I am writing this story between when Slash leaves and Casey has become Raph's best friend. Spike in my version in not yet Slash. I also love Master Splinter. He is a great father. I disapprove all his actions in this story but was necessary for future events in this tale.
1: Leo
SPIKE
Shell, I hope he forgot the conversation I had with April. Please, please, forget, please, please…
A hand catches me across the back of the head. "So I hit you?"
I should have known. He's not going to forget that easy.
I don't answer. He comes in front of me. He fills my vision with his red robe. I swallow and focus on my exercise.
"I slap you for being worthless." He growls. My crane stance wavers, "It's your fault for being worthless."
Ignoring. Focus on the wall inches from my fingers. Focus on the door feet behind me. Focus on-
Another hit across the head sends me into the wall. I don't move. Anything I could do could add to his anger.
"I hit you, useless? You don't know what hitting is. This is hitting." He smacks me directly in the face. I taste blood as I bite my tongue. My head rings at the next hit, "And this, and this…"
I do my best to protect myself. But eh barrage of blows just keep coming. The beating lasted for five more minutes. Once the fists stop raining down on me, I slump to the floor. I'm afraid to look at Sensei.
Why does he hate me, hurt me? I didn't answer whey when April asked and I don't want to know why. All I know is this has been going on for a while.
"I'm sorry," I find myself whimpering.
"No, you're not," Sensei growls back. His fist nails me in the temple. Things go fuzzy for a while, then clears up. "You're a stupid boy. If you ever say a word about what I do to you again, I'll make sure you know what hitting is."
"I-It won't happen again," I sniff.
"It better not," with that he leaves the dojo. I lay there for a while, wishing I could just die. Finally I get my shell up and go to the bathroom.
As soon as I get to the bathroom, THWAM! I trip over something and fall on my face. I look behind me.
"Raph," I hiss between my teeth. Spike is right next to my feet glaring at me. I pick him up while he tries to bite my hand. "One day Raph will learn not to leave you lying around. If I don't get rid of you, Sensei will."
Spike makes a croaking noise.
As I step into the bathroom, I gag. The whole place smells like Raid.
"Whew. Did Raph find a cockroach in here again?" I say. Spike moves his mouth as if to say yes. I roll my eyes. Raph and his fears. I wonder if he used up the whole bottle this time.
I put Spike on the sink and look into the fogged up mirror. Our mirror is cracked horizontally down the mirror and a piece is missing. A piece I took.
My face is swollen. Bruises are starting to appear. I take off my mask. My eye is turning black. Blood is slowly running down my chin. I groan.
"Why does my life suck so much?" I moan. Spike just blinks." I better get you back you Raph. One day he'll learn, but not today."
Spike bites at my finger. I ignore the mean gesture and tuck him under my arm.
Raph's room is by mine. His red stop sign glares at me in the dark. Yeah, I'd stop and go away if I didn't have to deliver Spike.
As his door creaks open, Raph shakes. I wonder if I woke him. I certainly hope not. Spike croaks again. I look at him and put one finger to my lips. Without a sound, I put Spike next to Raph's head and start to leave.
"Hey, Spike," Raph suddenly mumbles. I quickly get out of his room. I don't need him seeing me.
He does see me though. Right as I close the door, our eyes lock for a split second.
I speed walk to my room. I don't want to run into any of my brothers or Sensei. Unfortunately, I do run into the latter.
"I thought I told you to leave Raphael's turtle alone."
I shrink," But Raphael needs Spike and I can't just let you-"
There's a loud smack as Sensei's hand connects with my cheek.
"One more time, Leonardo. One more time." Then he's gone.
I feel sick and … dead inside. I wish I was dead. I quickly slip into my room. I lean against my door, breathing hard. My wrists seem to itch and call for the mirror shard. I promised April I wouldn't hurt myself anymore but… promises are hard to keep.
I almost sprint to my bed. The shard is under my mattress, waiting for the next cut. I swiftly grab it. It is the shape of a triangle. A very sharp triangle.
I hug the shard to my chest. Then I poke my finger on the blade. Blood rolls down it, my finger and the shard. Sharp as ever.
Finally, I put the jagged edge to my newly exposed wrist. The cold glass feels good against my skin. I push a little harder.
Three little things is all that's stopping me from ending it all. Three. Little. Things are stopping me from cutting to deep.
Slowly I push harder and harder still. It feels good to push. It feels good to almost feel dead. Getting closer every time I cut.
Red starts appearing, pouring into my open hand, down my arm and dying the glass. There is no pain, just warm numbness.
There's a clang outside my room so I shove the shard back under my mattress. With a groan and a grunt, I plop onto my bed. I burry my head into my pillow, chocking back a sob.
I never have a good day. Even the days that seem so perfect a whipped away with one blow from his fists or a word from Raph. A laugh from Mikey or a look from Donnie. Even Casey, Spike and Ice Cream Kittie can take a day away.
I'm sliding into my personal hell and fast. The place where everything is worse yet better all at once.
April is trying to stop all this, but she can't. She doesn't know what it is like to live in this hell hole. She doesn't know what it feels like to be nothing. Maybe even less than that.
I grip the pillow tighter, tempted to suffocate myself and die. Why can't I pull this through? Why is it so hard to kill myself?
Now that I know the answer to. The three little reasons. Three little brothers. Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello. I can't leave them in Sensei's hands.
Useless. Worthless. Nothing. Failure. Lamenardo. Loser. Nerd. Dork. Everything is your fault. You can't do anything right.
I scream into my pillow, "I HATE MY STUPID WORTHLESS LIFE!"
After that I just drift off as I sob, drowning in my tears and snot.
When I open my eyes again, I find I am underwater. And that I am drowning.
