So yeaah... We bring you the third chapter of this madness and boy is this a fuck'd chapter starring Gandalf himself and Snape.. and magikarp and some ponies so yeahh. What can we say?

Once again a big thank you to our fuel: Gothciq80 We love you man!

We would like to credit the flashback scene to our great friend Mr. Stage who came up with this weird sex-scene when we were high and reading chapter 2 out loud for him.

Chapter 3: Balroc-Fury of death!

Loki and Lestat didn't see each other again before a week. Both men needed time to heal their sore bodies (if you know what I mean) Loki got Thor to take care of him, and buy him three mortal day-after-pills but he didn't know if it would do any good.
Thor, being the sweet and loveable big brother did everything Loki told him in a desperate attempt to make their friendship work again. He even agreed to watch crappy soap operas with him. Of Course Loki didn't tell him who the lucky guy who fucked him senseless was. And when the weekend rolled in, the two wingmen once again met at their favorite bar.

"So how was your night with the captain?" Lestat asked. Tonight he was only drinking beer.

"Yah... I haven't been able to walk straight for days...it was awesome..." Loki answered.

"But when we returned you and Clark were gone. I wasn't the only one to get some, huh?" Lestat BLUSHED.

"But Loki-chan! I have been a good boy... oh well thats a lie," he giggled. Loki could have sworn he just shrinked, got chubbier and all in all just became a chibi for a second there. Lestat became normal looking again and shook his head.

"It turns out Clark was Superman..."

"Wait what?... Aaah why didn't I see that? I blame the glasses..."

"And then we went flying and we fucked in open air," Lestat said with a shy grin on his face.

"That is kinky!" Loki proclaimed, smirking at his blonde friend.

"I knooooow! It was amazing! Although I must admit he got me scared for a short while when we did the doggy-style mid air." Lestat said with a fond sigh thinking back on the event:

They were flying/fucking high up in the air, Lestat was riding Clark and the stars was sparkling and Superman whispered sensually in Lestats ear:

"I want to try doggy-style."Lestat being high on lust just nodded and moaned out a yes to him.

Clark turned them around and held Lestat firmly by the hips and started pounding into lestat's ass and Lestat could do nothing but moan and hope that Clark wouldn't drop him."You're so tight!" Clark moaned out loud and Lestat just yelled out in pleasure as his prostate was hit again and again by Superman's large cock. Lestat was wanking himself off as Clark fucked him and with a very loud and manly yell the man of steel came hard into the blondes ass. Lestat came too but Clark's orgasm was so hard what he lost his grip on Lestat's hips and dropped him! Lestat screamed as de dropped from the sky thinking that at least his last minutes alive was well spent. And just as he closed his eyes, big strong arms hugged his waist. Clark had saved him

"I'm so sorry Lestat!" Clark had tears in his eyes.

"I'm okay. Thank you for saving me Clark!" Lestat answered giving Superman a kiss on the lips.

Lestat smirked and Loki didn't know if he should laugh or be horrified by the story.

"Soooo Captain America?" Lestat asked. Loki shook his head.

"As I said before it was awesome but i made a terrible mistake."

"What?"

"I forgot about protection..." Lestat laughed.

"But he was a virgin. How is that a problem."

"I could get pregnant... again..." Lestat nearly choked on his beer.

"What?"

"Yeah... it happens sometimes. Once i gave birth to a troll and I didn't even fuck anyone. I guess my male uterus is pretty hardcore. I have already eaten like a ton of human day after pills but I guess i should try finding a wizard soon."

"Did someone say wizard!" Howl sang as he dramatically entered the room(Insert applause). Loki and Lestat laughed at him.

"Hey sugar! I actually did. I'm in some trouble mortal medication probably can't fix," Loki said. Howl smirked.

"I am actually a wizard." Howl said with a smile on his lips.

"Really? wonderful!" Loki grinned "I need something against pregnancies." He said "Oh well I don't really have knowledge of those things darling..." Howl sighed rubbing his neck. Just as he had said that a tall man with a long gray beard and gray cloak and pointy hat entered the bar yelling: Howl my friend! How are thee?!

"Mister Gandalf! Welcome back sir!" Howl smiled back at the old man.

"How was your travels?" He asked

"Great great! I saw many a strange things and battled many monsters!" Gandalf proclaimed with a smile. Loki and Lestat looked confused at the old man and the bartender.

"Oh yeah! Bitches, this is the owner of the bar, mr. Gandalf. Mr. Gandalf, these are my bitches." Gandalf laughed so it resounded in the whole house.

"Silly Howl! You're a little too much a bitch yourself to have the luxury of bitches. I myself have many bitches!" Howl pouted.

"I am not a bitch..." he said softly.

"Oh yes you are. Now pour me a drink before I bitchslap thy shit out of you, you mofo!" Both Loki and Lestat nearly choked on their drinks while they both literally died of laughter. Howl sighed and started making a bloody Mary.

"So what is the name of you lovely maidens?" Gandalf asked. Lestat caught Loki's eyes and they died all over again.

"Mr. Wizard. We are not maidens. We are grown men," Lestat nearly sobbed.

"Well elfs then. Homosexual elfs."

"Well indeed homosexuals but not elfs," Lestat stated.

"Speak for yourself Lesty! I am a god! Such petty things as sexualilies does not oblige to me." Loki said. Lestat smirked "Dude... you are so gay..."

"Everybody in this godforsaken city is a god damn homosexual! AND III LIKE IT!" Gandalf resounded.
Howl gave Gandalf his drink.

"Now Howl, I have some exquisite new plants in my bag that I would like to try! I also have an appointment with the professor later on..." He casually said while sipping his drink making his way to the "Personnel only" door in the back.

"Wait sir!" Howl yelled making Gandalf stop.

"Loki here" He gestured to Loki "Is in dire need of a wizard of your caliber sir, I'm wondering if they could follow out back and you might have something for him and his... problem."
Gandalf seemed to contemplate it.

"Hmm... Very well! Come with me upstairs and tell me what you need!" He smiled at the two men and they grinned in return.

They walked out of the back door and up a staircase dressed in green, velvet carpets, and inside a room who smelled heavily of incense.

"Welcome to my humble home!" the old wizard said with a friendly smile. The room was colorful and cozy. One wall was covered by a big bookcase, carpets littered the floor and big beanbags and comfortable looking armchairs stood around the room. beautiful paintings and all sorts of weird trinkets hung around on the walls.

"Cozy..." Lestat stated as he walked into the room.

"Sit, sit my friends!" Gandalf walked over to a table littered with papers and book and other things, He placed a small bag on it and opened it taking out small plastic bags with dried leafes in them, and laid them on the table.

"Now! What do you need dark haired fellow?" Gandalf asked turning to Loki.

"As I said I am a god... I am Loki! God of mischief to be more exact." He smiled a little and continued: "Last week I had a sexual encounter with The good Captain America and with his super-serum semen and my jotun body I am afraid to get pregnant again and I was wondering if you maybe had something to prevent this." Loki looked hopefully towards the old wizard.

"I can give you something against it." Gandalf chuckled "I just need to make a phonecall." He said. The two young men sat down in each of their own beanbags, Loki sat like a whore and Lestat crossed his legs, as Gandalf pulled out a giant 80ties brick cellphone from a pocket in his robes. He waited a couple of seconds.

"Yeah this is Gandalf. Can you drop by with some of that super-special-awesome-anti-male-pregnancy-stuff. Yeah. Uhm. Aha. All right bring that too. Mmh. Bye... I love you too. Yeah in a fatherly way. Don't get excited." Gandalf hung up and looked on the two guys with a blank face.

"So you wanna smoke a blunt?" Loki and Lestat looked at each other and shrugged.

"Sure."

"Cool. I will make what I call a Balroc-fury of death joint. It is pretty potent. I think you will enjoy it," Gandalf said, while he started to roll a cone on the size of a small country. He made Lestat roast at least four cigarettes and made Loki mix the tobacco with A LOT of plants.
Gandalf then suddenly took all the things from them with a smile and proceeded to finish the giant joint.

"Exactly who is coming over with my medicine?" Loki asked Gandalf who was totally absorbed in making the joint

"Huh? Oh! It is a great friend of mine." He smiled "I see him as a sort of apprentice in fact" Gandalf held a fond smile as he said it. Loki nodded.

"You know I am quite the sorcerer myself!" Loki couldn't help but brag a little as Gandalf found a lighter a proceeded to light the joint.

"Really? I have read a few of the myths when I was younger." Gandalf said and coughed as he exhaled the thick smoke of the blunt. He took a couple of puffs more of the joint.

"You smoke like a bitch," Lestat laughed. Gandalf passed it to him. Lestat nearly suffocated on his first puff, and both Gandalf and Loki died a bit.

"Yeah I! Thee Gandalf the Gray is no ones whore! But you boy... can go make me a sandwich!" Gandalf said, and brofisted Loki. Lestat didn't answer the insult. He just looked out in the room with an evil bitchface.
The room was starting to get fogged with the smoke as the joint was passed back and forth between the three men while Gandalf told them about his epic quests. Suddenly Loki's eyes widened.

"Hey... Lestat?" he asked with a shivering voice.

"What if you sucked a dick and it sucked you back?"

Lestat just started giggling uncontrollably, looking at Loki with lazy eyes. Loki started giggling too and before they knew it all three men was laughing out loud.

"Like... If you just was sitting there and suddenly your feet turns into gummybears!" Loki covered his face with his hands as he laughed. "

"EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

"I swear that happened to me, once," Gandalf said with a serious face.
"I shouldn't have messed with that fairy."

"So have the room been neon colored all the time?" Lestat asked. Loki leaned towards him and started nuzzling his hair.

"It remind me of that time the cap blushed. Lestat... I think I could fall in love with him. He is so pure and fluffy like a flower or a marshmallow," Loki mumbled with a fond smile on his lips.

"Then why don't you call him?" Lestat asked with a faint flush on his face.

"Maybe I should, my friend maybe i should. And the shade of this smoke reminds me of your eyes, Lestat. All misty purple. I truly, deeply love you. Will You marry me?" Lestat giggled.

"Go to sleep Loki. You're high."

"High on love. You're so beautiful," he said, leaning closer.

"Oh stahp it you!" Lestat whined with a little girl's voice, but leaned towards Loki anyways. Their lips nearly brushed, but they were interrupted by a loud: "GAAAAAAY!" from Gandalf.

Suddenly the door was slammed open and a dark figure was standing in the doorway. Loki and Lestat turned their heads lazily looking at the dark clad man.
Gandalf Smiled widely and stood up with his arms spread open

"Severus my man!" Gandalf yelled at the man who had now entered the smoky room, walking over to him bringing him into a brotherly and manly hug! The man was clad in a big black cloak and had long, greasy, black hair.

"Long time no see Gandji!" He smiled at the bearded man.

"Loki and Lestat! Let me introduce you to Severus Snape! He is my good friend." Gandalf padded Snape on the shoulder as he talked, Snape smiled. Lestat gave a small giggle and waved "Hii..." He said.

Loki looked Snape up and down with a lazy smile.

"Hmm... So you're the one who is going to be my savior." He smirked. Snape shrugged.

"So you're the one with the uterus? Well I have brought something that might help you." He opened his long robe. On the inside of it rows and rows of little colourful bottles and plastic bags filled with all the drugs you could ever imagine and more!

"Holy Moly..." Lestat whispered with big eyes.

"Is there anything you couldn't cure?" Snape smiled darkly.

"Most of this isn't for curing. It is more like... party drugs for muggles. I have a great crew of meth cooks. My first year students. They have no idea what they are making. It's the perfect crime." He laughed with a deep, hollow voice. Loki and Lestat nodded mesmerized by Snapes almost chanting voice. Gandalf nodded and took a major puff on the Balroc-fury. He then passed it to Lestat.

"Oh i'm way too high. I think i'll pass..." Gandalf rose to his feet with pure rage in his eyes and shadows of doom danced around his lanky corpus.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" he yelled so his voice resounded all over Berlin and then forced the joint down Lestats throat.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Lestat yelled as Gandalf held him down trying to force him to smoke the joint.

"GANDALF!" Snape interrupted, putting a hand on Gandalf shoulder.

"Let the little bitch go and lets discuss the price." Gandalf nodded and let Lestat go, who started to cough violently, almost gagging.

"How much do you want for the fetus-killer?" Loki asked, his eyes half closed and red.

"Your virginity..." Snape said with dead seriousness in his eyes.

"I don't think it have never existed," Lestat whispered as his head fell to the floor and he started snoring instantly.

"Yeaaah... I gave that to a giant horse and got a teen-pregnancy out of it so that's a bit impossible for me to give..." Loki grinned.

"But I'll give you the blow-job of your life if you want." Snape seemed to consider this.

"Or I could transform into a giant, flying, pastel colored pony and let you ride me?" Snape rubbed his chin in deep thoughts.

"Tell me? How did you know I was a Brony?" he asked with a calm voice, a small blush was forming on his cheeks.

"Well, the cute little necklace was a pretty big giveaway." Loki smirked pointing a finger at the My Little Pony necklace around Snape's neck. He huffed, no use denying it now...
"Okay!" He said "But then I want you to be Fluttershy!" He said out loud.

Loki sighed "Alright... Just give me a second." After being banished from Asgard just as Thor, his magic had been VERY low. It was a part of him and therefore could not be totally extracted from him. Shapeshifting was an ability that Jotuns was practically born with so it wouldn't be too exhausting.
Loki stood up and stretched, trying to concentrate to the task at hand.

"Oookay! Here we go!" He said out loud as his limbs began to change into orange pony-limbs.
a few seconds later an orange pony with long blonde mane and tail and three apples on his hips.

"That's Apple Jack you idiot!" Snape yelled with a insulted expression on his face, his arms crossed.
Loki sighed loudly.

"Well sooo-rry! I don't watch stupid cartoons ment for 5 year old girls!"

"It is a deep and serious show about serious problems and if you keep insulting it I will not give you the potion!" Snape said defensively.

"Okay okay! Calm your tits!" Loki said and started changing form again, but this time it was not a pony... It was some sort of fish! A Magikarp! Snape was now red in the face with anger!

"Are you fucking kidding me!" He yelled and Loki just laughed out loud and started changing again and this time it was indeed Fluttershy who appeared.

"I can even do the voice if you like." Loki/Fluttershy said in that cute shy voice, a small smile on the pony's lips.
Snapes eyes seemed to change form and become heartshaped and he threw his arms around the ponys neck yelling:

"I LOVE YOU FLUTTERSHYYYY!" Loki was shocked and just stood there not know what to do as the grown man clung to him, but then he got an idea.
In the cutest and smallest imitation of the shy pony he said:

"Um... you know... it's okay if you want a ride on my back." Loki made sure to make the most doe-like eyes he could. Snape looked like he might cry of joy! Without saying more Snape swung himself up on Loki's back. Gandalf nodded silently and opened the window. Loki jumped out and flew out and left the wizard and his past out friend behind.

"It is with great joy i see my friends most secret wishes come true," Gandalf whispered with a moved voice. He then walked over and poked Lestat with his foot.
"Wake up my bitch! We are going to smoke the Balroc once more and after that thee will make me a sandwich!" Lestat whimpered disapproving but a few hours later he found himself in Gandalfs kitchen slicing bread anyway while he heard Snape's voice resound in pure ecstasy over the roofs of Berlin.

"THIS IS AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOMEEEEEEE! BEST NIGHT EVAAAAAAAAAR!"

A few minutes later loki walked into the kitchen with the most tired expression on his face ever, but a small smile soon bloomed on his lips

"I finally got it!" He said triumphantly, holding his right hand up in the air holding a small bottle of red liquid. He pulled of the cap and swallowed it down quickly making a face because of the bitter taste.

"No babies to me!" He smiled at Lestat.

"Oh! And by the way I took the liberty of getting us some mushrooms in the process." He smiled.

end of chapter 3!

Subcribe if you want more! Next chapter we throw our selfes into the Star Wars fandom and molest all your favorite characters!