Chapter 3 – Unforgiveable

I stood still for a few more moments, thinking about what I had just done. Charlie. He was waiting for me. I dashed over to him, but I was too late. His heartbeat was weak, but his eyes were whirling in his head. The color had left his cheeks. My lips trembled, "Charlie, no." A sob came through my lips and I waited for the tears. My eye stung, as my breath hitched. Charlie still could be saved. As long as his heart was still beating, it was possible. I just had to get the venom out, but I didn't have much time. I fell to my knees next to Charlie, "The burning!" My eyes stung more as he agonized in pain. I picked up my hand from underneath his head and saw the blood. It was the sweet smell I picked up across the meadow. My lips still trembled as I raised my stained hand to my face and inhaled at the scent. It was irresistible. The scent had the reminiscent scent of leather. A new instinct came over, one I've never felt before. I saw the blood flowing out from his wound and it was still warm. The scent of the venom hardly tainted the scent of the blood. I couldn't stop myself. I was more primal as I lower my lips to his neck and drank the blood. My eyes slowly closed as my thirst was satisfied. I felt the warm substance creeping into every inch of my body.

The blood was changing me, making me stronger. I opened my eyes and everything was different. I looked up to the sky and I could make out the miniscule breaks in the clouds. From 15 feet away, I could see every grain of bark on the trees. I could see the fluttering of a bee's wings hovering in a bloomed flower. Before my mind could complete the thought, I stood up. Inhaling deeply, the air swirled in my body, not bringing me any relief. Instead, the air brought with it new flavors. I could taste the scent of the grass on my tongue. Inhaling again, I could smell leather again. I looked down. My eyes widened to the body of my father. No, no, what have I done? I killed him! He could have been saved. I wanted to save him. But, I had to quench my thirst. In doing that, it cost Charlie his life. I backed away from his body. I was panicked and mortified. I looked around myself, what had I become? This wasn't possible. I wasn't bitten. I knew what I was, but it was impossible. There were no vampires around, except for the one I just killed. I was bitten by one, but that was a year ago. Could the change take that long? No, he got all the venom out of my body and I was human. All this time, I was human. How could I be a vampire now?

No, I couldn't be. I had to test that theory. I looked at the large white house and remembered. Memories I had buried away for the sake of my own sanity. I remembered the meadow, where he showed me how fast and strong he really was. Was I that fast? Again, before completing the thought, I ran around the house before I could blink. I was fast, very fast. I ran to the back of the house again and saw the river. The water glittered so much; it looked like there were stars just beneath the surface. I looked back at the glass wall and saw my reflection. I walked closer to it, not believing that I was looking at. Even from the riverbank, I didn't need to step closer to the glass to have a better look. I walked forward in shock. What drew me closer to the reflection in the glass were my eyes. The eyes looking back at me weren't brown, they were blue. A pale blue that made them stand out. I squeezed my eyes closed. My eyes are brown. They are brown, I repeated in my head ten times. I looked back at the glass and my eyes were normal again. That was one relief. I could hear something coming up fast. It was on the road. I had to go. I ran back to my truck. My senses went wild as I ran through the tall grass and large trees. Soon, I was climbing into the cab. I couldn't bring myself to start the engine. I had to escape, but it was too late. The police cruiser stopped; it was Deputy Steve. "Hey Bella." I faked a smiled, "Hey." "What are you doing here?" I gestured to his truck with my chin, "That's Charlie's new truck. It's not like him to just walk away from his car."

Deputy Steve looked to the truck, "You're right." He got out of his car and walked over to the vehicle. I put my hand over my chest, trying to control my breathing. I looked up through my windshield. My heart wasn't beating. I checked my own pulse and it wasn't there. Deputy Steve was inspecting the truck. He was on his walkie talkie, "The chief is missing. Bella is here and she was looking for him." The speaker squawked, "Where are you?" "South on the 101. Near the Cullens' old house." I looked out the window. It was funny that a stray vampire would be drawn to their house. I could smell it in the meadow. There was a distinct scent. It was faded, but it was there. It was different from the scent I was getting from Charlie. Deputy Steve walked over to my truck, "Bella, you'd better head home. I'll call when we have an update." He was close and I could see the blood pumping underneath his skin. His scent was like fresh cut grass. I held my breath. Edward told me breathing wasn't necessary. They did it for comfort and normality. Moving as humanely as possible, I turned my truck around and headed to town. My truck protested as I pushed it to my house.

Once in the house, I sprinted to my room. Reaching my room, I wasn't out of breath and my heart wasn't racing. My heart wasn't beating at all. I thought back to my reflection over the past few weeks. I was paler, but there was more color to my cheeks. The slow speed of my ancient truck was beginning to bore me. My hearing was stronger. I was becoming bored with the clothes I wore. My temper was getting worse. It was beginning to make sense. I was slowly changing. Taking off my clothes, I went into the body length mirror in the bathroom. Standing there, I saw myself. My hair was longer. The curves in my body were more defined. I looked at my eyes. They were blue before, but I closed them and they were brown again. I was not expecting this. Edward told me little about being a newborn vampire. The first, and most important thing, they lacked was control. I was able to speak to Deputy Steve. Even when I was speaking to him, I was breathing. He smelled like fresh cut grass. Sweet, but not enough to make me want to consume his blood. His blood? I closed my eyes and fell to my knees. I have Charlie's blood in me. His blood is fueling my body.

Charlie. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. How could I do that? The forefront of my mind was focused on Charlie, but in another part, I thought about the differences in my bits. When I bit into the vampire, it was like bitten into something hard. It didn't feel as natural as it did from when I bit into Charlie. Biting Charlie, my teeth sank so easily. Like knives, cutting into butter. More easily than the vampire. My teeth were so strong, they broke through vampire skin. I pressed my fingers to my teeth and they felt sharp. Passing my finger along the bottom row of my teeth, each one felt sharp against it. I pulled my lips back, to see more of my teeth and there were milk white, despite what I had done with them. The taste of the blood from each victim was different too. From Charlie, the blood was fresher. Maybe the vampire's body was already using it for his own body, when I took it from him. I was surprised how strong I was. I was strong enough to break his skin with my finger. Edward told me it took a great impact to break a vampire's skin. But I was able to do it with my hand.

I have known vampires, but I would never think of them as monsters. I was. I let my father die, so that I could survive. No, not survive. So that I could…. eat. With my eyes closed, my other senses were sharper. I could hear my neighbors speaking in their houses. I could pick out the sounds of individual heartbeats. Hearts that were pumping lush, warm blood through their bodies. From behind my house, I could hear another heart. A larger heart and it was beating quickly. I could hear large patted feet moving quickly against the brush on the ground. Along with the heart and moving feet, I could hear quick breaths. I stood up. It was a wolf. It was a wolf and I was a vampire. It would rip me apart. I must have left a scent there. They would pick it up when they came to the house. Dashing into my room, I quickly disposed of the clothes I wore when I killed Charlie. Throwing them in the hamper, I dressed in jeans and a shirt. The wolf was getting closer. I knew I didn't need shoes, but that would make me too conspicuous.

The wolf was in the backyard. I heard him change back to human form. There was a cracking and resetting of bones and their heart slowing. He was on my back porch and opening the door. I opened my window, when I heard him, "Bella!" It was Jacob. He would pick up my scent. I faced my window, ready to leap out of it when my door opened, "Bella!" I looked back with shock, "Jacob!" "Bella, what's wrong?" I froze, but my nose wrinkled. A bad scent hit me and it was coming from Jacob. He smelled like a wet dog. Jacob looked at me, "Bella, I have to tell you something." Jacob stepped towards me, but I back away. "Bella, calm down. I have something really important to tell you." Jacob held my wrist and I jumped. I was waiting for him to pick up on my scent, but he was fine. "Bella, you'd better sit down." Jacob took my hand, sat on the bed and pulled me into his lap. Jacob's arms held me close to him, "Bella, its Charlie." Jacob didn't realize what I was. Maybe he doesn't realize right away.

Jacob sighed, "Bella, its Charlie." I mumbled, "Did they find him?" Jacob hugged me closer, "There was a vampire in the area. Out by the …. their house." I looked at him, "Yes…?" "Bella, I'm so sorry. We couldn't get there in time." My eyes blinked widely, "You mean… Charlie's…..?" I covered my mouth and gasped. I knew what happened, but I couldn't let Jacob know that. Thinking about what I did to Charlie, my hands trembled. I hid my face from Jacob. Jacob did not need to see me like this. My breath hitched in my throat. My voice was blocked. I got up, out of Jacob's lap and stood by my desk. I knew I couldn't cry. A sob was building, but I wasn't going to let it out. I knew Charlie was gone, but I still could not believe what I had done to him. "Bell?" Jacob tried to turn me around, but I jerked away. I couldn't let him see me like this. He wrapped his huge arms around me and held me to his chest. This hug was awkward, because I didn't unwrap my arms from my own body. Jacob pressed his lips to the top of my head and it startled me. "What is it?" I just shook my head. Maybe Jacob wasn't there, in the meadow where I left Charlie. So, he didn't know I was there. Luck was with me that my scent hadn't changed for him to notice… yet.