
Lex told Andy, the driver, their destination and 15 minutes later the car came to a smooth stop outside Jameson Law Office. As they got out, Lex was informed that Andy had been paid up for two days, and would be waiting to take them wherever they needed to go. Fuckin' Bruce. There was no way Lex was going to sneak around and try to avoid a perfectly good mode of transportation. . . no matter how much he wanted to. A driver? Lex snorted and nodded, and then he and Nick headed inside.
Rick's office was in the back of the building, and as soon as the man's secretary saw them enter, she stood up and rushed over.
"Hello, Mr. Luthor! Mr. Fallin! Is there anything I can get you? An iced cappucino, or some water, maybe? We have some nice croissants in the other room, and I'm sure I could find-- "
"Nothing for me thanks, Claire," Nick cut her off, smiling. "Is the boss in?"
"Oh, yes! Yes, he's right in his office now. Let me show you in!" And she was off, hurtling down the hallway like a big puppy. Lex looked over at Nick and the other man just smiled and started off after Claire.
She was holding the door open for them, and Nick went in first of course. Unfortunately, that left Lex within Claire's sights and she quickly rattled off his refreshment options, this time getting as far as fresh fruit or "nutritious smoothies." As politely as he could, Lex declined, and when he finally stepped inside Jameson's office it was to find both lawyers clearly amused.
"She's very. . . helpful," he said, for want of a better word.
Jameson's smile just grew bigger and he replied, "That she is."
Lex and Nick took the seats across from Rick's desk at the man's wave towards them, while he, himself. . . sank into that same damn squeaky chair he'd had the last time Lex had been here.
"One o'clock," Jameson said. "Straight after the recess for lunch, you two are up." He looked at Nick and asked, "Are you ready? Everything all set?" Nick nodded, and Jameson turned to study Lex. "Do you think your father will be there, Lex?"
"It had crossed my mind as a possibility, yes. But I honestly don't know what he'll do. He's always been unpredictable, at least as far as I'm concerned. It's what makes him so good at business."
Jameson just stared back at him, hands clasped together in a point up in front of his face.
"Well," he began. "I'll be going to the hearing with you. And while I have the utmost confidence in your abilities, Nick. . . well, better safe than sorry, as they say, right? And," he said with a sharp-edged grin, "if Lionel Luthor is there, I want to see his face when he's finally held accountable for something. Wouldn't miss that for the world."
***
It happened just as they were leaving the restaurant. Not that he hadn't expected it eventually, but
Lex just wasn't quite prepared right at that moment.
There was a recorder in his face. It banged into his nose at one point, and several suited, bright-eyed reporters were just there.
"Mr. Luthor! Why are you seeking custody of your brothers? Does this have anything to do with the drop in Luthorcorp stock?"
"Where are your brothers, Lex? Shouldn't they be here with you?"
"Is it true Colin was electrocuted while at school? There are rumors that-- "
"Are you and Bruce Wayne conspiring to take over Luthorcorp? Does his return have any-- ?"
Then a hand was on Lex's shoulder, and when he turned he saw Nick's eyes focused ahead of them. He guided Lex forward towards the curb, where Andy and the Rolls were idling. Jameson's voice could be heard shouting "No comment" behind them, and Lex just shook his head and climbed into the backseat of the car. Nick slid in after him, and as Andy hurried around to the driver's side, Lex looked back at the group of news reporters clogging the sidewalk and entrance to the restaurant. About twenty or so, he estimated. No cameras, though, which was good. So only print, then. Come tomorrow there'd be a gossip column about all this and hopefully that would be the end of it for awhile.
Yeah. Right. Lex getting guardianship of his two brothers? From Lionel-fucking-Luthor, reviled king of the city? Not a chance in hell this would go away that quickly. And one of those piranhas had mentioned Colin explicitly. Electrocuted? Well, Lin had said he'd been tied up outside during a storm. But, Jesus, electrocuted? He'd been hit by lightning and Lex was going to find every one of those little demons who'd been responsible and ruin them for life. Maybe some of them were even related to Lex's tormenters of old. . . oh, that would be even sweeter.
But how the hell had they found out about Lin's so-called hazing? It was the law of the schoolyard that you never told on anyone, no matter how awful it was. Had Lin said something? Thinking back on it, Lex realized Lin must have told Lionel. After all, the old man wouldn't have pulled him out of school for just anything. Lex could recall many times where he, himself, had asked -- not pleaded, Lex had never ever pleaded with Lionel about anything -- to be taken out of Excelsior Academy for the Refining of Rich Bullies and Predators. Needless to say, he'd remained there for the duration, but Lin hadn't. The kid had been there barely past midterm.
So he'd told Lionel that, what? He'd been struck by lightning? And dear old Dad pulled him out of school. But the question that was bothering him was why Lin had told Lionel in the first place. Lex truly didn't know that much about what exactly had gone on between his father and brother, but he kind of thought that life at Excelsior would have been an improvement over things back at the house. With Lionel. Were the bullies at school any worse than their father? Surely not. But then, why? Why would Lin choose to go back to that horrific environment rather than stay enrolled? It didn't make any sense, and now Lex had to switch gears and prepare for the hearing.
God, he hoped Lionel didn't show up.
***
As it turned out, Lex's hope was in vain.
Second row back, right side. Looking surprisingly calm and sane, considering the situation.
He didn't even move a muscle when Lex, Nick, and Jameson came in. Lionel just continued to stare straight ahead. Though the man beside him, his assistant, Lex guessed, gave Lex a good, disdainful glare. Lex resisted the urge to smirk, and contented himself with a blank stare back. The lackey twitched a little and turned away, and then Lex did smirk.
It wasn't that long of a hearing, actually. Nick got up and gave his spiel, and then the judge asked the woman representing Family Services her recommendation. And then Judge Tricia Demmel was ready to give her ruling.
She said that she'd watched Lian and Lin's depositions. Then she looked over at Lex and seemed to study him for a minute.
"You're 21 years old, Mr. Luthor," she said. Not a question. "Do you think you're ready to take on the responsibility of caring for your brothers, both of whom I've been informed tested with very high IQ's? You haven't completed college, is that correct?"
"Yes, Your Honor. I was in my final semester, but I chose to withdraw a couple weeks ago." Lex made sure he looked as confident and trustworthy as he could at that moment. "I'm needed elsewhere right now."
Judge Demmel nodded and then let her gaze slide off Lex and to a point behind him. . . to the right.
"Mr. Luthor, it is my duty to determine the best possible environment for your sons. I have also been informed that there is a criminal investigation going on, looking into crimes you may have committed against one of them." She sighed and looked down for a moment, then lifted her head and once again focused on Lionel. Lex squared his shoulders and found himself leaning forward, as he kept his eyes solely on the judge's face.
"I have been made a voice of justice for the people of this city. All of its people, no matter how tall, or how poor. No matter how much power they have outside this courtroom, inside," Judge Demmel pointed a finger at her podium. "Inside these walls, I am the one who decides. And it is my decision that Alexander Luthor be appointed temporary guardianship of Colin Luthor and Julian Luthor." Lex held his breath as her eyes turned back to him. "We'll see you again in six months." She rapped the gavel, then stood and walked out of the courtroom, and Lex finally let the air out of his lungs.
And breathed in the feeling of victory.
Nick leaned over and patted him on the back. "Well, we got it, Lex," he said with a smile. "And don't worry. When the next hearing comes up, I have a feeling you'll definitely get permanent custody." Nick deliberately glanced at where Lionel must be behind them and then back to Lex. "If she thinks he looks bad now, just wait until he's been indicted."
"We ready, boys?" Jameson asked, coming up and slinging an arm around each of them. "I think it best we get out of here before the swarm descends again. Especially with that one here," he jerked a thumb towards the back of the courtroom -- Lionel, again.
"Yeah. Yes, let's go," Lex forced himself to say. He was still feeling the shock of the ruling. He had been convinced, he knew, he would get custody of Lian and Lin. But somehow, when the judge had been talking, he'd begun to doubt whether or not she'd see him as capable. Just 21, and he had no real job. Sure, Lex had money of his own. His mother had set up trust funds for all three of her children before her death, and they came into effect on their 19th birthdays. So, yes, while Lex did have the means to provide for his brothers, he was a little afraid that he'd come across as nothing more than a bored playboy out to piss off Daddy.
But. . . he'd won. Temporary, yeah, but Lian and Lin could stay with him.
They were safe.
As Lex allowed himself to be guided out of the courtroom, he couldn't help it when his eyes slid over to Lionel's. His father stood in the doorway of the courtroom, talking with another man while his lone posse member hung in the background.
When Lex met Lionel's eyes, he was reminded of the time Pamela had taken him and Colin to the zoo.
Their mother had been sick in bed, and the trip was a good distraction. The first stop had been to the Reptile House. There, Lex had watched Colin wander around, stark amazement on his little face. When they'd come to the komodo dragon, though, Colin reached out and grabbed Lex's hand. The little boy had gripped it hard and shuffled up close to Lex, as though he were trying to hide in him. Lex had soon realized that Colin was afraid and guided him away, stealing a last look back at the giant lizard.
Lex hadn't blamed Colin one bit for being scared of that komodo dragon. There was something in its eyes, in the way it stared back at them, that reminded Lex of all that he'd read about them. Komodo dragons camouflage themselves while waiting for prey to pass by. When the victim appears, the dragon springs. It uses sharp claws and serrated, almost shark-like teeth to eviscerate its prey.
Back then at the zoo, Lex remembered thinking, as he shepherded Colin away, that the komodo dragon was death. It served no other purpose than its own, and was rarely monogamous.
Looking at Lionel as the three of them left the courtroom, Lex realized he'd seen that same empty, dead, warning look before.
Lionel was death. And he served no other purpose than his own.
And he was never monogamous.
***
"That's great news, Lex. I'm glad to hear that that city of yours finally woke up. When will you be back?"
"Tomorrow afternoon, hopefully. We have to meet with someone in the morning, and then after that Nick and I will fly out." He paused and took a deep breath before asking, "So how are they doing?"
"Probably as well as can be expected, given the circumstances. . . though I will say I was surprised when Colin asked to speak to me alone." Lex swore he could hear the smile in Bruce's voice. "I can already tell you're thinking up all manner of scenarios, just from your breathing. It wasn't bad, Lex. He just. . . wanted to talk. About things. Good for both of us, I think."
"Things?" Lex asked incredulously. "Bruce, what exactly does 'things' cover? Did he-- was it about Lionel?"
Bruce didn't immediately respond, and Lex got a sinking feeling in his gut.
"Somewhat. Look, I'm not going to lie and say that it was all kittens and warm, woolen mittens, Lex." There was an audible sniff across the phone line, and Lex smiled at Bruce's tone of disgust. Evidently not a 'Sound of Music Fan,' then. "But it wasn't. . . bad. I don't think Colin's ever had any friends, really. You and Julian are family, but I'm still on the outside. Sometimes you need an outsider's perspective."
Lex sighed and agreed. "Yeah, sometimes you do. Well. . . I'm glad he came to you, and that he's talking more. Did you get some names of therapists? Nick recommended a few, but I haven't had time to research any of them."
"Actually, I had a different idea. Maybe family counseling would help Colin more at first. Get him used to talking with you and Julian there, and then move into one-on-one therapy later. What do you think?"
It was a damn good idea, but then it would be. It was Bruce's.
"It sounds doable. Now we just have to find someone who'll fit. I'm thinking-- I think a woman might be best."
"Yes, I'd considered that. Don't worry, Lex. I'll call Nick and get those names from him, and then I can take care of it." Bruce chuckled and said, "It's not like I have to go to work, or anything. What else are self-sufficient, billionaire friends for, if not to help when you need it?"
"I do appreciate it, Bruce. You know this means a lot to me. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for all that you've done."
"Oh, I know," he replied smugly. "There's no one out there quite like Brucie. Everyone loves me."
Lex laughed. He'd always had a hard time picturing Bruce's playboy persona, and had even said so one day, after spotting yet another article in The Gotham Globe all about Bruce's supposed wastrel behavior. So when Bruce came to dinner that night, Lex had been given a front row seat to the 'Brucie show.' Basically, Bruce acted like every jock and drunk bully the two of them had ever been forced to be around, and Lex, Lian, and Lin laughed and snorted themselves silly. At one point, Alfred had come in, taken one look at Bruce waving his hands around exaggeratedly, and promptly gone back out.
It had been a good day. A couple of days after Lian and Lin's psych evaluations. Two days prior to Colin hacking off all his hair, before he'd almost killed himself . . . again.
Somehow it never ceased to amaze Lex how quickly things changed. One minute he was inBoston, and a week later he's in Gotham, doing everything he can to keep his brothers away from Dad.
One minute he believes Lin is Lionel's right hand man, and the next he's faced with the fact that all Lin ever did was suffer and lie for Lex and Lian, to protect them.
Forget the debt to Bruce, how do you ever repay something like that?
There was a knock on the door, and then Nick stepped into the room. Dinner? he mouthed. Lex nodded in reply and held up his index finger, indicating he'd be just a minute.
"Well, Brucie, much as I do absolutely adore you, we're gonna have to cut this short, unfortunately. I've got another delicious, Raisa-cooked meal waiting for me in the other room." Lex softened his voice and said, "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Take care of yourself. And tell Alfred he's going to have his work cut out for him culinary-wise when I get back. I'm being spoiled out here. I'll expect only the best after this!"
Bruce's chuckle drifted through, and he ended the conversation like he always had. "We'll be seeing each other soon, Lex." And then he was gone.
Lex looked up at Nick, and the other man put his own happy persona on and flipped Lex a toothy smile. "Gotta say, I've been looking forward to getting a home-cooked meal for awhile now." As Lex stood and the two of them walked side by side towards the Jamesons' dining room, Nick continued, "You know that's what clenched me taking this case, right?" He nudged Lex with his elbow and grinned widely. "God knows, I didn't do it for your scrawny ass."
Lex laughed out loud, and at just the moment when they'd reached the table, causing Raisa to give them both a confused, exasperated look, and Rick to just shake his head and roll his eyes.
***
Lex had a surprisingly restful night. He'd turned out the light at midnight and actually managed to fall asleep rather quickly. Usually, he tossed and turned and just lay awake for hours.
His good mood evaporated upon reading the headline of The Daily Planet, however. 'Luthor Family Scandal' was the main headline, followed by 'Lex Luthor Gains Custody of Brothers.'
"Jesus," he muttered into his coffee. "I hope Bruce doesn't get this paper."
"It was bound to happen sooner or later," Jameson put in from his station at the stove. Eggs, it looked like.
Lex had lost any appetite he'd previously had after reading that.
"Something I found particularly interesting, though, was the byline of that article," Rick said.
Lex looked at the page a second time and was immediately grateful he'd already swallowed his mouthful of coffee.
The article had been written by a 'Thom Aerson.' No way that name was a coincidence. Where the Luthor family was concerned, Lex didn't believe in coincidences.
"Yay, it just gets better and better," Lex said sarcastically. "Tell me why I decided to get up this morning?"
As he set a plate down in front of Lex and took a seat across from him, Jameson responded with, "Because you've got two brothers and a lover waiting for your return to Gotham." And while Lex's jaw literally dropped in shock, Rick took a bite of his own omelet, reached out for the pepper, and distractedly added, "And for my eggs." He looked over at Lex and with a completely straight face said, "Once you taste these, you'll never wanna eat anything else," then popped his fork into his smiling mouth.
Lex resisted the urge to throttle the man, chanting to himself that a decent lawyer was hard to find, no matter how annoying he may be.
"Yeah, well, now we've got this to deal with," Lex said, pointing to the paper. "I'm thinking I should give our good buddy Chance a ring and ask him what the fuck is going on!"
Rick reached out and grabbed his wrist as Lex went to get up. Lex looked at him and found the humor completely wiped off the other man's face.
"I don't think that's a very good idea, Lex. Sit down and eat your eggs. They're getting cold, and there's nothing worse than cold eggs."
"Goddamn reporters," Lex grumbled, sitting back down. He stabbed the omelet aggressively with his fork and said, "Which one was he, I wonder? One of the ones outside the restaurant?" He glanced up at Rick and asked, "Did you see anyone that looked like they might have been related to Chance?"
"Not that I could tell at the time," he replied with a shake of the head. "Hell, maybe Chance is adopted and they look nothing like each other. Maybe it's a cousin, or something." He pinned Lex with his eyes and said, "Don't go off half-cocked, thinking you're going to put this one to bed with Luthor scare tactics. Word of that gets out, and you'll have even more press. Worse, too." He set down his fork and leaned back in the chair. "Look, from what I could tell, they're painting you as, if not exactly an angel, at least someone trying to do a good thing -- getting those boys away from that man. Remember, The Planet isn't controlled by your father, so they're pretty much guaranteed to bash him. I say, just go with it for now. Smile, say 'No comment' nicely, and move along."
"Easy for you to say," Lex cut in. "Did you hear what they were asking yesterday? Stuff about Colin. How long before it's leaked that there's an investigation underway. . . into my father? How long until his indictment, and the charges are publicized? They'll be all over Lin like sharks smelling blood." Lex put his head in his hands and wished he had hair just so he could yank on it in frustration. "We are so screwed."
"Are you done?"
He raised his eyes and scowled across the table.
"Stop this, Lex," Jameson said. There was something in the man's voice that brought Lex up short. Was that. . .disappointment? "Stop whining and keep working at making it better." Rick's mouth turned up at the corners and he continued, "I can't do everything, you know."
Lex just sighed and lowered his eyes.
***
By the time Nick came in, Lex had managed to calm down a bit. It still made him grit his teeth thinking Chance might have helped him for the sole purpose of giving his brother/father/uncle/cousin an in for an interview. . . or gossip.
But the more he thought about it, the more Lex doubted Chance had really had anything to do with that article.
When he actually went back and read the damn thing, he found it focused solely on the custody hearing, some conjecture and suppositions, but that was it. There was nothing about the accident, which was what Chance had been witness to.
Maybe Lex's judge of character wasn't off, after all.
When he looked up at Nick, though, his worries shifted over to the man's appearance. Nick looked liked he hadn't slept in awhile, days, at a guess, and he was noticeably dragging as he made his way over to the coffee pot.
"Man, you look like hell, Nick," Lex said. "Trouble sleeping?"
The other man took Rick's now empty seat, and hunched over his mug. Right before he took a gulp, Nick said, "You could say that."
"And? Come on, share your woes. God knows, you've heard enough of ours to last you a lifetime." Lex tried to make it a bit lighter in tone, but got the impression it fell flat.
Eyes still on his hands, Nick spoke quietly. "Just more problems with my ex." He looked at Lex and began gesturing with his right hand. "Now she's saying she won't let me see Anna cos, get this, 'You're gone so much that it'll just upset her when you do deign to make time to see her.'" He said the last in a high-pitched, snotty tone. . . evidently, mimicking his ex's voice.
"Anna? You've got a kid?" Nick was a dad?
"Yeah. Yeah, Anna's two. Two years old, and she doesn't even know who I am when I come over. I try and Lulu just calls me before, telling me they're busy. Or 'plans have changed, Nick.'" There was that voice again. "What? I'm supposed to just-- " Nick looked close to tears, and Lex couldn't say whether it was from pure frustration or. . . something else. "I'm not going to abandon her! -- just leave her to Lulu and let her grow up in boarding schools and never know I even exist."
"Jesus, Nick, I didn't know you had a kid." Lex shook his head at the stupidity of that comment. "So, uh, 'Lulu?' That a nickname, or. . . ?"
"Yeah, short for Louisa Archer. Daughter of Caroline Novak," he said, watching Lex closely.
"Novak. As in one of the nations largest corporate jet-leasing companies, Novak?" Lex whistled appreciatively. "How'd that happen?"
"She worked at Legal Services while I was doing my Community Service there." Nick's eyes returned back to his cup of coffee. "We, uh, hit it off. After a while."
"I'm way behind, and I am going to hurt Bruce later for not telling me, but what exactly did you. . . get caught for?"
"Possession of 10 grams of cocaine. I pleaded guilty to misdemeanor drug possession, and in exchange I got three years probation, a $10,000 fine, and 1500 hours of Community Service. Which I completed. . . last year. That's where Legal Services came into the picture. I put my hours in there."
Lex leaned back in his chair and scrubbed over his face with his hands, then crossed them over his chest. "So how did you swing that?"
He looked up and Lex knew by Nick's expression how, even before he said anything.
"Burton. He called in some favors."
Lex laughed bitterly. "Oh, I'm sure he just loved that." He shook his head and said, "Nick, are you okay? You don't have to do this, you know." Nick furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to say something, but Lex waved a hand and cut him off. "If you're already stretched thin, I don't want you to feel you have to-- "
"I'm not doing this as a favor, Lex," he growled. "That's mafia, old school crap -- stuff our fathers do -- and I don't believe in it one bit." He took a breath and let it out slowly. "I'm doing this because you need my help. You won't owe me anything after it's all done." A pause and then, "Well, except an invitation to the LeXco holiday parties."
And Nick gave a tight smile, as Lex chuckled.
"'LeXco?'"
"Just something I thought up," Nick replied. He waved a hand and said, "If you use it, just make sure I get the verbal credit, huh?"
"Yeah," Lex agreed. "You'll get credit for it, Nick."
They lapsed into silence and Lex turned to look out the nearby window, where morning sunlight colored everything gold and white, and out of the corner of his eye saw Nick do the same. Just two guys talking about their lives over morning coffee. Happened every day, all over the world probably.
Though he sincerely hoped those other conversations were a whole hell of a lot less dreary.
***
Intersect
Sometimes it seemed like Lin was getting better. He wasn't so angry all the time, like he'd been at home. And Liza was so nice! It was almost as good as having Julia back, his nanny from awhile ago. She'd been just as fun as Liza. Lian still thought about her, sometimes. He wondered if she taught a new family now, if she still remembered him and Lin. Or not. Julia had stayed around the longest of all the nannies, and Lian had liked her best. She'd taught him how to read through a book real fast and still be able to get everything, and when the weather was good, Julia took everything outside and would tell him at lunch that "they would be holding class outside today." She said it all official and it made Lian feel a little grown up, like Lex and Lin.
Except Lin hadn't really ever gone to school, not like him or Lex. Just those couple of months when he'd been gone, and then suddenly Lin was back at the house and quieter than ever.
Julian wondered what had happened at the academy. Lex had gone there, too, with his friend Bruce. And Sammy's older sister, who he'd met once at a party, had said she remembered the two of them from school. She'd looked Lian up and down after he shook her hand, and said, "Well, looks like you'll have it a little easier, huh?"
Lian didn't quite know what she meant, but took it as a compliment and said thank you. People often said strange things to him, and when he asked Lin about what he should do, his brother had told him to just smile politely and perhaps give a friendly chuckle while nodding. Lin knew what to do at those things. 'Course he was always being dragged around by Dad, so he probably picked everything up then. It had always made Lian feel good, when he'd look over and see Lin looking back at him. Sometimes he'd had a small smile on his face, and Lian had known that meant his brother was proud of him. But even when Lin wasn't smiling back, Julian knew it wasn't because he was doing something wrong. It just meant Dad had said something mean again, while in company, and those were the times when Lin got especially upset. Lian understood that. He wouldn't want to be embarrassed in front of those people, either. But Dad never cared.
Lionel. Lionel never cared. He wasn't Dad anymore. Not now.
Just before dinner, Bruce came into the room and asked Liza if he could intrude for a little bit. She said, "Yes, of course," and then Bruce told them that Lex had won. He'd won! Lian looked to Lin and saw him smiling faintly. Then he met Lian's eyes, and it was the same smile as when he was proud of him. It was his happy smile, and Lian got up and ran over to hug his brother. And then he hugged Liza. And when he looked up at Bruce, the man started to back away with his hands up in front of him and a nervous look on his face.
Which made him want to hug Bruce even more, so he ran over there and ducked under and wrapped his arms around Bruce's waist and just hung on. Lex always said Lian could squeeze the life out of a bear, he was so strong and persistent. So he imagined Bruce as a bear and simply squeezed.
It was nice to hug somebody new. Lian thought that, after dinner tonight, he'd maybe give Mr. Alfred a hug, too. He was sure neither Bruce nor Mr. Alfred ever really got hugged, and then that made Lian think of Lex. Lex had hugged him before he left, and then he'd won at the hearing! Maybe Lian was Lex's good luck charm, too! Just like he was for Lin--
But he hadn't been there when Lin. . . he'd been downstairs with Bruce, while Lex and Lin were upstairs. Lin hadn't told them what was going on until they'd made him. And it was still so hard to breathe when Lian thought about what would have happened if Lex hadn't gone up to check. Would Lin be dead now? Julian remembered what he'd looked like that first time, in the bathroom back home. Lin had been lying face-up on the floor and his skin was pure white, and his eyes were open. But they didn't blink or move, and when Lian came closer he saw that they were weird -- really, really pale blue instead of the bright green they always were. Lian had kneeled down beside his brother and reached out a hand to wake him up.
But when he'd touched Lin's hand, it had been cold and hard. He didn't know how long he sat there, trying to get enough courage to reach out again. Lin was just asleep. He'd wake up if Lian just shook him a little. But then he didn't. So Lian went to the doorway and screamed for help, and the first person to get there was Kate. Julia had been fired a week before because Dad said she'd been stealing things. And Kate was nice, but Lian remembered wishing Lex had been there. Lex would have known how to wake Lin up, and he would have taken him to a hospital. Dad didn't even say anything to Lian before he'd left, right behind the gurney and those men who weren't real doctors. Lin was taken to the Centre, and Lian didn't see him again for three months, two weeks, and a day. He'd counted, wanting to give Lex the information later when his brother came home.
But Lex didn't come home. He stayed in New Jersey and it wasn't until the summer that Lian saw him again. It'd been a year by that time, and when Lian and Becky, his newest nanny, had met Lex at the airport, he'd hesitated at hugging him. It wasn't deliberate or anything. He'd missed Lex so badly that when he saw him walking towards them, he just froze. He'd thought maybe he was asleep and this was all a dream, cos he'd had dreams like that before -- where Lex came and took them away to live, and Mom was waiting for them and Julia was there, too. And in the dreams, Lin smiled and zipped around the room and put Lian up on his shoulders and Mom clapped and hugged all of them and Julia and Lex made things out of the air with their hands and played around with a chemistry set. And sometimes, Lian would see a man in the distance, but he never came over. It made Lian glad; he didn't want Dad ruining everything.
But those were just dreams. Mom was dead, and Lian knew he'd never see Julia again. But he and Lin were living with Lex! And Bruce and Mr. Alfred and Liza, and then Mr. and Mrs. Jameson, and even Nick. . . they were all nice to them, nice to Lin, and none of them talked down to Lian or reminded him that he was only eight years old. And Lex talked to him and Lin, and had hugged him back!
He was so happy that Lex had won, that he'd wanted him and Lin to live with him, and that Bruce had been there and helped. Lian kind of hoped they all just stayed here. It was nice and far away from home, and Lian didn't have to go back to school and neither did Lex or Lin. True, he'd miss Sammy and Graham a little, but they weren't really good friends. When he'd first started, everyone had asked him questions and Graham was the one who'd asked about Lin. And evidently, one of Graham's cousins had also gone to school with Lex and Bruce, and had hung out with boys who used to beat both of them up at Excelsior. Graham said his cousin, Mack or Mick or something, and Oliver Queen were best buds, but Lian could tell he was lying. Eventually, the three of them, Sammy, Graham and Lian, came to hang out with each other, and he could tolerate each of the other boys during the school day, but he never told them anything important. Lian made sure to keep Lex and Lin and Dad out of all conversations and just let them chatter on and on. Both Dad and Lex said that knowledge is power, so Lian just kind of sat back and watched. And learned.
But here in Gotham, maybe he and Lin could just stay at home and learn. Lin was really smart and he could probably graduate now if he wanted. And Lian was advanced, he knew. He could read Shakespeare and Kant -- and he'd tried, really tried, to finish Rand, but he just couldn't get through it, no matter how much Lin liked it -- and explain them to other people, which he'd heard somewhere was the true test of comprehension. So maybe he would finish school early, too, and they could all go on a trip somewhere in Europe. He'd like to see England and the old theaters, and he thought Lin might like the Louvre in Paris and all those art museums. They could even go see the David in Italy. And Lex and Bruce and maybe even Liza would be there and they'd just travel the world.
It was a nice dream, but it, too, was only that. Like the ones where their mom and Julia came to live with them, Lian doubted anything would ever come of his dreams. Lex had won, yes, but Lionel was smart. He was just as smart as any of them, and he was powerful, and he always got what he wanted.
And Julian knew Dad-- Lionel wanted Lin.
But that's why they had to stay away from home, that's why Lian and Lin hadn't gone back with Lex to the hearing.
Lionel was dangerous, like a wild animal. But no matter what Lex said, Lian knew no amount of hugging and squeezing would kill this bear.
Lionel was a bad man and, maybe like in all those books Lian read, this bad man would get his comeuppance in the end. Maybe Lian would be the one to give it to him, for all the things he'd done to them.
For all the things he'd put Lin through.
***
He didn't get back into the city until seven that night. Another 45 minutes from the airport, and then finally the car pulled up in front of Wayne Manor, and Lex was. . . home. Back in Gotham.
It had been only a day and a half since he'd left, but damn if it didn't feel like a week.
He waved the driver away and took up his own bag, himself, climbing the stairs two and three at a time just to get inside faster. The foyer was lit but empty, so Lex hoisted his bag a little higher on his shoulder and started towards the kitchen.
The hallway outside it was dim, and when he looked down at the floor, there was a sliver of yellow light pooling around the door. Pushing it open and stepping inside, Lex was met with three smiling faces and two calm, blank ones. He dropped his bag down with a thump and raised his arms just in time to catch Lian, as the boy grabbed him around the middle, squeezing.
"Hey," Lex said, raising his head to look around, while still holding onto Lian. Alfred had gotten up from the table and was reaching into the oven for a plate of food. Lex's mouth watered at the sight and he slightly pushed Lian forward so he could sit down.
As Lex walked Lian backwards, Liza started laughing and said, "Julian! Let him sit down, for heaven's sake."
Lian swung out from under Lex's arms and scurried around behind him. He reached up to put his hands on Lex's shoulders and exaggerated the effort of pushing him to a seat, leaning forward and screwing his face up in mock-concentration.
"Go on, Lex," he said and his face broke into a grin. "Alfred made asparagus just for you!" He danced away from Lex's grab for him, giggling and almost jumping up and down in his excitement.
As Lex took Lian's abandoned seat, he cast a glance towards Liza and asked, "Did you give him sugar, or something?"
She just smiled at him and shook her head. Alfred set the plate down in front of him and Lex took a good look at it. Yep, asparagus, just as Lian had said.
Lex hated asparagus, but there was no way for Alfred to know that. He smirked and, taking up fork and knife, gently slid the vegetables further away from the rest of the food. As Alfred resumed his seat, he raised his eyebrows and said, "I apologize, Master Lex." He glanced over at first Julian and then Bruce, before going on. "I was unaware of your distaste for the vegetable, and-- "
Lex swallowed his mouthful of potato and cut him off. "It's no problem, Alfred, really. I suspect, though, that we've both been had."
"It appears so, sir."
Lex nodded and took a quick peak at Lian standing by the kitchen island. He had both hands over his mouth and looked a little red in the face. As Lex set about calmly eating the potatoes and chicken, he saw out of the corner of his eye that his youngest brother was growing more and more fidgety. Finally, conversation picked up between Alfred and Liza, with Bruce adding something here and there, and Lex was able to keep from looking at Lian. However, when he gave the asparagus a final good shove with his fork before setting down his silverware, there was a loud snort and then Lian literally collapsed onto the floor in laughter. Lex looked first at Julian, then over to Alfred. The older man was smiling widely, his eyes crinkling at the edges. Liza gave a little giggle of sorts and then brought her hand up to her mouth in surprise, as if she hadn't meant to do that. Looking over, Lex saw Bruce smirking back at him, his arms crossed across his chest and that superior look on his face. Colin was leaning back in his chair watching Lian roll around on the tile floor with a faint smile.
Lin looked tired again, but there was an empty plate in front of him which boded well. Maybe he'd eaten a full meal tonight. Lex could hope.
Gradually, things settled down and Lex stood up to take his bag upstairs. Alfred began clearing the table with Liza's help, and Julian told Lex that they were having a chess tournament in the library. The kid then told him not to "dawdle up there putting stuff away," that they were going to start in 15 minutes and Lex had to be there. Told him, not asked. As he walked up the stairs, Lex shook his head at how bossy Lian had become. Then he grinned, remembering what he'd been like at that age. How he still was. . . Lex didn't have a leg to stand on, and he knew it.
***
In the end, Bruce won the so-called tournament by a landslide. First, it'd been Julian against Colin, which Lin had won to everyone's amusement. But because Lian had looked so heart-broken, he and Lin teamed up to face off against Lex, claiming that together they equaled one Bruce. Lex had laughed at that and looked over at Bruce, who'd merely quirked his lips and taken another sip of his drink. Lex nevertheless defeated the dynamic duo and went toe-to-toe with Bruce for the crown. He'd been put in check after only ten minutes, and officially lost five after that.
It had been a pleasant evening, but periodically Lex would look over at Lin and catch a sad expression on his face, when it was apparent he thought no one was looking. He hadn't said much of anything all night, just a few whispers to Lian when they'd played together.
Finally Liza came in and dragged Julian away for bed, and it was just the three of them. There was a fire going in the fireplace, and it, together with the few lamps that had been turned on at the beginning, gave a sense of calm warmth to the night. It was November now, and the days were getting shorter and colder.
Lex sat in a chair, Bruce just across the way in an identical one. Lin was sitting on the floor in front of the fire, staring into it with his arms brought up around his knees. The atmosphere was comforting, but odd. It was too quiet, but Lex couldn't think of anything to say.
"I think I've found a therapist," Bruce said, out of the blue. Lex raised his eyes and looked at the other man. "For you," he clarified.
"Oh?"
Bruce nodded. "His name's Daniel Tucker and-- "
Bruce suddenly stopped talking and looked past him, over at Colin. Following his line of sight, Lex turned a bit in his seat and saw an incredulous expression on his brother's face.
"Daniel. . . Tucker?" Lin asked, weakly. His face scrunched up, as though he were dreading the answer. "You're sure?"
Bruce frowned and pursed his lips. "Yes, I'm positive that's the man's name. He has an incredible track record. Only good things, as far I can tell." He sounded utterly perplexed as to why anyone would question the man.
"What's wrong, Lin?" Lex asked, and Colin turned to look at him. "Do you. . . did you know him?"
Lin just shook his head and smiled bitterly. "We both knew him, Lex," he said. At Lex's look of confusion, he gave a sharp little laugh and said, "Daniel? He worked for Dad, remember? The man-made maid?"
Lex felt his mouth fall open in shock, and just stared at Lin's rueful face.
"I'm missing something, here," came Bruce's voice, and both Lex and Lin turned to look at him. "This man worked for your father? When? I didn't find anything, anywhere, about that. I specifically looked for any ties to Lionel, and nothing came up."
Another one of those abrasive laughs, and Lin said, "He was a maid in the house, not a personal assistant or business associate. He quit, years ago."
A speculative look came over Bruce's face at that, and he leaned forward in his chair slightly, focusing on Colin. "He quit. You're sure?"
Lex felt like he was at a tennis match. He looked away from Bruce and back to Lin, then back to Bruce, then back to--
"He quit while I was at Princeton, I think," Lex broke in. Now both sets of eyes were on him, and he shrugged. "I remember Lian telling me. That first semester," he looked at Bruce, "when we had that house, remember?"
Bruce nodded, leaning back again. He brought a hand up to his face and gave a heavy sigh. "So, how well did you know him? As a maid?" His lips twitched at the word 'maid,' but his expression remained serious.
When Lex looked over to Lin again, the boy avoided eye contact and stared back into the fire. "We knew him better than any of the others over the years. He, uh," Lex smiled at the memory, "he once caught me with a box of illegal fireworks, and guilted me into getting rid of them." Bruce's eyebrow lifted and he tilted his head. "He didn't tell Dad, and he was. . . nice." Lex shrugged and took a healthy gulp of his scotch.
"Why did he quit?" Bruce asked. "He went to school at Lanford College here in the city, and then post-grad at Met U. That must have been while he was working for Lionel, then."
"God, I didn't know what the hell he was studying," Lex said. "Just that he was only there in the mornings -- had to leave by noon for something." He chuckled. "What are the chances? I mean, really. You said he had a good record?" Bruce nodded. "In what, specifically?"
"Abuse, mainly. Sexual abuse in children, as a specialty. He volunteers all over the place, but he has a practice downtown." Here, Bruce smirked and before taking a sip of his drink said, "Coincidentally, not too far from Fallin & Fallin."
Lex just smiled and shook his head. "I don't believe this. It's like it was planned. . . or something." A thought came to him, and as much as he didn't want to acknowledge it, he had to try and see all possibilities. Lex pinned Bruce with his eyes and asked, "You don't think it's a setup of some kind, do you? What are the chances of something like this happening?"
"Oh, slim to none, I'm sure," he replied. "But that doesn't mean that Lionel had anything to do with it. It just means I have to do some more investigating."
"What about you, Lin?" Lex asked his brother's back. Colin was still hunched over, hugging himself, while staring into the fire. "You probably knew Daniel better than I did. Did he ever mention going into psychology to you?"
There was silence, and Lin remained in the same position, didn't move a muscle. Lex was about to turn back around in defeat when Colin spoke.
"We didn't talk much, but I think I know. . . why he might be doing this." Lex shared a quick glance with Bruce. Doing what? Treating sexually abused kids? Why would-- ?
Oh, God. Oh, no.
"Lin?" Lex asked quietly. Carefully. "Did-- did Daniel see. . . something? When he was working at the house? Is that why he quit?"
Bruce looked at Lex sharply, eyebrows drawn down and his mouth compressed into a thin line. Lex returned the look with his blank stare. Evidently, Bruce hadn't thought of that. Well, neither had Lex until just now.
"I made him leave," Lin whispered. His voice was almost lost over the crackling fire, it was so quiet.
"What'd you do? How could you make him leave?" Lex responded.
Lin finally turned around to face them, and the expression on his face was one of guilt.
"He saw, Lex! I came out of-- of the room and he was there. What was I supposed to do?" Lin was holding his hands out in front of himself, palms up, as though seeking forgiveness from Lex. "He would have done something to him if I hadn't! I didn't want to, but he said he was. . . he said I had to leave, and he was gonna call you, and. . . ruin everything."
"Lin," Lex said, in as calm a voice as he could manage. "What did you do?"
Colin's eyes were wet as he finally met Lex's gaze.
"I threatened him. I pushed him into the wall and I said," he took a deep breath and on the exhale said, "I told him what would happen if Lionel found out he knew. He just kept looking at me with this look on his face! I said I'd lie, tell Lionel that Daniel was selling pictures of all of us to the papers, or that he was hitting on me. . ." he trailed off and turned his head to the side, looking away.
"Jesus," Lex said, and took another drink. He finished the glass and set it down on one of the nearby tables. "Look, Colin," he said, as he leaned forward to rest his arms on his legs. "You were in a no-win situation. You did what you had to do, okay?"
Lin nodded, still not looking at Lex. The firelight caught the glint of a tear as it slid down his face, and Lex slipped off his chair onto the floor. He scooted over to Lin and sat next to him, angling his head down and looking up in an attempt to gain eye contact. Lin was sniffling and as he raised his arm to no doubt wipe his nose, he glanced at Lex, stopping mid-motion. Lex gave him a small smile and jerked out a handkerchief. He held it out, and Colin tentatively reached forward and took it, wiping his eyes and then under his nose.
"You just did what you had to, Lin," Lex said again. He swallowed and then went on, "And I think you're the bravest person I've ever known."
Lin gave a wet chuckle and sniffed again before looking up. He glanced at Lex before looking over at Bruce, who still sat in his chair. Lex saw something pass between the two of them -- it wasn't exactly a look, more like a feeling of kinship or the like -- and he thought it might have something to do with the talk Bruce said they'd had yesterday.
"Bruce?" Lin asked, his voice was thick and scratchy and he wiped his nose again. "Is it still possible for us to see Daniel? Even if we do know him from before?"
Lex nodded. "Conflict of interest?" he asked Bruce.
"I'm not sure if that's necessarily an issue when it comes to therapy, or if it really applies to this situation," Bruce replied. "But I'll look into it." He then stood up and said, "Now, I think I'm going to train for a bit." The corners of his mouth turned up. "You're both welcome to join me, if you like."
Lex shot him a look and snorted, and Lin just continued to stare before saying, "Be careful on those fire escapes. . . Bruce."
Lex looked back and forth between them again, back at the tennis match, with no clue what the rules were. Bruce just raised an eyebrow and nodded, before smoothly striding out of the library.
He turned back to look at Lin just as the kid did the same. Then Lex smiled again and stood up, reaching a hand down to help him up.
"How about some ice cream? Remember how no matter what was wrong, Mom would always insist on eating ice cream with us?"
Lin shook his head, but smiled back. Then he reached up and gripped Lex's hand. After pulling him up, Lex risked placing an arm around his shoulders, and when Lin didn't shrug or flinch away he began guiding them out the door and down towards the kitchen.
"She always put sprinkles on yours and nuts on mine," Lin said. "And then she'd," Lex, figuring out where he was going, started laughing and nodding his head. "Remember? Then she'd make that face and act all surprised and contrite. 'Oh, my boys, I'm so sorry!'" He said in a high-pitched voice. "'Lex, honey, you'll just have to make do with sprinkles and, Lin, I don't seem to-- "
"' --to have any more,'" Lex said along with him. They'd reached the hallway, and Lex drew away to bring his hand up to his forehead dramatically while gesturing wildly with his other arm. Like Lillian had when she'd been playing. "'Whatever shall we do, my sugar dumplings? Oh, wait! I've an idea! We'll just-- '"
"' --switch them around, hmm?'" they finished together. Lex put an arm on the banister, leaning forward and supporting himself as he laughed. Lin held both hands up in front of his mouth and his shoulders shook. Julian had done the same thing earlier in the kitchen tonight, and looking at Lin, Lex realized where Lian had picked up that habit. He'd gotten it from Colin.
The two of them, were you to place them side by side, would laugh the exact same laugh, in exactly the same way.
Just like brothers.
Lex slung an arm around Lin again and they resumed their quest for ice cream.
"She always had hers with chocolate syrup, didn't she?" Lin asked. Lex looked at him and nodded, with a grin. "Yeah," Lin said, a dreamy look on his face and his eyes far away. "It always looked like she had more syrup than ice cream, most of the time."
"Mom had a really bad sweet tooth," Lex put in. He reached forward and pushed the door open for Lin, saying, "I remember when I was little, five or six maybe, she. . . "
It continued like that for a while, trading stories and remembering all the stupid things they'd done together in the name of adventure. When he asked why Lin always went along with his ideas, even when Lex was sure they'd been incredibly stupid and the boy hadn't wanted to, Lin gave him a strange look, as if Lex had suddenly started talking in Faroese.
"You were my big brother, Lex. I would have followed you wherever you wanted to go." Then Lin gave him a shy little look and looked down at the table, while he said, "I'd still follow you, anywhere."
***
Amazingly, when Lex finally made it upstairs that night, Bruce was actually asleep in the master suite's bed. He wasn't snoring, or doing anything that would immediately indicate his unconscious state, but by the looseness of his limbs and the haphazard way he was lying, Lex could tell Bruce was sound asleep. It was a rare sight, Bruce so unguarded and vulnerable, and maybe that's why the man seemed to actively avoid sleep.
Lex went into the bathroom and cleaned up for bed, then padded over and quietly shifted under the sheets. Bruce had pulled the covers up over his head at some point while Lex had been in the bathroom, and he tried not to laugh at the sheer childishness of that. Like a little boy begging for just five more minutes, Bruce, half asleep and groggy, had made himself a nest to block out the light coming from the bathroom.
Lex and sleep had a love/hate relationship at the best of times, and tonight he found it was definitely on the hate slide of the scale. His mind wouldn't stop whirring with random thoughts, and lying awake next to someone so deep in sleep -- Bruce, for heaven's sake, was even sleeping -- while he, himself, couldn't manage to slip under, was making him irritable. He looked over at the clock display, and breathed out heavily when he read 3:22.
An arm slipping around his waist and the slow slither of moving sheets made him turn his head. When Lex looked to his right, he was met with Bruce's open eyes. The drapes hadn't been drawn closed over the windows, and the room was filled with sporadic moonlight, as the giant full moon passed behind clouds and back out again. It showed him dark eyes and a large expanse of smooth skin.
"Hey," Lex said. He reached up and placed his hand over the arm across his stomach. "Sorry if I woke you."
"No. You didn't," Bruce whispered, eyes sliding shut just before he leaned in to kiss Lex on the lips. Lex kissed him back, moving his other hand up to Bruce's hair and forcing their mouths closer together. He slipped his tongue into Bruce's mouth, and was rewarded with a low rumbling moan.
They broke apart, Bruce's head coming to rest in the crook of Lex's neck. As he began giving wet kisses to his neck and slow strokes of his hands up and down Lex's sides, Lex slid a leg between Bruce's and wrapped it around the other man's calf.
Bruce suddenly moved back towards his side of the bed, and after a moment Lex realized he was going for the drawer with the supplies. He contented himself with the nice view of Bruce's backside the action afforded him, gliding his hand from shoulder blade down, down to ass and thighs.
"God, Lex," Bruce breathed out, surging back across the bed to take Lex's face in his hands. Lex managed a glance towards the condoms and lube beside him, before he was caught up and kissed, that clever mouth sucking and licking. Bruce's mouth teased his lips, nibbling at the corner of his mouth, then tongue slipping inside briefly before darting down to resume his earlier attentions to his neck. Lex repositioned his leg to rest just under Bruce's ass, as he clutched and petted the man's back.
"Oh," he gasped, as Bruce bit down suddenly. He then kissed and licked there, blowing air down and causing Lex to writhe underneath him. Lex's mouth fell open and when Bruce bent his head back down to do it again, he dug his nails into the man's shoulder blades, stopping him.
"Jesus, you're like some kind of cat!" Bruce hissed out.
"Enough foreplay. Come on." Lex flung one hand wide, searching for the lube. Finding it, he brought it close and flicked open the lid. Then he stopped, tilting his head and holding it out for Bruce. "Do you want to? Or shou-- ?"
Lex didn't even finish getting the words out. Bruce took the small tube from him and squeezed out a bit before tossing it carelessly behind him. Then, reaching down, he slipped two fingers inside Lex, all the while staring straight into his eyes. He was pinning him down with his hand, and his eyes, and his body, and Lex licked his lips while struggling to keep his eyes open.
Two fingers stretching him open, then three and Lex was feeling almost too good. Bruce's face was so close to his, that his every exhale puffed across Lex's lips. They were both breathing heavily, practically panting, and Bruce's fingers fucking him were about to tip him over the edge.
He dropped one of his hands down from where he'd been gripping Bruce's arms, and shuffled it around in search of a condom. Finally grasping one, he held it up, watching as those eyes fell half-shut and that teasing little smirk came back.
"Your wish is my command," Bruce whispered. Then he was ripping the packet open and as he looked down to put it on, his hair slid forward across his forehead. Lex's breath caught in his chest. Beautiful Bruce. Moonlight limned his body, and the way his hair flopped over his face made him look years younger. . . and worlds more innocent.
Then he was looking down at Lex again, running a hand up his thigh and pushing it closer to Lex's chest. Lex smiled at him and pushed his legs wider, bringing both up to circle around Bruce's hips.
Bruce then leaned down to kiss him, one arm supporting himself, and the other. . . and just as his tongue again curled around Lex's, he slid into him in one smooth thrust. Lex gasped, and Bruce continued kissing at his open mouth, pulling his hips back and thrusting in again, even deeper this time.
They moved against each other, Bruce seeming to move closer and closer with each thrust, and Lex lifting himself up to meet him every time. Soon it became too difficult to focus on kissing as well as what their bodies were doing, and Bruce's forehead came to rest on Lex's. When their eyes were barely an inch apart, and Bruce's whispered "Lex" hit his ears, he came. His eyes closed and he squeezed Bruce's shoulders as he soared. Four more quick thrusts and Bruce groaned out his own orgasm. Lex watched contentedly as first he went still, then relaxed all at once, moving his body to the side as he collapsed on the bed.
Minutes later, as Bruce settled back after disposing of the condom, their legs and arms again wrapped and tangled around each other. Lex's come was drying on his chest, but at that moment the world made sense. And when he turned his head to look at Bruce, he saw him staring up at the ceiling with one of the most open, loving expressions Lex had ever seen on his face.
***
The next day was a Thursday, which by itself meant nothing, but that morning at breakfast, Alfred said that Thursdays were the days he did his shopping and did Master Lex need anything?
Lex didn't need anything, no, but Lin did. He tried to phrase it in a way that wouldn't make either of them uncomfortable or embarrassed, but knew he hadn't managed it. In the end, Alfred said he would take both Lin and Lian shopping, claiming a day out in the world would be good for them. He pointed out that they all needed heavy winter clothing, as winter was fast approaching, and that he could slip in the buying of underwear for Lin very quickly and quietly.
Breakfast was surprisingly comfortable. Alfred made them all omelets, and when he told Julian that both he and Lin were going shopping with him, the boy grabbed Liza's arm and asked her if she was coming, too. Lex couldn't tell exactly what Lian was feeling, but after a quick look shared between the adults, Liza said she would be delighted to tag along and Lian relaxed back into his chair. Lin, meanwhile, looked at Lex the whole time, raising an eyebrow and curling his lips into a smirk that bore more than a passing resemblance to one of Lionel's.
Hours later, with everyone else out of the house, Lex went in search of Bruce. He looked in the library and the study, even down in the kitchen, knowing Bruce wouldn't be there but running out of ideas. He recalled the directions he'd been given to the 'Training Room,' as Alfred had called it, and began the walk down the hall towards it. When he pushed the door open, lights automatically came on and suddenly he was inside a dojo/weight room/meditation chamber. All of the different aspects of the room blended and fitted together seamlessly -- the Japanese rock garden not a foot away from the bench press, and yet somehow neither seeming out of place.
Looking around, Lex saw no sign of Bruce and quietly withdrew from the room. As he turned around after closing the door, he came face to face with the man and gasped in shock.
Putting a hand to his chest, Lex wheezed out, "Good God, you startled me."
"Were you exploring?" Bruce asked, with amusement. "I suppose I could have given you a tour." He turned around to walk back down the hall, and Lex followed slowly after him.
"No, I was actually looking for you," he said. "I wanted to ask you to. . . I need you to do me a favor."
"Oh, really," Bruce replied. He made a turn towards the study. "What kind of favor?" he leered.
Lex chuckled. "Not the kind you're thinking of, that's for sure," he said, and gave a brief shake of his head. Bruce held the door open for Lex, following after him and closing it. He walked over to sit by the window, the same one where they'd all met with Nick that first time, and gestured for Lex to take a seat across from him.
Once they'd settled into the chairs, Lex continued. "I'd forgotten about it until this morning, but last week Lin told me. . . well, sort of told me. . . Anyway," he said, with a wave of his hand. "He said that there was another boy at the Centre." He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his legs. "Lin showed me a drawing he'd done from memory, and in it were two boys restrained to two separate gurneys. One had wires and several tubes from IV's coming out of him, and the other was Colin."
"Did he say who this boy was?"
"Just that his name's Lucas. I'm not -- I'm not sure what this means, but I've got this feeling that there's more to it than just Lionel finding another stray to experiment on."
Bruce had that dark expression on his face, the one that always made Lex glad he was on the man's good side. "What else would there be to it?" Bruce asked, his brow furrowing.
Lex shook his head and replied, "I don't know, that's what we need to find out." He looked into Bruce's eyes. "That's what I need your help in figuring out. It's just a. . . gut feeling, Bruce. I can't put it into words what's wrong, but something is."
"Yeah," he said, distractedly. He'd brought his hand up to his cheek, and was leaning on it as he looked out the window. Not looking at Lex, Bruce asked, "I'll see what I can find out -- go through what records Lionel did keep and. . . " Then he turned and, dropping his arm down, focused on Lex again. "I'll have to talk to Colin. If I can get an idea of what this 'Lucas' looks like, I might be able to match him up to a 'Missing Person' -- depending on how much time's passed and how old he was to begin with."
Lex was nodding and mentally crossed his fingers, hoping Bruce would be able to help.
"You're a genius at this type of thing. I know you'll find something," he said, encouragingly.
Bruce just looked over at him and chuckled. "Flattery will get you everywhere in our world, Lex, but you don't need to use it with me."
"It wasn't flattery," he replied with a mock-pout. "I was simply expressing my confidence in your abilities."
"Mmm-hmm."
"Well," Lex huffed, standing up. "I think I'll go and find something to read." He turned and began walking towards the door. Just as he was turning the knob, Bruce's voice called out.
"Lex" and without waiting for him to turn around, Bruce said, "I will do my best to find out what happened at the Centre. . . and who Lucas really is."
Lex looked over his shoulder at him, and saw Bruce assessing his mood. Lex smiled. "I know you will. Come up and find me later." Bruce nodded, and Lex turned and opened the door. He walked out of the study, closing the door behind him, and started up the stairs to the library.
***
That night, they all ate in the kitchen again, and Lex decided to have a talk later with Bruce and Alfred about eating there all the time from now on. It was less formal than anywhere else Lex, Lin, or Lian had ever eaten, and it seemed to be doing them good. Julian could chatter and ramble on to his heart's content, and Lin was gradually eating more during each meal.
"We went to this big store, Lex!" Lian exclaimed, drawing him back into what was going on. Lian's face was bright and flushed with excitement, and it warmed Lex's heart to see that happiness written so clearly. "Lin and I got new coats -- mine is blue! -- and then Liza took Lin off to get some stuff, and Alfred and I went to look at shoes."
Lex glanced at Liza and when she met his eyes, nodded to her, hoping she'd get the message. Evidently she did, for she shook her head a little and gave him a tight smile, her eyes showing a bit of sadness.
" --and then we each got a hot chocolate, only Liza had them put in some caramel, or something. Right, Liza?" he asked, looking over to her. Upon her nod, Lian turned back to Lex and grinned. "It was the best day ever! I had so much fun." Julian got up and walked across the kitchen to Alfred. Lex couldn't hear what he said to the man, but from the kind expression on Alfred's face, he figured Lian had thanked him.
Turning back, Lex saw Lin was the only one still eating, the rest of them having finished awhile ago. It was something he'd just started doing, eating slowly. He'd stretch it out, so that he was always the last one finished. Lex had an idea what Colin was trying to do, whether consciously, or not. It was safe to assume that meals here with Bruce, Alfred and Liza were a great deal more pleasant than those back with Lionel. And if Lin felt safe here, and enjoyed sitting down and talking and eating with all of them. . . then perhaps he wanted it to last as long as he could make it. Eating slowly was certainly one way to do that.
"So, what about you, Lin?" Lex asked. "Did you enjoy your day of shopping?"
Lin turned his head around from his focus on Lian and Alfred, and looked at Lex. He swallowed his mouthful and then nodded.
"I did," he said. Lin's eyes grew distant and unfocused, and his head tilted ever so slightly to the left as he spoke. "It started snowing as we came out of the coffee shop, and everywhere you looked -- black coats and hats, and black cars and buildings -- it all became brighter. Everything turned grey and white, and it wasn't so dark anymore."
Lin gradually came out of his thoughts and looked at Lex again. He smiled and said, "It was clean and beautiful. Next time we go out, you and Bruce will have to come, Lex."
Lex smiled back.
***
That night after dinner, Lex held Lin back and asked him to come and speak with them. Bruce had said that he needed to talk to Colin about Lucas, and Lex figured it might be best just to get it out of the way.
Lin just looked at him, staring into Lex's eyes like he was. . . searching for something.
"Sure," Lin said after a moment. "In the office, or where?"
"Wherever you'd feel most comfortable. It doesn't matter, as long as you're okay."
Lin looked behind Lex, where Lian and Liza were helping Alfred clean up. At least, Liza was helping. Lian seemed to be just getting in the way and chattering excitedly at them.
"Lian should be there." Lex raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to say something, but Lin cut him off. "You exclude him too much. He's a good kid, a smart one, and he should hear this stuff. Better now from me than. . . later." He grimaced and looked at Lex meaningfully. "You know if we don't tell him, then he will. He'll use it against us, make you and me and Bruce out to be the bad guys." A hard, serious look came over Lin's face, then. "Lian doesn't deserve to be a pawn, Lex."
Looking back over towards the sink, Lex nodded and gave a heavy sigh. He had been protecting Lian, and doing so now would only leave him wide open for Lionel to manipulate later. Julian deserved to know what kind of man his father was, and what he'd done. Lin had been in that Centre for years, and if that drawing he'd done the other day was any indication of how he'd been treated. . . then Lionel had a lot to answer for.
"Library," Lin said. Lex turned back to look at him, and saw Lin's gaze was still on Lian -- now splashing around in the sink and trying to wash the dishes. "We should talk in the library, not Bruce's office. It's too gloomy and sad there." He met Lex's eyes and asked, "Is that okay?"
"Of course," he replied, nodding. "I'll go tell Bruce, and we'll meet you guys upstairs." He gave Lin a little smile and patted his shoulder, before glancing at Lian on his way out. Colin would stay and watch the three of them at the sink, maybe he'd even sketch it. But Lex knew Lin would never attempt to join in. He'd remain apart and hide himself in the corner, and Lex was gradually coming to accept the fact that nothing any one of them could say would convince him that he was wanted and loved. Lin would have to see the truth for himself -- that Julian and Lex, and Bruce, Alfred and Liza, even, loved him and wanted him around. No one could force him to change.
***
Lin and Julian came into the library about 15 minutes later. Lex was leaning on the mantel, his back to the fire, and Bruce had taken his usual seat off to the side -- in the darkest part of the room, of course.
Lian was smiling and looking up at Lin as the two of them got closer, but Lin was somber and met Lex's eyes only briefly before shifting them down to the floor. He and Lian sat on the couch, and Lex stepped away from the fireplace to take a seat opposite Bruce. He eased back into his chair and brought a leg up to rest on his knee.
Sharing a look with Bruce, Lex then gestured for the other man to take the lead. Bruce nodded and turned to look at Lin.
"Lex said you mentioned another boy at that Centre, one named Lucas? Could you tell me more about him? Anything else that might help me figure out who he is."
Lin shifted on the sofa, keeping his eyes lowered and focused on his hands. He was picking at the thumbnail of his right hand, and Lex resisted the urge to go over there and wrap his own hands around Lin's.
"You don't need to do that," Lin said, eyes still down. "He wasn't-- he didn't belong to anyone, not to anyone who'd miss him, anyway."
"What do you mean, Lin?" Lex asked. He carefully kept his voice low and steady, and the thought popped into his head that he was treating Lin like a spooked horse. Colin shook his head in a jerky motion, quick as though he were frustrated. Studying him, Lex recognized it as the same thing he'd done when he was little and couldn't find the right words to express himself.
"Lucas was. . . Lucas was his. Lionel's," he said, and Lex felt himself holding his breath. "He was there almost as long as I was. I remember. They came into the room, and he had his hand on Lucas' shoulder and-- " Lin raised his head and looked at Lex. "I was never told, not directly, but there were times when I'd look and. . . see they looked the same." His head tilted to the side and Lin gave a bitter little smirk. "And then when Lian was old enough, I knew. I figured it out."
Lex was just on the cusp of hearing it, hearing Lin confirm his suspicion, and at that moment he wished with everything he had that none of it would be true. It wasn't something he wanted to believe.
"What?" Lian asked. He was sitting close to Lin and looking up at him, and the expression on his face made Lex inwardly cringe. It was despair and heartbreak, and the anxiety that comes when you know something bad is about to happen.
Lin looked straight at Lex and said, "Lucas is his son. He's Lionel's son."
"His son?" Lex asked, and it didn't matter that he'd thought of it, that he'd considered the possibility not three seconds ago. . . he was still shocked speechless. "Which would mean he was-- "
" --our brother," Lin finished, nodding. "Half-brother, actually. To you and Lian."
Lex shook his head. "I don't care about where you came from. You're still part of this family, whether you think so or not. Lucas is your brother, too."
"Wha-- " Lian's voice began, but he broke off. "What happened there? What'd he do to you, Lin?"
And suddenly it was like looking at a mannequin wearing Lin's clothes. His face went perfectly blank and his whole body stilled, barely moving even to breathe. He dropped his head down again and the move was stiff, almost robotic. It was unnerving, and sent a chill down Lex's spine.
"You don't have to say everything, Colin," came Bruce's low voice. "We want to know so we can help you. Because we both know you aren't dealing with anything, not really." He leaned forward so that he was only a few inches away from Lin and said, "Get it out and you won't be so alone. The three of us, we'll be there, too, and we won't let anything happen again, I swear. Lin," Bruce said, and his voice was that low rumble that commanded attention. Lin turned his head to the right, and looked at Bruce out of the corner of his eye. "I swear he won't lay a hand on you ever again. Never on you, or Julian, or Lex."
Lin swallowed and gave a small nod. He took a deep breath, holding it in for a long time before breathing out in a gust.
"I really don't remember the first bit, when I was there. . . right after-- after I landed." He was scratching at his hand again, but Lex didn't want to stop him, so he tried to ignore it. "But it's all white in there. Everywhere. There's a room that I stay in, and when I'm supposed to be somewhere else, someone comes in and gets me. And they're all in white, too.
"It wasn't always. . . I mean, it didn't used to be so rough. They'd show me what to do -- run around or stay still, or whatever -- and I'd do it, and that was all." Lin reached up and combed his fingers though his hair, and Lex could tell he'd forgotten it was so short now. His expression became confused as his hand reached the back of his head, before quickly going blank again once he'd apparently remembered.
"And then, one day he came in. Lionel. He came into my room and he wasn't wearing white. He was the only person I could remember seeing who wasn't big and white." Lin looked at Lex and clarified, "They wear suits, those hazmat things? Everyone does. . . except him and Lucas."
Lin looked into the fire again.
"He sat down on the floor that first time, right next to me, and he started talking." He shook his head. "I couldn't understand what he was saying, but he just kept going on. Eventually, I think he gave up because he stood and started walking towards the door. And I-- I got up after him and I grabbed his pant leg. I didn't want him to leave. He was the only one who'd ever sat down with me, the only one who'd talked and wasn't this scary white blur."
Lex didn't even know he was crying until he felt a tear drop onto his hand. He looked at Lin and realized that in the beginning, he'd loved Lionel, too. Lex could remember looking at his dad and thinking him the best man ever alive, the greatest. He could remember loving that man, and it would make sense for a lost, sad little alien boy to latch onto the first person to sit down and treat him like he was real.
"But then he was always there, it seemed," Lin said. His voice was calm, almost monotone, and he remained staring at the fire as he spoke. "Looking and watching. He brought in someone to teach me English, and then they could tell me what to do. There weren't-- there weren't any real experiments until after Lucas came. They'd tell me to sit on the table and then one of them would strap me onto it. Tie me, or chains, sometimes.
"One day, I remember, he brought Lucas into the room and they put him on the table next to me, and he tried to talk to me, Lucas did. He asked me, 'Is it nice, here?'" Lin gave a wet laugh, and sniffed. "And I asked him what it was like in another place. I hadn't been outside ever, that I could remember, and I wanted to know what trees sounded like."
Lin grimaced and sniffed again before putting his hands up to his face. Lex felt he should go over there and give him a hug, but couldn't find the will to move. Bruce was sitting back in his chair again, his cheek resting on a hand and that powerful, angry scowl on his face. His eyes were like chips of arctic ice and Lex had to look away, rather than take the risk of meeting them. He looked over to Colin again and saw Lian leaning against him. The little boy's arms were around him, and his head was lying on Lin's shoulder. He had the saddest look on his face that Lex had ever seen, and it was that which made him stand up and walk over to the sofa.
Lex crouched down in front of Lin and reached up to take his hands.
"At first, you loved him, didn't you?" he asked, quietly. Not waiting for an answer, he went on, "And he seemed like he was great and good, and like he loved you, that he made everything that was good in your life happen." He sighed, and looked up quickly when Lin squeezed his hands. Lin wasn't staring into the fire anymore; his tearful eyes were trained solely on Lex's.
"And it was so devastating when you realized he wasn't good, that he didn't give you any happiness." Lex said the next carefully, trying not to put too much of himself into it. "You came to see that the man you thought was a god was actually the cause of all the pain, and no matter how much you loved him he'd never feel the same for you. But, Lin," Lex reached up and curled his hand around Lin's cheek. "It isn't anything you did that made him not love you. He's not capable of love, not for anyone. He never loved Mom, I don't think, and he never loved me. And if he can't love you and Lian," Lex blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to keep the tears from falling, "two of the best people in the world, then there's something wrong with him, not you. You didn't do anything wrong."
He could hear Julian sniffling, and the squeak of leather as Bruce slightly shifted in his seat, but all Lex saw was that sad face looking at him. Those wet eyes that brought everything back, all the memories of growing up with Lin and looking out for him, and reminded Lex that here was the unconditional love he'd always craved. Their mother had loved them like that, but she was gone, now. It was just the three of them. They had to look out for each other.
Poor Lian was full-out crying, now, so Lex reached over and picked up one of the boy's hands, holding it tight in his own.
"He's a horrible person, but you don't belong to him. You are your own person, Lin, and I love you no matter what you can do. I love both of you," he said, leaning in closer to Julian and butting his head up against the boy. Lian sniffed and smiled a tiny smile.
"You live here now, you know," he finished. "He doesn't even have the right to see you."
Lin placed his arm around Lian and then gently laid a hand on Lex's shoulder.
"I love you, too, Lex." He turned his head and looked over at Bruce. "And you, too, Tinman," he smiled.
"So who does that make you, then?" Bruce asked, with a straight face.
"Oh, I'm the Scarecrow, I think."
"Please, do not carry this analogy any further," Lex whined. "I refuse to debate which one of us is Dorothy or Toto. Or that damned lion."
"That's all right," Lin said. "I never liked that movie, anyway. The flying monkeys freak me out."
Lex chuckled, as he rose to his feet. He squeezed down on the couch between the two of them, snuggling Lian up to his side, and slouching down so he could lay his head back.
"I think monkeys are scary in general, never mind the kind that flies."
"Lex once had a traumatic experience at the zoo," Bruce said, with a smirk.
"I was only there because you dragged me along! I had better things to do than suffer through another dedication. It's always the same thing: in honor of so-and-so's generous donation to the blah, blah, blah, we hereby name this. . . whatever, after him."
"You're just upset because you ignored all the signs and fed the animals. It served you right that one of the monkeys stole your favorite pair of sunglasses."
Lian giggled next to him, and Lex looked down at him, giving him a little squeeze. Julian looked up and scrunched his nose in confusion. "Why would you feed the animals, Lex?"
"Well," he said, at a loss. "They kept looking at my plate, and so finally I decided that maybe they'd like some caviar-- "
"You gave the monkeys caviar?" Lin snorted, and Lian giggled again. Bruce, the smug bastard, just sat over there smirking at Lex's discomfort.
"Okay, so I'd had a little too much champagne, all right? It seemed like a good idea at the time." Which made all three of them laugh at him, and Lex wasn't getting anywhere with this explanation.
After awhile, they all calmed down again. Lex was just settling into drowsiness, when Bruce's voice sounded.
"I actually think the lemur looked better in those shades than you did. The purple really brought out its eyes."
And being embarrassed was a small price to pay indeed, for the chance to hear Lin burst out laughing.
***
Intersect
Some days, it felt like he moved through quicksand. Each step just pushed him deeper and deeper into the abyss, and the more he tried to break free of it all, the closer he came to the darkness. It had never been easy for him to accept defeat, and that's what asking for help was. It was admitting that what you were and what you did wasn't enough to make it. Rationally, logically, intellectually, he knew that was bullshit, but when you lived inside your own head as much as Bruce did, the deep rough voice of yourself became your guiding force.
The laws of society had never helped him. Criminals allowed to roam free, shooting innocent people only trying to help, and the law said to just stand back and watch it happen. Don't step in, don't do what you are able, what you were trained for. Don't, Bruce Wayne -- that's what the world said to him. Don't do anything of importance, love no one and nothing, waste all that you ever were and bury it all in mind-clouding substances, have children you hate and never wanted, fuck everyone you can and never say a serious word in your entire life. . . because your family has always had money and it's your duty to step up and show the world what it's missing.
You sit down, Mr. Wayne, or I'll put you in detention.
But he wasn't going to sit anymore. There was something inside him that forced this shifting of priorities. He had seen the truth up on that mountain. His head had been held under the cold, bitter water of 'what was and what is now' -- and he might as well kill himself as to allow the evil to go on unchallenged.
When they were in school together and Bruce got angry, Lex had used to say, 'Pick your battles, Bruce. Do you fight for everything, or do you save yourself for the war?' And now he understood what Lex had meant. Years and countries later, Bruce could finally see what he must do. This was his war, and it was time he started fighting, show the world that he would fight, even if it were as Batman. Drown those who did evil simply because they could, in those dark waters of the truth. Show the criminals 'what was and what is now' and let them quiver in fear before the Batman.
He would be the judge until someone else came forward. This world needed a champion, and until someone greater came, Bruce would take up the mantle.
***
Gotham was always a dark city, but at night he felt as though he were underground. The sky above was pitch black and blank of stars, the streets full of grey snow and dark shadows. In the alleys, every noise echoed and reverberated and the whole world smelled of dirt and despair.
It was the perfect city for the Bat.
A rapist tried to take a girl right below him, and the look of terror on that animal's face when he caught him made Batman grin in triumph.
"You'll get out of here," he whispered into the man's ear in front of the corrupt police station, minutes later. He held him in a grip of iron, and stared that piece of filth down and told him, "And when you do, you'll tell about me. I'm here for you and for all your kind." Then Batman leaned in even closer, a few police officers beginning to trickle out of the building.
"Gotham is mine now, and your days are numbered."
A simple smoke explosion, and he was holding on as the grappling gun did its job. They scurried around down there like ants, but his rapist was the only one looking up. Batman crouched next to a gargoyle and watched his city in its darkest hour.
He would save it. He could do it. He knew with the whole of himself that he could. He would do it for his mother and father, the memories of their smiles and the times his dad would tickle him. He would do this for Alfred, who had always been there. He could save this city because he was loved, and because he loved. Lex. Lex, who loved Bruce, and whom Bruce craved to be around so desperately.
For Lex and Julian: the only good things Lionel had ever created.
And Colin, who was a god and didn't yet realize all the possibilities this world held for him. Bruce would save this city, this world. . . until that god was ready. And then Batman would help and fight alongside him, and together they would send every black heart down to Hell.
Batman had the means, but Bruce was the catalyst. He would save, and he did it for the people -- those he didn't know and those he did, those few he loved -- but he did it also for himself. This was what that small voice inside him wanted. This was for that eight year old boy who'd watched as his parents were shot, held his father's cold hand as he died. As he whispered, his eyes so sad and beseeching, 'Don't be afraid, Bruce.'
This was for that boy, that orphan, who for the first time since that night finally felt no fear.
***
When he woke up that morning, it was to the sight of Bruce standing in front of the window, looking out.
"Hey," Lex rasped, sleepily.
Bruce turned around, and Lex could see he held a folded newspaper in his hand.
"Hey, yourself," he replied, with a barely noticeable uplift to his mouth. He came close to the bed and held out the paper. "I thought you'd better see this."
Lex sighed and reached out, unfolding the newspaper as though it might contain a snake, ready to strike. And a part of him wasn't at all surprised to see the headline -- or the byline. In fact, that pessimistic, fatalistic, pragmatic part of him had been shocked that there'd been nothing like this sooner.
"Luthor Sons Battle Father" was the main headline. And underneath that, 'DA to Press Charges of Rape and Abuse Against Lionel Luthor.'
Lex bit his lip and folded the paper up again, laying it down on the bedside table and looking at Bruce.
"It. . . could be worse," he said. "I'm not sure how, exactly, but. . . And the article certainly didn't take his side, so. . ." Lex trailed off uncertainly.
"You saw who wrote it?" Bruce asked, quietly. His hands were in his pockets and he loomed over the bed, fierce scowl firmly affixed on his face.
"I did," Lex nodded. "Actually," he hesitated. "There was an article in The Daily Planet the other day. Also by Aerson. Though, that one only gave the fact that I have custody of Lin and Lian. Nothing about what kind of charges are being filed, or anything like that."
Bruce nodded, and looked away. His eyes became unfocused, and Lex knew he was thinking hard. He reached out and grabbed one of Bruce's hands, tugging on it.
"Sit down, for Chrissake," he said. "You're making me nervous, hovering like that." He scooted over to make room for Bruce, as the man carefully sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Well, obviously Aerson made contact with someone in the DA's office. I mean, we don't even know what the exact charges are." He looked up suddenly, pinning Lex with his gaze. "I looked into this Aerson guy. His name sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on where I'd heard it. And then I found a biography of him, which listed his relatives -- mother, father, grandparents." He paused significantly. "And his brother. Can you guess what his name is?"
Lex rolled his eyes. "Chance. Chance is this 'Thom Aerson's' brother. Look, Bruce, I thought as much back in Metropolis. I just wanted to wait and see if anything came of it." He leaned back, putting a hand over his eyes. "God, why is this news? People need to get out more, if they think this shit is gossip-worthy."
"People like it when great men are brought low. Then there are the stock-holders and investors to think about. And also many who simply want to see Lionel suffer, myself among them."
Lex snorted. "Me, too." He put his hand down and looked at Bruce again. "Has Colin seen this?"
Bruce shook his head. "No, Alfred brought this to me first."
Then something strange happened. Lex was looking at Bruce and, as they weren't far apart, that's why he was able to catch it. Bruce shifted ever so slightly, then looked down at his hands. When he brought his head up again, Lex swore he saw nervousness on his face. Bruce? Nervous?
"I also wanted you to see the other leading article, so that's why I brought it myself," Bruce said.
Lex frowned, reaching past Bruce to pick up the newspaper again. This time he flipped it over and read the headline below the fold of the front page.
And felt his eyebrows rise and his mouth drop.
He looked up and asked, "This? This is-- Bruce, what the hell did you do?"
"What needed to be done," was the cold reply. Lex dropped the paper and gripped one of Bruce's hands in both of his.
"What are you doing? This stuff. . . is so dangerous and-- Why? Why now?"
Bruce looked down at their clasped hands and gave a heavy sigh. He turned one of Lex's hands over, studying it as he spoke.
"I look at the world, and all I see are ways I could make it better. I see people like your father. They sit on their thrones and nothing can touch them. But. . . that's not true, anymore, is it?" he asked, meeting Lex's eyes. "He'll pay, finally, and if you and I can do that for Colin, for the world, then think of what else we could accomplish." Bruce squeezed the hand he'd been studying, tightly. "I have to try, Lex. I have to."
And the truth was, it made sense. Somehow, Bruce taking up vigilantism made perfect sense, like Lex should have expected it. And it occurred to him that perhaps for every time Lex, himself, had felt powerless and weak. . . Bruce had, too. He always thought of Bruce as being so strong and sure, but looking back on what had happened to him when he was young, and how he'd. . . not dealt with it, Lex realized that Bruce's mask hid more than just his emotions. It hid his doubt and insecurity. . . and his fear.
He squeezed Bruce's hand back and smiled. "I know you do," he said.
***
Lin wasn't at the breakfast table when Lex got there. Alfred was putting a bowl of fruit in front of Bruce, and Liza was munching away at a piece of toast, but no Lin in sight.
Lex met Julian's worried eyes, and crouched down beside his chair.
"Where's Lin?" he asked.
"He's drawing in the library," Lian mumbled, eyes shifting down to his oatmeal.
"For how long?"
Lian looked up, and Lex read the anxiety there.
"He was there last night. In the same place as he is this morning."
Jesus Christ. Lex nodded, clapping Lian on the back as he stood. Then he turned around and left the kitchen. He took the stairs two at a time, jogging down the hall until he reached the library. Both doors were shut, and he took a deep breath before pushing one in and entering the room.
Lin was seated at a wide table, his back to the door. And surrounding him -- scattered over the floor and shuffled into piles on the table and nearby chairs -- were drawings, sheaves of them. Tons of pencil sketches and ink drawings, and, as Lex came closer, even a stack of papers covered and detailed in blue and red marker. Lex stood down the table a ways, glancing at the artwork, while trying not to be too obvious in looking at Lin. He was even now in the midst of completing another drawing, bold red marker in hand.
It was as Lex was studying a rather surrealistic city-scape that Lin stopped working. He'd just registered the fact that the scratching and squeaking of the marker had stopped, when Lin spoke.
"I can feel the sun, sometimes," he whispered, and Lex tensed at his words. His whole body felt shivery and jittery. He looked over, but Lin's eyes were still on the paper in front of him. The marker held firmly in his hand hovered over the drawing, poised and ready.
"When I'm there -- in the white room -- and dawn comes. . . I can feel it. There aren't any windows, so the light can't reach me, but it's like a shock of electricity straight through my body when the sun finally overcomes the horizon."
Lex circled around the table, moving in front of it in the hopes he could better see Lin's face. He first tried bending over and looking, but when that proved futile, he crouched down on his haunches.
Lin's eyes were pale, nearly colorless, and his face was drained of blood save a spot high on each cheekbone.
"It's like lightning coursing through my veins. Just like lightning." Lin raised his head and met Lex's gaze, and Lex tried to suppress a shudder. Lin looked unhinged, crazy. Those scary pale, pale green eyes seemed to glow and there was something resembling a smile playing around Lin's mouth. "You've never been struck by lightning," he said. "It's like your skin is vibrating away from yourself, and all you can see is the white sizzling behind your eyes. Crackling and snapping at you, wanting to shake you loose."
Lex swallowed before stretching out a hand, and slowly placing it on Lin's arm. Colin's head tilted, and he looked down at the paper again.
"This was another one," he said, pointing with the marker at the drawing in between them. "I've had so many, but I never told him. Them. Anyone. These are all of them that I can grasp." Lin flung his arm wide, jerking it around to indicate all the stacks and piles of drawing paper.
"All of what, Lin? What didn't you tell anyone?"
"Of home." He shook his head, jerkily, a frown creasing his brow. Lex squeezed Lin's arm. "They're. . . memories? Dreams? I don't know, Lex!" He shouted the last, startling Lex, and causing him to lose his balance. He shifted to his knees, kneeling in front of the table, gripping Lin's arm tight.
"Memories of. . . where you came from?" he asked.
"Yes," Lin whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Alex."
Instantly, tears came to Lex's eyes.
"It's okay," he reassured him. "You haven't done anything wrong. I just-- I just want to help you. You need help, Lin. You know that, don't you." He didn't ask, because he was sure Lin knew it to be true.
Colin nodded. He dropped the marker, and reached out to place his hand on top of Lex's. Then he laid his head down on the table and breathed in and out heavily.
Lex recognized it as Lin trying not to cry, and squeezed his arm again.
"I did make an appointment yesterday. With Daniel." Lin groaned, still facedown. "It's tomorrow at two. I, uh-- I wasn't sure if you wanted me or Lian there, so I left that open. Just in case." When Lin's head came up, Lex continued, hurriedly, "We don't have to be there. I don't want you to feel like that's necessary, but just if it would make you feel more comfor-- "
"I want you there," Lin interrupted. "You and Lian. I couldn't-- not by myself, Lex. Please." His voice broke a bit, and Lex -- still tightly gripping Lin's arm -- stood and came around the table till he was standing right beside Colin. He reached down, pulling Lin to his feet and wrapping his arms around him. Colin was taller than him, but much skinnier. It was like hugging a lamppost.
"We'll be there," he said. "We'll always be there, Lin.
***
He and Bruce ended up getting involved in a conference call later that day. Between the two of them, Nick, and Jameson, they figured out a schedule of sorts. It turned out that since Aerson's articles, both The Daily Planet and The Gotham Globe had been inundated with mail concerning 'the three Luthor boys,' as they'd been dubbed. And Thom Aerson had contacted Jameson the other day, looking for an interview.
Lex nixed that idea straight away. No way he was gonna let some conniving reporter near Lin or Julian -- not even one related to Chance.
By the time they'd said goodbye and hung up, it was nearing four o'clock in the afternoon. Lex stretched, hearing his back pop, and looked at Bruce's lowered head.
"Fancy a run?" he asked. Bruce jerked his head up, and returned Lex's look with an incredulous stare.
"You? Want to run?"
Lex grinned. "Sure. Indoors, of course. I don't think I'm up for leaping and bounding through the snow today."
Bruce turned his head to look out the window. It had snowed again last night, and the view from Bruce's office showed a vast winterscape. Evergreens and shrubs coated with snow, and the grounds for as far as the eye could see were an untouched white. No footsteps, no animal tracks, just pure glittering snow.
"Hmmm. You know," Bruce said, eyes still focused out the window. "If you think this is bad, just imagine what it was like up in Nepal in their winter." He stood up and walked over to Lex, putting an arm around him as they headed towards the gym downstairs. "I don't know how they didn't go stark raving mad up there, but I was ready, after only a few weeks, to just burrow down in the ice and never come back up."
"How long were you there?" Lex asked, wrapping his arm around Bruce's waist. They reached the door, and Lex pushed it open.
"Four months, give or ta-- "
***
They did run. At first, it was only a companionable jog around the indoor track, but as time passed they raced. Of course, Bruce was holding back, but if the sweat on the man's face was any clue not that much. Lex managed to keep up with him for about two miles' worth, but when Bruce glanced over at him with a smirk, he knew he was beat. He huffed out a, 'Go,' and Bruce's smirk disappeared. As Lex slowed down from his sprint into a tired jog, finally stopping when he'd completed two more laps and cooled down sufficiently, he watched Bruce. He lapped Lex at one point, there at the end, a rush of cool air and the relentless sound of his pounding feet the only indications that he'd been there at all.
Bruce moved fast and sure. They'd done four miles, by Lex's best guess, and still Bruce sprinted with not a stumble or slowing in pace. Around and around, he did eight more laps before slowing down for three more. And when he stopped, Bruce didn't bend over to catch his breath. He calmly walked over to Lex and his breathing was close to normal.
"Goddamn," Lex said, looking at Bruce as he came closer.
Bruce got that smirk on his face again before saying, "You did well."
"You were going slow, admit it."
The smirk turned into a small smile, Bruce's eyes crinkling at the corners and that dimple in his left cheek appearing. He glanced down at his feet as though trying to hide his happiness, and Lex felt himself smile, as well.
"Only a little. Really," he said at Lex's raised eyebrows. "You're in wonderful physical condition, Lex. I was surprised."
"Well, it's nice to see that can still happen," Lex replied, standing up. Bruce half-turned, walking backwards a pace while Lex moved up alongside him. They were both sweaty and -- at least on Lex's part -- exhausted, but grinning like loons. And Bruce's elbow kept knocking and bumping against his, and Lex was pretty sure it wasn't an accident.
"Ready for a shower?" Lex asked, looking at Bruce sideways from the corner of his eye.
There was that smile still and, God, did it make Lex feel blessed to see it.
"There's a shower down here, you know," he replied, returning Lex's look.
"Well, I guess we'd better use it, then. Wouldn't want to drip sweat on the rug, and have to face Alfred's wrath."
Bruce chuckled, ducking his head down again.
"No, we wouldn't want that."
***
It was a big bathroom. Several different shower heads in the large stall made it vaguely resemble a locker room, but Lex had never seen a gym with marble countertops or nickel fixtures.
Bruce leaned around the shower, turning it on and adjusting the water temperature, before coming back to undress. Lex, already naked, grabbed a couple of towels from a nearby shelf and set them on a heating rack next to the stall. He leaned back against the wall, then, and watched Bruce.
Just as the man put his hands to the waistband of his shorts, Lex called out, "Slower!"
Bruce turned around with a raised eyebrow. "Oh, you want a show, do you?"
Lex licked his lips and smiled.
Bruce canted his head back and put a defiant expression on his face. "It'll cost you," he said, in a deep voice.
Lex swallowed. "Well, I know a very good cook. If it's food you're looking for-- "
Bruce pulled his shorts and underwear down in one smooth move, then stepped out of them and walked over to stand in front of Lex.
"Food wasn't what I had in mind," he whispered. "Why don't we take this. . . discussion. . . into the shower. We can work out the details there."
Lex licked his lips again -- watching as Bruce's eyes drifted down to his mouth -- and put his hands on the man's waist. He walked backwards slowly, tugging Bruce along.
"I think we can come to some sort of. . . agreement," he said, inching his left hand down to Bruce's ass. When they got under the water, he realized Bruce had set it to Lex's preferred temperature of very warm, rather than his own scalding hot.
Bruce reached out for the nearby bar of soap, slicking it up into a lather, then sliding his hands down Lex's arms and over his chest. Lex grabbed the soap from him and returned the favor. He reached up and kneaded the place where Bruce's shoulders met his neck, the man's head falling back as he emitted a low groan.
"God, that feels good," Bruce said.
"Come here," Lex demanded. He slid a hand up to Bruce's chin, catching it in his palm and leaning in close to kiss his lips. Bruce's hands were still slick with soap suds, and as their tongues touched and danced, one hand held onto the back of Lex's head, the other at the small of his back.
Lex pressed forward, molding his body to Bruce's as much as he could. Just as Bruce started in on his kink of sucking and biting at Lex's neck, Lex stealthily worked a hand between them. When he'd encircled Bruce's cock, he gave it a stroke and felt as the man's whole body shuddered against him.
"Lex," Bruce breathed out against his neck. He had one hand curled around Lex's waist, and when the other slipped back around his hip, coming to play at the sensitive skin where thigh met ass, Lex felt his breath hitch. He gave Bruce another stroke, falling into a rhythm, as his neck continued to be nipped and licked at.
"I'm fucking a vampire, here," Lex murmured. Bruce gave a strained chuckle and bit down extra hard.
"I like seeing the proof," he whispered. The feeling of Bruce's words against his skin and the sensation of water sliding over them gave the encounter a surreal, fantasy-like air.
Suddenly one of Bruce's hands was wrapping around both of them, slipping and bumping against Lex's hand. He brought his head up and began kissing Lex again. Bruce's lips bit and pulled at Lex's mouth, much like he'd done to his neck. It was as if Bruce were fighting and battling his way towards orgasm, never content to just let it happen.
Lex pulled his mouth away in order to catch his breath, his cheek coming to rest alongside Bruce's. He heard a muffled, "Fuck, Lex," and felt as Bruce came, his left hand digging into Lex's hip. And as he neared his own orgasm, Lex opened his eyes. He was facing the doorway, and when his eyes met green ones, Lex came in a wordless cry.
Bruce held onto him as his body sagged, and when Lex looked up at his face, Bruce had his head turned towards the doorway. Lex looked over, dreading the expression he'd see on Colin's face.
But Colin wasn't there.
He quickly looked back to Bruce and started to ask, "Was Lin-- ?"
"Yes," Bruce said, cutting him off.
Shit.
***
The next day, Lex still hadn't summoned up the courage to confront Lin about. . . what he'd seen.
What he'd been doing watching Lex and Bruce have sex in the workout room's shower. He just didn't. . . know what to say, how to go about it.
Dinner the previous night had been awkward and painful only for Lex, it seemed. Breakfast followed that pattern, also, and Lex ignored lunch in favor of running on the track again.
He avoided the shower room altogether.
And all too soon, it was a quarter after one and time for them to leave if they wanted to get through Gotham's traffic and still make the appointment. Bruce said goodbye and good luck, clapping a hand on Lin's shoulder before going back into his office to do. . . whatever it was that Bruce did all day.
Alfred had insisted on driving them, so Lex sat up front, leaving the back for Lin and Lian.
He told himself it had nothing to do with anything about yesterday, just him wanting a better view of the road.
Like Bruce had said, Daniel Tucker's office was a mere two city blocks away from Fallin & Fallin, Nick and Burton's law firm. The psychologist's office was on the 25th floor of a tall glass and metal building, and the three of them luckily managed to grab an empty elevator. The lobby was fairly crowded so they didn't dawdle. None of them wanted to attract any more attention than they necessarily had to.
Stepping off the elevator and walking into the waiting room was like a breath of fresh air. The place was empty of patients -- only a receptionist at the main desk present. Leaving Lin and Lian over by the window, Lex went over to her and checked them in. He filled out some paper work thankful that they weren't on Lionel's insurance anymore.
And then it was time to wait. Lex sat down in one of the overstuffed armchairs, watching Lin point out landmarks and famous buildings to Lian from the window. A door opened down the hall and voices came drifting out, becoming louder as their owners walked closer.
" . . . I think we can move to once a week sessions from now on. Does that sound okay, Will?"
"Yeah," a young boy's voice replied. "My mom says to say thank you for her. Thank you, Dr. Tucker."
As a man and a boy came into view, the man replied, "You're very welcome. You and your mom." He smiled at the boy -- about ten years old, by Lex's guess -- and led him over to the receptionist's desk. The two adults leaned forward to speak quietly for a minute or two, and then Tucker looked down at 'Will.'
"Jean, here, is going to call your aunt to come pick you up, now. Anything else I can do for you, bud?"
"No, she's probably on her way already." Will shrugged. "Sometimes Aunt Megan gets busy, but she always comes eventually."
"I have a friend like that," Tucker replied. "You can hang out here for as long as you need to." He shared a glance with Jean. "I'm sure we can find something for you to do, while you wait. Can't we, Jean?"
"Well, I do have some lizards to feed," she said, looking across the desk at Will. Then in sotto voce, she whispered, "Dr. Tucker keeps them out of the reception area, so people don't get scared and run away before their sessions."
"I love lizards!" Will exclaimed. "Can I help feed them? I wanna do the iguana, first! He's the coolest-- "
Will's voice gradually grew quieter as he and Jean walked through another door, going down a hallway the mirror image of the one Will and Tucker had emerged from.
Lex looked up and met the psychologist's eyes from across the room. He stood up, smoothing down his jacket and shirt, and smiled a courteous smile at the man.
Tucker glanced over to the window, before walking over.
"Lex Luthor, as I live and breathe," he said with a smile. He held out his hand, and Lex shook it steadily.
"Hello. . . Dr. Tucker. I admit, it's a bit disconcerting to see you here after all those memories of you back in Metropolis." He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "The man-made maid?"
Tucker laughed. "Well, this must be as surreal to you as it is for me," he said, gesturing around the room. "A few recommendations and referrals from respected men and women in the business, and I'm the new rage, I guess." He looked over towards Lin and Lian again and his expression turned serious. "What say we get started then, Lex?"
"Um, yeah," he replied. Lex walked over to the window and put a hand on each of their shoulders. "Time to do it, guys."
Lian visibly swallowed, looking incredibly anxious and worried. He was looking at Colin, and so was Lex.
But Lin had turned slightly and his eyes were focused on. . . Daniel's. Watching him, Lex saw Lin's mouth quirk up in a sad smile, and Daniel returned it with one of his own.
"Hey, Daniel," Lin said, and sighed.
"Hey, Colin. Why don't we go into the office? There's an even better view of the city from there. The park and some of the docks, even."
Lin nodded and gestured to Lian first. "Lian, do you remember Daniel? He used to work at the house."
Julian stepped forward and stuck out his hand, and Daniel smiled and took it, shaking it thoroughly.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," Lian said. "I'm not sure. Didn't you use to-- ?" He leaned in a little closer to Daniel and asked quietly, "Were you a maid, sir?"
Daniel nodded seriously. "Yes, I was -- for a few years, in fact. Oh, the stories I could tell you about your brother Lex." He glanced over as he straightened up, guiding Lian down the hall towards the office. "He once tried to freeze the carpet in his bedroom. Now, here I was, making my rounds as usual, when suddenly I slip and-- "
Lex wrapped his arm around Lin, and the two of them followed Lian and Daniel down the hall.
There were windows streaming in sunlight as they walked, and Lex remembered what Lin had said yesterday about feeling the sun.
He reckoned at that moment, he, too, could feel the sun -- shining and glowing on each of them.
Dispelling the shadows and warming them. . . if only until night came again.
***
All Roads That Intersect
Sometimes when he tried to sleep, random images and pictures would pass behind his closed eyes. His body would jerk and twitch spasmodically, and he'd have to open his eyes for it to stop.
Right now, being in this office felt like that, like he were trying to sleep, but his eyes were sewed shut and the images just kept coming, hitting and picking at him.
"Well," Daniel said, as he sat down. "Why don't we start with why you're all here." Lin knew from the expression that then appeared on Daniel's face, that Lex had just given him a dirty look. "Okay, humor me. I need to know what you think you need help with before we can," he clapped his hands together and rubbed them back and forth quickly, "start the healing."
Lex's snort eased Lin a bit, and beside him, Lian sighed and ducked his head down. He was fidgeting with his hands, a sure sign that he was nervous and unsure. Lin bumped him with his elbow, and Lian looked over at him with a tiny, sad smile.
Better than nothing, he supposed.
"Well," Lex started, trailing off and searching out Lin's eyes over the top of Lian's head. They'd sat down across from Daniel, on the sofa -- Lian in the middle, with Lin on the left and Lex to his right. He shared another look with Lex and then decided to just jump in there.
"You read the paper," Lin said, turning to stare down Daniel. He nodded back, eyes a little wide with surprise, so Lin reined in the aggressiveness. "We've broken from. . . Lionel. Now the therapy, which all of us need obviously."
Lex snorted again, but Lin kept his eyes locked on Daniel. He kept trying to get a read on him, but the man had a good blank face. Probably one hell of a good poker player.
"I do in fact read the papers," he said, returning Lin's stare with not a hint of discomfort. "And, yes, I did see that the three of you had left. My question is, are you here because you want help. . . or because you think you need it?"
This time it was Lin who snorted. And whereas Lex had earlier because of a vast understatement, Lin did so now to show his opinion of that garbage.
"What difference does it make, honestly?" he asked, with a sneer.
"Jesus, Lin," Lex whispered, and Colin could see him looking at him from the corner of his eye. Julian shifted on the sofa, but Lin couldn't find it in himself to back down. It was a stupid question. There was a trivial difference between either answer, and for Daniel to ask it had been insulting.
"No, Lex," Daniel said, putting a hand out. "What do you mean, Colin? I think there's more to this than just the question? Do you not see a difference, is that it?"
"No. It's the fact that you're using an ice-breaker, as if we all don't know exactly why we're here." Lin realized that his voice had been progressively getting louder and louder, and made an effort to modulate it as he continued.
"Lionel is an evil son-of-a-bitch. End of story. Why pretend otherwise?"
"I need to distance myself, here," Daniel said. He was using that calm, calm, slow voice that people used when talking to someone crazy or retarded. Lin hated that voice. "I'm no longer your friend, and-- "
"Who ever said you were?" Lin interrupted.
"Lin, what the hell are you doing?" Lex burst out. "Quit picking at the guy and let him do his job."
"Screw you, Lex!"
He just raised his eyebrows and got that stupid, smug smirk on his face.
"Real mature, Colin."
"Don't call me that," Lin growled.
"Okay, okay!" Daniel called out. "Let's just calm down here for a minute."
Lin took a few deep breaths in and out, trying to stop the whirlwind inside himself.
"Colin?" Daniel asked. He looked at him, and saw a familiar look on the man's face.
It was that look, that sad, pitying look.
The one that said he knew.
"I read the article that was in The Globe yesterday. And I've been alerted as to some of the charges against your father. Do you want to just say what you're thinking, right now?"
"He's not my father," was all that came out. At Daniel's look, he knew that wasn't what he'd expected him to say. "Well, he's not!"
"How do you mean he's not your father?"
"In every single way!" Lin was getting upset, so he tried to push it all down again, but it just kept bubbling up. "I'm not related to him. He may have legally owned me before, but Lex is my guardian now. Lionel is. . . nothing to me," he forced out in a grating whisper.
"He never owned you," Lex said.
Lin shrugged and folded his arms over his chest.
"He didn't," Lex insisted.
"He owned all of us, Lex," Lin sighed out, tiredly. He looked over at Lex, who was sitting forward on the sofa, body angled towards Lian.
"He thought he did," Lian suddenly said. Both Lin and Lex looked down at Lian at the same time, and it would have been funny. . . had the situation not been what it was.
"We all thought that, but he never did." He met Lin's eyes and went on, "Own us, that is."
"Lian-- "
"No, you need help. And Lex and I need help, too. Quit doing that."
"Doing what?"
Lian looked at him, and Lin saw how uneasy he was. . . Julian looked scared, scared like he only got when--
"Acting like Dad," Lian whispered, his eyes so round. He'd leaned away from Lin as if he expected him to lash out.
Like. . . Dad did.
Lin turned his head away and stared at the wall on his other side of the room. He blinked away the tears that had formed in his eyes, and inched farther over on the couch.
"Colin?" came Daniel's voice again. "Don't withdraw. Talk. Say what's going on inside." His next words were quieter. "That's how we get through this -- we talk it out. Yeah?"
"I'm sorry," Lin whispered, hoping they'd understand what for and not make him spell it out. Lian must've got it, though, because he reached over and laid a hand on Lin's arm. Then he scooted over and tried to hug him, but Lin remained stiff and still. Separate. He didn't deserve Julian's forgiveness.
" --and I imagine all three of you have defense mechanisms and ways of coping with everything," Daniel was saying. "It'll take us a little while to figure out what they are and what triggers them, but as we progress I'm sure we'll be able to-- "
Lin blanked out again. It happened a lot, and with all the stress and talking lately, he wasn't that surprised by it. Lian had seen him like this, so he wasn't worried that they'd all freak out. At least, Lian wouldn't, and he'd explain it to Daniel and Lex.
It was like a balmy haze. It was a hot, sticky, tired feeling, and it felt safe and enveloping. He didn't have to think here, didn't have to force his mind to make words out of what he was feeling and thinking -- how he saw things.
***
School had started on a Monday, and Lionel and his assistant had taken him up on the Sunday afternoon before -- the assistant driving, of course. Brett, he thought, was this one's name, and like a good little drone, he never looked in the rear-view mirror at what his boss was doing.
Lionel had to say goodbye. . . like any concerned father, he said, right before his hand slid into Lin's pants.
Lin did have a roommate, but he wasn't there when they arrived. Someone had packed his bags for him, back at the house, and he had no clue what was in there. 'Brett' lugged the three suitcases up and set about putting everything into the closet and drawers, while Lionel told Lin how to act and behave.
"These boys. . . they're going nowhere but up in their fathers' companies. They're stupid," he said. They were over by the windows, looking out at the grounds. Lionel had his black, pin-striped suit on, the one he'd worn to the Greer's party last week. The one he'd made Lin suck him off in inside Mr. Greer's home office. It was a surprisingly soft suit, not rough or scratchy like some of his others.
"We both know what you can do. You are not stupid, but don't provoke these pissants. Yes?" Lin nodded, his eyes steadfastly on the bench in the courtyard below. "Use that head," and he tapped Lin's forehead with his finger. "Show them what a Luthor can do."
Behind them, 'Brett' was done and standing quietly. Suddenly the door opened and a wave of noise came rolling in. Lin turned and saw five boys about his age staring back at him, with varying expressions of dislike. The one in front actually looked more curious than anything, but a few behind him were glaring.
Lionel, too, glanced over at the boys, pasting a fake fatherly smile on his face before turning back to Lin. He held out his arms, stepping forward, and Lin diligently returned the embrace.
Tried to keep how much he hated it off his face. . . so those boys wouldn't see.
"Make me proud, son," he said, patting him on the back a few times, then stepping back. Lionel reached a hand up and held Colin's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. They stared at one another for a moment, before Lionel leaned close to whisper into Lin's ear, "I'll see you in a few weeks, my prize."
A final clap on the shoulder, and he and 'Brett' left.
Left Lin alone with those kids, who, by the looks of them, wanted nothing to with him.
The first one shrugged, laughing a little with his friends before stepping forward.
"Name's Greg," he said, holding out his hand. Lin reached for it, shaking it slowly before retracting his hand and shoving it into his pants pocket.
"Lin. I mean, Colin," he stuttered out.
"Luthor, though, right?" Greg pushed.
"Uh, yeah. That's right."
"Lin?" One of the others by the door sneered. "What kind of chick name is that?"
" 's just a nickname," he replied, quietly. He turned around to his bed, where Lionel's assistant had set all his sketch pads, and set about stacking them in order.
"Well, I'm Greg Lyman. The asshole over there is Henry Douglas. Next to him, with the stink-face is Mark Lee, and the other two are Jake and Eli Fors." Lin could feel him step closer and turned back around to face him. "I'm your roommate, and the others are. . . friends of mine."
Then he smiled. "Welcome to Excelsior, Colin Luthor."
***
At first, it was simply difficult to get used to the different schedule -- awake during the entire day, asleep the whole night through. The first few days were-- well, culture shock is what it was. Lin had never spent so much time around so many people as he did just the first day, let alone a week.
Another thing was the way the boys looked at him, some of the teachers, too. Excelsior was just outside the Metropolis city limits, so he wasn't all that far from the house, but it seemed like a world away.
Greg, his roommate, was an okay guy. He left Lin to himself and that's what he wanted, so for a bit at the beginning of the term, Lin thought maybe things would work out all right.
Maybe he could stay away like Lex did, just live at school and sneak out to see Lian on weekends.
It was the second week that he got chewed out by the floor warden, telling him that there was a specific time when he could shower, and it wasn't in the middle of the night. Right after that condescending snail of a man finished berating him, Lin went back to his and Greg's room and blared The Ramones. He paced the room and tried to calm himself down. It was no big deal, he kept telling himself. Nothing wrong. It's perfectly normal to do this. I bet Lex showered when other people were there and never thought twice about it. You're just going to do it, and then you'll see that all this worrying was stupid.
Besides, he thought later, as he trudged down the hall with his shower kit and towel, Lionel's not even here. A bunch of teenagers are going to be somehow worse than Lionel Luthor? He snorted and pushed open the bathroom door.
The first night was just them sneering and laughing at him behind their hands -- the looks in the hallway and cafeteria amplified because there were no adults to skirt around, here.
It was the next time that someone actually directed a comment towards him.
"Oh, what a pretty little necklace, Luthor. Your mommy give that to you?" Then the boy turned back to look at his buddies, all of them laughing and slapping him on the back.
"My mother's dead," Lin said, quietly. He tried to keep his eyes on what he was doing and not look around. It was difficult, though, when he'd feel eyes on his back, to not turn around and meet that intruding gaze.
Still better than Lionel, though, he reminded himself.
"I know she's dead, Freak. Everyone knows. You fuckin' Luthors think you're such hot shit, don'tcha?"
"No," Lin said, but one of the other boys talked right over him.
"Yeah," he said, leaning around the first boy. "What's the deal with you, anyway? I heard you're not even allowed outside. Whatcha doing here, Freak?"
"Maybe Daddy got tired of his ass always hanging around and decided to-- "
The third boy who'd started talking never finished, and Lin didn't feel one bit sorry for smashing his fist into that kid's face.
Leon was that boy's name, he found out the next day. But Leon was no tattletale, so there wasn't a problem. Punching him had actually served as an example of sorts. They still gave him glares and he could tell when they were laughing and making fun of him, but now they left him alone for all intents and purposes.
In the bathroom the night after he hit Leon, no one used the showers on either side of him, and the two boys at the ones next to those kept flicking hesitant, scared looks at him until he left.
Two weeks in, during their break before lunch, both Lin and Greg managed to be in the room at the same time. Usually, Greg was off with his friends and Lin had the room to himself, but not this time. Today, Greg was over on his own side of the room, lying on his bed and pretending to read a book. Lin sat at his desk, drawing and trying to ignore the looks Greg kept shooting in his direction.
Finally, there was a sigh from the other side of the room, and then Greg's voice asked, "Do you always eat alone, Colin?"
He kept his eyes on the paper and continued to fill in the blank space between the pillars of his drawing. Quietly, he replied, "Yes."
"Look, you can tell me to butt out if you want, but. . . why aren't you trying to make any friends, here?"
"I don't need any friends." He raised his head and met Greg's eyes. "I don't want any friends."
Greg snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, pull the other one, why don'tcha? Everyone wants friends, and here you do need them," he paused and looked significantly at Lin. "If you know what I mean."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
Dropping any pretense of reading, Greg tossed his book aside and got up. He walked across the room to sit down on Colin's bed, leaning close to the nearby desk and talking in quiet tones.
"Look, I don't know what you've been doing all these years, and I don't really care. But you don't know how things are here, and just. . . " He stopped, and grimaced. "Just consider it my one good deed this year that, when I tell you that you need to have 'friends,' I mean it."
"Why? What'll happen if I don't?"
Greg shook his head, looking afraid. "You really, really don't want to find out, trust me. Just find someone. A couple someones, and stick close to them and maybe nothing will happen."
"Right," Lin said. "I'll just go up to two big bully types and ask to be their friend."
"Jesus, this isn't a joke, here, man!" Greg exclaimed. "I'm serious. You need to have people around who'll stick up for you. Guys-- these guys around here, they don't like you much and I've heard stuff, okay?
"Fine," Lin whispered, eyes dropping back down to his sketch. "I'll find some friends." He could still see Greg hovering around out of the corner of his eye.
"Please, just trust me," he whispered, before moving back to his side of the room. Five minutes later, a knock came at the door. It was Greg's 'friends,' and he left and went to lunch with them. Lin stayed in the room and skipped the meal, thinking on what Greg had said.
And on why he'd said it in the first place.
***
Three weeks later, and Lin was still managing to put off finding any 'friends.' Things hadn't improved at all, but they hadn't really gotten any worse, either. Some of the teachers kinda stuck up for him in class now -- now that he'd proven himself not to be just another rich flake. Both his Maths teacher and his Art History one actually seemed to like him. They'd call on him only when he raised his hand, and never when he didn't. He had bad days, and on those days he didn't want to talk, and it was nice that those two men didn't force him to.
As nice as those teachers were, so his English teacher was the exact opposite. The man was viciously cruel and seemed to be gunning for Lin especially. He wasn't that great at English anyway, and with the guy constantly nagging and nitpicking everything Lin said, it was no wonder that he found himself skipping the class a lot. He knew it was an incredibly stupid thing to do, but he just. . . couldn't sit there and be called stupid, and moron, and. . . once, Mr. Morris had even asked him if he were retarded, in front of the whole class, and that was too much.
He got enough of that stuff at the house, he didn't have to put up with it from this jerk, too.
The more he thought about why Morris hated him so much, the more Lin thought it probably had something to do with Lionel. Everything in his life had something to do with Lionel, so why would this be any different?
***
It was October. The leaves changed and the weather grew cold and Lin didn't have any friends. . . real or fake. Someone had tripped him in the hallway the other day, and last night in the showers they'd called him 'Daddy's pretty boy.' He hadn't punched anyone for it this time, but he'd gotten damn near close. The only thing that stopped him was a shared glance with Greg across the way.
He'd looked sad and sympathetic, and that had distracted Lin long enough to calm down a little. He'd rushed through the rest of his shower, trying his best not to react to any more of their taunting.
Two nights later, on October fourth, Lin turned his lights off and went to sleep in his dorm room at 12:00 a.m.
Greg had never come back that night from his 'friend's' room, and Lin had just assumed they'd snuck off the grounds -- out for a night in the city, or something.
And then, suddenly he couldn't breathe, there was something over his head, hands and arms were grabbing at him and lifting him up. Their voices were muffled, but he thought there had to be at least four of them.
He struggled and squirmed and kicked at them until they tied his legs together. Then, after he'd managed to elbow someone in the stomach, they wrapped rope around his wrists, tying them behind his back.
They carried and shifted him along a straight stretch for awhile, then dragged him up some stairs for a long time. He felt wind suddenly, and knew with sick dread that they were outside now. He didn't want to be outside tonight. It'd been raining earlier, and even now, he could feel fat drops of it hitting his body. They hefted him across the roof, he guessed, finally stopping and dropping him down on his stomach. Four hands were on his back, pushing against him as he tried to wriggle up into a standing position.
He swung his legs around and cut the legs out from underneath one of his attackers. But another set of hands just replaced those he'd forced away, and a moment later he got three punches in the face and two in the gut for his trouble. One of them manhandled Lin so that his hands were against the roof, then stomped on them repeatedly.
He thought that was probably the worst thing they'd done so far. Until he felt the cold scissors sliding up his leg, cutting his pants away. Almost like in an emergency room, he thought, in shock. Then the little blades were gliding up his chest, and hands reached inside to rip Lin's shirt off. It was an old shirt, years ago relegated to sleep-wear, it was so thin and worn.
It'd been one of Lex's old T-shirts that Lin had snuck away with a few years ago. He only wore it on nights when he knew he wouldn't have to go to Lionel -- when the man was away, or he had one of his women in the bedroom with him.
Lin wore Lex's old T-shirt when he wanted to feel safe, and now these petty, cruel boys had ruined that.
He could make out their voices shouting back and forth, but it was all garbled and unclear. He was naked now, and the rain pelted down, smacking and stinging every part of him that it touched. Hands grabbed at him again and they picked him up, lugging him like a sack of potatoes.
He could feel a wall all of a sudden -- brick and mortar under his nails, as he tried to stop their shoving and pushing. His legs were pushed against the wall, his back to it, and then he felt as a rope was wrapped around his chest, one around his stomach and another across his legs.
A few more punches to his gut, one to his face -- he thought they must have broken his nose on that one because it hurt so badly and something wet was slowly inching down over his mouth and chin. Then somehow, even in the rain, he could feel as a wad of spit hit his collar bone. It slid down his chest, washed away by the rain.
He felt alone now, and he must have been in shock because that wasn't nearly as scary as he thought it should be. The hood, or whatever, was still covering his head and all he could hear was the rain, filling in all the gaps in the world. Lex had said that once. Or was it Mom? Lin couldn't remember and it bugged him. He should have always remembered them.
A long time passed. The rain began to come down faster and harder, and with the necklace on, he felt every bit of the pain. The whishing and vague plinging sounds of the rain fell into the background when thunder started sounding closer. Thunder, then lightning, he thought, with terror. No more blessed shock to numb the reality of his situation.
He thought it should have been. . . more, somehow. There should have been a bigger build-up before the catastrophe -- his life, Excelsior, Lex, Julian, Mom. . . Lionel -- all of it gone in the blink of an eye. Pure energy sizzled and seared up his body, and through his veins.
Lin wasn't. . . anything, in that moment.
And he was everything. One with this world and nature -- more a part of it in those few seconds of being possessed by lightning, than all the other beings who'd been born on Earth and lived their entire lives here.
***
When he came to, he was still tied up, it was still raining, and he felt strong again. . . like he only did when he wasn't wearing the neckla--
With barely a twitch of movement, he snapped the ropes. Lin kicked out each leg, breaking them instantly, too, then reached up and pushed the hood off his face. It was sunrise, he'd been tied to the east side of the building.
And with the sun shooting its light over the horizon, Lin's hand found the place at his neck where the green meteor rock necklace should have been. . .
. . . but wasn't.
He looked down, and with his sight so enhanced and charged up, he could make out the blackened silver chain on the ground -- five stories below, in the grass. There was a stone still set in the middle of it, but it wasn't green. It was white.
He looked back towards the sun, and felt it surge through him -- more slowly than the lightning had, but it changed him just as much. He felt powerful and full, complete and beautiful and. . . free.
If only it could always be like this, he thought, before turning around and going inside.
***
" --and you all need to actually say what's happened, express it aloud, to each other and to me."
Daniel was still talking earnestly, but Lex had stopped paying attention to him awhile ago. He kept stealing glances over at Lin. It was that same dreamy, disconnected look on his face -- like the one he'd worn back in Metropolis at the Jamesons' house, after he'd run away and come back in the middle of the night. Lin's eyes were vacant, and they drifted around the room, never set or still on one point.
"Lex?"
He turned his head to look at Daniel, grimacing and waving a hand towards Lin.
"Sorry, but-- Is that. . . normal? Lin's done this before and I don't. . . " He trailed off, weakly.
Daniel shook his head, sadly. "It's a coping mechanism, I'd guess. He goes away in his head, so that he doesn't have to face something painful here. And I'm afraid it'll take a long time before he feels safe enough to come back. Or share anything about what goes on in there," he said, looking at Lin.
"He likes to draw, sometimes," Lian said, quietly. Lex looked at him and was met with the boy's sad eyes. "When he's quiet like this, I mean. Sometimes, if I set one of his sketch books down, he'll pick it up and draw."
"Really?" Daniel said. He glanced between Lin and Julian a couple times before meeting Lex's eyes and raising his eyebrows significantly.
"What? You wanna try? Now?" Lex said, indignantly.
"Do you have any of his books?" Daniel replied.
"Well, no." He looked at Lian again. "Does it have to be one of his own? Can it work with any paper?"
Lian shrugged, Lex sighed, and Daniel stood up and walked over to his desk. He grabbed a few sheets of printer paper, a pen off his desk, and a heavy book from one of the shelves. Then he walked back over, coming to a stop in front of Lian.
Daniel held the items out, waiting for Julian to take them.
"Worth a try, right?" he said, glancing back and forth between Lex and Lian.
Lex shrugged, raising a hand to his eyes and rubbing them. "Sure," he replied, with another sigh.
The sofa shifted as Lian stood up and went around Lex, over to Lin. Daniel had dragged a small sofa table over next to Colin, and Julian set the paper and pen on top of the book, which he gently laid down on the table. Then he stepped back, eyes on Lin.
And then all three of them waited.
Waited for a good five minutes, no one speaking or moving. Eventually, Lian gave a heavy sigh and turned to come back and sit down. . .
. . . and out of the corner of his eye, Lex saw Lin's hand move forward to pick up the pen.
He whipped his eyes around, staring at Lin's mask of a face. There was still nothing there, but he'd taken up the book and paper now, setting it down in his lap and leaning over it.
"Jesus," Lex heard Daniel whisper. He glanced at the psychologist quickly -- a look of scared disbelief on the man's face -- before focusing on the movement of that hand, as it scratched and arched its way across the paper.
A building, Lex guessed, after a few moments. With columns and wide steps. Lin was writing something over the top of it, then suddenly he'd pushed the drawing off, starting in on the next sheet of paper. Lex slowly reached down for the first, wincing when he realized what it was.
Excelsior. An external view of Haermon Hall. The dormitory building where Lin must have stayed.
He was ready for the next shuffle of the paper, managing to grab that one before it had time to land on the floor.
A communal bathroom, filled with wolves. Literally, Lin had drawn feral, snarling wolves -- under the showerheads, and standing in front of the sinks and mirrors -- but they all had one thing in common: they were all facing the center of the room.
Where Lin had drawn himself, naked and dripping wet.
Lex had spent a lot more time on that second one, so the third drawing fell to the ground, where Lian picked it up. Lex looked up at him and watched as his brother's face went red then white, blood draining from his whole face -- even his lips.
His hand shaking, Lian held the drawing out for Lex to take.
And he wished he hadn't reached for it, hadn't looked.
It was like a snapshot, a moment captured on paper with ink. Raindrops were stuck in a downward fall, each appearing poised and ready to hit the ground. Four boys in a circle, echoing the earlier drawing of the bathroom filled with circling wolves. And in the center again. . . was Lin. Surrounded and naked, his left hand was being smashed into the ground by one of the boys' boots.
"Oh, my God," Lex said. His hands were shaking and Lian reached out to grab the next drawing, gasping aloud a second after looking at it. His face scrunched up and he started blinking rapidly, in an obvious attempt not to cry. Without looking at him, Lian held the drawing out for Lex.
Lex took it, but flipped it over so that he couldn't see what was on it just then. He looked across the room at Daniel, lifting the other three drawings in question. Daniel got up from his seat and came over to sit down next to him on the sofa. Then he picked up the drawings and steadily went through them one at a time, studying each before moving on.
Taking a deep breath, Lex then flipped over the fourth drawing he had yet to look at. Lin was still busily working at the last sheet of paper, so Lex brought his eyes to the one in front of him. . .
. . . and hoped Daniel would take this one as metaphorical, like the wolves in the bathroom, as opposed to real. . . like the one on the roof.
Well, Lex, he thought to himself, he did say he'd been hit by lightning. And that reporter, one of the ones back in Metropolis before the hearing, had questioned him about Lin being electrocuted.
In the drawing, Lin was tied to the building -- thick ropes cutting into his skin -- and his face was turned up towards the sky. His eyes were closed, his mouth open in an apparent scream, and a fork of lightning was touching him at his shoulder.
Lin had drawn himself, his body, as being nearly as bright as the lightning, itself. The rest of the drawing was dark and faded into the background, but Lin and the lightning stood out -- almost together, almost impossible to distinguish between the two. . . like one entity.
Lex turned his head to look at Colin, and saw him sitting back with the last completed drawing in his hands. Lex absently wondered if Colin'd had more paper, would he have just kept drawing until it ran out?
"Lin?" Lex whispered. Colin blinked, which was more than he'd done before, so Lex guessed he would be fully coming around soon. Slowly stretching his hand forward, Lex kept his eyes on Lin's face, gauging his reaction. When he had a hand on the last drawing, Lin's head came up and his eyes actually met Lex's.
"Can I look at it?" Lex asked, quietly.
Lin blinked again, then a confused look came over his face. He looked around the room, leaning forward to peer around Lex at Daniel, quickly glancing at Lian and then back to Lex.
Then Lin looked down, and his mouth dropped open.
"What-- what the hell did I do?" he whispered. It was so quiet that had Lex not been looking at Lin's face, he wouldn't have seen Lin's lips move, wouldn't have been able to tell that he'd said anything at all.
He looked at Lex again, handing the drawing to him. Lex could feel Lin's eyes on him as he looked, gauging his reaction?
It was a sunrise -- as beautiful a sunrise as one could make, using only a blue ball-point pen and thin printer paper.
It was drawn from Lin's perspective this time, Lex could tell. The world tapered off and rounded towards the edges of the page, warping to simulate peripheral vision.
It was gorgeous, but Lex felt empty and confused looking at it. It was missing something. It was off. The drawing wasn't complete.
Lex raised his head, sliding this last picture over for Daniel and Lian to look at, meanwhile keeping his eyes on Lin.
"You're back?" Lex asked.
Lin nodded, sliding down the sofa until he could lay his head back.
"Good," Lex said. He lifted his left arm and slowly slid it along the back of the sofa. His arm touched Lin's head, and Lin shifted his eyes over to the side to look at him. Lex raised an eyebrow and simply slouched down, too. Then Lin sighed and rolled his eyes, before closing them.
But his head leaned against Lex's arm more fully.
***
"Lin, what happened? What'd they do?"
"They tied me to a chimney, and left me outside during a lightning storm."
***
Daniel insisted on walking them down after the session ended. He and Lex had made another appointment for the three of them, set for three days from now.
A 'goodnight' and 'see you in the morning' to Jean, and the four of them were safely in the elevator, heading down. Checking his watch, Lex was surprised when he saw it was only 3:30. It seemed like more time had passed than that.
"No more patients?" Lex asked, looking at Daniel across the way.
"I didn't schedule any after this one," he replied. Then a fake smile, and he said, "And now I'll get home early."
"You married?"
Daniel gave a snort and shook his head, looking at Lex like he'd lost his mind.
"Are you kidding? I'm too busy for anything right now. I barely have time to feed and walk my dog -- I don't even want to imagine the yelling I'd get for neglecting a girlfriend!"
Lex smiled. "Well, at least you know your limitations," he said, eyes returning to the numbers up above -- watching them as they lit up and went dark in descending order.
The elevator jerked to a stop then 'pinged.' Next, the doors slid open and they were down in the building's lobby. Daniel got out first, turning to look at them. Lex laid a hand on Lin's shoulder, and gently nudged Lian forward. He'd called Alfred, who, to his vast amusement, said he'd been waiting in the parking garage down the street and would "bring the car around directly, Master Lex."
They were halfway across the tile lobby when the first shot rang out. It shattered the glass doors not 20 yards away from them. Lex's first instinct was to look around for the shooter, but he forced himself to move, to push Lian into Daniel's arms and drag Lin across the floor to a hiding spot after them.
Another shot, somehow louder than the first -- closer, he thought. That one was closer. This time, he did look around, and thus was distracted when Lin slunk away. Realizing too late that Lin had left, Lex panicked and got to his feet -- making himself a perfect target for the shooter who seemed to be aiming for them.
. . . and the world slowed down. There was another loud crack, dread and panic as his brain sluggishly came to the conclusion that death was coming straight at him and then there would be impact. Would he feel it? Oh, God, Mom, I'm going to die and--
--but the impact never came. Lex looked, and Lin was in front of him. Just there.
. . . and the world sped up, sound crashing back like a tidal wave.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Lex said. He knew he was in shock again, but honestly, these days shock was becoming a frequent visitor, and the adrenaline high he brought along with him somewhat made up for the fact that all this bad shit just. Kept. Fucking. Happening!
Lex put his hands on Lin's shoulders, then looked around for Julian and Daniel. There was a scuffle going on around near the doors -- or, where the doors used to be, anyway. A man in a dark trench coat was being held down on the ground by several security guards, and Lex knew that man was the shooter.
"Lex!" came Julian's cry. The boy slipped out of Daniel's arms and ran over to them. He flung himself around Lex's waist, squeezing like a son-of-a-bitch. "Are you okay?!"
"Yeah, Kid, I'm fine," he replied. Lin's hand reached out, and he mimicked Lex by setting one hand on Lex's shoulder. "Daniel! You all right over there?"
"Yeah," Daniel grunted out, as he got to his feet. He and Lian had hidden behind a large plant, one that'd ended up being shot to pieces and tipping over, if the leaves and stems and dirt covering Daniel were any indication. It looked like he'd been dragged behind a truck in the jungle.
"Lex-- " Daniel started to say, pointing behind Lex, at where Colin was, just as. . .
. . . Lian let go of his waist and leaned closer to Lin, saying, "Lin?" in a scared little voice.
Lex felt cold with fear as he turned his head back to look at Lin.
Lin's hand was still on Lex's shoulder, and as their eyes locked on each other, he gave it a little squeeze and coughed.
Coughed up blood, a thin line of red dribbling over his lips and down his chin.
"Lin!" Lex rasped out, grabbing him around the waist as he collapsed to the floor. "What the hell?" he said, as quietly as he could under the circumstances. "Why aren't you heal-- ?" Lian pinched him hard, and Lex remembered Daniel and the crowd of people nearby.
But Lin was shot. He was bleeding.
He was going to die, and it was because he'd stepped in front of a bullet meant for Lex.
"Lin?" he whispered, leaning closer to look into his face. He was so pale and cold. Lin was always so warm, but now he was cold because the blood was leaving his body and--
"Lex," Lin breathed. He looked Lex in the eyes, pleading for him to do something. But, what? "Take it off. The necklace. Take it off." Then he coughed again, making a choking noise like his mouth. . . was full of blood because the bullet had pierced his--
God! Lex looked around, and, seeing no one coming this way immediately, reached his hand under Lin's shirt. He felt cold skin, and more skin and then--
--and when he'd grasped that hot jagged piece of rock, Lex jerked on it, breaking the chain. Reaching back, he pushed it into Lian's hands, trying to get it farther away from Lin.
Colin's face instantly relaxed, his body, which had been rigid and shaking, slumped in Lex's arms and stilled. He took in a deep breath and Lex realized Lin had been wheezing before. The bullet had pierced his lung.
He met Lin's eyes and felt a smile come over his lips. Lin stared back at him and Lex could tell he tried to smile, but fell short. It didn't matter, it really didn't.
Lin was alive. God, how close was that? And why the hell had he been wearing that--
"Why the hell were you wearing that fucking thing?"
Lex didn't realize he'd shouted until he took in Lin's widened eyes. He glanced over at Lian, and saw the boy trying to keep Daniel away as discreetly as he could.
"Now's not the time for this," Lin whispered. He waved his hand at Lex, motioning for something, but damned if Lex could figure out what he wanted. "Your jacket," he finally said, impatiently. "To hide the blood."
Lex took off his jacket and tie -- Lin slowly sliding his off, too -- and for the first time felt grateful that Lin was so incredibly thin. He draped his suit jacket around Lin's shoulders, and then as he pretended to help him to his feet, Lex wiped away any blood with Lin's already bloody jacket and his own tie. Getting to his feet, Lex then hung them over his arm in a way that hid the stains.
"What just happened?" Daniel asked, finally managing to shut Julian up and push past the kid. "What was that? Colin?" He had a wild look in his eye, and Lex wondered if he looked like that, too.
"It was just a ricochet," Lin said, staring back at Daniel.
"Jesus! Are you okay? You need to go to the hospital! Lex, let's-- "
"I've got it, Daniel. I'm gonna tell the police we're going to a doctor to get Lin checked out."
He sighed, some of the worry and panic receding from his face. "You'll have to give statements."
"I know, but they'll let us go." Lex put on his playboy grin, and said, "After all, all that infamy's gotta be worth something."
