A/N: Oh, I broke down and got a Twitter account...to follow Twilight of course! (authors, stories, awards, other crazy people like me...) (at) mustlovertp-if you would like to follow me, though I probably won't have much to say. lol

Thank you for reading Thank you Kari-my rock, pre-reader, collaborator and all around great woman.

Rated M for a reason...

*SM owns Twilight


Chapter 2

EPOV

Alice just wouldn't let this party shit go. She said that I just HAD to be there. It was on a Friday night which was one of our busiest times. Jasper assured me that closing up one night wouldn't hurt and convinced me to go.

My sister bugs the fuck out of me, but she throws a great party. After grabbing a bourbon from the bar, I made my way around the room, speaking to as few people as possible. I smiled and was polite, but didn't hold much of a conversation with anyone.

I found Emmett and talked to him for a few minutes when I noticed Jasper trying to get my attention from across the room. He and Alice were talking to a fine looking girl with long dark hair. When I got a little closer, I saw my sister point at me and the girl started to turn my way. I felt my stomach tighten and the hair on my arms stood on end. There had only ever been one person that affected me like that. Bella Swan.

No. Fucking. Way.

Bella was here, standing right in front of me, looking scared shitless. It wasn't the first time I had put that look on her face. Shit! What the hell do I say to her? Sorry I cried like a pansy and unloaded my shit on you? Sorry I attacked your lips the last time I saw you?

Alice was talking, asking if I remembered Bella. Jasper had a shit eating grin on his face that I was just about ready to smack off. That fucker knew about Bella and how I felt about her, and knew she was going to be here! He just made it to the top of my shit list.

When Bella told me that she was Alice's new roommate, I almost choked. I gave Alice a look to let her know that she was joining Jasper on my list and quickly got the fuck away before I embarrassed myself any further. I really didn't want to be rude to Bella, but I had been blindsided and my mind was blank. All I was thinking of was the last time I saw her. I could still remember the way she tasted when I kissed her.

I hid in the crowd and watched as Bella fell apart. Was she really that affected by me? I had to hold onto the chair I was sitting in to stop myself from going after her. Maybe I should have.

I sat there for a few more minutes then left for the studio. I wasn't going to open up, but I needed to be alone. My phone rang and while I really didn't want to talk to Jasper, I answered anyway. He had some explaining to do.

"What?" I snapped into the phone.

"Where the fuck are you Edward?" he asked.

"Why the fuck didn't you give me a heads up, Jasper?" I sneered.

"Dude, you've talked to me about this girl for years and you leave? What the hell?"

He was right. But I was in no mood to discuss it at the moment. I just wanted an explanation and I clearly wasn't going to get one tonight.

"Fuck you, Jasper."

I heard him mumble 'whatever' as I hit the end button.

When I got to the shop, I slipped in the back door. Being so close to the beach, there were always people around the front of the place and I didn't feel like having to deal with anyone else tonight.

I grabbed a beer out of the mini fridge and fell onto the couch by the office. Bella fucking Swan. She was the reason I left.

Well, not the reason. She said some things to me that night that really made me think. She told me that if I didn't find a way to deal with my shit, I would lose myself. Bella said it would kill what was left of my family. And it would kill her.

I had pined away for this girl almost since I met her. My friends at the time convinced me to stay away. Something about her being my sister's best friend and it being a bad idea. Taboo or some shit. So I kept my distance only to find out the night before I left that she had felt the same way about me.

While she never came right out and said so, I was a smart guy and I could read between the lines. Plus, she kissed me just as hard as I kissed her.

As soon as I woke up that night, I was missing her. Bella was so soft and warm. She made me feel like there was something right in my life after all. She had gotten up at some point and gotten rid of the whiskey I was drinking, looking out for me. Typical Bella. Not that I cared at that particular time, though. I didn't try to hide my drinking from my parents.

I lit a cigarette and leaned back against the couch and watched the smoke curl above my head and remembered making the decision to leave. I didn't want to drag any of them down with me. So I just left. It was hard enough dealing with the guilt I felt over Beth. There was no way I could deal with destroying the rest of my family. Or Bella.

I left with no particular destination in mind and found myself in Oregon when I finally stopped to rest. I stayed close to the coast and took my time as I traveled south. I wallowed in my guilt for the first month or so before I started looking for a reason.

Why?

It took me a few months to come up with the answer to that. It really was simple. There wasn't one. At least there wasn't one that I was going to find. Beth died and I did not. I would always carry a certain amount of guilt, I don't care what anyone said. I was pissed that night and I am certain that if I had been in control of myself, I would have been in better control of the car.

I thought of Bella's words about Beth wanting me to live and I knew she was right. Beth was always an optimist. I found that surprising after the shit her parents put her through. She should have been fucked up beyond repair and in therapy. But she wasn't. She blossomed when we took her in. She was like a plant that just needed some water and a few hours in the sun.

I got myself to a place where the I could handle the day to day shit without running for cover. I landed in San Diego and met Jasper as I sat on the beach drawing what would become my first tat. He walked past me and then turned around. He admired the sketch and we got to talking.

He told me where he worked and asked if I ever had thought about that line of work for myself. It had never occurred to me. Before the accident, I was on track to follow in my father's footsteps and become a doctor.

I ran my hand over my side where I had a permanent reminder of my cousin. Jasper had taken my drawing and etched it onto my skin. It was the first tattoo I had gotten and the final step of me letting it go.

I followed Jasper to Midnight Sun and have been there ever since. He and Joe taught me everything they knew. I took to inking quickly and found that I really enjoyed it. I had always had a knack for drawing and it just morphed into designing and laying down tats.

Jasper and I became good friends. He had a way of looking at life that I found refreshing. He held no expectations of people and just accepted everyone for who and what they were. 'Life happens, you just have to roll with it', he had told me after I told him my story. Shortly after that, I called my mom.

After a few months, they decided that they needed a fresh start and joined me here in San Diego. My mom wanted me to move back in with them when they found their house, but I was perfectly happy sharing a place with Jasper. At least until he met my sister. She was still in her senior year of high school when they moved here so they kept things as 'just friends' for the most part until she graduated. There were some days that I regretted introducing them.

Like the day she brought up Bella in front of Jasper. He noticed my reaction when Alice said something about getting a letter from her. Later, after Alice went home, I told him about Bella. I admitted that I loved her but that I was in no shape to pursue anything with her. I almost called her, but figured that she was probably in college and I had no way of reaching her. There was no way I was going to call her fucking parents. I hated them almost as much as Beth's.

Over the next couple of years, Jasper and Alice tried setting me up with a few girls. There was one that I ended up spending a reluctant drunken night with, and a couple of other random hook-ups, but nothing with any meaning or consequence. It seemed like I always compared all the girls to Bella. None of them measured up. So I focused on learning my craft and honing my skills.

Six months ago, Joe decided that he wanted to retire. Jasper and I pooled our funds and bought Midnight Sun from him. Joe never advertised the business and had gotten lazy about the whole thing. We knew, that with a little effort, we could improve it. We'd done some advertising and upgraded some of our equipment and so far things were going great. We were at a point where we needed to hire a couple of people. We needed someone else to ink and probably someone to run the counter, at least part-time.

I stood up from the couch and pulled off my shirt. Staring back at me was my life in ink. I had designed all of them and they were all a piece of my life. Each one planned and perfected before they were put on my skin.

The dead yellow rose along my left side was the first. Beth's name was written on the stem. One of the thorns had a drop of blood dripping off it. My second belonged to Bella. It was only her initial and no one but Jasper knew what it stood for. In fancy script, I had a B inked over my heart. She was the one that got through to me. I figured it would always belong to her, anyway.

I had Cullen inked vertically along my right ribs and a tribal tat around my right bicep. I just liked the look of that one. The newest one was across my upper back and shoulders. The flames represented me coming through the fire that had been my life after the accident.

I pulled my shirt back on and got another beer. Goddamn, Bella looked good tonight. I always thought she was pretty, but fuck if she isn't all grown up now. The first thing I noticed was her hair, it was longer and just as beautiful as I remembered. The second thing was her fine looking ass in those jeans she was wearing.

I laughed at myself. I ran away like a pansy and just left her standing there. If she didn't hate me before, she probably did now. I wouldn't blame her. It was a dick move and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. What the fuck was I thinking?

All I could do now was apologize, if she'd let me. Now that I was getting used to the idea of her being here, I could prepare myself. Not that it mattered. She probably didn't even think about me after I left 5 years ago, anyway. Bella had to have a boyfriend. A woman that fine had to have a man in her life.

I could just be her friend. Knowing that she was here, I wouldn't be able to stay away. I'd like to at least apologize for acting like such an ass. I couldn't see how I'd be able to avoid her, especially if she's living with Alice. I looked down at my ringing phone.

"Speak of the devil," I muttered hitting the green button.

"Yes Alice?" I answered.

"Shit Edward. I'm sorry. I thought you'd be surprised. What the hell was that all about anyway? It took me half an hour to figure out that Bella locked herself in her room," Alice sighed.

"I was surprised Alice. That's what the hell it was about. You fucking blindsided me and I froze!" I snapped.

"Yeah, Edward. I was there. The question is WHY? I don't get it," she said loudly.

I looked up and saw Jasper coming through the door. He took my phone and spoke to Alice.

"I do get it, honey. I'll talk to him." He hit the end button and handed me my phone.

"Sorry man. I really thought that would go better than it did," Jasper explained.

"Yeah, well it was more like crash and burn or FUBAR and whatever other old movie reference you can come up with! Seriously Jasper, what the fuck were you thinking?" I stopped and stared at him for a minute. "Did you see her after I left?"

"No. Alice and I finally found her locked in her room. Ali was able to get her to open the door and let her in. I sat in the hall and waited. I couldn't make out much of what they said, but Bella was crying a lot." Jasper winced as he said that. "Don't let this go too long, Edward. You need to talk to her. Bella knew she might see you tonight, but we apparently misjudged just how much she was looking forward to it. What you did tonight crushed her."

"Fuck!" I yelled, tugging at my hair.

I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes. There wasn't anything I could do tonight. I had no idea when Jasper left, but when I woke up a little after eight in the morning, I was alone. I cleaned up in the bathroom and left to get some coffee.

I got out of my car and walked up to the beach house. I was fully prepared to have the coffee I brought thrown in my face. I knocked on the door and Rose answered it a few minutes later.

"Perfect," she muttered. "Are you here to finish her off?" she asked as I walked by her.

"Fuck off Rose. Is she up yet?" I growled.

"No Edward. I have something to say to you." Rose stood there in her fuzzy slippers and robe with her hands on her hips. If she didn't looked so pissed, it might have been funny.

"Now, I know that I don't know you very well, but then again, who does? You've kept to yourself for as long as I've known you. Bella doesn't need that. She's sweet and ballsy, tender and tough all at the same time. But, she wears her heart on her sleeve and she doesn't need you stomping all over it. She puts up with enough shit from her mother. She doesn't need any of yours."

I narrowed my eyes at Rose. I knew everything that she said was true, but who the fuck was she to tell me about Bella? I heard a gasp and turned to see a sleepy but surprised looking Bella staring at me.

"Hey," I said. Fucking idiot.

"Hi," her voice trembled. Bella still looked a little freaked out. She sighed then turned towards Rose. "I got this, Rose. Thanks. You can get back to Emmett," she said.

"Um, Bella, I'm really sorry about last night. I was just surprised to see you," I said. We stared at each other for a minute. I had no idea what to say to her. Bella's hair was rumpled and her eyes were puffy. She looked apprehensive at first then her expression softened to something else.

"Is that coffee?" Bella asked smiling, pointing at the bag in my hand.


A/N: Tell me what you're thinking...(pretty please? with Rob on top?)