Wanting Santana
Chapter Three: Listen to me
You walk into the auditorium and you are surprised to see Santana sitting on the edge of the stage. You close the door and the sound is loud through the auditorium. She looks up and gives you a weak smile. You walk forward to her while she begins to speak.
"I knew you'd come, you always come here to sing a little after Glee club, right?" She asks you and you nod.
"Yes, that's true." You say and you near the stage. You walk to the stairs and soon you are sitting next to Santana.
"I'm sorry for how I reacted a few days ago." She says and you look at her.
"I freaked out and actually, you didn't say anything wrong. I know that it must have been confusing for you but seriously, I didn't try to get you in my bed and… I'm dating Puck. I'm not gay." She tells you and you look at your hands in your lap.
"I'm sorry for playing with your feelings like that. I knew that you had feelings for me, even before I asked you. I just… I guess I was being my ordinary self which means someone who doesn't care if she hurts people or not and I feel really… bad about it. You've been nothing but kind to me… and you are the only one who has actually taken the time to get to know me, besides Brittany. You are pretty much my only friend next to her and I totally fucked that up but I'm really, really sorry. These last days without you have been… hell, so, please, forgive me?" Santana asks you and you can't help but smile a little when you see her looking so vulnerable. Not that it makes you happy that she isn't feeling good but that look mean that maybe; she was ready to let someone in. You slowly nod.
"You are forgiven, Santana." You let her know and she smiles with relieve. She hugs you and you sigh. That familiar feeling overtakes you, the feeling of hope that will only be crushed again and you know you have to end whatever is going on.
"But I don't know if we can be friends." You say and even though it hurts, it's true. She looks at you in confusion as she lets you go. "I can't just be friends with you, Tana, every time you hug me or just touch me, I want more and… it never happens. It hurts too much, San, I can't do it. It breaks my heart to know that you are with Puck. That is hard enough to deal with. I can't be the friend that talks to you when you have problems with one of your boyfriends or something, I just can't… And this hurts. It hurts to know that we can't be as close as I want us to be, but…" You tell her, you voice breaks.
"I just can't." You whisper before you stand up and walk to the stairs.
"Come on, Colorz…" She says in a failed attempt to stop you. You sigh and walk to the exit. Yes, every step away from her is breaking your heart a little bit more but you think that maybe now, with you out of her life, she'll realize how much you mean to her and that she'll finally accept that she wants you two to be more than friends. It's your last chance.
It's been 15 days, 9 hours and 32 minutes. You miss Santana: her smell, the way her hands move when she talks, her smile, the sound of her laughter, the feeling of her soft skin, the spark in her eyes when she smiles, the way she talks to your little brother, how happy she gets when Funhouse of P!nk begins to play, how she bites the nail of her thumb when she is concentrated… you miss it all. All you get are looks across the room and slight brushes of shoulders or hands when you dance but nothing more. You can see the longing in Santana's eyes and you know that yours mirror the same feelings. You want Santana and it's clear she wants you to but will she even be able to accept it? Will she ever be able to accept that she likes a girl?
You remember talking to Santana and she said that there is no one loving her and that she would like to finally have someone that really cares about her but then, the first chance she gets, she takes Puck. He is a great guy but not to girlfriends. He just treats them all the same. Like crap and like he is everything and he expects the girl to be grateful and happy to have him. At least for a few nights because then he moves on. You have to let Santana know that you will never do what the other people she dated did to her. You would treat her like the precious diamond that she is. You would treat her like a lady, do everything for her. Give her the world…
That afternoon in Glee…
You've finally gathered all your courage and raise your hand.
"Yes, Liz?" Mr. Shue says.
"Uhm, I kind of have something prepared and I would like to perform it." You tell him and he smiles.
"That's great." He tells you.
Quinn speaks up. "Please, tell me it's not another Luther song…"
You laugh while you walk to the front of the room. "Sorry to disappoint you." You tell her with a grin. Santana looks at you with interest. You nod at the band and they begin to play the soft and smooth tune of Luther's song.
Hey baby, what's your game?
I ask you the question and the answer's still the same
how can you go on day to day
without someone to care?
You look at Santana for a brief moment, just to let her know this is for her but then you look away. You don't want everyone to know that you have a crush on the Latina.
If I wanted to take that chance
if I wanted to be your girl
Yes, that change in lyrics was necessary. Puck already called you 'The Big Butch' for some reason. In the corner of you eye you can see Santana's eyebrows raise.
You tell me that you feel lonely
But you won't love nobody
You tell me that you got a big heart
But you won't love no one
You lie and you moan and you bitch and you groan
That line is definitely about Santana. Come on, she did all those things on a very regular basis, but it was pretty cute actually. Well, you thought it was.
But you won't let nobody in to love
what am I gonna do?
Hey there baby, you're not shy
we talk for hours and you seem just fine girl, but...
Every time I bring up love
you run for cover
That's true, Santana did that. Santana always ran, just like she did when you told her that you have a crush on her.
Suppose I told you something that's true
Suppose I told you that I want you
You glance at Santana who is just sitting there, not sure how to act.
You say that all the guys want you
But you won't love nobody
You keep your heart in seclusion
And you won't love no one
You game and you flirt and you talk a lot of dirt
If Artie knew who she was singing about he would say: 'Preach!'
But you don't want nobody to love
what are you gonna do?
Heart feels empty, there's no one home
Nights are longer when you're alone
You tell me that you feel lonely
But you won't love nobody
You tell me that you got a big heart
But you won't love no one
You cry and you moan and you bitch and you groan
But you won't let nobody in to love
You say that all the guys want you
But you won't love nobody
You keep your heart in seclusion
And you won't love no one
You game and you flirt and you talk a lot of dirt
But you don't want nobody to love
I want your love your love girl but you won't love nobody
Yeah, I got your goodness, but you won't love no one
Yeah, I don't want them saying, she's the one with nobody to love
What are you gonna do?
She's the one with nobody
She's the one with nobody
She's the one with nobody to love…
The song ends and everyone applauds.
"That was great, Liz. Maybe next time you can try another genre." He tells her and you smile.
"Soul is the only music that fits me, Mr. Shue but yeah, I might try something new in the future." You say while walking to your seat. Santana glances at you and gives you, to your surprise, a small smile.
A/N: I want to say thank you to every reader and the people that have left a review or added me to favorite/alert. I really appreciate it. I hope you like this chapter and that you enjoy/discover Luther Vandross' music because he is really one of my favorite artists. If you don't like him than just don't listen to his music but do read the lyrics because it has always something to do with was is going on in the story and with how you feel in this story LOL. Okay, enough rambling and please R&R
