Yet again I am not awesome or great oor a legend at wizard logic soooo I'm not J.K. Rowling and unfortunately not the creator of the Harry Potter series.


Vivian P.O.V.

The snake escaping earned me and Harry our longest-ever punishment. The summer holidays had started by the time we were allowed out of out cupboard or shed and Dudley already broken his new cine-camera, crashed his remote-control aeroplane and , first time on his racing bike, knocked down old Mrs Figg as she crossed Privet Drive on her crutches.

I was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang, who visited the house every single day. Piers, Dennis, Malcolm and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader. The rest of them were all quite happy to join in Dudley's favourite sport: Harry-hunting. They also joined in on Piers' hobby: flirt with me, even Dudley joined in. Yuck!

This was why we spent as much time as possible out of the house, wandering around and thinking about the end of the holidays, where we could see a tiny ray of hope. When September came I would be off to secondary school and, for the first time in my life, I wouldn't be with Dudley! (WHOOP! WHOOP!) Dudley had a place at Uncle V's old school, Smeltings. Piers Polkiss was going there, too. (YES!) Harry and I, on the other hand, was going to Stonewall High,the local comprehensive. Dudley thought this was very funny.

"They stuff people's heads down the toilet's first day at Stonewall," he told us. "Want to come upstairs and practice?"

"No thanks," said Harry.

"The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." I said and ran with Harry before Dudley could work out what I said.

One day in July Dudley went to England to get his uniform, leaving Harry and I at Mrs Figg's house which wasn't that bad but when we came home Dudley was prancing around in his uniform like a unicorn. Uncle V said it was the proudest moment of his life and Auntie P burst out loud saying something about her Ickle Dudkeykins looking so handsome and grown-up. (HA!)

The next day I woke from the most horrible smell ever created, i sniffed, it seems to be coming from the kitchen. As I walk in I walked to the sink which the smell was coming from and wrinkled my nose.

"What's this Dudley's breakfast?" I asked Auntie P innocently. Her lips tightened.

"Your school uniform," She said. I looked into the bowl again.

"Oh," I said "I didn't realise it had to be so...so wet."

"Don't be stupid," Snapped Auntie P. "I'm dyeing some of Dudley's and Vernon's old things gray for you and Harry. It'll look just like everyone else's when I'm finished"

I seriously doubted this, but I thought it best not to argue. For once. I took a seat at the table and tried not to think about how I was going to look on my first day to Stonewall High - like I wad wearing bits of old elephant skin, probably.

I was in meat land (Yep I said MEAT land) I was seeing a rainbow pouring BBQ sauce into a lake made out of pure BBQ sauce with sausages diving in, Ribs dolphin swimming and stakes floating on the surface. In the background I could see ham slices and roast chicken slices being used as hammocks by mini chickens. YUM!

All of a sudden I was hit with Dudley 's Smeltings stick.

"What the hell!" I shouted

"Get the mail" Uncle V demanded without looking up from his newspaper. I mumbled some rude words under my breath and went to get the post. Four things lay on the floor-mat: a postcard from Uncle V's sister Marge, who was holidaying on the isle of wight, a brown envelope that looked like a bill and - a letter for Harry potter and another for Vivian Wolfe.

I picked it up and stared at it, my heart twanging like a giant elastic band. No one, ever, in my hole life, had written to me. Who would? We had no friends, no other relatives - I didn't belong to the library so I never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake:

Miss V. Wolfe

The Dog Shed near the backdoor

4 Privet Drive

Little Whinging

Surrey

The envelope was thick and heavy, make of yellowish parchment, and the address was written in emerald-green ink. There was no stamp.

Turning the envelope over, my hands trembling, I saw a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion, an eagle, a badger and a snake surrounding a large letter 'H'.

"Hurry up, girl!" Shouted Uncle V from the kitchen.

"What are you doing, checking for letter bombs?" He chuckled at his own jock.

"Actually I was" I shouted smirking. I walked back into the kitchen, still staring at the letter. I gave Uncle V his letters then gave Harry his. He looked at me in surprise, I shrugged and sat down. I started opening the envelope. Uncle V ripped open the bill, snorted like a pig and flipped over the postcard.

"Marde's ill," he informed Auntie P. "Ate a funny mushroom..."

"Dad!" Beach ball Dudley said all of a sudden. "Dad, Vivian and Harry's got something!" I was on the point of unfolding my letter, so was Harry, when his was jerked sharply out of his hand by Uncle V.

"That's mine!" Harry said, trying to snatch it back. While Dudley tried to get mine.

"Get. Off. You. Giant. Beach. Ball!" I said with each yank on the letter, but his sweaty sausage fingers held on with a, strangely, strong grip. 'Rip!' The letter ripped!

"YOU EVIL, STUPID, BEACH BALL, SAUSAGE FINGERED, FRIED WHALE!" I screamed at him while chasing him around the hole house twice. In that time Uncle V told Harry to get out, but Harry refused to go without his letter, so Uncle V took Harry by the scruff of his neck and threw him out slamming the door after him. Now Dudley, Harry and I was in a silent fight over who would listen at the keyhole; I won, so Harry and Dudley were now listening at the crack between the door and the floor. Suckers!

"Vernon," Auntie P said in a quivering voice, "Look at the address - how could they possibly know where he sleeps? You don't think they're watching the house?"

"Watching - spying - might be following us," muttered Uncle V wildly. "What does it say on Vivian's?" He asked quietly.

"It says 'Mrs V. Wolfe ,The Dog Shed near the backdoor, 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey'," Auntie P said shakealy

"Well..." Uncle V left the sentence hanging.

"But what should we do, Vernon? Should we write back? Tell them we don't want -"

"No," He said finally. "No, we'll ignore it. If they don't get an answer...Yes, that's best...We won't do anything..."

"But -"

"I'm not having one in the house Petinia! Didn't we swear when we took them in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?"