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In chapter 2, Chakotay is angry at Katherine and she just ordered him to the Holodeck.

Chapter 3


Chakotay was at the door of the Holodeck. He was dreading the parameters and Starfleet protocol lecture he was going to get from his Captain. But when the door to the Holodeck opened to let him in, he lost any thought his mind was set onto, shocked by what he saw.

*New Earth… *

He could not believe his eyes; every detail had been faithfully reproduced down to the smallest details. It must have taken her months to work on the program. A soft smile spread his lips at seeing the small log cabin in place of the shelter that had been their house for a few months. He jumped a little when he felt something touch his hand. He looked down to see the little monkey, whose paw was pulling on his hand.

"Hello there."

The monkey looked at him and then started walking towards the forest. Chakotay followed him, still surprise by his surrounding, momentarily forgetting the reason he was here.

The creature led him to a little clearing and there she was. Beautiful as ever, sitting on a rock, looking at the river at the foot of a small cliff, the mountains in the horizon; it was just as he remembered it, every details right before his eyes.

She felt his presence and turned around to him. The expression on her face had softened as if she could not be the Captain on New Earth.

"This is what I wanted to show you Chakotay. I didn't forget New Earth. It's been part of me every day since we left it. I've spent hours here, going through every detail of this place, the smell and the colours; it reminded me of you, the time… the very precious time I spent here with you. I've never showed it to anyone. It was mine alone… mine and yours now."

He could hear the constraint in her voice, how moved she was.

"I didn't forget. I cherish every moment we spent here. How could it be otherwise, New Earth was you and your love and our friendship and Kathryn… not the captain, but Kathryn… the woman… and it was where I admitted to myself that I love you. Not being the Captain allowed me that much… it was…"

"Kathryn…" he was so moved by her words that he could only say her name. She looked at him with such love in her eyes and the recognition of the pain she had inflicted to him. She started talking again he could feel the hurt in her voice as she was almost shouting the words to make him understand.

"Don't you know these memories are the most precious I have? Don't you know that? Whenever our situation overwhelmed me and I felt like I was going to fall in a pit of doubts and guilt, I found solace in coming here to work on recreating New Earth, remembering that time with you?"

He suddenly saw her eyes changed totally, as her voice softened.

"Don't you know, I remember, the feel of your hand on my shoulders?"

Kathryn closed her eyes as she was reliving the moment lifting a hand to her shoulder as if to touch his hands, the 3 years old imprint of them.

"I remember your fingers gently digging in my shoulders, the tip of them dancing on my skin. I remember the electrifying excitement I had felt when you first touch me… I felt your love."

She stayed silent for a few seconds, her eyes closed as if she needed the time to put her emotions into words.

"You had to know all that… you knew I ran to bed that night because your gentle touch had troubled me more then any men ever had… making love to me. You reached down inside me and pulled my heart from behind that wall I had built since getting Voyager stranded here. It pulled Kathryn out of the Captain and pushed her in the forefront and I was terrified."

She walked up to him, planting her eyes in his.

"Before New Earth, I had buried Kathryn deep inside me. I was responsible for the crew's return to the Alpha quadrant; there could be nothing else that mattered. I thought Kathryn had gone away…I had been the Captain for so long. I was afraid that if I loved you, nothing else would matter, not Voyager, not the crew… just you."

He saw her shoulders sagged as if they were under an incredible weight.

"I want you to know I've hated myself for my cowardice that night. I wanted to let myself go, just didn't know how too, I was afraid you'd be disappointed by the Captain… that I could never be anything else. It took me a while after New Earth to realize I was wrong, because in the end, Kathryn had never been more present and alive then since the day I saw your face on the screen. Still… I was terrified… I couldn't be Kathryn because of my duties. On Voyager I could only be the Captain and I was afraid I could not be myself with you, make you love Kathryn."

Before she could open her mouth again he was taking her in his arms, crushing her against his chest.

"Tuvok to Janeway"

*Oh! No… not now* she thought. *Not now Tuvok!.*

She slapped her com badge : "Janeway here."

"Captain, unidentified ship coming our way. We've hailed them with no success."

"Thank you Tuvok, go to yellow alert, I'm on my way. Please ask the senior staff to report to the bridge. Janeway out"

She then turned to Chakotay.

"We'll have to postpone our discussion. But I say this before we leave. You were right, I've been selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings and if you give me one last chance, I'll try to redeem myself to deserve your love. I love you Chakotay, more then I can put into words. You are my friend, my love, my soul mate."

She lifted herself on her toes, gave him a fleeting kiss and turned around.

"Computer, end program and open exit door."

He was beside himself. She had told him she loved him, her admission made his brain go blank and his lips spread in a grin. In the end, he snapped out of it somehow. He didn't have any other choice but to follow her to the bridge.

In the turbo life he saw a smile spread on her lips. Was she smiling at the irony of Tuvok's SECOND untimely rescue from New Earth…

"Status Tuvok."

Tuvok moved back to his station, letting the Captain take her chair.

"We are still trying to hail them unsuccessfully."

"Thank you Harry. Please open hailing frequencies."

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation…."

"Captain, frequency has been closed."

*I hate when they hang up on me* "Try again, Harry."

"Hailing frequencies open Captain."

"This is Kathryn Janeway…"

A screeching sound came over the speakers.

"Harry…"

"Captain, I think they are trying to reply and the universal translator can't make sense of it."

For the next few hours, they were on the bridge trying to figure out a way to communicate with the ship.

The bridge crew had noticed the Captain and Commander's little dance number. Something was going on… something very strange, but something important. Tom and Harry were exchanging looks and messages and getting nowhere. The Captain and Chakotay were tiptoeing around one another as if they were expecting something to happen… waiting for some revelation, emotions flying between them, shyness… hope. They would have to be blind not to see something was wrong with their Command team.

Chakotay was walking around, a dazed look in his eyes and the Captain was sending him shy smile which gave the impression she was in over her head and didn't know how to get out of whatever situation she had put herself into. Totally puzzling, Tuvok thought. He couldn't put a logical explanation to the behaviour of his command team.

In the end, the ship was just a transport between two planets of an early warp civilization and after exchanges of civilities and some information about the road ahead; Voyager and the transport went their separate ways.

Through it all, Kathryn thought of Chakotay, her mind trying to think of a way to give control back to him. She had ordered him to the Holodeck and this was not giving control… not at all.

And it hit her… It was perfect in every way, timing, intent, objectives… perfect to give him back his dignity… She had to make a gesture to heal his pain, a grand gesture, something that was unequivocally telling him that she was not going to make the calls on their relationship anymore and that she was not going to hide any longer.

But then, her plan had also the possibility of her being humiliated and that was not something she considered lightly and he would know that. But she trusted him. He would never hurt her just for the pleasure of hurting her. He loved her. She knew he would appreciate how hard this was going to be for his Captain.

The transport ship was already out of sight and the bridge crew was coming down from yellow alert. She had to do it now, not allow herself the time to chicken out. She had to do it, and do it now.

She walked up in the front part of the bridge, facing everyone, her back to the view screen.

"Could I have your attention for a moment, please, all of you."

All the eyes on the bridge diverted to her. I have to do this, she thought. It was the hardest thing for her to do, she was never one to be open about her private life and yet she thought it was very little price to pay to get her best friend, her love back, to atone for what she had done and free herself of the guilt. She kept telling herself. Things will get better after this… you're doing it because you love him.

"Everyone, you will excuse me if I don't give you details, but I've done something I'm not very proud of and I'd like to make amend for it. Chakotay, in front of these people, I commit myself to correct the wrong I've done you. I'm asking you to please forgive me for the pain I've brought you."

Except for Tuvok, everyone else was gaping at the Captain, her speech surprised to say the least. It wasn't like her to bring personal matter to the bridge. It was so… so out of character…

She walked up to Chakotay, who was still sitting in his chair, she whispered for him only.

"Starting with humiliating myself…"

Chakotay took her hand in his.

"I don't want you to…" He whispered.

"But I do, I have to do this, for you as well as for myself or the pain I've caused you will always be with me" she whispered back. "I want you to see I know I've hurt you and how sorry I am".

Standing again, looking into his eyes, she raised her voice for everyone to hear.

"I, Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the Starship Voyager, am responsible for bringing this crew back home, solely responsible and that won't change. I will bring this ship and this crew back home. I'm sure of it; I feel it in my blood. This crew includes you too, Commander. I am and will be your commanding officer and expect you to act according to your rank. I need you Commander, your support, your inputs, whether you agree with me or not. We are a team and if you can't be there as such I will demote you and name someone else in your place without hesitation.

Everyone took a long breath… that was the Captain for sure, duty and all…

Kathryn went on.

"But, I will say this now, for everyone to hear, as Kathryn, I subordinate my will to yours Chakotay. I will commit my life to you for as long as you want me in it."

Jaws hit the floor; Harry tripped over his feet and Tuvok's eyebrow went on an away mission. Everyone looked as if time was suspended, holding their breath, eyes wide opened, Chakotay included.

"Kathryn…" was all he could mutter.

His brain had stopped functioning, he couldn't think of the words to say. Had he really heard the words or was it his imagination again… was he dreaming? Dream or not, he would take what was given to him. He sprung into life, stood up, grabbed her by the shoulders and brought her to him, crushing her against his chest and kissed her until her toes curled.

She slumped a bit against him, immersing herself in the kiss. God it felt good... better then good… it was like… like…

She felt a definite weakness in her knees. Oh MY GOD! I'm in so much trouble. He kisses like a dream. She regained her composure to pull away and face him again. She whispered for him only, her face illuminated by her smile.

"I hope I won't have to, but I'm prepared to make it a general attention if you'd like".

Chakotay smiled at her, eyes full of his love for her and she realized how much she had missed his tender smile.

"No need Kathryn. I'm sure the news will spread fast enough"

They remembered where they were and pull away from one another.

Turning her head, Kathryn directed her next words to Tom. "Mr. Paris, I would suggest you take note for your betting pool, it's time to pay up."

Turning again to face Chakotay, she added.

"You still have to decide if you will forgive me or not. I'll leave the bridge to you, Commander, and will retire to my quarters where I'll be waiting for your decision by the end of this shift…"

As soon as the words left her lips, she felt like a fool… I can't help myself. What an idiot… I'm giving him orders again… She added in a smile… "or whenever you see fit to give me your answer Chakotay."

His eyes still full of surprise, Chakotay felt her arms going around to the back of his neck, standing on her toe she whispered in his ear.

"I need time to get ready for you… you deserve me at my best, my love. Chakotay, tonight… please make love to me."

His body reacted at lightning speed, he felt himself tense, aroused and hopelessly in love. His brain had taken its leave. Before he could think of a reply, she gave him a quick kiss.

"You have the bridge Commander" and she walked out to the turbolift, giving him her brightest smile as the door closed.

Chakotay fell back in his chair, still under the shock of what she had just done. He didn't notice the exchange of looks around the bridge, smiles spreading on every face. The rumour mill would be going at warp 10 tonight.

Chakotay couldn't believe what she had done. In front of everybody on the bridge, she had declare her love for him. What a woman… his woman… she had just given herself to him. The room was spinning, his mind overloading. His wildest dream was becoming reality. Kathryn, his to love, to build a life with. It was too much to grasp in one shot. 7 years of desire, hope, dreams and fantasies just handed to him…

Tuvok's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Would you like to be relieved, Commander."

That brought him back to reality in a flash. Should he… There's was a bit less then one hour to the shift, she had ask him for time and it would also send a message to the crew that their involvement would not change their professional commitment in anyway. He quickly made his decision.

"I'm not incapacitated in any way, do you know of a reason that would justify I'd be relieved of duty, Tuvok?" Chakotay replied with a smile, thinking: Obviously you thought I was going to follow her to her quarters you dirty old man.

"No Commander, you are correct. Mine was a logical request as you were off duty when you were called to the bridge. "

Logical indeed Chakotay thought, Nice save.

"The Captain had asked me to finish this shift. But you are right the other member of the senior staff should be relieved. Please call back gamma crew Tuvok. Turning back, he addresses Tom sitting a few feet from him. "In the meantime, Helm boy, about looking at the road before we hit a planet and they revoke your piloting licence… "

"Yes Commander" Tom turned back to the view screen, checking the data on his console while sending B'Elanna a message…

A whooping scream was heard from engineering and rang over the corridors…

"ABOUT TIME!"