Asajj Ventress had visited a lot of strange places. Some were truly hellish. But ever since she had left Rattatak, nowhere had evoked any kind of feeling from her, just by her being here. Ilum was different. Something about this place had her on edge. She wanted to get the crystal and get out of here as fast as possible, but at the rate she was going she'd be here for weeks. The frozen tunnels seemed to go on for miles, and there wasn't a sound in them. None but the sound of her footsteps, her breathing, and her thoughts. Asajj hated being alone with her memories, she wanted to forget them, they had brought her nothing but pain. But there was something here, some ripple in the Force that permeated this frozen wasteland and drew her to them. All the stories of the Jedi's crystal source told of icy tunnels shining with emerald and azure gems, stretching as far as the eye could see. All that she could see were the tunnels. Asajj gave a frustrated yell and punched the cave wall, leaving cracks in the ice. Damn that horned little brat, why couldn't she have just told me how to get it?
"Only you can know that, little one," a voice said. Asajj whirled around to a sight that made her stumble back until she felt the ice against her.It can't be. If Ilum had wanted her to face her past, it couldn't have chosen a better way.
Asajj was lost for words. "You died," she managed to eventually say. The figure of Ky Narec was standing in front of her, slightly transparent.
"Don't you remember what I taught you all those years ago, little one? There is no death, there is the Force." Her old Master looked at her suspiciously. "You aren't the little one I trained though, not anymore. You've grown in some ways, and shrank back in others. Why did you turn to the Dark Side?"
Asajj turned away, the sight of him was too much for her to deal with. It brought to mind the feeling of his body collapsing in her arms, his strength fleeing him through the last breath that had almost sounded like words in her ears. "I wanted to make them pay for taking you from me, Master. When I was with you I had a purpose, and after you died my only purpose was revenge. And I had it. All of those warlord scum are dead!" The old fury was rising again, like a white-hot star in her chest.
"And what has that brought you?" Narec had reappeared in front of her, making her look at him.
"You know exactly what it brought me," Asajj yelled at the vision. "You're not my Master! He's dead, you're nothing but this blasted Jedi planet trying to turn me into one of them!" Narec disregarded her accusing finger and smiled at her sadly.
"And who are you, Asajj?"
She didn't have anything to say to that. Her mouth hung open while she tried to find a response. She honestly didn't know, not in the way he seemed to read her mind.
"You aren't the person you've pretended to be all these years. When you were that little girl I knew on Rattatak, you thought you were a Jedi, but that isn't who you are. You're more free than a true Jedi could ever be. Their life was not for you. When I was gone you thought you were a Sith because you had lost yourself in your pain, but that isn't who you are inside. Even though you've ignored it for all those years, you still have a sense of what was right buried down there." His words echoed all around her from the cavern walls, coming at her from every direction.
"Then who the blazes am I?! You seem to know so much about me, so tell me!" Narec stayed calm in stark contrast to her fury.
"You are Asajj Ventress. What that means is something that only you can define. Not me, not Dooku, not Mother Talzin." Narec stepped towards her and put his hands on her shoulders, though she felt nothing at his touch. "You blame yourself for losing me, and for losing the Nightsisters. But all of us died because we made a choice. I chose to train you because I thought you could be someone great. The Nightsisters chose to shelter you because you were one of them and you had no where else to go. They knew what they risked, but they did it anyway. Why do you think they did that?" "Not a clue," she spat. Narec grinned, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "Are you so sure about that? Why did you help Ahsoka then? I know what you tell yourself, but both of us know that it's a lie. You knew even as she said it that there she had no hope of getting you a pardon. But you helped her anyway, why is that?"
"I don't know." The anger had fled from her voice, now she was actually wondering what the answer was herself. Once again the vision had confounded her. She felt her legs give out and let herself slide down the cave wall to the floor. Narec crouched down to her eye level before he continued. "One day you may know why. Events are taking shape now Asajj, and the effect of them will be felt by every being in the Galaxy. In the coming months you will have to make the choice the Nightsisters and I did, and answer the question. Who are you, and what do you want?" The vision began fading out. Desperate, Asajj held on to him.
"Don't leave me alone again," she said. "Please." The word felt odd in her mouth. Her master smiled at her again. "I'll always be with you, little one, and so will everyone else you have lost. All you have to do is remember the time you spent with us, and you'll never be alone."
Asajj let go of him, and the vision faded out into nothingness. After a long while she got to her feet and searched the cavern for a crystal, only to be disappointed again. There was nothing of value in the frozen cave, not now that the vision had ended. Asajj kicked an icy rock in frustration before continuing on through the tunnels. Damn this planet! The tunnel began snaking back and forth, the rapid turns adding to her mounting anger. She started running, desperate to end this wild bantha chase, when around a bend she saw something that made her skid to a stop. The vision hadn't ended, and now a new figure stood in front of her, golden eyes penetrating her. Asajj's face twisted in anger this time as she looked into the face of her other master. Dooku looked even older than she remembered, and for some inexplicable reason his hands were missing, the stumps of his arms smoking, cauterized by a lightsaber's passing. He was defenseless! With a cry of rage she reached out with the Force and closed it around his neck. Dooku began making gasping noises as he rose into the air. Finally she would kill the treacherous bastard and have her revenge. Is that really what you want? Ky Narec's voice echoed in her head. Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be?! All she had to do now was twist, and Dooku's neck would snap in two. But as she watched him scrambling for breath, the motion just wouldn't come to her. What was she waiting for?! Ky whispered to her again, Are you sure? To her shock, it finally clicked.
It wasn't what she wanted at all. Revenge had never done anything for her, it had left her drifting in an escape pod over a distant planet, it had left her new sisters butchered by blaster and lightsaber. She didn't want revenge from Dooku, she simply didn't care what happened to him anymore. She realeased her grip and Dooku fell to the ground, taking deep, tortured breaths.
She closed her eyes. "Get out of my life."
When she opened them again, she saw that the Dooku vision had listened to her, and in its place stood the smiling visage of Ky Narec. Her master nodded in approval, then he disappeared too. A strange whistling was echoing through the tunnel, and Asajj could see a faint light emanating from the spot Ky had been standing. She bent down over it and dug through the ice and snow until she found a glowing yellow crystal.
Asajj smiled to herself as she pocketed it. Thank you, Master. As she began the trek back to the temple she hoped Tano''s experience had been just as maddening.
