Chapter 3: Guess What

When Walter returned with some "larger trousers" he found the door to the bathroom open and Integra leaning against the sink with her head in her hands. He set the pants at the foot of the bed and walked over to the threshold of the bathroom. That's when he saw the test in the garbage. It was at such an angle that he could see blue line fully exposed.

"Shall I tell the captain to take the men and leave?" asked Walter.

"Yes," sighed Integra without looking up.

"And after that should I call for a doctor to come out?" Walter inquired.

"I suppose," she said quietly.

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Later that night after the men returned after the doctor left. It had been a successful mission and the new captain took his team out for drinks, while Seras took Wedge for a walk through the sprinkler system. Victoria thought it was best not to go with them, dawn was only a few hours away and she was pretty sure the bar they mentioned doubled as a strip joint.

So while Seras donned full rain gear to take Wedge for a walk Integra was sitting in her office staring in disbelief at the test results the doctor left with her. At least with the test Walter gave her she could just say it was defective, but with the test results from her doctor she couldn't deny and the worst part was still yet to come-

"Alucard, come!"

"Hello, Master," said Alucard in his usual demeanor, "I missed you this evening. Where were you?"

"Here, I had to catch up on paperwork."

Alucard looked out from behind his orange tinted glasses with one eye, he knew she was lying.

FWAP-Integra threw a rather weighty book down on the desk and slid it over to the vampire.

"Here, read this-"

"Parenting for Dummies?!" now Alucard was confused-His master was sending a lot of mixed signals, "Is this about Police Girl?"

Integra sighed and put her head in her hands, "No, do you remember what happened last month?"

"Remember?!" asked Alucard chuckling, "I won't be able to forget it for the rest of eternity!-Why?"

"I'm pregnant"

We (the royal we that is) now remove you from Integra's office, past the sprinkler system-all the way to the end of the drive way in fact. For the sake of your eardrums:

"YOU'RE WHAT?!"

(Back to Integra's office)

Walter was on the scene by then with-you guessed it-Tea!

Integra was attempting to keep her composure as she sat behind her desk, while Alucard was breathing into brown paper bag (AN: Technically being a vampire Alucard wouldn't be breathing into said bag, but I think it's just a funny image).

"This is a disaster!" declared Integra, "The Hellsing heir can't be a monster!"

"Well then maybe you shouldn't have slept with a monster!" said Alucard tossing the paper bag on to the desk.

"You're not thinking of doing something drastic, are you Sir?," said Walter as he poured the tea.

"Of course not!-What would my church think?" said Integra sharply, "Monster or not it's still a child!"

"How many people know?" asked Alucard.

"Just the three of us," said Inegra.

"What are you going to tell the men when you start to show?" inquired Walter.

"Artificial insemination," said Integra quickly.

"And Miss Victoria?" asked Walter.

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~5 Minutes Later~

Victoria walked into Integra's office still wearing her bright yellow raincoat and caring Wedge attached to a leash under her arm.

"You wanted to see me?" she asked sheepishly.

"Yes, sit down," Integra motioned to the chair next to Alucard.

"Alright," Seras obeyed.

"I'm going to have a baby?" asked Integra.

"Congratulations," said Seras without flinching.

"The father is Alucard," said Integra in a monotone.

THUD!

Victoria fell out of her chair, "Excuse me-"