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Edward Point of View

Beep, Beep, Beep.

Slam!!!

Stupid alarm clock. Ugh.

Is it morning already? I groaned and rolled over throwing the covers over my head.

It feels like I just went to bed. I tossed the covers back and looked at the clock on the wall. 6:30 a.m. Ugh. No wonder I'm so tired. It took me forever to go to sleep last night.

Last night...........

Bella.

My thoughts were filled with our animalistic loss of control. Her screams and moans, the look of pure ecstasy on her face.

I had never experienced anything like I did when I was with her. It wasn't just the sex. I was drawn to her like a magnet and in our time together I felt complete, a part of me that I had no idea was missing clicked into place.

It was her, she was the missing part.

I wanted to be happy. I wanted to rejoice for my great discovery but I could not.

I didn't know why she pushed me away but I don't think I will ever forget the look on her face. Her eyes that had shown her passion and desire twisted into a look of pain and regret.

I knew that I acted to quickly. I should have controlled myself more. I should not have given myself over to my lustful desires.

I hated that I hurt her.

I wasn't sure what I had done wrong or if her pain and regret was even with me.

I didn't know much actually, all I did know was that I wanted her. Not just in the physical sense, I wanted to know every part of her, every thought and if she was hurting I wanted to ease that pain.

I didn't want to be a mistake to her.

I couldn't be a mistake to her.

I wanted her to see that despite my hasty actions I felt a connection to her. A connection I couldn't walk away from.

I needed a plan.....

Bella Point of View

I sat on my front porch on watched the sun peek over the trees in front of my house filling the sky with shades of yellow, orange and pink.

A new day.

A fresh start.

Just what I needed.

He deserved better than me. I was broken and scarred, maybe not on the surface but I knew the disaster that lay beneath the surface.

If he really knew you, he would leave you anyway, you are simply beating him to the chase" a dark voice said in my head.

Tears welled in eyes causing them to burn.

I was so tired. I had not slept at all last night. Letting go of my heart and mind had only reminded me of my past and all of it's arrows stabbed my heart again.

I wanted to pretend like I had never met him. Simply go about my life as if he had never spoken my name, like I had never kissed his lips or given him myself.

That would be the easy thing to do. At least in my mind it was......

I knew my heart would not let me get away so easily. My heart was already mourning the loss of his potential love. However, it was nothing I couldn't handle. I was accustomed to pain.

It was for the best, I told myself.

I really was not what he needed.

If he had any clue who I really was underneath this facade I carry.........

I'm doing him a favor.

I'm doing myself a favor.

Watching him leave me would be more than I could bear. Hearing his voice when he found out my secrets, I do not think I could bear that pain.

I pulled myself up slowly.

That is what I was going to do. I was going to move on, like he never had an effect on me.

I rubbed my swollen burning eyes and took a deep breath and pushed my sadness into the pit of my stomach. I could feel it's dull ache there. .

I can do this. All I have to do is keep walking. One foot in front of the other....

Think of all the good things you have going on in your life.

I had a successful restaurant, that was nothing to shabby. I had a book that I was incredibly proud of coming out. I had my family whom I knew was always at my side through thick or thin. I had my friends who were everything to me.

On the surface I had a great life.

All I needed to do was act like I really thought I had a great life. I had to remember all the things that made it important.

That won't be hard to do...............Right??

I tried not to think about the dark voice in my head, my cynic.

I can do this. I wiped my tears away and stared in the mirror at the woman that looked back at me and wished that I were whole again.

Sorry this is kinda short. More to come soon.