Chapter Three: Manly Hugs and Other Masculine Things

"Ian! Please stop wagging your eyebrows!" Tala screamed from the driver's seat.

"Bryan! Move your fucking arm out of my face!" Kai shouted, squashed in between Bryan and Spencer.

"You want me to move my arm?" Bryan raged back. "Move your arm first and I'll consider it."

"Why don't you just seat in the front next to Tala?" Ian asked, stretched out on the laps of Bryan, Kai and Spencer.

"I can't," whined Kai. "Tala reserved the front seat for his imaginary hot girlfriend. Ow!" Kai yelped as Spencer's elbow dug into his right rib.

Tala fixed the mirror to focus on the backseat. It was a very amusing scene – Kai was squashed in between Bryan and Spencer with random limbs sticking into him like a voodoo doll, Bryan's face was pushed up against the window and Spencer's head was being driven into the back of Tala's seat. "Hey fuckers!" Tala shouted, voice laced with amusement, "Shut your fucking holes!"

"You fucking shut up!" Bryan yelled back. "You have room to move…we don't."

Tala shook his head. Children. Reaching down to the CD player, he switched the ON button and patiently waited for the machine to turn on. It was a little bit slow due to its age.

"Show me how to lie,

You're getting better all the time,

And turning all against the one,

Is an art that's hard to teach,

Another clever word,

Sets off an unsuspecting herd,

And as you step back into time,

A mob jumps to their feet," sung Tala. Reaching down again, he turned the VOLUME button clockwise.

"Now dance, fucker, dance,

Man he never had a chance,

And no one ever knew,

It was really only you." Tala proceeded in adding actions to his singing which consisted of continuously bobbing his head to the beat and tapping the steering wheel with his left hand.

"Um…Tala?" Kai asked cautiously, "What song is this?"

Tala started bobbing his head and shouted in the mirror, "You're Gonna Go Far Kid by the Offspring. Fucking great song!" Tala commented loudly. "What do you fuckers listen to?" Tala added.

Bryan decided to rejoin the conversation and helpfully said, "Spencer likes Vengaboys and Steps. Ian jams out to the sounds of chattering squirrels. Kai likes Three Days Grace and Linkin Park and I like…well actually Kai and I listen to the same stuff," explained Bryan hoping to be useful.

"Uh huh," was Tala's response. How thoughtful. Moments of silence passed by quickly and soon, after a car ride worthy of Hell, the boys found themselves at the Great Mall, which ironically, wasn't that great. "Okay, out of the car bitches!" Tala ordered in his best commanding voice. Quickly, he hopped out of the car and looked back to see if his friends had made it. After much struggle, Bryan, Kai, Spencer and Ian climbed out the car unscathed. "Let's go." Silently, they followed Tala to the entrance of the Great Mall when Kai decided to start a conversation which really, was quite odd as Kai did not like talking.

"Where do you want us to go?"

Tala pointed at Coles. "In there. Buy food. Bryan, you come with me. Spencer and Ian…you go with Kai," he said. He didn't trust the two morons alone. They could get lost.

Kai turned to face Tala, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Is there anything in particular you want us to buy?" Kai asked. "Or should we purchase anything we want?"

"Anything you want…just don't forget the food," said Tala. "Piece of advice before you go: Don't buy anything I wouldn't."

Kai shook his head. What was something Tala wouldn't buy? A frying pan and two eggs perhaps?

"So," Tala spoke again handing out pockets of cash, "take this. One hundred dollars each," he turned to face Spencer and shook his head. "Not you big-boy. Kai's looking after yours."

Ian peered up with big, brown eyes and pouted cutely. "What about me?" Ian asked cutely. "Do I get some cash to burn too?"

Tala sneered. "Fuck no! I'd rather be caught with my pants down in the middle of a crowded mall in a Santa suit than give cash to you." For interested readers, dressing up in a Santa suit is Tala's worst fear. "So Kai," said Tala fixing his intense gaze on Kai, "take care of them. I'll meet you back at home at around five pm. 'Kay?"

Kai nodded. "Yeah…got a question though…how am I supposed to get home?" Kai asked, arms spread out before him.

Tala frowned in response. "Catch a taxi?" Tala stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Kai shot him a look that read, 'get-fucked'. "I was being serious!" Tala responded, slightly hysterical. "I don't give a shit about 'I'm scared of taxi drivers' crap okay Kai? You can walk for all I care!" Tala shouted. "But I wouldn't suggest it…you might get raped." Kai raised his eyebrows. Tala tilted his head to the side. "You might get mistaken for a girl with that make-up on," he flashed Kai a grin and chuckled at the hateful look on Kai's face.

"I hate you," he said through gritted teeth.

Tala chuckled. "Yeah and I love you too," he chuckled again. "Screwing with you is so much fun Kai," he waved a hand in the air. "You take everything way too seriously. Loosen up a little. You might find life a little more enjoyable," explained Tala like he was very wise. "Anyway, Bryan and I have drinks to buy and hot chicks to purchase. See you 'round!" Kai shook his head watching Tala and a sulky Bryan leave the parking lot rather quickly. With a sigh and a jerk of his head, he motioned for Spencer and Ian to follow him.

.

Flicking through a magazine with the title, 'Crosswords – Not for the Faint-Hearted' printed on the cover, Bryan debated with himself whether or not he should ask Tala if could buy it. Yeah, he had cash of his own but he didn't want Tala throwing anything out he didn't approve of. He feared the homicidal-maniac in the disguise of a good looking Russian teenager would laugh and make some crude comment about him being a nerd. It would be so typical of a homicidal-manic in a disguise of a good looking teenager to make crude insults.

He felt a tap on the shoulder and without thinking, let out a shrill, high-pitched scream. Horrified, he spun around to face the offender. Embarrassment flooded him. "Oh..." he said weakly, "it's you."

A mocking, hurtful expression crossed Tala's face. "You make it sound like you're repulsed to see me," he remarked wiping an invisible tear away form his eye. "You hurt my feelings."

Bryan resisted the strong, overwhelming urge to punch his smug face in. But instead, he maintained his cool and showed Tala the, 'Crosswords – Not for the Faint-Hearted' book. "Can I buy this?" Bryan asked as calmly as he could. "I like puzzles," he added sheepishly.

Bringing a hand to his chin, he made an 'I-just-sucked-on-a-lemon' look, looked thoughtful, and said, "Sure, why not?" Tala shrugged. Crosswords might come in handy in torturing his teammates. He could picture it now – Kai, Bryan, Spencer and Ian doing crossword puzzles whilst he sat on a comfortable sofa drinking his holy Vodka, laughing at them. Yes, things were starting to look up.

"So Tala," said Bryan, eyes darting around curiously, "where are these…porn," he shuddered like the word 'porn' was a very bad word to say, '…magazines?"

"In the adult section. If you walk past the gardening and pottery section, you'll find the porn magazines. Grab a copy of each magazine. There should be four," explained Tala.

Bryan shot him a fearful glance. He had to touch them? "I was under the impression you would be buying them," said Bryan.

"Are you scared Bryan?" Tala asked, mockingly. "I can hold your hand if you are afraid," he jeered with a wink. Sticking out his hand to Bryan, he added, "it'll be okay Bryan," he said amusingly. "Tala is here to protect you."

Bryan threw his hands up in the air. "Okay, okay! I'll go and get them!" Bryan exclaimed loudly. "I'll just make my way over." Head hanging down, Bryan sloppily trudged over to the adult section. Tilting his head up, he let his eyes scan the covers before reluctantly, reaching out to grab a magazine with a woman scantily dressed. "I can't believe I'm doing this…" he muttered under his breath.

An elderly man with a big, bushy mustache reached out to grab the same magazine. "Looking for something to jack off too?" The man asked, his voice laced with amusement.

Bryan's eyes widened. "No no!" Bryan stuttered hysterically. "It's not for me! It's for my friend you see, he likes-" Bryan glanced around the newsagent looking for a certain red-haired blader.

The old man laughed. "Don't worry son. It's one of the joys about going through puberty," he laughed again much to Bryan's disgust. "I remember when I just read my first porn magazine. I was thirteen, you see, I was a late bloomer, and what a joy it was to-" he trailed on with his talk.

Bryan shuddered again and darted his eyes around newsagent once again looking for some sign of Tala. He was going to throttle him as soon as he found him. Bryan quickly snagged some more magazines and hurried over to the counter to pay. To his surprise, Tala stood by the counter chatting to a girl with long brown, slightly red, coloured hair. Tala acknowledged Bryan with a nod. "How's it going Bryan?"

Bryan grimaced. "Not good I'm afraid. Some dirty, old geezer blabbered on about his life story…" he shuddered again. Terrible times.

"Uh huh," commented Tala looking uninterested. "Anyway, meet Katie Henderson. Katie, this is Bryan."

Bryan turned to face the girl standing next to Tala…and was blown away by what he saw. He had never been into perving like Tala, but he could stare at this girl all day. He suppressed the immediate urge to run his hands through his silky strands of hair and press his lips against hers. He mentally slapped himself for having such thoughts. He was meant to be a cold and heartless blader not a love sick puppy dog fantasizing about the opposite sex. Ah well, he thought, least I'm not fantasizing about a guy.

Tala glanced down at the magazines and grinned. "So…buying porn magazines Bryan?"

"You told me to buy them!" Bryan defended, blushing furiously. He had never blushed before in his life and he had to start now!

Tala gave Katie a sideways glance. "He's very insecure." Turning back to Bryan he added, "Its okay Bryan to be horny and alone at night."

It took all his willpower not to strangle Tala. "Tala…" Bryan said threateningly through clenched teeth, "…shut up."

"So Bryan, what do you think of Katie?" Tala asked, changing the subject.

Bryan was taken off guard. "She's…" Bryan fixed his gaze on Katie's face. Honey brown orbs locked on Bryan's eyes which caused a fuzzy feeling rise inside him. "She's very pretty," he concluded, breathing slowly. He wished the ground would eat him.

"Aw, isn't that sweet?" Tala said, his words dripping with sarcasm. "I'm going to leave you two to talk. I'm sure you'll enjoy each others' company." With a snicker, Tala walked out the store and automatically, headed in the direction of the drinks store.

Now alone, Bryan clambered for conversation starters to break the ice. "That Tala, always joking around," said Bryan lightly, trying very hard to make interesting conversation. "Heh heh," he nervously giggled.

Katie flashed him a smile showing her perfect, straight, white teeth. Aw, she thought, Poor guy, being tortured by Tala. "So," she said, "porno magazines huh?"

Bryan clenched his fist. "Damn Tala," he cursed.

Katie patted him on the shoulder. "Tala's a dick I know," she offered sympathetically. She had been through tough times with Tala before. "Trust me, I know," she said at Bryan's confused expression.

"How?" Bryan stuttered. "Do you have a history with him or something?"

Katie nodded. "It's very confusing," she said, "but I'll try my best to explain. Okay, I know Tala indirectly through my best friend Selene. Selene has a cousin named Oliver."

"Oliver? As in Oliver Polanski, the French Pansy?" Bryan asked.

Katie nodded again, a movement which caused a strand of hair to cover her eyes. Flicking it away she continued. "Correct. Oliver doesn't know though as he was told by his parents Selene had died in a car crash several years after she was born. They didn't want to leave him traumatized. Anyway, Oliver's friend, Enrique, went out with two girls; Bianca and Rosette. Little did he know though, Rosette was secretly dating Tala Valkov," she shook her head, "he still doesn't know."

After absorbing this pile of information, Bryan opened his mouth to speak again. "So…how did you meet Tala?"

"Oh…he's a friend of mine. Selene introduced me to him after telling me all about him."

"And you didn't tell me this at the start because…?" Bryan trailed off. Katie wasn't making any sense to him.

"I thought I'd explain everything," Katie said, a little confused. "Or do you think I'm boring?" Katie asked, anger growing in her voice.

Bryan trembled. Katie was starting to scare him. "You are a very interesting individual," he responded as if he were a robot, "I would like to hear more of your life story."

Katie blushed. "Aw, you're so sweet!"

"Heh heh," chuckled Bryan nervously. Under his breath he added, "Tala…get your ass back here now…"

Katie's honey brown eyes flashed maliciously. "Did you call for Tala?"

"Are you a mind reader? …Erm, I mean-" stuttered Bryan. Feeling very foolish, Bryan suddenly blurted out, "I want to go home!" Very loudly in fact. Embarrassment welled up inside him as his brain registered what he had just shouted out. The urge to drop to his knees, bury his head into his hands and cry hysterically was far too overwhelming to ignore.

"Hey!" A gruff voice yelled nearby. "You there," the main shouted, pointing at Bryan. "Are you going to pay for those magazines?"

Bryan looked up and then lowered his gaze to the magazines now lying on the floor. Wiping his tears, he quickly picked up the magazines and hurried over to the counter that was just several inches away. "Sorry," he sniffed, "it's been a hard day," he added with a whimper.

The guy at the counter glared in response. "You gonna hand over the cash cry-baby?"

Bryan bit his bottom lip. He really did not want to bust out into tears again. Once was enough. "Here you go," he said, handing over the money. The man grunted in reply. Seconds later, Bryan walked out the shops, flushing a very deep shade of red. He resembled a tomato…not that anyone would tell him that. He was going to kill Tala…once he found him of course.

.

Kai ran his intense gaze over the shelves. "Now," he said aloud to himself, "where are the two moronic nincompoops hiding?" Kai giggled. "Nincompoops."

A woman walking by shook her head sadly. "Poor young dear."

"Over here Kai!" Ian shouted. "Spencer is with me too," he called out.

Kai looked at the shelf once more and grabbed a stuffed toy chicken before following the sound of Ian's voice. He soon found Spencer and Ian gazing lovingly at a Barney and Friends picture. Why a picture of Barney and Friends was in the shops was beyond him. Perhaps it was one of those colouring-in competitions. Yes, that sounded plausible. "What are you looking at?"

"Barney. He be the purple dinosaur of the t.b." Spencer explained helpfully. "He be my hero."

"I figured," muttered Kai sarcastically. "I thought you idolized Humpty Dumpty?" Kai said.

"Oh, by the way Spencer, it's t.v."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind." Kai shook his head. Never, he thought, try to explain anything to Spencer. "You are too stupid." A pull at his baggy pants caused Kai to lower his gaze from Spencer. "What is it Ian?" Kai asked, mildly agitated.

"Can you buy this toy squirrel?" Ian asked, pouting cutely like he always did when he wanted something.

Kai sighed. "How much is it?"

"Fifteen dollars,"

Kai's pupils widened. "What the fuck? Fifteen dollars?" Kai yelped. "I'm not buying a stupid squirrel. We came here to buy food, not stuffed animals."

"Please!" Ian begged. "I won't ask for anything else."

Kai sighed again. "Alright, alright. I'll buy the damn furry squirrel," he grumbled. "Spencer, what do you want?"

Spencer pointed to the shelf where a furry pinecone lay. "Me want cute pinecone."

"Okay…" said Kai, "what do you think Bryan and Tala would like?"

"Toy squirrels!" Ian chirped. "Then I'll have the full set!"

Kai grimaced. "I think I'll go for the toy wolf and falcon," he said to himself.

"What about you Kai?" Ian asked.

Kai coughed nervously. "Uh…I don't buy toys," he said, quickly hiding the chicken behind his back.

Ian walked behind him. "A toy chicken!"

"It's not a chicken! It's a phoenix!" Kai shouted, earning a few glances from passing shoppers.

Ian looked at the chicken thoughtfully. "Looks like a chicken, smells like a chicken and-" Ian squeezed the bird to create a loud clucking noise, "-it even sounds like a chicken. Therefore, it must be a chicken!" Ian concluded feeling very smart.

Kai prepared to counter-argue with Ian about the smell but thought against it. Instead, he grabbed the wolf and falcon off the shelves. "Let's pay and leave." With that said, Spencer and Ian followed Kai like a duckling follows its mother. After paying, Kai led his ducklings to the taxi area. "Blitzkrieg Boys," Kai told the Indian driver, "it's located on street BBA. It's the big, blue building with the Jacaranda tree in the front yard." The driver nodded nad loaded the shopping bags into the back of the cab. Spencer and Ian climbed into the backseat while Kai jumped into the front. Well at least that's over with, Kai thought, ah shit! I forgot to buy food! He considered telling the driver to drop him off at the local supermarket but decided against it. Fuck it. We'll just order pizza…speaking of pizza, I wonder how Tala and Bryan are?

.

"So…what do you think of Katie?" Tala asked Bryan.

Bryan shot Tala an angry glare. "You could've warned me. She's a raving nutcase who speaks a load of gibberish!"

Tala looked at Bryan, a serious expression in his eyes. "PMShast beng hain PMSin Hmmut n he ag ainutca ayou you PMSin astcay?"

Bryan blinked. "What the fuck Tala?"

Tala sighed. "Oh, I thought you understood gibberish," he said. "What I said was this; she must have been PMSing again."

"Pre-Menstrual Syndrome?" Bryan offered.

Tala gave him a disappointed glance. "No, you bag of douche. Psychotic Mad-Woman Syndrome," explained Tala like it was very obvious. "It happens every now and then. Today was your unlucky day."

"Tell me about it," he sniffed. "I've never felt so humiliated before in my life!" Bryan exclaimed. "I want to go home!" Bryan added sulkily.

Tala raised his eyebrows to express confusion. "If you want to talk about it…" he paused, waiting for Bryan's reaction.

Bryan scowled. "Can we not talk about it?"

"I think a manly hug is in order," said Tala moving closer to Bryan. Before Bryan could voice a complaint, Tala clapped his arms around Bryan, then shied apart, coughing nervously. In case you haven't noticed, the average man-hug, although both rare and totally awkward, is fascinating to watch. Both participants are trying to touch as little of each other as possible, and there is a lot of nervous coughing. "Yeah…" Bryan said gruffly, "that was…uh…manly…"