Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time
Part III
I wish you had on sunglasses to cover up those blue eyes
I wish you said something mean to make me glad that you said goodbye
Why can't you look off somewhere if you catch me staring at you
Why can't you be cold like any old good ex would do
So why you wanna show up in an old t-shirt that I love
Why you gotta tell me that I'm looking good
Don't know what you were thinking, you were doing
Moving in for a hug like you don't know I'm coming unglued
Why you gotta, why you wanna make me keep wanting
Keep wanting you
"Why Ya Wanna" Jana Kramer
Killian flagged the bartender at The Rabbit Hole down for another rum. The dinner Robin forced him to with Regina was a bloody disaster, not that he had expected anything less. They always did hate each other. He just needed to get out of this town before anything happened. He took a long sip of his rum. He needed to get out before anything happened to Emma.
"Ruby, I really just wanted to stay in tonight and sulk. Was that so much to ask for?" Killian's head raised at her voice. She was standing right next to him, with her back to him and she didn't even seem to know.
"Yes it is too much to ask. Oh, there's a table, I'm going to snag it. You know how Mary Margaret hates standing. Get me a vodka cranberry." Ruby ordered before turning.
"I know you're there, Jones." Emma sighed before turning around. Her green eyes connecting with his too blue ones. They were different now, though, they were sad. The light behind them seemed to have burned out, "Bad dinner with the evil queen?" She asked.
Killian couldn't help but smile a little, "Understatement."
Emma looked down into her glass of whiskey, "You just left, Killian." She whispered. She hated that she sounded so broken in front of him. And she hated that she just wanted to drown in his eyes. Instead she took a long sip of the whiskey.
Killian closed his eyes, "I know, love. Trust me, though, it was the right thing to do."
"How could just leaving me be the right thing?"
Killian looked up at her standing form and sighed, his hand reaching out on its own accord to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. Against her will she leaned into the touch, "Emma, I never wanted to leave you." He whispered. His hand loosened around the now empty tumbler of rum that was making him dangerously honest.
"Then why did you?"
Looking around Killian sighed, "We can't talk about this now."
Emma frowned and grabbed his wrist when he moved to stand, "I deserve an answer Killian, don't just push me off, I want an answer and I want it now." She threw back the rest of her whiskey, determined to get what she needed so she could put him behind her, so she could finally move on.
Killian sighed and threw cash on the countertop, grabbing her hand he pulled her out the back exit, "He made me leave." He admitted when the door slammed shut behind them.
Emma's brow furrowed, "He? Who is he?"
"He just killed her in front of me and there was nothing I could, I tried to, but the cops just, and then you," He buried his head in his hands, letting the heels of his palm drive into his eyes.
Emma pulled his hands away, "Okay, Killian, I think you're talking about Milah, but you're not making much sense, what the fuck happened three years ago?"
"Her husband lives here."
Emma dropped his hands, "He lives here? In Storybrooke? I thought you were living in England when,"
"I was." Killian sighed and took a seat on the steps. "Do you remember when we moved here, how wonderful this place was?"
Emma stood in front of him, her arms crossed, "Yeah, well it seemed like we'd both found a home here."
Killian shook his head, "I mean how happy the people were." Emma frowned and thought about. The town did seem lighter than it did now. "Who was missing the first four years we lived here?"
Emma stared down at him, "Gold. He was in a physical rehab facility in Boston from a car accident or something. When he came back to town everything shifted and," Emma paused, "oh."
"He was Milah's husband." Killian whispered. "When he showed up it was like having the rug ripped out from under me. It was like this perfect life I'd formed, we'd formed, just shattered."
Sitting next to him, Emma took his hand, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was going to the day I saw him in town, I was going to tell you that night when we got home from work, but then he showed up at the docks just as I was leaving, he told me our past should be kept there." Killian dropped his head, "He shot her right in front of me. I know what he can do, and I didn't want him to do it to you so I just kept my mouth shut. And for a few months it seemed like we could just move on."
"Is he why you left?"
Nodding, Killian continued, "He threatened to take you from me. He just showed up one day and explained in that calm voice how I should know what it's like to lose someone I love, like losing Milah wasn't enough, and so he was going to take you. I told him we'd leave. I knew you'd understand and that you'd pack up and go with me, but then he told me that I should be the only one to go." Killian paused, "He chased us from Scotland down to England. He found us in a different bloody country. It wouldn't be hard to find us in New York or Los Angeles or some sodding port town in Washington state." He hung his head, "So I left."
"But you said, a job?"
Shaking his head, he replied, "I didn't have a job. I just left for Boston. I met Robin, he offered me a job and I just fell into it."
"Killian, you should've told me. I can take care of myself. You shouldn't have dealt with this alone. And why tell me now?" She stood up and started pacing, "Do you think his threat is just over?"
"Of course it's not over." Killian yelled, "Of course he'll never just go away, but I just, bloody hell, I miss you, Emma. I feel like I haven't been able to breathe in three years without you and I just can't do it anymore." Grabbing her face he pulled her into a kiss and she hated herself for how easily she melted in his arms. Her lips were pliant under his, they always had been. The man was unfairly good at kissing. It was like his lips had been made for her.
Gently shoving him away, she wiped her mouth, "I can't just forgive you for leaving me. I can't just fall into you, Killian." She whispered.
Hanging his head, Killian nodded, "I know." He sighed, "I should go. I'm staying at Granny's if you want to talk more."
OUAT
Emma curled up in a ball on her sofa. She felt like she'd cried enough for a lifetime over this man. She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't because he left to protect her. She wanted to forgive him, but she couldn't because he abandoned her. She just didn't know what she was feeling. She sighed gratefully when the door opened and David sat down next to her.
"Where does Mary Margaret think you are?"
"The station." David mumbled, opening the bottle of Jack and handing it to her.
She took a long swig, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand before handing him the bottle, "Thanks."
He took his own sip, "So, what happened?"
"He told me why he left. He told me the truth." Emma whispered.
"And, do I get to punch him?" David asked hopefully.
Emma shook her head and bit her lip, taking another long drag of the whiskey. "Do you remember when I told you about a woman named Milah?" David nodded and took the handle back, "Her husband is Gold."
David choked on the swig of whiskey he'd just taken, "What?"
"I know, he said Gold came to the docks when he got back from physical therapy and threatened him so Killian kept his mouth shut." David scrunched up his face at that, "And that's okay, I can forgive that, but then I guess Gold wanted him to hurt so he threatened to kill me if Killian didn't leave town. So he left. He just left me."
"He could've taken you with him. Or had you meet him. Or come back sooner than three years and explained." David challenged.
Emma raked her hands through her hair, dislodging her bun, "I know, I know, but I just, God, why did he have to come back at all? I've been doing fine, I've been better. Why did he have to come back. He should've just stayed gone."
David took the whiskey from her before she could take another sip and took her hands, "Ems, you haven't been fine. You've been missing him like crazy. For better or worse, he's your other half. We both know it."
"That's easy coming from Prince Charming and fucking Snow White incarnate." Emma snapped.
"Hey you and I both know it wasn't always easy with us. I was married, we cheated, we were just lucky Kathryn wanted out just as badly, that she was in love with someone else. We made our mistakes. This is just Killian's."
"But he abandoned me."
"And I'll be sure to punch him for it." David told her, smiling when Emma laughed a little. "I just think you should talk to him about it. Let him explain more. Maybe when he hasn't been drinking. Then I think maybe we should talk to Regina about getting Gold out of town or arrested or deported or something."
Sighing, Emma nodded, "You know it would've been better if he didn't look so damn good when he came back into town. Or if he'd been a dick."
David wrapped his arm around her and hugged her, "I know, Ems."
OUAT
XOXO
MAS
