Author note: I know I promised last time that it wouldn't take nine months to update this bastard. And to be fair, I told the truth. This time, it took ten months instead. My apologies! The good news is, I've now finished my undergraduate degree, so I now have some extra free time for doing fun stuff like churning out this shit for you lovely people! Anyway, you've waited long enough. Thanks for your patience, and enjoy chapter three!
Hypothetically Speaking - Chapter 3
Will blinked heavily, the pavement beneath his feet swimming as he trudged towards what would no doubt be another day of hell. Despite retreating to bed the moment he'd arrived home the previous afternoon, he'd still seen very little sleep. It hadn't helped that his mum had spent the evening persistently popping her head around the door to fuss over him. He'd quickly grown fed up of reassuring her that nothing was wrong; that it was just one of his migraines. That he didn't need a doctor or his teddy or a 'mummy-cuddle', or anything else she thought of to offer him. On the plus side, he'd managed to abstain from crying for over twelve hours now, although purely because he felt too damn exhausted to expend the energy on doing so.
Having had ample time to think things over, it was now obvious to Will that he'd gone about dealing with Simon in entirely the wrong way. No wonder his plan to smooth things over had gone pear-shaped - clearly, Simon hadn't fully processed the situation yet and was in some form of denial. And while Will gladly accepted his own share of the blame, hearing Simon skewing details in an attempt to absolve himself of any accountability for their little discretion had pushed him to his tipping point. Consequentially, it seemed that his best friend was slowly becoming yet another enemy. The whole sordid mess had certainly brought out Simon's hostile side, but Will had faith that the other boy was not cruel enough to make good on his promise to spill the beans over Will's sexual leanings, let alone twist things to make him seem like some sort of insidious homosexual predator. And as hurt as he'd felt by Simon's threats, Will could now see a glimmer of hope. When they'd finally come face to face, the conflict in Simon's eyes had been crystal clear. To Will, it was a sign that not all was lost, that his friend still felt some form of affection for him. Even if it was strictly platonic.
Will eyed the school gates as he entered them, feeling like a criminal revisiting a crime-scene as memories of the previous day filtered across his mind's eye. In the moment he'd held Simon in his arms, every unchecked thought and emotion that had surged through Will's body had caused him to hate himself just that little bit more. He'd noticed, as if for the first time, just how relieved and secure Simon's touch made him feel, and how the warmth of the other boy's breath on his lips made his stomach flutter. He'd marvelled at how beautiful Simon's crystal-blue eyes were, and how so much more handsome he'd seemed compared to the last time Will had looked at him so closely.
Perhaps most shamefully of all, he'd thought about how wonderful it might have been to kiss Simon again. And although it certainly wouldn't have been the most productive outcome, part of Will wished he'd just gone for it. At least it might have made being unceremoniously knocked on his arse seem worth it. Either way, it was clear that his romantic feelings for his best friend weren't buried quite as deeply as he'd convinced himself that they were. And for that, Will felt truly disgusted with himself. Not only was it highly inappropriate for him to be pining after his straight best friend, but it was as if his own heart was deliberately tormenting him, making him yearn for something he could never have. He couldn't allow himself to continue feeling such things; it simply wasn't proper, or even logical! He was being foolish, and the sooner his stupid heart realised that, the better. He had to get over himself and shift focus to winning Simon's friendship back, or else risk losing him completely.
Will entered his form room just as the bell rang for registration, and quickly took an empty seat nearest to the door. He was vaguely aware of the random kid in the seat next to him protesting against his presence, but didn't care enough to acknowledge it. His eyes remained fixed forward, defying their almost instinctive need to seek out his friend. Resisting such urges was to be a vital part of his new plan of action. Simon had stated, in no uncertain terms, that he wanted nothing to do with Will for the time being. The least Will could do was respectfully oblige until Simon was ready to talk.
Avoiding Simon was rather easy in the morning. Their first period Sociology class consisted of writing an essay under mock exam conditions, so everyone had been allocated their own single desk. By the end of class, Will was sure his tired brain had caused him to churn out the most god-awful piece of work he'd ever produced, but at least it didn't count towards his final grade. He then spent morning break and the free period that followed it in the library, trying to catch up on the work he'd zoned out from the previous day. It was somewhat of a fruitless effort, but at least it kept his mind occupied. When lunch-time came, he decided to venture outside to sit on his own. The weather wasn't great that day, windy and rather cold with threats of drizzling rain, so the usually popular benched area of the yard was deserted. Will took a tentative bite out of one of the sandwiches his mother had lovingly prepared for him, and instantly felt bile rising in his throat. He delicately spat the offending mouthful of food into a tissue and tossed it into the nearest bin. He'd had a very poor appetite since Saturday, and it didn't appear to be getting any better. He really needed to pull himself together soon. This situation with Simon was already affecting his schoolwork. Was it going to start affecting his health next?
Before Will had a chance to lose himself in more self-pitying thoughts, he felt something flick at his ear from behind. He turned to find Jay's unimpressed face glaring down at him.
"Oi, you deaf? Did you not hear us shouting of you?"
Naturally, Jay was flanked by their two other friends. Determined to stick to his plan, Will kept his eyes fixed on the blond lad who continued to rant at him.
"Could you not have answered your fucking phone at least? We've wasted ten minutes of lunch hunting you down!"
"Didn't realise I was so popular."
"You're not," Jay snorted. "But apparently some of us think you're five years old or something and wanted to 'make sure you were alright'."
He nodded towards Simon disgustedly. Will caught Simon shooting a scowl in Jay's direction, but any further reaction was blocked from sight as Neil's lanky form crossed between them. He plopped down onto the bench beside Will, eyeing his bespectacled friend's washed-out face.
"What you doin' out here on your own anyway?" he asked, sounding oddly concerned.
"Just getting some fresh air."
"Ain't that what you said yesterday? When you was bein' weird outside the gates?"
Will felt his cheeks flush slightly. "Umm... yes. I've been having a lot of migraines recently. I find being outside helps."
"So what's that mean?" Jay said. "That we have to sit out here in the freezing wind, listening to you whinge about your sore head?"
"I'm not whinging, I'm just saying," Will said evenly. "And no, of course you don't have to sit with me. If you wish to go back inside now that you've confirmed that I am indeed 'alright', I'm not stopping you."
Before the other two had a chance to respond, Neil pulled his lunchbox out from his backpack, grinning vacantly as he looked about the empty schoolyard.
"Nah, s'alright out 'ere. I like bein' outside. It's good for ya, fresh air an' that, innit?"
Jay and Simon exchanged glances before reluctantly taking seats on the opposite side of the bench. The four boys sat in silence for a moment, arranging their respective packed lunches out on the bench table-top. Neil took a massive bite out of a sausage roll as he nodded towards Simon.
"Thought you'd maybes be havin' lunch with Carli today, Si."
"Yeah, you've still not said what happened last night," Jay added. "Spill."
Will forced himself to maintain a neutral expression despite his gritted teeth. Amidst all the drama, he'd forgotten about Simon's impromptu 'date' with his childhood sweetheart. Eyes downcast, Simon slowly took a bite from his sandwich. The unprecedented amount of time he spent chewing that single mouthful of food didn't escape Will's attention. He had often scolded the other boys for eating like gannets, amongst their countless other displays of improper dining etiquette. A few seconds later, Simon swallowed. Then cleared his throat. Then took a leisurely swig from his coke can. Eventually, he looked up at the three pairs of expectant eyes watching him, taking care to avoid one pair in particular.
"I, err...don't really feel like talking about it right now."
Neil gave a sympathetic nod. "That bad?"
"No, it wasn't bad!" Simon growled, glaring across the table. "At all, actually. I just... don't wanna jinx it, you know?"
"At least tell us whether you got anything?" Jay said.
"No."
"Don't be a twat, just-"
"No!"
"Why not?"
"Because... it's not right to kiss and tell, is it? It's disrespectful."
Jay rolled his eyes. "Christ, you're so fucking bent at times!"
Simon visibly bristled. "Alright, fuck it. If you must know, she kissed me goodnight."
"Ooh, a kiss?" Jay cooed sarcastically. "Was it on the lips?"
"Yeah it was, actually! A proper long one with tongues and everything. On her doorstep, under the stars, just as it started to rain. And it was the best, most romantic kiss ever. Absolutely fucking perfect."
Not missing the pointed glances he was being shot, Will suddenly felt the urge to mush his unwanted sandwich right into his best mate's stupid babyish face. Was Simon trying to make a point by being so deliberately insistent of his heterosexuality, something he knew fine well Will was very aware of? Pathetic! Judging by the way Jay snorted with laughter, he agreed.
"Bender! That's what Carli gets for going out with a limp-wristed Disney prince like you. If it'd been me she was out with, we wouldn't have even made it to the pub. I'm telling you, one dose of the old Cartwright charm and she'd have been spread-eagle across my bonnet, begging for a seeing-to."
"Oh, come off it!" Will snapped, a little more harshly than intended. "With your lack of charisma and substandard articulation, you'd stand a better chance at charming a king cobra than you would a woman's... intimate area."
"That's where you're wrong, Moany McFace-ache," Jay shot back. "When I'm on my game, I can make any bird frothy from up to ten paces away."
"Well, I've never seen you 'on your game'."
"That's 'cause a magician never reveals his secrets, mate. My moves are legendary, too powerful for mere mortals to behold."
"At least the magician analogy is accurate. They attempt to pass off complete bullshit as reality too."
Jay narrowed his eyes. "Whatever. You're just upset that I won't let you peak behind the curtain."
"Oh, I'm truly devastated..."
"Sorry, can't be helped. But if it's advice that you're after, Neil's always happy to share some of his not-so-legendary techniques."
"I don't remember asking for advice."
"Yeah well, with the lack of action you see, you fucking need some. Educate him, Neil."
Neil nodded, licking sausage roll grease from his fingers. Will rolled his eyes but plastered on his best expression of feigned interest regardless. Neil's so-called 'advice' would no doubt consist of absolute bollocks, but Will was happy to humour his friend if it meant they didn't have to hear any more about Simon's 'date'. After a moment of appearing deep in thought, Neil spoke.
"Alright. So, if ya wanna get somewhere with a bird, there's like, different steps you need to take. Like, do 'em one by one, work your way up, yeah?" He took Will's raised eyebrow as a sign to continue. "First thing ya need to do is get inside their 'ead. Best way, I find, is to slowly start touchin' 'em, so they don't really realise. Gets 'em used to likin' the way you feel. Sorta like psychic magic or somethin'."
"Ah, so subliminal sexual assault?" Will nodded sarcastically. "How delightful."
"Nah, nothin' like that. Girls can do it to blokes too. Said so in my sister's magazine."
"Really? Well, then it must be true! I mean, who are we to question the wisdom of the learned scholars at 'Grazia'?"
Neil nodded sagely before patting Will's forearm and gesturing at the table. "You gonna eat that?"
Will eyed his abandoned lunch with a disdainful smirk.
"No, go ahead."
Neil scooped up the partly-eaten sandwich and took a large bite out of it, grinning in satisfaction.
"See? When I touched ya just then, you smiled at me a bit. Bet you didn't even notice, did ya?"
"Well, so fucking what? That's hardly proof that you're successfully conditioning me to enjoy you-"
Will was cut short as a knee knocked against his under the table. Neil shot him a sheepish smile.
"Sorry."
"It's fine."
The smile transformed into another grin. "See? Just did it again."
Will sighed, exasperated. "Yes, but I still don't see how it would make me want to-"
Clearly ignoring the other boy, Neil brushed his fingertips against Will's blazer sleeve. "Got a thread on you, look."
Will slapped the hand away. "No, I don't! Stop it!"
"Told ya, it works. It's definitely affectin' ya."
"Yes, but it's not turning me on, it's just pissing me off!"
Neil shrugged. "Probably 'cause you're a bloke. If you were a bird, you'd be well wet by now."
"Hmm, I dunno, mate," Jay chimed in. "Think I'm gonna have to side with Briefcase on this one. Sounds like bollocks to me."
Neil looked rather hurt. "What d'ya mean?"
"I mean that you're never gonna get knuckle-deep if you just sit about picking invisible threads off a bird all night, are ya?"
"Well, no. That's just for starters, obvs. If ya wanna take it up a notch, ya gotta make proper contact. Best off stickin' with the classics for that. Like this..."
Letting out an overly-exaggerated fake yawn, Neil stretched his arms out and slipped one around Will's shoulder. In an instant, it was pushed away.
"Would you kindly stop touching me, Neil?!"
"Why, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong is that you're feeling up another bloke, mate!" Jay said, also starting to look unnerved. "It's well bent!"
Neil pouted slightly. "No, it ain't!"
"It's gayer than your dad's Internet history, is what it is!"
"Nah, it's just pretend! Actin' an' that, like we did in Drama at GCSE. Just pretend Will's a dead skanky-lookin' bird or somethin'."
Jay smirked. "Suppose that's easy enough."
Before Will could respond, he felt Neil's arm firmly encircle his shoulder once again. As nice as the closeness of his friend's body heat felt in the cold wind, Will's entire body seemed to instinctively go rigid and lean in the opposite direction. His face grew hot and he didn't quite know where to look. He glanced around the yard, relieved to find that they weren't being observed. He looked over at Jay, who suddenly appeared to be highly amused, no doubt by Will's obvious discomfort. For the first time in a while, Will's eyes fell on Simon. His lips were tightly pursed, his jaw quivering slightly as if he was grinding his teeth, and judging by the way he was staring down at his lunchbox, the ingredients list on his yoghurt pot must have been fucking fascinating. Perhaps this little display was hitting a little too close to home for him, especially coupled with Jay's (admittedly accurate) observations regarding the gayness of it all. Content that his student was now fully compliant, Neil continued on with his master class.
"Right, then all you do is wait for the signal."
"What signal?" Jay asked.
"Any signal she wants to move up another notch. Like, she might..."
Neil grabbed Will's wrist, positioning the other boy's hand to rest upon his knee. At the end of his tether, Will jerked his hand away.
"Neil, no!" he said sternly. "That's entirely too much! No more notches, alright? That's more than enough notches for one day!"
"But it's just pretend!"
"I don't fucking care! We're in school, in case you hadn't noticed!"
"Fucking hell, could you be any more uptight?" Jay interjected. "Just relax, stop being so precious about it."
"You just said this was 'bent'!"
Jay's grin was positively devilish. "Nah, it's educational, innit? I thought you liked learning stuff."
"Exactly!" Neil added. "Just pretend you're learnin', like from one of them borin' documentaries you watch."
"This is hardly Louis Theroux-worthy subject matter though, is it?" Will spluttered.
Suddenly, Neil's expression grew concerned, eyes locked on Will's face. "Ooh, shit..."
"What?"
"Hold still! There's somethin' on your cheek."
The arm around Will's shoulder tightened as Neil leaned in closer.
"What are you-?"
"S'alright, think it's just an eyelash. Hang on."
Neil cupped Will's chin in his free hand, manoeuvring his thumb to rid his friend's cheek of the apparent flaw. When their eyes met, something about the solemnity in Neil's face prevented Will from looking away. It wasn't long before he realised Neil was leaning in ever closer to him. He felt a rush of panic.
Oh, no... He fucking wouldn't! Would he? No, there's no way he'd dare to...
As if to answer Will's concerns, Neil continued to move in. He showed no sign of stopping, and was quickly close enough that Will could detect a distinct whiff of sausage roll...
"No!"
Their friend's harsh voice startled both boys into jumping apart. Will looked up at Simon who sat rigid with wide eyes, hand clamped firmly over his mouth as if he could hardly believe that such a sound was capable of coming from it. Although his eyes were locked on Will's face, the spaced-out expression he wore made it seem as if he was simply staring into nothingness. It was eerie enough to make Will's spine tingle. Realising they'd been staring at each other a little too long for comfort, Will turned his attention to the fourth member of their group. The slack-jawed expression on Jay's traumatised face would have made Will laugh if he hadn't have been so flustered. Having fully come to his senses, Will pulled away from Neil, scooting along the bench to put some distance between them. He looked over at Simon again in time to see the other boy drop his face into his hands, his fingers kneading his forehead as if he was nursing a headache. Oblivious as usual, Neil smirked in triumph.
"See? There weren't no eyelash, but it let me move in close, lookin' all serious an' that. If you were a bird, there's like a two hundred percent chance you'd have snogged me just then."
Jay gaped at Neil, utterly incredulous. "Mate...what the fuck was that?"
"What?"
"What d'ya mean 'what?'? Have you gone fucking mental? You just tried to snog Briefcase, you mong!"
Neil's smile fell. "That's not what I was tryin' to do!"
"You see what I mean? This is exactly what I've been saying to you for ages! I've warned you about spending too much time with your dad, ain't I? All those hours fishing, alone together in a little boat. I said it was gonna rub off on you sooner or later, and look what's fucking happened! You're turning, mate!"
"No, I'm not!"
"You must be, if you're trying to snog a bloke! That's pretty much the dictionary definition of 'being a bender'!"
"I wasn't properly tryin' though! I wasn't actually gonna snog him or nothin'! I was just showin' him the ropes!"
"Yeah, bet you'd love to show him some ropes. Of your spunk, across his face."
"Fuck off! It was just actin'!"
"Oh, right? And is that your dad's excuse when you catch him fisting the milkman?"
"Okay, enough!" Will interrupted. "It was what it was, which was nothing, so let's just leave it! Can we talk about something else now, please?"
Jay eyed Will's face, the amusement creeping back into his voice. "Are you fucking blushing?"
"Of course I am!" Will snapped.
"Ooh! Think you might be in there, Neil! Got yourself a royal boner there, Prince William?"
"No, I'm just extremely embarrassed! I'm not exactly accustomed to being molested in public, funnily enough!"
"I was only mucking about!" Neil said huffily. "I didn't mean to molester you."
"Nah, don't worry, Neil," Jay smirked. "He's just wound up 'cause that's the most action he's seen in ages. Ungrateful twat should be thanking you, if anything."
From where he'd been sat motionless, Simon suddenly grabbed his backpack and rose from the bench.
"Right, I'm going back in," he muttered.
"Aw, I just got comfy though."
"So fucking stay then!" Simon snapped. "I'm sure Will appreciates the company."
The other three looked on in confusion as Simon strode back towards the school building without a second glance back. Jay hesitantly moved to follow, but quickly settled back down in his seat when he saw how forcefully his friend flung open the school entrance way door. With a nervous chuckle, Will tried to act nonchalant.
"What's up with him?"
Neil shrugged. "Dunno."
"I reckon you two freaked him out." Jay said.
"Why?"
"'Cause normal people don't like watching two blokes trying to get off with each other, that's why, Neil."
"That's proper sexist."
"I think you mean homophobic, Neil." Will said.
"Oh, right, yeah. That's that thing where you're scared of benders, innit?"
"Si must shit himself when he sees your dad." Jay quipped.
"I think the 'Neil's dad' jokes are starting to wear a little thin now, Jay," Will said with a sigh, then after a pause added; "You seriously think that's what made him leave though?"
"Nah, he's just fucked off that he didn't get anything last night, ain't he? Probably heard Neil's advice just now and is off to rethink his strategy. Suppose that's what happens when you latch onto finicky little prick-teases like Carli. All effort and no reward. Waste of fucking time, if you ask me."
"I didn't."
As usual, Will's response was ignored as Jay delved into the storied woes of the dreaded 'blue-balls syndrome'. He was easily tuned out as Will once again found himself trying not to become distracted by Simon's erratic behaviour. Of course, Jay's explanation seemed logical enough. Will just wasn't so sure it was the correct one.
/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\
The remainder of the hour passed by without any further drama or inappropriate touching. Will sat in his afternoon Politics class, zoning out of the lesson to think about what had transpired over lunch. He'd probably overreacted a little to Neil's behaviour towards him. He knew Neil well enough to believe him when he said their little interaction had been entirely innocent. And although embarrassing, it hadn't been all bad. After all, Neil was an attractive bloke. Will had briefly thought that he may have even enjoyed the situation a little more, had they not had an audience. Then again, he probably would have felt rather perverted to have stolen any pleasure from the encounter – to do so would have involved taking advantage of Neil's naivety, which would basically put him in the same depraved league as Paedo Kennedy. Still, it was interesting to learn that Neil was comfortable enough with his sexuality to touch another man so intimately. It was a level of maturity Will certainly hadn't expected from the other boy. Another not-so-surprising discovery had been that Jay was apparently stupid enough to believe that homosexuality could be caught, as if it were a common cold. The lad was either borderline homophobic or outrageously ignorant, or perhaps a helping of both. Either way, it had made Will's mind up that he wouldn't be revealing any of his darkest secrets to Jay any time soon.
Despite being mortifying in places, the banter between himself, Neil and Jay had been somewhat of a welcome break from reality. It had made him feel as if things were getting back to normal. Even though, judging by Simon's input into proceedings, they clearly weren't. Will couldn't decide if Jay was correct in his thinking that Simon had stormed off due to things not quite going to plan with Carli. It was far more likely that he'd reacted to the way in which Neil had conducted his 'lesson'. Not that Will believed that Simon had been made to feel jealous or anything – perhaps in Will's fantasies, but certainly not in reality. Perhaps it had given Simon a sense of déjà vu that he just couldn't cope with, a harsh reminder that the regrettable blemish on his friendship with Will was still quite raw, and that he wasn't quite ready for things to continue on as normal just yet.
The silver lining of the day had been that Simon apparently still cared enough to seek him out at lunch, if Jay's tattling had been accurate. It made sense to an extent; Will had often told Simon how much he disliked being alone. Presumably, Simon had caught sight of Will at registration and then wondered where he'd disappeared off to. But at the same time, it was an odd thing for him to do. After all, Will was only doing what Simon had asked of him, which was to stay out of the way until further notice. But then, Simon was a strange one; impulsive, intense and somewhat mysterious at times. So as unhelpful as these mixed signals were to Will, perhaps it was best (not to mention less exhausting) not to try to read into his friend's enigmatic behaviour. Hopefully, he would come to his senses and explain himself in due course.
It wasn't until Will's body lurched forward at his desk that he realised his eyes had drifted shut at some point. The tiredness was starting to really hit him now. After politely excusing himself to the toilet, Will was soon splashing his face with cold water. School would be over in a few hours. Perhaps he would be tired enough to finally give into sleep when he got home. As he positioned his glasses back onto his face, he heard the door to one of the toilet cubicles open behind him. When he caught sight of who it was in the bathroom mirror, he wasn't quite sure how to react. Was he supposed to just go about his business and pretend he hadn't noticed who was here with him? Should he offer a quick informal greeting, excuse himself and let that be the end of it? What was the protocol in a situation like this? Did a protocol for a situation like this even exist?
"Alright?"
At the sound of Simon's voice, Will hesitantly turned around. The other boy stood, hands in pockets as he leaned against the cubicle door. Something was a little off about him, but Will couldn't quite put his finger on what. He was more distracted by the fact that Simon was speaking to him amicably all of a sudden.
"Err... yeah, fine... How are you?"
Simon let out a derisive snort. "Yeah, brilliant. My life's just fucking... brilliant at the minute, mate."
As he moved towards the sinks, Simon seemed a little off-balance, his hands shooting outward to grip the weathered porcelain. Watching his friend closely, Will leaned in to get a closer look at Simon's face when a distinct smell hit him.
"Are you... have you been drinking?"
To Will's horror, an offhand shrug was all he received in reply.
"Simon! Have you lost your mind? We're at school!"
"I know that. I just needed to relax."
"Then take deep breaths or have some cocoa!"
"This stuff does the job quicker though."
Simon pulled a small almost empty vodka bottle out of his trouser pocket and waved it in front of Will's face. Beyond appalled, Will snatched the bottle from him, examining it in disbelief.
"Where the fuck did you get this?"
"Some chavvy kid's bag."
"You stole it?"
"Yeah. So? Not like he's gonna report it missing or anything, is it?"
"I'd imagine not, since alcohol is strictly prohibited on school grounds! Seriously, what on earth are you thinking? If Gilbert catches you in this state, he's bound to-"
"Look, do me a favour and stop telling me what to do, yeah?"
"I'm not. I'm simply pointing out that-"
He was cut off when Simon suddenly snatched the bottle back from him.
"Well, don't. Don't point anything out, 'cause I don't wanna fucking hear it, alright?"
Simon tried to take a swig for emphasis, but failed to notice that the lid was still on. Will could only look on in exasperation as Simon struggled to fathom why the bottle was no longer working. After a few seconds of observing such pitiable behaviour, he couldn't take it anymore.
"Sit down, for God's sake."
Will guided Simon to the nearest wall and assisted him in sitting safely on the floor. He took the bottle again, emptying its contents down the sink and refilling it with water. He handed him the bottle back to Simon, kneeling by his side.
"We need to sober you up before someone sees you. Drink this for a start. Do you have any deodorant with you, or aftershave? Maybe there's some air-freshener in here. We'll need to spray you down with something before you leave this room; you absolutely reek of booze! I think I have some mints somewhere... You didn't drive in today, did you? There's no way you're getting behind the wheel in this state."
Sighing, Simon set the bottle on the ground between them untouched.
"Will, stop fussing."
Not to be deterred, Will placed the water back into Simon's hand.
"Drink."
"I said stop. I'm okay."
"No, you're clearly pissed. You need to get yourself straight home before anyone-"
A flash of anger surged through Simon as he forcefully shoved the bottle back towards Will, spilling water over both of them in the process. Will barely had the chance to feel offended before Simon started raving at him.
"For fuck's sake, stop telling me what to do! I'm sick of you dictating how I'm supposed to feel all the time! Just get off my fucking case!"
"Fine!" Will snapped back. "Sorry for giving a shit! Have fun getting yourself expelled!"
Will got up to leave, but realised his crotch was now soaked with water. He cursed under his breath, stomping over to the paper towel dispenser to dry himself off. Simon rose to his feet shakily, slumping against the wall as he watched his friend frantically pat his trousers dry with a stack of wafer-thin towels.
"You looked good together," he murmured.
"Sorry?"
"You heard me." Simon smirked bitterly at Will's confused expression. "You should have seen the look on your face. You looked so cosy with his long stick-insecty fucking arm around you. It was nice of you to just sit there, letting him 'pretend' or 'act' or whatever. Guess it helps when the person treating you like a human sex doll is as fit as Neil though, yeah?"
"What the hell are you-?"
"That's what you said on Friday, wasn't it? That you thought he was fit? Bet you thought today was your lucky day."
"Lucky day? You honestly thought I was enjoying that ridiculousness?"
"Didn't exactly do much to stop it, did you?"
"Oh yes, that's right! How could I forget?" Will ranted, voice loaded with sarcasm. "Everything's always my fucking responsibility! If one of my friends decides to grope me or kiss me or put their hand on my cock, it's always entirely my responsibility to put a stop to things, isn't it? Nobody else is ever accountable for any of their own actions! Not you, not Neil. Just me, right?"
Apparently ignoring Will, Simon continued on. "Neil seemed to be enjoying himself too. Didn't really seem to bother him that you're another bloke, did it? Bet he'd have gone in for that snog if you'd been on your own."
The soggy crumpled paper towels in Will's hands were abruptly tossed to the floor. "For God's sake, you drunken moron! It wasn't like that! You heard what Neil said, he was just-"
"Bet he'd be up for fucking you too. Probably just convince himself that it was all 'pretend'. It's not gay when you're pretending, apparently."
"Excuse me! I have no desire to fuck Neil, and I'd care to bet that he feels the same way! That entire performance out on the bench was completely innocent on both sides, and you know it! What exactly is the point of this, Simon? What has you so bothered that you would do this to yourself?"
Simon's eyes narrowed. "When did I say I was bothered? I'm not bothered. Not by you, and especially not by that simple lanky twat."
"That's enough! Neil is our friend! He's done nothing wrong in all of this and personal attacks against him are completely uncalled for!"
"Ooh, sorry. Didn't mean 'attack' your boyfriend."
"He's not my-"
"You're actually a pretty good match, when I think about it. I mean, nobody appreciates a good handjob more than Neil. Bet you can't wait to show him your private school tricks. If you haven't done already, that is."
"I most certainly have not!"
"No worries, still time yet. You're doing pretty well, working your way through the group. Two down, one to go, eh? Jay'd better watch out."
"Watch out for what, exactly? What kind of person do you take me for?"
"The kind that wants to wank off other boys?"
"I don't want to wank anyone off!"
"You wanked me off!"
"That was different!"
"Oh, I'm special somehow, am I?"
"Yes!"
The sardonic smirk dropped from Simon's face.
"What? What do you mean, 'yes'? What's that supposed to mean?"
Will froze, his mouth open but making no sound. He tried to think of something to say fast, but all his brain could do in response was scold him for so stupidly dropping himself in it. He felt his heart starting to race, his eyes locking on the toes of his shoes as he constructed a reasonable answer.
"I... Nothing. I just meant that the circumstances under which we...certain things happened were special. I mean, considering the fact that we'd been drinking and talking so intimately, and that I'd told you all that stuff about-"
He was cut off when Simon began to laugh scornfully. "Oh my God, Will! You really are the most shit liar ever. You can't even look at me when you do it, can you?"
If that question required an answer, Will wasn't able to give it one. Intrigued by his friend's silence, Simon suddenly grew serious.
"Do you fancy me or something? Is that what this is?"
Trying his utmost not to allow his body language to betray him, Will drew in a composing breath as he finally met Simon's inquisitive stare.
"Does it even matter at this point, Simon?" he said coolly. "Look, your behaviour over the past few days has spoken volumes, so don't think that I don't understand your position in this. I know that you don't like other men in that way. That's fine. I never thought for a minute that you did. And I know you think that Friday was a massive fuck-up, and you're absolutely right. It should never have happened, but can we at least try to move-?"
"Oh, that's what I think, is it?" Simon's anger was starting to rise again. "That's how I'm feeling? You're psychic now, are you? You know exactly what's going on in my head? You have no fucking idea!"
"That's because you're refusing to talk! You're forcing me to draw my own conclusions! How am I supposed to know what you're thinking if you won't tell me?"
"I can't tell you what I don't know!"
"What does that even mean?"
"It means I don't know what to tell you! I mean, what the fuck do you expect me to say? What do you want from me?"
"What I want is..." Will paused, his voice softening. "All I want, Si, is the chance for us to be okay again. You're the best friend I've ever had and I don't want to lose you. I just want us to be able move passed this, to forget that stuff on Friday ever happened and carry on as normal. Is that really asking too much?"
"I'm starting to think it is, actually."
At those words, Will felt as if he'd been sucker-punched in the stomach.
"Why?" His voice was weak, strangled by the lump in his throat. "You're telling me that you don't know what to say to me, yet clearly some sort of thought process that has brought you to that conclusion. So what's the bottom line here? 'Sorry, mate. I can't get over the fact that we had a stupid drunken fumble. Friendship's over! See ya!'?"
"That's not what I'm saying."
"What then?"
"I don't know! I've told you, now's not the time to sort this out."
Feeling truly toyed with at this point, Will felt his sadness transforming to anger. He understood that his friend was in turmoil, but he had feelings too. Could Simon not see how profoundly this situation was affecting him also?
"Then why did you bother talking to me? When you saw me standing here, why didn't you just take your pathetic stolen bottle of liquid self-pity and fuck off instead of stopping to give me shit about Neil? I've done nothing all day but mind my own business and give you space, as per your request since you supposedly 'can't deal with me right now'. But apparently even doing exactly as you ask still isn't good enough for you! Take your own advice, Simon. Back off and sort your head out, because I can't deal with you right now either."
With that, Will turned towards the door. He had taken barely two steps before Simon grabbed his wrist firmly and pulled him back around. His anger had also risen, his blue eyes wide and intense.
"You're actually telling me to 'sort my head out'? Seriously?"
Will tried to pull away without success. "Simon, let-"
"Are you taking the fucking piss? You're the one who's got my head fucked in the first place! Can't you see that? Don't you get it? This is your fault, Will! It's your fucking fault!"
His grip on Will's arm suddenly weakening, Simon's face crumpled. He leant awkwardly against the nearest sink, burying his face in his hands as he started to weep. Seeing Simon so distraught, Will felt his own upset start to fade away.
"Si, please. I'm sorr-"
Hands falling away from his face and slamming against the sink countertop, Simon glared venomously at the other boy through reddening eyes.
"No! Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! Stop talking! Every time you open your fucking mouth, it just makes things worse! Can't you see what you're doing to me?"
He kicked out violently at the vodka bottle still on the floor. It shattered loudly against the brick bathroom wall, sending shards of glass spraying across the room. Rather shaken by the outburst, Will could only watch in stunned silence as Simon collapsed against the wall, sobbing uncontrollably. Will felt his heart ache at seeing his friend looking so down-trodden and pathetic. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and offer comfort, but thought better of it. Simon's emotional state was at a whole new level. Any attempt to console him now would probably just make things ten times worse.
His shoulders lurching with every frustrated sob, Simon's legs began to give out from under him. He slid down the wall, unmindful of the broken glass scattered below him. Spotting the danger, Will gave in to his instincts and dove forward, placing his hands on Simon's shoulders to keep him out of harm's way. The next thing he knew, Simon's arms had enveloped him in a crushing hug. He felt Simon's damp face press into the crook of his neck, gasped breaths and tears blending hot and cold sensations against his skin. Simon was holding him so tightly that it hurt but he allowed it, delicately placing his palms against his friend's quaking back. The poor thing was all over the place with his emotions. Will wished now more than ever that he could dream up a way to fix this situation but until such an epiphany hit him, he'd have to ride this rollercoaster with Simon and just hope it came to a gentle stop soon.
As he nuzzled into Will, Simon felt himself beginning to calm. He sniffled, catching Will's scent, then deliberately breathed it in deeper. It was light and oaky and soothing; a dramatic contrast with the harsh balsamic notes of the perfume that had set his stomach churning the previous evening. He shuddered at that thought. What the hell was wrong with him? Just what the fuck had happened to change things between them so dramatically? It wasn't supposed to be like this! Will wasn't supposed to smell amazing, or make him feel so good with an embrace. His kisses weren't supposed to taste magical. The very sight of his kindly smile wasn't supposed to make Simon's entire world seem less shit. This wasn't meant to feel so fucking perfect...
Simon inclined his head up a little way, tasting his own tears as he pressed his mouth lightly against pale skin. He felt Will's pulse quicken against his lips and pressed harder. Then again, and again. Will sighed absently, the gentle suckling at his neck making him shiver. When he finally registered what was actually happening, he pulled back to look at Simon. The instant their eyes met, Simon lunged forward and kissed Will hard. A euphoric sense of relief washed over him, like a drug addict indulging in another precious fix. Withdrawal had been painful; he needed this so fucking badly, it hurt. Will felt determined fingers slide into his hair and tighten as Simon took total possession of him. He barely hesitated in relenting as Simon's eager tongue prised his lips apart. The taste of cheap vodka was slightly off-putting, but not enough to snap him out of how stunned he was over this latest twist in their tale. All he could think of was how good it felt to kiss Simon again, the potential fallout of doing so suddenly seeming inconsequential.
Quickly losing himself in his friend's delicious mouth, Simon pushed Will up against the bathroom wall. As Simon ground against him, Will sensed a distinct hardness pressing against his thigh and couldn't help but feel oddly flattered. His hands leaving Will's hair, Simon traced his fingertips down the other boy's heaving chest. He didn't stop there, continuing downwards and locating the fastening to Will's trousers. He gently squeezed the bulge he found growing there, feeling pleased with himself when Will gasped and shuddered beneath him. Wanting more, he began to urgently fumble with Will's zipper. Being sober and quite aware of where they were, Will pushed Simon's hands away. Not discouraged by this, Simon went right back on the attack, his kisses becoming more aggressive as he impatiently slid his hand down the front of Will's trousers. Something within Will stirred, and he found himself no longer enjoying any of this. He shoved Simon away from him roughly, cringing as the other boy nearly toppled over in surprise. He grabbed the exit door handle and hesitated, unsure about leaving his friend in such a state. Catching the quizzical and wounded look on Simon's face, Will winced apologetically before dashing from the room.
Bewildered, Simon stood, a meteor shower of thoughts blasting through his head as he gazed at the now closed door. After a moment of silence, he unsteadily wandered back over to the sinks. He stared at himself in the mirror, not sure whether to laugh, cry, scream or punch a wall. Instead, he settled for doubling over and loudly vomiting onto the glass-laden floor.
What a complete fucking mess.
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AN: Nice long chapter, huh? Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!
