I had this image of what things were supposed to be like when it was time. You know, the stuff you see on the movies. The wife's water breaks, pains immediately hit, the husband is running around the room like something gone mad before rushing out the door and realizing once in the car that he has forgotten his wife. The whole scene was something a guy could only assume was a correct portrayal of first time parents springing into action.

Didn't exactly go that way.

Once I finally convinced April that yes, her water did indeed break, she decided she had to get a shower and shave her legs. Now mind you, she had just shaved that morning before our doctor's appointment, but that wasn't a battle I was willing to fight. I had a pretty good feeling the baby wouldn't fall out if we didn't rush right to the hospital, and even if it did, hey...at least her legs would be smooth when the paramedics arrived.

I did what any good husband would do. I helped her in the shower, making sure we got everything accomplished, and made it out the door before she gave birth in the middle of our apartment. The ride to the hospital was uneventful. She had a few twinges of discomfort, her words not mine, on the way but nothing that prompted me to put the pedal to the floor. All in all it was pretty dull. No insanely high speeds, no cops following behind me as I raced to the hospital, nothing. Here I had been prepping for a dramatic journey and there my wife sat in the passenger seat chatting with her Mom on the phone.

Oh yes, Karen was on the way.

So all of the above is how we ended up here in the lovely birthing center of Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. A unit full of various shades of pink, flowers and balloons, really happy nurses, and screaming babies. You could hear those little jokers everywhere. Not sure what the problem was, but the general consensus among them was that it wasn't good and they were very vocal about it.

As soon as we checked in, April's doctor was at the bedside to confirm her water had indeed broke as if there had been any question and that since April didn't seem to be getting into her own labor pattern, the next logical step was to induce that pattern. Sounded easy enough! An overly happy nurse came in, started her IV, and hooked her up to the medication that would get things going.

And things did go easy enough. For a while.

I'm not really sure what kind of amped up bag of Pitocin they gave her, but I went from having a happy wife that was very chatty as we walked in the hallway to try and help things along, to one that was getting gradually quieter as things got more intense. Long gone was the ability to get a laugh or smile out of her. I cut the jokes off a while back. Figured that was NOT what she wanted to hear during the peak of a contraction.

We were still walking, her doctor had recommended that, but as the contractions got closer together and the pain more intense we were beginning to slow down. This one seemed particularly bad and I heard April whimper as she wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest. "You're doing so good, baby," I told her, rubbing her lower back. I could feel her fingers gripping my shirt and knew this was crossing over to the serious side. This is what they called labor. I got it now, thanks.

Once that contraction subsided we slowly started making our way back to our room. And I do mean slowly. I was used to seeing my wife zipping all around the hospital, even heavily pregnant, so this was a new one for me. "Is someone getting my Mom?" She asked. Now normally I would crack some joke about her asking for her Mom, but I knew we were well beyond that. "Mom or Richard said they would pick her up from the airport. I'm not leaving you." There was no way. Karen could hoof it here for all I cared, of course I would have never told April that, but I wasn't leaving this place without wife and baby in tow.

As we passed the nurse's station I saw it was almost 5AM. After midnight. That was the first time I had actually looked at a clock since we arrived hours before. I was going to be a Dad today.

I WAS GOING TO BE A DAD TODAY.


There is a cliche you often here when it comes to men and childbirth. When witnessing their wives going through the whole process, you will hear guys say they wish they could take the pain from them. I always thought well sure, I bet but never thought you actually felt that way. It was just something you said, right? A united front.

No.

It was 100% legit.

April is tough as nails. That is a well known fact. She's been knocked down, but she gets right back up. She might suffer, but you'd never know it. This, though? This thing that was supposed to be wonderful and miraculous...it was kicking her ass and mine. Now don't get me wrong, she was making it through hours of labor like a champ, but it wasn't easy. She had long ago decided she didn't want any pain medication during labor. Personally, I would have taken any and everything they offered me, but it was her decision and I supported it. She made me promise I wouldn't give in to the worst moments and try and get her to take medication or get an epidural. I was struggling.

She had been in labor well over 12 hours and was finally dilated to 8cm. I've said it before and I will say it again, this baby was perfectly happy where he or she had been for the past 40 weeks. It was resisting eviction at all costs. The fact that we had been awake all night was not helping at all. Thankfully, and I completely eat every word I have ever said about either of them, our Moms had been with us and were actually very helpful.

Miracles still happened, folks.

Had it not been for her Mother assuring me this was all very normal, and my Mom telling me I had to be strong for her, I would have probably already flown around the room. Yes, I was a doctor but all my medical training and rational thinking had gone out the window a long time ago. My wife was in pain and I wanted to stop it. Simple as. It was difficult for me to sit by unable to do anything for her and tell myself this was all part of a wonderful process. I'm just not wired that way.

Throughout the entire pregnancy April and I had said it would just be the two of us present for the delivery. We might allow our family in to see the baby before we went home from the hospital. Now? If my Mom or Karen thought they were leaving they had another thing coming. They were seeing this thing through. The Labor Coach needed a Coach. We were all in it now. No quitters.

"You're doing such a good job, sweetheart," Karen soothed. She wiped April's forehead with a cool cloth as I let her squeeze the feeling out of my hand. Would I still be able to operate after this? Verdict was still out, but oh well. "It's almost over and you're going to have that precious little baby in your arms." Her Mom was convincing, I'll give her that.

"I can't," April cried. "I'm so tired."

"I know you are, baby," I told her. I could not imagine. I would have thrown in the towel hours ago. Roll me to the OR. Knock me out. Cut the kid out of me. Wake me up when it's over. Simple delivery. Not April, though. "You're doing it. You've got this."

My Mom had assigned herself to updating everyone and keeping any visitors at bay. We were well passed the point of welcoming spectators. Which was right up her alley. Anytime she could boss people around and feel like she was an authority on something - best day ever for her. She was also making sure April stayed hydrated. I was waiting for the cup of ice chips to go flying across the room when Mom insisted she take a spoonful, but so far...no casualties.

April's Dad, who had since arrived, had been pacing back and forth in the hallway. Literally pacing. For hours. Richard had tried to get him to go chill in the waiting room, but still he paced. I knew now more than ever why men sat in the waiting room smoking cigars back in the day. Not a bad idea at all if I'm being honest. Seeing April in pain was stressing me out to the point I would have absolutely gone out there and chain-smoked had it been an option. My Grandfather had also gotten word the newest Avery was on the way and last I heard he was making plans to come out for a visit...probably to offer him or her a job at MassGen. Hey, if you can't get one generation on board, try the next!

When I thought about the cast of characters waiting for this kid, it was no wonder he or she was hanging on in there for dear life.


As with every other stage of this process, I was under the impression that once pushing started babies simply flew out. And I still believe that some do, I'd personally witnessed it during my run ins with OB, but not this little one. Which, I should have known, as much as he or she had been resisting the whole time. No interest at all in coming out and meeting us. I was trying not to take it personally.

April had been pushing for 2 hours, and she was making great progress, but she was exhausted. Everyone kept saying this was very normal for a first time Mom, two steps forward and one step back they said, but I didn't feel like a single part of this was normal. There was a reason we had made medical advances such as epidurals and virtually pain free deliveries. It just seemed like women were moving further and further away from that. My wife being one of them.

"Ok, April," Dr. Lawrence instructed. "Deep breath and push down in your bottom. You're getting so close, baby is right there." I really hoped so. I was holding one leg and supporting her neck as she leaned up to push. I would never complain, but my back was screaming at me after two hours of this. Karen was holding the other leg and the cup of ice chips April would request every so often. My Mom was behind me, away from any areas she didn't need to see, with the camera to take pictures. We all had our assignments.

"Excellent, April," Dr. Lawrence praised. "Jackson, you want to look? You can see your baby's head!" Not to compare the birth of my child or my wife's anatomy to something horrific, but it was like trying to pass by a train wreck without looking. You knew you probably shouldn't, but you had to. Looking down where Dr. Lawrence stood, I could see the very top of his or her head. Even the tiny bit of dark hair I could see left me speechless. There was an actual human being coming out of my wife. One we had talked about and planned for all this time. It was actually happening. Holy shit.

"On the next contraction I want you to give it all you've got and don't back off," our doctor explained. "Baby should crown up with the next push and it's going to burn. Just push through that burn. You are doing so great, April!" I could not believe this was actually happening. All day it had seemed so abstract still, well to me at least, and the fact that this baby was almost out was blowing my mind. We were about to be parents.

"It's almost over, sweet girl," Karen crooned. She really had been helpful today. I had to admit this. My Mom was silent behind me. I could feel her presence there, but she was speechless. One aspect of the miracle of this birth was the fact that it left my Mom speechless. Catherine Webber was NEVER speechless. I'd have to tell Richard later. Hell, I'd have to tell anyone that knew her.

I leaned down and rested my forehead against April's. "You are so amazing," I whispered. I could see the tears spilling from her eyes. She was so exhausted and overwhelmed but she had done amazing. "You're so close, baby. You can do this." She shook her head no at me as she continued to cry. I wiped her eyes with a cool cloth and placed a kiss on her head. "Yes you can. You're about to be a Mommy."

"April, sweetheart, it's done! You've done it! A couple more pushes!" There was Mom. I knew she'd pipe up back there eventually.

I could instantly tell by the way April tensed that another contraction was beginning. I helped her lean up as she started pushing what I hoped would be one of the final times. "Good job, baby..."

"Wonderful, April," Dr. Lawrence encouraged. "Take a quick breath and then back down here hard as you can!" I looked down and saw more and more of the baby's head emerge. I had seen birth before, but this was something completely different.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow..." April cried out.

"Push through it, April." Dr. Lawrence instructed. "You've got it. Stay on it, there you go..." Looking down again I watched as our baby's head delivered completely. I felt like I was going to freak out at any second. "Head's out. Just breathe while I suction baby's mouth and nose out, April. You are doing fabulous!"

One of the delivery nurses stepped around Karen to undo April's gown so the baby could be placed directly on her chest. This was really happening. This baby was coming out. I leaned over onto the bed and wrapped one arm around April as she leaned up to give the final push. The second April collapsed back into my arm we heard a tiny piercing cry. "Welcome to the world, little one!" Dr. Lawrence greeted before placing the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life on April's chest.

I could not tell you one thing that was going on in the world in that moment. I had no idea where my Mom was. No idea what April's Mom was doing. No idea what anyone in that room was doing or saying. The only thing I could focus on was the tiny little life in my wife's arms, protesting his or her entry into the world loudly. Lungs definitely worked.

April was sobbing as she held our tiny boy or girl on her chest. I watched as the nurse covered him or her with a warm blanket and got vital signs. If the screaming was any indication, we were doing just fine. What they say is true. You don't care how slimy and gross that baby is, you don't think anything about it, and it is the most beautiful thing you have ever laid eyes on. I felt tears streaming down my face and didn't care. So I cried at the birth of my child. Guilty as charged.

"You did it, baby," I said, kissing April as the baby continued to scream. I leaned down to place a kiss on his or her head. In a word, I was smitten. There was life before this moment and there was life now. I knew it would never be the same again. I could stare at this little miracle all day every day and I knew I'd never grow tired of it.

April lifted the blanket and looked underneath to check the baby out from head to toe. The biggest smile spread across her face as more tears started flowing. "Jackson, it's a girl!"

A girl.

I had a daughter.

I lifted the blanket to see for myself, confirming what April had found seconds before. I couldn't help but laugh as tears continued to flow.

A girl.

What...in...the...hell...was I going to do with a little girl?

Watch out boys of Seattle in a decade or so, your ass is mine if you come near this angel. I'll do time. Not a problem. You've been warned.

"Hey beautiful," I said softly, kissing my little girl and getting a good look at her. "Hey beautiful girl! Daddy loves you so much." We had been so convinced we were having a boy. I don't think either of us entertained the idea that a girl might have been in there all along.

I watched as she finally quietened down and tried to open her little eyes. She had been here for about 5 minutes and I was in complete awe of everything about her. Eyes, nose, lips, ears...how could anything be this perfect? I sounded like one of those parents, I know, but I didn't even care. She was the most beautiful baby that had ever graced the planet. Hands down.

"Tell Daddy you can play sports too. You can play basketball with him, huh?" April said to her. It was true. I had bought all kinds of stuff that I knew I'd get to show our boy. I'd gotten him his first jersey, first basketball, etc. I was ready.

This girl had flipped my world completely upside down. No way was my princess going to do anything except what she wanted to do. If basketball was the worst activity on earth to her, there would never be another basketball in our house. Whatever she wanted. I leaned in to kiss her tiny head again. "I can learn about dolls and tea parties. You may have to help me."

April smiled before leaning in for a kiss, "I can do that."

I could do it. I could be Dad to a girl. The clothes, shoes, dolls, tea parties, princesses, drama cause I know they all have drama, even the tiny ones...all the freaking pink I knew was coming. I wanted it all.

See, that is the thing about Kepner girls, and she was without a doubt half Kepner, you never saw them coming...but they were everything you never knew you wanted.


More with Baby Girl Avery to come! :-)