Thanks to the people who have reviewed and thanks to you I'm uploading this a day early. I was going to wait but frankly I couldn't be bothered! xxKaytay
Chapter 2: Talking
"Edward…?"
Okay, definitely another double-decker bus moment.
Edward's PoV (about twenty minutes earlier)
I sat in the old rocking chair feeling disgusting, watching Bella thrash about in her bed. She was having a nightmare; there was no doubt about that.
It was difficult, unbelievably difficult not to dash over there, hold her in my arms, tell her everything was alright, but I knew that it would take time for her to trust me again. If she ever did.
I winced in pain at the thought. She had to forgive me. I couldn't bear it otherwise.
Her effect on me had not changed despite the years, her scent was maddening, but I had hunted recently and I couldn't ever hurt her, I would take a trip straight to Italy if I ever did.
Right on cue, I noticed Bella's breathing to become less steady. I ran into her closet and screwed my eyes shut as I listened to her scream into consciousness.
Then she did something I hadn't expected. She got up, left the room. What is she doing?... I thought. Then something dawned on me. It had only been a quiet buzz in the background; I'd been tuning out everyone's thoughts. I mean, what was the point? I couldn't here hers. There was someone else here. A child.
Bella had a child.
A child, surely that means there must be a father. I quickly searched the girl's thoughts for any sign of one. Nothing. I relaxed a little - only a little.
My subconscious had led me back to the rocking chair without me realizing. I then heard Bella's footsteps coming back from across the hall. Indecision swept through me. Should I stay? But it was too late; Bella was already back in the room. She hadn't appeared to notice me so I stayed perfectly still. I was good at that. However it was the rocking chair that betrayed me. Bella swung round.
Her eyes widened, it was beautiful. "Edward…?"
She hadn't changed. No, that was a lie. She was more… womanly. And it only attracted me more. What was she now? 24? Jeez. I couldn't believe it. In my eyes she was just as beautiful, just as lovely, still eighteen.
I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost didn't see her stumble.
My arms shot out to steady her. In a lightning quick movement I scooped her up and placed her in the chair where I was sitting. I went over and sat on the bed.
I looked down at my hands. Even from the half-second she was in my arms, I felt lingering warmth in my hands. I'd missed that. I looked up and stifled a chuckle. She looked just as dazed.
"Edw-...but- I mean" she mumbled, unable to form complete sentences.
"Shhh" I replied and gave her a few seconds to calm down.
"Edward" she said, looking down at her arms where I'd touched her. I guess I'd left a mark on her as well, though her expression was different. Disbelieving, as if she was trying to convince her self I was real and my lingering touch was the only solid proof she had. It made me sad.
"Bella" I replied tenderly "I- I'm so sorry"
"Sorry?" she asked. Confused. Though I saw some of the hot-tempered Bella behind her eyes. I was going to have to be careful.
"Bella, please, allow me to explain" I pleaded, and used my eyes, a little unfairly, to my advantage. After all, we didn't want to wake the child.
"Errm… fine" she replied, slightly dazed.
"Bella when I left you, I swear, I thought I was doing the right thing, thought I was helping you. You don't know how hard it was for me to lie to you like that, to tell you that I didn't want you. Although it was even harder to watch you except my lies so easily. How could you believe me? I thought it would take me forever to even slightly convince you!" It was my turn to be angry.
"I guess I never believed I was worthy of you, I never truly believed such a creature as you could love someone like me. But I think I know better now."
I could feel the shock spread across my face. "What happened?"
"I found these." She held up my gifts "and I sort of had an epiphany"
"I couldn't bear to steal from you Bella. Though I must admit I thought you'd never find them…" I trailed off and began to think again.
"I didn't find them. Alice did."
"Alice?" Alice had been back? I promised Bella a clean break. Alice had been back! I was going to have words with her when I next got in contact. I let an angry growl slip from my chest.
Bella's expression was almost amused. "Not your Alice. I haven't seen her since your family upped and left without even saying goodbye!" I was shocked at the venom in her voice, she obviously hadn't forgotten anything. So much for my sieve theory.
"Alice is the name of my daughter"
I'd forgotten about that. Almost by coincidence my eyes fluttered to a picture of Bella and who I assumed to be Alice on a beach. The child looked about three and she had ice-cream all over her mouth. Bella was laughing at her; I wondered who had taken the photo. Something struck me about the little girl. She looked nothing like Bella. Her wispy blonde hair was at contrast with Bella's rich brown, also her eyes were electric blue, a colour I'd seen somewhere else but I couldn't quite place it.
Bella followed my gaze and smiled sadly. "That was on our last vacation with Charlie, before he… passed on"
I looked up at Bella; her eyes were glazed with tears that were not quite ready to escape.
"Oh Bella, I'm sorry."
"Don't be." She smiled warmly "he was very sick, Death must've been a relief in the end. He's someplace better now" she said with confidence.
"Alice's eyes, they're… unusual" I commented casually.
"They're from her father" Bella blurted out. I looked up into her eyes. I could tell this was a subject she hadn't wanted to touch on. I stared at her deeper. God dammit! Why couldn't I read her thoughts? To my relief, she gave way.
"Edward, what you have to understand is after you left I was in a bad way. Every second seemed to last an hour. My way of coping was to just block everything out, wrap my self in wool. I feel bad now for causing Charlie so much worry. Looking back I must've seemed like an empty shell, like a zombie. But Edward, that was exactly how I felt! Empty." She paused and shook her head.
I assumed she was trying not to remember. I was about to stop her. (Although I didn't want to) causing her pain now would be unforgivable, however, she continued.
"Anyway, life continued around me, despite the fact it dragged, and prom and graduation soon arrived. I was asked to the dance, probably more out of politeness than want. I hadn't exactly been social in the past year. The only one who seemed to genuinely want to go with me was Mike."
"Newton" I growled. And suddenly the truth came crashing into me. As if I'd been hit by a double-decker bus- and if I was human.
She arched her eyebrow impatiently. I'd interrupted her story. I gestured apologetically for her to continue, despite the fact I already new the thing I'd been most anxious about.
"Anyway, I went to the prom with mike, even though there wasn't really anything worse I could think of. I did it for Charlie really, it made me sad knowing I was upsetting him with my… "Zombieness" That night I drank way too much. In a naïve attempt to drag my mind away from who I supposed to share this night with-" then to my surprise she chuckled.
"What? What is it?" I asked urgently, confused by her outburst.
"I guess" she smiled looking up at me "you're technically her father, I mean without your actions, she wouldn't exist!"
I rolled my eyes at her.
"Though Biologically, She is Mike's" She spoke the words in a rush I hoped she'd never say. A loud growl ripped through my chest.
"SHHH!" she whispered urgently "Alice is asleep!"
"Sorry" I murmured apologetically
"Anyway?" she asked sardonically "what do you care? You left me."
Pain filled my eyes. "What about your epiphany? I thought-"I looked up to see amusement in her eyes. She was mocking me. I guess I deserved it. I caused her so much pain. I glared at her nonetheless.
"Your story?" I urged her to finish
"Well soon after I found out I was pregnant with Alice, I guess it was my wakeup call. My first plan was to go back to Florida, stay with Renée. Unfortunately I phoned her to tell her the news and she hung up on me. I haven't heard from her since. Instead, I stayed with Charlie. He was so lovely to me despite what I put him through. I am eternally grateful to him for that. Then – I have no idea how; I managed to get myself through college (after Alice was born) and I got a degree in English literature. I returned home to Forks and got myself a job here at the high school. Six months ago Charlie died and I guess that brings us to now."
I stared at her in awe of how easily she could just tell me about all of these things, terrible things that have happened to her. The guilt washed over me and enveloped me, showing no sign of letting go. I looked down at my hands again.
"Don't be sorry, In fact I should thank you. Alice is the most wonderful thing that has happened to me. She saved my life Edward! I shudder to think of where I'd be now if I hadn't had her. I had to be strong for her, no matter how weak I felt inside. And it made me stronger I'm sure of it. I know that the pain never weakened, I just grew strong enough to bear it."
"I must say, you handled it better than I did. The past six years have been hell, no worse than hell. At least in hell my life would be over, I could forget. No, I was forced to live through every single day. And what was worse was that I brought it upon myself! The only thing that kept me alive was the knowledge that you were still out there. Every morning I had to convince myself not to come running back to Forks and beg you to take me back. I came back just to check on you"
Her face fell.
I quickly added "At first" she looked up again, I continued.
"I followed your scent to this room. I must say, it felt like sneaking into Charlie's bedroom. I saw you, beautiful, lovely, and you were in pain. The nightmare you were so obviously having made me feel sick. I kept trying to convince myself it had nothing to do with me. This was to do with something entirely different. I mean, everyone has nightmares from time to time. But then you called out my name. It wasn't the same as how you used to speak it in your sleep. It was as if you were searching for me."
"I was" she mumbled, and shuddered, trying to shake off the memory.
"And I then knew I couldn't leave again. I had to get you to forgive me… Bella, Can you ever forgive me?"
She paused, and took a deep breath before she spoke again.
Oh the drama! Again same with last chapter, please let me know how I'm doing? Especially Edwards character! I know I haven't done too greater job on it but other fanficcers will apreciate how difficult he is to imitate. In the words of Bella Swan: "Edward's look wasn't something that could be acheived through imitation"... no truer words have ever been spoken, so please help me make him perfect!
