A/N: We see that there are many who want too see Natsuki get teased by Shizuru. Sadly, for those of you blush and fluff fans, that likely won't be until later in the fiction. Again, we wish to thank all of the love and support that continues to encourage us to further the fiction. We have some Shizuru POV for this chapter. Please continue to support us.
Chapter 3
Shizuru's POV
Her smile is something I've always known. Her gentle touch, I learned to depend on. She would hold me. Words of encouragement came freely from her lips. As often as as I would look upon that cold stare, I wondered what she could be thinking. Even as a child, I would follow her. That far away gaze was teaming with sadness. I knew it. In spite of my great despair, I knew she hid those things from me. I could not find a way into her cold soul. Still, the melancholic gentleness Natsuki offered me, gave strength in more ways than I could even begin to explain.
I never had a mother. Not a real one. Surely a woman birthed me from her womb. Truthfully, the woman is a stranger. I've heard only stories of her life. She was a wonderful queen, at least, this is what I've been told. I wish I could have known this woman I'm told I resemble. I can't say I miss her. I've had not the time, nor the energy. Beyond occasional questions, and the small hints of truths I'll never know, it has become impossible for me. I wish not the life I was born into. It is little more for me than a curse.
If it was because of those simple facts, or simply because I lacked any sort of nanny, I won't ever know. Natsuki has always been by my side. At times, I grew angry because of it. In others, clinging with the fear that gripped my heart came easily. Funny though it may seem, my room is still chilly. Lavished, yes it is that. Furnished properly, it fits my role. Still, I would quickly toss it away as if it were a pebble into a bog. My life, as it is now, can simply sink away into utter nothingness. I would not care.
I wonder...
When exactly...
When did I start...
Falling...
I guess, all in all, it matters not...
When I was small, Natsuki was there. In my earliest memories, I see a young girl, still just a child herself really, holding me in her arms. I know she's not my mother, but someplace in my small heart, I wished dearly that she would forever act with the kindness a woman like that would have. In my mind, she was all I would ever need. Her hair was always free flowing when casually dressed. In her armor, I became astounded by her beauty. One thick ponytail kept her hair out of her face, and her armor was always freshly polished. I could only dream to become as beautiful as her.
That held even more truth as I grew older. For my age, I am young for a marriage. However, it is quite common. My father has grown with age, and I am his only heir. It is most imperative that I wed as soon as possible. I was born, and raised for this fact alone. Nothing else could possibly matter. My heart still calls out. Oh, how I wish I could be rebellious. Then, perhaps I would be able to speak my mind freely. Yes, that would please me. Why is it that I am so confused? What happened today? Why...
I should have not act so rashly. Among the city streets, I should not have pushed her. Today, unfitting of my role, I think I may have indeed hurt her. Why must I yearn for things I should not attain? Why must my soul call out for her in a way such as this? It was rather unfitting of me, pushing her like that. She is a woman, same as I. She should be entitled, gifted with the ability, Never speaking unless she wishes. I have been raised better than that. Natsuki...
"Now remember Shizuru..."
That's how she would always start.
"Never forget, you too are a woman..."
Back then, before I could commit those words into truth.
"You need not feel any obligation..."
I was still small after all.
"You never have to speak, if you do not wish."
Yes, her words back then, comforted my warring heart.
She raised me better than that. With gentle hands, she guides me through life even now. With her large heart, she nurtures me. With her blade, she has fought for me. She would do it again. Under oath, she has offered her life, she has given it away, for one such as me. Sometimes I wish I knew why. Is it because she has no place else she belongs? I ponder that many a night. If that is the case, who am I, for a person such as her?
Her daughter?
Her best friend?
Merely a job for her wages?
It would be a painful admission.
I could only hope it would be something more.
I hear a knock at my door...
The hour is late.
It could only be her.
"Come in." I say.
Within a breath, the door opens. There she is, my Natsuki. She is kneeling down, her head lowered. as her deep midnight tresses cast a shadow upon the floor. It masks her face. I abhor the sight of her like that. "I'm sorry, my lady." Natsuki's words are filled with grief. "I know you wish more of my life, but Princess, there is nothing I can offer you. Those stories, they are nothing more than memories that have long since flown away from my grasp." It's only then that she looks at me, standing slowly from the floor she had been kneeling on. "Do you truly wish knowledge on difficult times?" I simply wish I could understand her.
That is what I want. "Yes, please."
With hardened eyes of emerald, "If that is your wish, you must give me time."
And a stance that refuses ground, "Then I shall wait, for as long as it takes."
She commits for her sole duty. "All I could ask for, is your forgiveness."
Pleasing me, only me. "You need not ask for such things."
Have I made a mistake? "Unlike what you may think, it was not all joy." Her words are not unlike bleeding wounds. "Shizuru, I could not possibly speak those things. Some of them, they must be seen. Words do them no justice." Willingly, yet not fondly, her past is only a gateway into sadness. "I had been my greatest wish, that I protect you from the harsh truths this world offers." She has demons that darken her soul. I can see that now. Natsuki is slowly opening that door. "However, one day soon, I will tell you everything you wish. Until that day comes, Shizuru, wait for me." Ironically, I am even more in love with her now. I know she is not a perfect creature. If the heavens never show me happiness, I would willingly jump into her eternal hell.
"Natsuki..." I would wait forever.
"Yes Princess." Her eyes are stern, her voice though soft.
"I do not love Reito." I feel as if I must tell her.
"He will protect you, love you, and honor you." She says that, but I feel it is a lie.
"I know that." Still I must agree.
"There will never be a better man." He is indeed a wonderful prince.
"What if I wish the arms of a woman." But, he is little more than a friend from another kingdom.
"That would be a wish that I could not grant." She exists only for her duty.
"You know..." I hope she understands what I am trying to say.
"As do you." Oh, Natsuki, I do.
That was the nearest thing towards a confession I would ever receive. Her hands held mine as she gazed into my eyes. Her fingers were covered in her plated armor. Still, the cold metal was nothing but soft upon my cheek. Her lips met mine. alas it was not nearly long enough before she pulled away. I don't understand her in the best of times. My heart aches in the worst. "Shizuru..." Her voice sounds tired, lost by the day, drowned by the darkness of night.
"Natsuki, I'm frightened." It is my only truth.
"You need not be so." Her words of comfort.
"You tell a taller tale than that of my father." They are no longer so.
"Everything shall be fine, Shizuru." Although she tries her hardest.
"It is not the fate I wish." She feels it is best.
"I give you my word, you shall find happiness within your life." She's lying.
"You are my happiness." Natsuki is the only one.
"It is at your side that I feel most at ease. I do not want my hand given away as property. I am a human being, I should have voice in such matters, as you always say." Natsuki would always tell me that. "Is it not why you allow me a knife? What I want is not what my father wishes, I understand that, truly I do. Still, my fury will never quell if you allow a man such as he, to claim a woman like me." I should not have allowed such an outburst at the only one who's ever cared for me. Still, my anger can only grow stronger.
How can she not see?
Shouldn't she know the truth?
I my be a princess, but I would scorn Reito.
Not her.
Never her.
How could she be unworthy.
I do not understand.
It could be...
That she is lying.
Am I the one...
It must be me.
Is it I, who can never be worthy of a soul such as hers?
Yes...
Surely, I am the one...
Who will never be equal.
For the one as strong as she.
Natsuki is my protector.
Thus, she is my strength.
I would be nothing without her.
We hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter, we meet Reito.
