A.N I can't tell you how amazed I am by the response so far to this fic it is truly humbling I really didn't think that it would be this popular and all I can say is a big "Thank you!" for all the follows, favourites and especially the reviews!

I think it's time we saw the elusive Ms Vause ;)

"Stop fidgeting you're driving me fuckin' mad"

Piper snorted and folded her arms across her chest irritably "I can't help it!"

Nicky pinched her arm and she struggled not to yelp instead letting out a high pitched squeak. The taxi driver looked at her curiously through the rear view mirror and she smiled sweetly while delivering a swift dig into Nicky's ribs.

"I get your nervous but squirming around like a fish out of water isn't going to make you feel any better"

"What if she slams the door in my face"

Nicky rolled her eyes "Well then you knock again and again until she opens it"

"What if she won't speak to me?"

"Then you just sit there in silence"

Piper could feel herself becoming more and more hysterical "What if-"

"For fuck's sake Chapman enough with the 'what ifs'! You need to calm down and be rational about this otherwise I'm taking you home!"

Piper nodded trying to appease the aggravated woman and took a deep breath grateful for the hand that slowly took hold of her own and gave it a comforting squeeze. The taxi came to a stop and Nicky gave her hand a final squeeze "We're here"

Not trusting her voice Piper nodded grimly and followed Nicky up the steps of a large old fashioned town house and a small smile crossed her face at the fact that the building was just so Alex. Nervously following Nicky up the steps Piper tried to calm her racing heart and as they came to stop in front of door number four she couldn't decide whether she wanted to be sick or faint dead to the floor. Nicky looked at her expectantly but Piper couldn't, no matter how much she tried to raise her shaking hand, bring herself to knock on the hardwood door. Grumbling Nicky shot her a look of irritation before she brought her fist down onto the door hard the loud knocking echoing through the hallway. There was no response so Nicky pounded again this time for longer causing Piper to wince hoping the neighbours couldn't hear.

"Fuck off Nichols"

Nicky turned smiling at Piper "Least we haven't come all this way for nothing"

Piper could only nod her mouth had gone completely dry as soon as she heard the husky voice she loved so much for the first time for months.

"Open the door Vause I'm not leaving anytime soon"

"Which part of fuck off didn't you understand?"

Nicky only laughed loudly not at all insulted "The fuck off part now open the door" Piper's heart leapt up into her throat as she heard heavy footsteps approaching the door before it was flung open the doorway left empty.

"Right this is were I leave you"

Piper almost choked in alarm "You can't leave me on my own!"

Nicky laughed and turned walking down the corridor "I can and I will I like being amongst the living Chapman good night and good luck" and before Piper could reply Nicky had already disappeared down the stairs.

"You coming in or not Nichols I'm not heating the fucking hallway"

Piper squared her shoulders and took a deep breath attempting to inject confidence in her demeanour. This wasn't going to be easy and if Alex saw weakness she would use it to her advantage and Piper was determined she wouldn't be pushed away.

"Nichols!"

Piper pushed the door open wider and took two strides forward she was immediately taken aback by the beauty of the room and for a moment she forgot all about why she was here. Her eyes drank in the sight of the beautiful canvases littered across exposed brick work and an extravagant bookcase than ran from floor to ceiling framing an old antique wood burning fireplace. Old and new mixed together, the perfect mix of retro chic, the apartment looked like something out of magazine. Alex never did do anything by halves.

"Piper..."

The whisper of her name broke Piper from her trance and she turned in the direction of the voice. As her eyes took in the sight of Alex standing in front of her heart ached with longing and she tried to keep the shock from her face at just how ill Alex looked, she wasn't certain she had been successful. Alex looked, for lack of a better word, aged. Her hair looked thinner hanging limp and straggled it's usual glossy shine had all but disappeared. Her face was pale and gaunt, her cheekbones prominent, the skin paler than Piper had even seen looking as though it was pulled taught across her features. Alex looked as though she could do with a months worth of home cooked meals her clothes seemed to hang off her now too thin frame. Those vibrant eyes she loved so much where dull, heavy with exhaustion, rimmed with red and marred by deep black bags. It scared her seeing Alex this way a shard of fear pierced her heart and Piper wanted to wrap Alex in her arms and never let her go.

"Hey Al"

For a moment Alex just stared at her as if she didn't quite believe she was actually real but then her face hardened and her arms folded protectively across her chest.

"What are you doing here"

The coldness in her tone made Piper flinch but she shrugged it off meeting Alex's glare without shrinking away.

"I wanted to see you"

Alex just threw her hands in the air and made her way slowly to the couch sitting down heavily turning her body so that Piper couldn't see her face.

"I'm gonna fucking kill Nicky"

"No you won't"

Alex laughed sarcastically "No I probably won't but I should"

Piper, now she was here with Alex actually in her apartment, didn't know what to say she fidgeted awkwardly not knowing how to proceed.

"Do you want a drink cause if you do please help yourself you've already barged in might as well get what you want"

Piper couldn't help but laugh at the similarities between this situation and the one she herself had been in not two hours earlier, Alex glared at her and Piper only laughed harder.

"I'm sorry it's just I reacted the same way to Nicky before and the sense of irony has just hit me. I'm sorry I'm not laughing at you Al I'm not"

Piper's sentence tailed off gently and the uneasiness returned. Alex sighed loudly and beckoned towards her with a long noticeably slender arm.

"You can sit if you want"

Piper almost ran across to the armchair that was placed opposite the couch in fear of Alex changing her mind. The chair seemed the most appropriate choice if she sat too close to Alex she was certain she wouldn't be able to refrain from touching her and she was fairly sure that Alex would not respond well to her touch.

"So Nicky told you then? I can't imagine any other reason why you would be here" the venom in Alex's tone made Piper wince.

"She did"

"Well she shouldn't have I asked her to promise and she fucking broke it!" Alex's voice echoed into the room her face flushing red with anger.

"Well I'm glad she did"

"Why so you can come and revel in it? I broke your heart didn't I Kid it must feel pretty good to see me broken too after all your heartache suffered at my hands? Karma's a bitch at the best of times and don't I fucking know it"

"Don't you dare"

Piper's tone had turned cold, her own anger returning and she clenched her hands into fists keeping them tight by her side.

"Don't you fucking dare say that. Yes you broke my heart but how you can sit there and think I would gloat over something like this!?"

Alex had the good grace to look guilty but her words had cut Piper deeply and she found she couldn't stop the tirade that spilled out.

"I cried when Nicky told me, I sobbed because yes, these last 6 months have been terrible in fact I don't know how I've fucking survived. But do you know what the one thing I've forced myself to think of when it's all become to much?"

Alex shook her head warily.

"Well at least Alex will be happy"

The tears had begun to fall and Piper could do nothing to stop them. "At least if you where happy then it had been worth it but this? The thought of a life without you is hard enough but the thought of a world without Alex Vause is unbearable"

Pipers word's hung in the room and she clapped her hands over her mouth horrified her anger draining away instantly at what she had just admitted out loud.

"I'm sorry Al, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that"

"Why because it's not true? Because it is Kid no matter how hard I wish it wasn't true the world will be without me soon enough"

Alex's voice was weary, her expression pained and with her shoulders slumped she looked as though she was holding the weight of the worlds problems on her shoulders. Piper could feel her heart bleed with concern as she looked at the defeated figure sat across from her.

"You are not going to die"

Piper's voice was loud and defiant bordering childish but she was determined to wipe the downtrodden expression from Alex's face and it worked if only for a few moments as Alex snorted an amused smirk playing on get features.

"Oh and who made you God"

"Nobody but someone's got to fight for you if you won't fight for yourself"

The smirk fell away as soon as it appeared.

"You think I'm sat here wallowing in self pity because I'm being weak and pathetic?" Alex's eyes flashed with irritation and she turned her head to look out of the window to the streets below "You know nothing so don't sit there telling me patronising shit like that Piper, I'm not fucking interested"

Sensing Alex was closing herself off Piper stood up wiping the tears from her face careful not to look in Alex's direction and made her way over to the kitchen. It was spotless everything looked virtually new and Piper guessed it hadn't seen much use. Flicking the kettle on she rooted around in each cupboard until she found each of the items she was looking for. The entire time she could feel Alex's gaze burning into her but she resisted the urge to meet her eyes. Instead she carried on with her task using the time to build up her own composure until she finished and made her way back to the living space with a steaming mug of coffee in each hand.

"Black no sugar?"

Piper snorted "Like I'd ever forget" the only sounds in the room was their breathing and the traffic from the street below them and Piper stood carrying her mug over to the window so that she could look out into the street below. She smiled watching the people below rushing along the frost covered pavements everyone seemingly in a hurry as they moved briskly up and down the flag stones wrapped up against the cold. Too soon it would be Christmas and from the amount of people carrying shopping bags she guessed people had already started their shopping for presents and decorations trying to beat the madness that would ensue in the weeks to come. Piper had not even given Christmas a second thought this year. For her she wished it would pass by quietly and leave her alone even though she knew it was a futile dream. The thought of her mothers face if she told her she was cancelling Christmas nearly caused her to snort, her WASP of a mother loving any excuse to flaunt her wealth and drink as much as possible. As she continued to smile lost in thought the windows reflection caught her eye and she could see Alex watching her curiously.

"As you know I find watching other people live there lives very therapeutic I can't tell you how many café's I have sat outside these last few months notebook in hand. Watching other people seems to help me with the chaotic thoughts in my own head, long enough for me to get my thoughts to paper anyway. It's silly really but it's a calming thought that no matter how hard your own life seems the world around you does not cease to exist"

Piper continued to gaze out her eyes drawn to a young couple below walking together, their hands entwined looking the picture of happiness and Piper felt a small pang of jealousy. It would be nice to be young, in love and carefree again.

"How is the writing going?"

Alex's husky voice was quieter, closer and Piper smiled as the other woman came to stand next to her their elbows almost touching. It had been Alex who had originally encouraged the writer within her to be explored and after a year of frustration and declarations of 'I quit' she had finally published her first novel. The day her book was sitting proudly on the shelf of her local book store was one of the best days of her life made better by the fantastic sex Alex had lavished her with the moment they had returned home. It was, as Alex had described, her way of showing exactly how proud she was especially after she had read the dedication Piper had made to her in her prologue.

"Better these last couple of weeks I struggled for a while ..."

Piper let her sentence trail off not wanting to admit why she couldn't make headway with her 3rd book but when she sensed Alex tense at the side of her she knew her unspoken words had been heard anyway. Piper didn't really know what to say too frightened to break this moment of tranquillity with Alex that her body had so desperately craved these last few months.

"Why are you really here Piper"

Those words where loaded and Piper felt like she had to tread carefully suitable responses flew around her brain but in the end she decided to be honest.

"Because I just needed to see you"

Alex raised one eyebrow her face disbelieving.

"It's true I know to you it will seem like a none answer but Nicky came, she talked and I just had to come here. I think even you had slammed the door in my face I would have just sat outside"

Piper new she was rambling and she gestured around with her free hand agitated that she couldn't say what she really thought.

"I just, I just needed to be here with you"

"What do you want from me?"

Those words where spoken so quietly Piper almost didn't hear them and her brain responded instantly with everything and nothing at the same time. Instead of blurting out a garbled response Piper reached for Alex's hand, inwardly relived when Alex didn't pull away, and led them back over to the couch. This time Piper settled into the seat next to Alex close enough so that if she wanted to Alex was in touching distance but not so close to invade her personal space.

"All I want is for you to talk to me"

Alex's expression immediately darkened and her hand was snatched back.

"Not about your illness"

Piper smiled hesitantly and reached her hand out to think air already missing the physical contact, her fingers flexing slightly with nerves as Alex pointedly placed her hand on her leg eluding contact.

"I don't care if we talk about the weather, politics, your bloody neighbours!"

Alex chuckled weakly and Piper's spirit rose.

"I just want to sit here and have a conversation that's it"

"You know I fucking hate politics" at Alex's words and smirking face Piper laughed loudly the relief evident her shoulders feeling lighter.

Right now this was good enough she just wanted to listen to her favourite person in the whole world and forget the harsh reality that Alex wasn't hers anymore, didn't belong to her and that she was incredibly sick, just how badly Piper did not know. But now it would just be them and their words filling the silence and that would be enough for Piper at least for the next couple of hours. `

A.N If you like and have the time please let me know in the little review box it would make me very happy :)