Hey,
Uh, It's me again.
Just had finish up school for the semester.
Time will tell, when I put more chapter, But I will put out more out ASAP
So here's Confession/Chapter 3
Enjoy
Chapter 3
…
*Sigh* God help me get through this.
Guess there's no turning back now huh?
Since now, you know the ugly truth on why I like Robbie Shapiro, now you're gonna know the uglier truth on why I love him.
I don't know how to explain this, but for the longest time, I been having these unresolved feelings about him and it's getting harder for me to control it. It puts a strain in my insides.
In what logic, does any of this make sense?
Hmm?
It doesn't.
Then again, in this universe, logic doesn't exist
All this seems weird for me to feel this way about him. Not that it's already weird enough liking him, but love? *CHIVERS*
Besides, it's not like I intend to fall in love with him or anything (Then again, I would be lying to myself, but rather believe a lie than honestly admitting it. {Which oddly I am *FACEPLAM*}).
It pains me to admit that, but the truth hurts, and man I hate the truth, but that's just how I feel right now, and it sucks. If you only saw my face, you would understand the struggles of holding all this in. Having conflict with myself all the time, that I can't stand it anymore. I tried everything in my power to deny him and to ignore his existence, I increase the insults upon him, think to myself that it's just a phase and all of this will go away soon. Sadly, all it did was adding fuel to the fire.
Personally, he never hits on me, he never seduce me, not once he did he ask me out on a date, or tell me how he feels about me. Didn't do any of them. (Not that I want him to).
Yet, here I am, acting like a lovesick puppy, that been shot by cupid. Not with an arrow, but a bullet, piercing through the bone marrow and straight inside the heart. Making me bleed out dripping blood that shapes like hearts.
…
(Yeah I have a messed up imagination, so don't judge me okay?)
Furthermore, Could you visualize me and Robbie?
Together?
As a couple?
….
Don't worry I'll wait.
…
Exactly.
I can't envision us as an item aka boyfriend and girlfriend. Then again, that never stop me from wondering what if.
What if that did happen? What if I went on a date, for real and begin to enjoy eachother's company. What if we discover that we have something in common, and our friendship develops something more, intimate? Look in each other's eyes as we get closer to anticipation. We close our eyes we look and see our souls interlinking the moment our lips meet, in a ki-
O_O
(Whoa. Um. *BLUSH*. *AHEM*. Did it just get hot in here for some reason?)
Besides, the possibility of that happening is infinite to one. I have reputation to uphold you know. So don't expect me to play nice like all the others.
In good conscience, I never found Robbie attractive.
To me, he's one of those type guys that are a friend material instead of "boyfriend" material.
More a toad than prince.
More a caterpillar than butterfly.
More Clark Kent than Superman.
More Oates than Hall.
You get my drift.
Since years gone by I begin to feel at ease the more I'm around his presence. Whenever I sense him approaching, I wait in anticipation. I always think that if one person from our pact is removed, then all the things would fall apart. I act as if I want him around, like I need him around. I can't imagine myself without him or anyone for that matter. (Maybe Tori, but that's for another story.) That's where the strange magnetism started. I'm so use to him, that I don't even mind him sitting next to me during Sikowitz's class. It's actually quite comforting to be honest (and Tori want to know why I'd got wrathful at her for sitting in my seat, because she was getting between me and my Robbie.)
O_O
Wait
My Robbie?
Jeez.
See what I'm going through? Things gotten so bad, that I labeled him mine, as if he was my property. Just like the time I caught Tori trying to get between me and Beck and you know how that resulted.
Going from bad to worse, I think about him all the time even when he's not around. Can't tell if I bump my head or the hormones kicking in, but I start to see Robbie in a different light, being attractive even. In my delusional mind, I think he gone from Andy Samberg to a curly-haired, four-eyed Mick Jagger.
I have nightmares about him. Not the ones that are creepy and dark, (which I'm used to) but the light-hearted, sweet, tender and full of love. Like being in a Hallmark original movie. You know, where the guy and girl meet, argue, date, fall in-love, the end. That movie.
Things get much worse, when this slight crush of mine established into full-on obsession.
How obsessed you say?
Good question.
Do you know Helga from Hey Arnold? You know the blonde with the unibrow. The one that makes fun and harassed Arnold constantly. Always scorning him When deep downs she secretly crushing on him, has locket with hi picture of him, even having a shrine dedicated to him. Or when Harleen was so infatuated with Joker that she instantly and blindly falling for him and falling hard. Despite that He a serial killing psychopathic clown. Or when there was tension amongst Sam and Freddie from ICarly.
Good thing I don't bear a resemblance to them. Maybe metaphorically speaking, but literally? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW. I'm crazy, but I'm not that crazy. (Okay maybe Sam, but hey she seems like a really cool girl to hang out with. She's almost a blonde version of me.)
Speaking of crazy
There was a moment I relate and gap between him and Beck, and say they are almost the same.
They're kind to their friends.
They're sweet.
They show respect and generosity for others and eachother.
They're basically best friends.
The biggest dissimilarity out of all of them, is that Beck is good looking. He's good with the ladies. He's all around flawless in every way, even if he's poor and living in a trailer.
And Robbie…is just Robbie.
There's no other way of clarifying it.
I previously elucidate what's wrong with him. Robbie one of the most flawed people I've ever met.
Hmm?
Wait a minute, could it be that the reason I find him eye-catching is because his flaws? Most ladies would find that attention-grabbing to guys who are tortured like Heath Ledger or James Dean. With Robbie, not so much.
Even though he has none of those qualities, however, I'm going all ga ga over him. Head over hills for this boy.
And that's what scares me. I feel myself slipping away. For what connection once had with Beck starting to dissolve. And I never get scared by anyone or anything (well not to people who know me), and he the first one to do this.
ARGH!
CURSE YOU ROBBIE (Which I don't say often. I would say the other words instead of curse, starting with the letter F) AND YOUR DORKY WAYS!
All of this is perplexing the living chizz out of me.
I hate him because I like him
I scorn him because I love him
I loathe him because I'm in-love with him
I don't know either to punch him in his jaw or run up to him, give him a giant hug and kiss, and tell him that "Everything gonna be alright.". I don't like this feeling. I don't want this feeling. Not now, not ever.
Good thing I'm an actress, both on stage and in real life. That's why I never show the real me at times.
Luckily, I have to thank God for Tori and her helpful meddling ways. I'm glad she saves me from future skirmish between me and Robbie by setting up this concert for Beck and I, just to get back together. I have to admit this was a very cool thing she done, so one ounce of respect for that scenario. As I press lips with Beck, I find myself having closure. Going back to the days where we were a couple along with a group of friends. I feel my life is gonna go back to the way things were. I felt free from further turmoil and torture I had to go through. I will have nothing to worry about. Yep, everything from here on out is going to be fine.
Right up until me and Robbie kissed.
Well.
That was interesting
As I said, more chapters coming along the way.
Feel free to review, fav, and comment if you want.
As always stay tuned. #MajoRade
