AN: Hoping everyone is having a nice holiday and I'm posting this a tad earlier because I personally enjoy my body in tact ;D And for all those people who are wondering if there is a happy ending all I can say is keep reading and you'll see :) Is that a sucky answer, yes, but it's all I can give lol.
It took everything in her to not shout John's name as she followed him. She preferred to be alone with him when she came face to face with John. And as much as she wanted to go to her son, he needed rest, and she couldn't very well show herself to Paul. He'd wonder how the hell she was there when she was buried nearly a year ago. She would just have to have John call Taylor to head someplace alone where she could see him.
So for her first minutes back on her Earth, kind of alive, she followed John around the busy New York streets getting bumped into, and earning herself strange looks. Joss shrugged, unperturbed by the staring looks, most likely thinking she was drunk as she wobbled and struggled to walk like a sane person. She had to get her sea-legs back since for nearly a year all she had to do was float and coast her way where she wanted to go or materialize in a white glow. Being somewhat alive, she had to walk again…in heels, something she hadn't done since before she died. Or maybe she was receiving the odd looks because she was only in her thin strapped dress and heels she was laid to rest in, out in the chilling October night's air. She was freezing but she ignored it.
And it was a nice dress, one of her favorites to be honest. It was a pretty royal blue color and was super comfortable. Her son did good picking this out for her. Joss was careful to not be spotted by John as she followed her lonely man, who thankfully decided his random journey was coming to an end, as he walked to his car. She ran to catch up, really needing to hitch a ride with him. Since she wasn't a ghost right now she couldn't just float and appear wherever the hell she liked. It would take her forever to get to his place on foot and she didn't want to waste any more of her valuable time following him like a creepy stalker. She grabbed the passenger door as he turned the car on and opened it.
She climbed into his car and closed the door, locking the doors so he couldn't go running, thinking he was hallucinating. But as she turned to look at him again she didn't seem to have that problem because he sat there staring at her in stunned silence. John appeared to be frozen as he stared at her, mouth agape, and she giggled inwardly. She rendered John speechless.
She smiled gently. "Hi John, I've missed you so much," she said as tears filled her eyes. This was one of the living things she did miss, the ability to cry. The tears escaping her weren't of sadness but of joy because she was given something that most would want, a second chance to be with their loved ones even if it was only for a day, and she internally thanked Julia again for this gift.
John stared at Joss as she looked so real. He nearly reached out to poke her, but shook his head. No, she was dead, she died in his arms. He held her, feeling her take her last breath. He tried to think of when, during his short walk, he hit his head? Or did someone inject him with something that he didn't feel? Or did he have a heart attack and was lying on some ground dying somewhere and he was dreaming this?
"Joss?" he whispered as she reached out and touched his face and he felt it. He felt her touch and it felt warm even though her hand was cold. He grabbed at her hand desperately. "H-how are you here? I-I held you a-as you died in my arms, you're not real," he demanded as a lump formed in his throat nearly choking him as moisture gathered in his eyes. This was a cruel joke, the woman he loved wasn't really here, his mind had to be playing tricks on him because he felt so alone.
She licked her lips as he held her hand so tightly. "John, I don't have a lot of time. I have 24 hours and two minutes and counting to spend as much time with you and my son because you had to wander around for fifty-eight of my precious minutes. My dogs are tired from the restless walking you did, I haven't had to walk in like a year!" she complained.
He stared at her like she was a walking and talking psycho and then he looked like he was going to speak more, and she didn't want to waste her precious moments speaking about the impossibilities of it all. Because she wanted to kiss him and not the soft butterfly kind of kiss like the one he laid on her in the morgue, she wanted an 'I-need-you-more-than-anything' type kiss, so she grabbed the back of his neck, tugging him to her to kiss him and he didn't resist. Their lips connected and she felt him stiffen in her arms, breath hitching, as a whimper escaped him and she couldn't say she blamed him. A dead woman was kissing him, but he'd catch up sooner or later that she was actually very much real, because right now she just wanted to kiss him. She gently took sips at his deliciously soft lips because they were slack and not participating just yet. She coaxed him into it as she sucked his bottom lip tenderly between hers.
John didn't care if this was some painful figment of his imagination because he kissed her back. He touched her, felt her cool skin against his, and felt her lips that were equally cool warm up against his. She sighed as he kissed her urgently. After the kiss lasted as long as they could humanly handle, he pulled free to breathe in raggedly.
She was still sitting there, but now she was smiling at him as she reached up with her free hand and rubbed away his tears. "Now that is what I call a kiss, John."
"You were shot and you died in my arms, how are you here, Joss?" he asked because he was slowly realizing that he wasn't hallucinating. How did she survive, he felt her take her last breath in his arms?
"Yes, I did, John. I died in your warm embrace, but you made a wish for me to be here and they granted it," he stared at her and she smiled. "Look, the particulars don't really matter, do they?"
"Yea they do," he countered. "I don't understand…"
She tried to remove her hand and he desperately held onto it afraid she'd fade away. "Your guardian angel, Julia, said that you were owed a wish and you wished I would be here, and she granted it. But it's only temporary, it's only for twenty-five hours because I think Julia pulled some strings; she really likes you. Tomorrow at midnight, I have to go."
"Where?" he asked, he didn't want to lose her again.
She smiled. "Back to the ghostly plane. I had a choice between heaven and the ghostly plane and I chose that so I could be close to you and my son. I just didn't realize trying to get your attention or my son's would be so damned difficult," she admitted.
"You've been around me this entire time?" He had been longing for her and she had been there and he hadn't even known it? He couldn't stop touching her, she felt real.
"Yea, I'm on the ghostly plane." she repeated as if that explained everything.
"Joss, I'm sorry but I need more explanation than that."
"Basically the ghostly plane is where I can walk the Earth with you and my son, but not visible to the naked eye unless I can master how to conserve enough energy to correctly haunt your ass. But even then I'll only be visible or heard for how long I can muster up enough energy before you guys won't be able to see or hear me. I've been trying to get your attention since day one but hadn't been able to figure out how to harness my energy enough to get yours or my son's attention. Julia, our guardian angel, says it takes patience which you know I don't have," she said and he chuckled, because this was beyond comprehension and yet here she was, and he believed what she said. He had stopped believing in miracles, in magic, in wishes, had stopped believing in it all, but seeing her again…he believed again.
The laughter faded. "I've missed you, Joss." he croaked sounding like a frog as emotions swirled in him.
She smiled. "I know you have but you're not alone, John, I've been there and I'll always will be here for you." His eyes shone bright as tears brimmed in his eyes but remained unshed. She only had one day so she wasn't wasting a single moment of her time withholding words she wanted to say. "I love you, John."
He shuddered as he tugged her to him, kissing her warmly, before ending the kiss abruptly. "I love you too," he whispered over and over again.
She smiled as she allowed him to keep whispering it until he slowly grew quiet. "Do you feel better telling me how you feel?" she wondered.
He leaned back. "Yes, I always regretted never telling you how I felt and I hated myself for letting fear keep the words inside."
"Me too, because I have loved you for a long time, John," she agreed before sitting back, freeing herself from him. "Can you take me to your place, John, I want us to be alone so we can talk? Oh and I want to bitch at you too since I can now, you're in for it since I've been stuck holding this in since my funeral." she huffed.
He leaned back and eyed her. "For what?"
"For what?!—you know what, I wanted to tan your hide for running after I died but, being I was a ghost, I couldn't, since my hand would go through you, but I can now!" she threatened. "John, I died to protect you and you were willing to throw away your life."
"I told you, Joss, I couldn't lose you."
"And I told you if anything ever happened to you, I'd hate you forever. That includes after my death too, John! I was so angry at you. When Simmons popped out and shot you, I knew I could be shot, but it didn't matter. I wasn't going to let Simmons get away with gunning you down in front of me. I paid the ultimate sacrifice but if I could do a redo, I'd do it again," she vowed. "John, you're not the only one who can do the saving." She touched his face and he leaned into it.
"I've missed your lectures."
She snorted. "No you haven't," she countered. "But thank you for lying. Now take me to your place because we have less than twenty-four hours now and I want to squeeze in as much time with you and my son as possible."
"Yes ma'am," he murmured softly because he wanted that too. If this was real and not a dream, he wanted to spend every moment he could with her before she left him again. He was going to spend a lifetime with her in the next day.
She glared at him. "Even though I'm dead, John, don't ever call me ma'am!" she said and he smiled as he turned and drove them to his place.
He didn't sleep. He and Joss and stayed up all night talking. It was surreal having her back, talking about things she shouldn't know but did. Like the fact that he was now forced as a cop and as Fusco's partner which had given her a hearty laugh fest. Or what he had revealed inside his closed door therapy sessions and she hoped they were therapeutic for him. She even knew private conversations he had with Finch and Shaw alike in the underground subway. Joss seemed to be trying to prove the reality of what she said and he did believe her, even if it was crazy.
But that meant he only had this one day with her and he didn't want to miss a single minute of her being here with sleep, so he didn't. But it wouldn't have mattered because he couldn't even if he wanted too, sleep was furthest from his mind because she looked so alive and vibrant. She raided his freezer for his ice cream, claiming dead women didn't get to have ice cream anymore and she cheekily claimed that it went right through her. God, he missed her humor, her everything, he just missed her. They sat on his couch and he kept touching her and staring at her, making sure she truly was there.
Joss had busy plans for him and Taylor, she wanted to go out to breakfast with her son and him, spend the day together, watch the sunset, and spend a quiet evening together before she had to leave them. He called in at work, citing personal reasons, and was given the day off unpaid. He called Finch and said he was busy and not to disturb him. Finch assured him that Shaw could handle any number they might have, sounding like he didn't want to press for info, but was worried about him. Surely if he said he was spending time with a woman that was dead would make things worse, so he refrained.
John had called Taylor to meet him at Lyric Diner (Joss's choice) for breakfast. He allowed Joss to choose everything even down to the color shirt he wore, which she had rummaged through his closet for the lavender shirt he had worn when they came face to face after the months long cat and mouse game they played. She forbade him from wearing hairspray and she greedily grabbed his hand as they walked hand in hand to his car.
She played with her dress while they sat in the corner booth waiting for her son to arrive. "Joss, don't worry, your son will react sort of like I did but will be happy to see you even if it's beyond comprehension," he promised as he rubbed her hand soothingly.
"I know, it's just I have wanted to speak to him for so long, tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of him," she admitted.
The boy entered and looked around and he sought out his eyes. "Joss, Taylor's here," John said quietly as her son smiled and Joss turned to look and her son froze.
"Hey baby boy," she greeted gruffly as she slid from the booth, to stand before him.
"Mom?" She danced from one foot to the other as her son looked her up and down in shocked astonishment, reminding her of John's initial look. "MOM!" he cried as he ran to her and hugged her fiercely. She closed her eyes and cried as she held her son. She inhaled his scent, held his strong body. She cried nearly as hard as he did.
Once they parted she rubbed his face free of the tears. "How are you here?" he demanded.
"Baby, sit," she commanded softly and he dropped into the seat she had occupied. She sat beside him. John reached out to touch her other hand and she grabbed it, before grabbing her son's with her other hand. "You two mean everything to me," she said, her voice wobbly from emotion, as she glanced from her son to John and back to her son. "I'm here until midnight tonight and then I have to go back."
"Go back?—go back where? I don't want you to leave, mom."
She smiled as she tightened her hold on their hands. "And I don't want to leave you both, but, I don't have a say."
Taylor stared at her. "Are you in witness protection or something because of the case being made against Alonzo Quinn?"
She shook her head. "No honey, I'm dead," she whispered, looking around making sure no one was listening in on them or paying them any attention. Her son looked at her like she grown a second head. "You're looking at me just like John did when I tried to explain this to him," she admitted and Taylor's eyes slid to John for help.
John could see that Taylor didn't believe his mother that she was really dead. Had she not known everything that she did when there was no way possible, he'd say Joss was alive and living too. But deep down he knew it was impossible, she died in his arms, and they only had this one day with her.
"It's true, Taylor, your mother really did die in my arms and she's here by some miracle. But she's got only today to spend with us."
Taylor looked at her immediately. "Why only a day?" he asked as he stared at her with crestfallen eyes. Joss wanted to erase his pain, maybe this was selfish of her to see him and touch him because she would disappear on him again and he'd have to grieve all over again, and that wasn't fair.
"Baby, believe in magic because it works, and do believe in love because sometimes love can connect two people so deeply that it can reach through time and space," she whispered as she eyed John.
Taylor glanced at John who was staring at his mom and then back at his mom. "You two love each other," he said rather than asked.
"Yes, I love Mr. Badass." she assured him and Taylor grinned. "We just didn't have enough time," she murmured softly.
John sat forward and stared into her eyes. "Joss, I will love you forever."
She smiled. "I know, just as I will love you both forever," she said, looking between them before eyeing her son. "I'm sorry for being selfish and wanting to see you, touch you again, because when I have to go you'll…"
Taylor curled his hand around hers tighter. "Don't apologize mom, I want this even if it's only for a day. I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too, little man." she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Okay, I want to spend my day with you two, cramming enough stuff in to last a lifetime in these next seventeen hours."
"I can handle that," Taylor said before eyeing John. "Can you, Mr. Badass?"
John smirked in challenge. "Oh, I know I can handle it."
After breakfast John took her and Taylor to the gun range which was fun. She hadn't gotten to shoot a gun since winging Simmons. Then Taylor and John had to suffer through her going to department stores and trying on the latest fashion trends. The boys were bored but wouldn't cop to it. Taylor insisted that they'd go to Archie's which had the greatest arcade known to mankind, where she and Taylor used to stop a lot to have fun together. It was interesting, to say the least, watching John, who looked like a giant kid, play against her son in a friendly but competitive game of Air Hockey.
After the arcade they had gone out to lunch to one of her favorite diners. Their hot fudge vanilla sundae with brownie crumbs and chocolate chips drizzled on top was to kill for. They laughed and talked a lot, basking in their day together, she refused to watch the clock.
After their wonderful lunch John, Joss, and Taylor had gone back to his place for some quiet time alone before going out to dinner at one of the most expensive places in New York.
"Thank you guys for treating me like a princess," she said as they sat on John's couch together.
Taylor and John looked at one another. "You don't have to thank us, mom, we love you and want to spend this day with you," Taylor said and she touched his hand. She watched as he tugged out his cell phone with his free one. And she furrowed her brows as he hit record before lifting the phone to capture her. "Mom, I love you." And her eyes softened as she realized he wanted to record her saying it back.
"Oh baby boy, I love you so much."
Taylor's smile was quivering a little. "Thank you, I will never erase this recording for as long as I live,"he promised as he ended it. She reached out tugging her son over and hugged him. She softly held her son while he cried. So much for keeping the day happy, the day was going fast and each of them was fully aware of the time remaining.
"Taylor, hand me your phone." John asked gruffly.
Joss and Taylor parted and Taylor handed him his phone before wiping at his eyes. She smiled as John stood up and stepped back somewhat to take a photo of them. Taylor held her so tightly and they smiled for the picture. She kissed Taylor's cheek before standing up.
"Give me your phone, John." she motioned and he eyed her unsure of what she was going to do but handed her his phone. "Baby, will you take a photo of John and me?" Taylor immediately snatched his phone out of her hand and John looked down at her as she snuggled up to his side. "Say cheese," she suggested as she laid her head on his chest and smiled for the camera. John held her tightly and Taylor snapped the photo and she leaned back to look up into John's eyes.
"You guys look awesome together." Taylor said as he showed them the photo and she smiled.
"I love this photo." she agreed, seeing that John wasn't looking at the camera but at her. She was touched by the soft loving look on his face. "Since John takes so few of them."
They spent the rest of time at John's place just talking with each other. They left his apartment to watch the sunset before heading to dinner and Joss was becoming increasingly agitated as her eyes kept watch of John's wristwatch and saw sadly as the time was flying by.
John rubbed her lower back, while they waited for Taylor who had to use the bathroom. "Stop watching the time, Joss."
"It's going too fast," she said as she eyed it again seeing it was now 7:45 in the evening. "I don't want this to go so fast." she said with a desperate clutching of his hand. "I don't want to lose the ability to talk to you, have you and my son talk back to me, and to feel you."
John reached up, brushing her hair back, seeing the anguish in her eyes. "I love you, Joss." he said again. Now that he finally said it to her, he couldn't stop saying it. She smiled as he stared at her. "You know there is no other woman I want, living or dead."
"Not even Jessica?"
"No, she was my first love, and you're my forever love."
Joss looked away. "Damn it John, I'm going to cry now even after I promised myself no more tears," she whispered.
"Look at me, Joss, please." She was helpless but to do as he asked. "Marry me, right here and right now," he pleaded and she jerked back but he scooted closer. "Marry me, Joss." They had the resturaunt's private veranda just for the three of them, not wanting to be disturbed for their quiet and only dinner together.
"John…"
"What's going on?" Taylor questioned as he came back and slid into the chair across from them.
John glanced at Taylor with a smile. "I'm asking your mother to marry me and it seems she has cold feet." he explained before looking back at her.
"I'm dead, I always have cold feet, but John, you don't want to get married."
He shook his head. "I've always wanted to be married," he corrected. "I just never found my other half, Joss, until you. And I wasted a lot of time with you and I don't want to waste this last day, being afraid and not going after what I want. Will you grant me another wish and be my wife?"
"John, I'm dead, the marriage wouldn't even be legal and you can find love again with a living woman." she said staring into his eyes. And she would jealously watch and hate the woman with every fiber of her ghostly being.
"I don't want anyone but you. I don't care if the marriage isn't legal in the eyes of the law, it will be legal to me and to you, to Taylor. And I don't care if the marriage lasts five hours or five minutes, I just want to marry the woman that I love. I let love go once before because I was scared, Joss, I don't want to do that again with you."
Joss stared into John's eyes, seeing he was serious. She closed her eyes before reopening them and grabbed his cheeks and kissed him…hard. She was crying unconsciously as she tugged him closer to her. She should be embarrassed as she was kissing him like a desperate woman in front of her son. But John just put Don Juan to shame and she felt fiercely sentimental over the fact that he wanted to pledge his love to her in a marriage that would bind them together spiritually rather than legally.
She pushed out of the kiss so as not to embarrass her kid but Taylor didn't look put off, rather he looked slightly misty eyed. "Joss, not to be a stickler, but you still haven't said yes to being my wife." John said quietly.
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, John, yes, I'll marry you." she assured him.
John looked at Taylor. "If you please," John murmured and Taylor grinned, realizing he was being included in their wedding.
"I'll just do the Cliffnotes version that I've seen in movies: 'do you, Mr. Badass, take my mom to be your wife'?"
John looked at Joss. "I do." he said immediately with warmth and with his blue eyes on hers. "Skip to the kiss part, Taylor." John murmured and she chuckled softly.
Taylor pretended to frown. "You just like kissing my mom."
"I do," he agreed.
She smirked. "That's my line and stop interrupting our wedding ceremony, John, precede Taylor," she murmured.
"Mom, do you take Mr. Badass to be your husband?"
"I do," she said readily.
John looked impatient. "Now may I kiss her?" he demanded.
Her son exaggeratedly rolled his eyes. "You may now kiss your bride, Mr. Badass."
John curled a hand against her cheek. "With pleasure," he murmured before he sealed their fate with a kiss before he pulled back. "I love you, wife."
She grinned, loving the sound of that even if it wasn't real. "I love you too, husband."
The evening was winding down after dinner and their shotgun wedding, they all filed back to John's place and they were quiet, all reflective. Both John and Taylor were on each side of her, just holding her hands. She gripped them tightly, trying to memorize the feel of their hands in hers because soon it would be gone, she'd be gone.
"What time is it?" Taylor questioned for the millionth time.
John eyed the clock. "Eleven-thirty,"
"It's only five minutes later since you last asked baby." she said gently. She turned to eye her son when she heard a soft sound escape him and realized he was quietly crying as he stared at her. John let go of her hand to rub her shoulder as she turned towards her weeping boy. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her son. "Oh sweetheart, don't cry." she whispered as Taylor held her tightly. "I am just grateful to have gotten to spend this wonderful day with you and John."
"I don't want to say goodbye. It's not fair."
"I know sweetheart, none of us ever do." she parted from his strong hold after several minutes and wiped his tears away. "But just know I'll always be around watching over you," she said. "I think you should go home now, baby, you won't be able to watch me go."
"No, I should stay," he fought.
"Can you honestly handle watching me go?" she questioned, knowing in her heart he couldn't. And when he shook his head, she smiled. "John will be with me, you need rest."
Taylor nodded. "You take care of my mom, John." he demanded.
"I will."
Her son looked at her and hugged her before leaning back to kiss her cheek. "I love you mom," he whispered.
"I love you more baby." she said leaning back and kissed his cheek as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. She reluctantly let go of her son as they all three stood up. She kept a smile in place so her son wouldn't know what watching him back away towards the door was doing to her. "This isn't goodbye, it's just see you later….much, much later. Momma's proud of you." she said, fighting the wobbliness to her voice.
"I know you are, mom. I love you."
"I love you." she barely got out before her son turned and exited John's apartment and when the door shut, she dropped to her knees, and sobbed. She felt John beside her, before his arms wrapped around her and gently held her.
They remained that way for a little while until she was spent. She lifted her head and John helped her stand. John's eyes were shiny with unshed tears. "No, you don't start," she begged as she eyed the clock on his wall. "Because I only have ten minutes left and I don't want to have to send you away like my son. I need you to hold me through it."
"I don't want you to go. Can't I be selfish for once, can't you?"
She smiled. "I know you don't, John, I don't want to leave. I wish I could stay here with you and my son. But it's not possible, I'm just grateful for these last twenty-five hours." she got close to him so their lips were close. "But believe me, I'll be watching over you too."
John reached out gently holding her cheeks in his big hands. "Promise me something, Joss."
"What?"
"Promise me that when my time comes, you'll be by my side, because there is no one else I would rather be with then you."
She smiled. "I can promise that you'll never be alone because I won't let you," she promised. He made a rough sound as he leaned down and kissed her. It was tender and loving, wet from their tears as they both were crying. She pulled back and licked her lips before looking at the clock and pain knifed through her. She had only minutes left. She looked back at John, leaning her forehead against his. "I have a few minutes left, so now it's your turn to promise me something, John," she whispered urgently.
"What, Joss, anything, I'll promise you anything?" he whispered as she held his hands that were cupping her face with his eyes squeezed tightly shut.
"Open your eyes, please." she said and he instantly did as she asked. "No more thinking your life is meaningless because it means everything, continue saving lives but try to actually save your own too because it matters. And I know you never believed me when I was alive that you weren't a monster, but believe me now when I say you're not. You're a good man, start believing it."
John stared at her. "Alright, I promise you."
She smiled before growing quiet as the minutes ticked by and it was eleven fifty-nine. "Hold me." she asked softly wanting to be his arms.
John tugged her into his arms and she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his neck inhaling him. "I love you Joss," John whispered roughly.
"I love you too, John." She whispered back on a soft sob as she held on tight as the clock stroked midnight.
AN: Er...I'm hoping you guys are surviving under the Careese feels, I'm telling you guys I was in a highly mushy state when writing this. I'll be posting the final chapter tomorrow since I'm not cruel to make you guys wait around to know what happens. Thanks for reading XOXOXOXOX.
