Dead Like Me Ch. 3
They always say the same shit at funerals. They talk about how sweet you were, how full of life you were and how it was your time to go, and how you can't question fate. They never say anything bad, you could be the biggest chunk of crap in a dungbomb, and you'll still come out smelling like a rose.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, she was so full of life, what a shame," some guy hugged her and gave his condolences to my mum. As she walked away to check on the food table, she noticed a sponge cake that someone had brought she ran over there mumbling 'take that out, take that out!' She picked up the pan like it was going to explode and dumped the perfectly good cake in the garbage bin.
"Misty, she just loves funerals, you'd think she never be to one before," Rube said as we sat on the couch. We watched as Misty swerved through the crowed room at my house, with a plate of food in her hand.
"I'm so sorry for you loss," she said and hug my dad while eating behind his back.
Just then some guy I didn't even know when I was living sat on me and I faded into wispy vapor.
"Excuse me, this seat is taken," Rube said to the guy and he got up. I rematerialized to my regular form again.
"How come they can see you, but they can't see me?"
"Well, Kitten, you're dead,"
"So are you." I said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Bit you tongue," he said sort of scolding me. "I'll have you know, I'm undead."
"What's the difference?" I said in my usual flat laconic voice.
"Well as an undead person, I have certain rights and privileges. See I have a physical body, I can enjoy this delicious pumpkin pie, and you can't. And if I so choose, I can interact with the living, observe, 'Good day to you, Sir.'" Rube said to a passerby. The man walking past tilted his head and said 'good day'. "And you can't do that."
"Well that just sucks."
"Sure to you dead types."
"So, seeing that you can talk to the living, can't you tell them I'm okay?"
"Oh yeah," he said sarcastically, "why doing you tell them yourself, I'll help you I can make wind sounds, and rattle some chains for you." He blew in my face showing how he can make wind sounds.
I kept watching the people come and go. My dad was one of them getting a bit friendly with one of the mourners (male by the way). Is a hug between two men suppose to be that touchy feely? Hmmmm...
It's surprising how many friends you have after you die. As I walked around, I caught bits of conversations happening around me. Half of these people I didn't even know, but they were crying like I was their long lost child or something. It's also interesting to see the people you've know all your life from this point of view.
But the most surprising thing was that my school Headmaster and my Head of House was there. There they were, Professor Dumbledore and Professor Flitwick, even Professor McGonagall, talking to my mum.
''I am very sorry for your loss Sarah, she was always such a lovely student," Professor Dumbledore said patting her on the shoulder. ''It is such a shame to lose such a bright girl and such an interesting accident. A falling toilet seat" The last part didn't make my mum feel any better. She just gave him her world famous annoyed stare; I think she kind of forgot who he was for a moment there. Well anyways, he didn't notice it 'because he was helping himself to the refreshments.
''If onlyI could have prepared her more, or did something more. I don't know maybe this wouldn't have happened." Professor Flitwick said in his squeaky voice wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. Wow, I didn't know I was that special to have the Honor of having them at my funeral. Kinda makes me wish I hadn't taken them for granted when I was alive.
"Don't say that, Filius, some things just happen for a reason." McGonagall reassured him. ''There's nothing you could have done to prevent this tragedy."
"But, she was so spunky and full of life," Flitwick said shaking his head; they both took drinks out of their goblets. Are you sure their thinking of the right person cause spunky and full of life would not be ways to describe me.
I moved on, still walking around aimlessly, when I noticed Em. I really hadn't noticed her a lot when I was alive, but now she was the only thing I could think of. I looked like she was talking this very hard; off in the corner by herself, well like usual. I followed her to my old bedroom; everything was just as I was, a disheveled mess, the way I left it when I was hurrying to my first day of work.
I left her and made my way to the kitchen, where my mum was cleaning up. As I walked through the door I noticed that the door swayed a little, I guess I have she effect on the living world. I also noticed on the punchboard, there were pinned articles of my unusual death from the Daily Prophet, which were moving of course, my picture giving a very dull, apathetic smile. I can see the irony of this whole incident, you know, a witch being killed by a stupid muggle contraption. I mean magical people have toilet seats and all, but not in space, I think we don't want to think about those types of things.
There was a chalkboard, what my mum uses to write down the grocery list, seeing that I could affect solid objects somewhat; I decide to leave her a note. My mum looked up to see the piece of chalk moving as I wrote, leaving the word 'Moist', in my distinct handwriting.
"So what's next, on word and upward?" I said sitting outside my house.
"Onward, not upward. Nope no pearly gates for you, no chorus of angels neither."
"What! You're sending me to hell! You dick!"
"Don't flatter yourself, you're not that interesting." He said in a flat tone.
"Well!" Getting more annoyed by the minute.
"You my fine dead girl are going to be a reaper." Huh...
"Hundreds and thousands of people die everyday. Bodies are easy, light and match, dig a ditch. But where do the souls go, who takes care of them after the ditch the fleshy parts." We were in a little restaurant called 'Der Waffle Haus' which was open all night.
"That's where we come in." Rube joined in.
"After that their in our custody until they reach their finial destination" she said in a ditsy manor.
"I would assume that would be Heaven?"
"Don't know?"
"Well whatever it is I hope it's not all Gody like the bible that would just be boring."
"So you're saying there is a God, or higher being, or whatever?"
"What do you think?" he answered in a tough-love kind of way.
"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked.
"Steak and eggs, steak medium rare, eggs over easy, pancakes extra butter, side of bacon extra extra extra crispy, drink pumpkin juice,"
"What juice?" she looked confused.
"Oh. Orange juice."
"And you?" she said to Misty.
"Oh, I'm not staying. I have an appointment down town. I hope it's not another dead prostitute."
"And you miss?" she looked at me, and of course, being invisible, I ignored her. "Uh...Miss?"
"What! Err...you" I wasn't really paying attention; well can you blame me this is a lot to take in. Looking at Rube, "She can see me, but you said no one could see me."
"Of course she can, now that you've joined the ranks of the undead, now order before she thinks your retarded."
"Err...I'll have what he's having,"
"Yeah, uh huh." That's all she replied, maybe she thought all of us were a bit retarded."
''Okay, okay," I said with my fingers on my temples, ''Why, is this happening to me?"
''Well," Rube explained, ''you filled someone's quota."
"So...that would mean?"
"Every reaper is given a specific number of souls to get, this number it predetermined. You only know how many when you've nabbed the last one."
"Do you remember the weird guy that asked you your name right before you got pancaked by that toilet seat?" Misty asked.
"Yeah, so."
"So, you where his last one, which means he gets a promotion, marvelous benefits package, and now you take his place." Misty said with a little envy.
"Good riddance, he was just a pain in the arse," Rube said shaking his head.
'You know," nonchalantly pointing her finger, "it's like being the millionth customer served, but without the whole shopping spree." She shrugged her shoulders.
"You should have told me," looking at Rube.
"Well pardon my sabra faire, but death is traumatic enough without adding to it."
"Oh don't go getting your knickers in a knot, it's a destiny thing, enjoy it." She said with a wink and got up to leave.
They kept using the words destiny and fate, the word choice was never mentioned, because I didn't have one.
"Okay, well, Bye. Oh and congratulations." She turned and left, just as my lovely food came.
And just like that I became a grim reaper swear to Merlin.
I was born again, but not like in a creepy religious way or the dark magic 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' way. All around me was a bright shiny new world...
And Death was everywhere...
Author's Note: Same things apply, don't own anything. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. All things you don't recognize from Dead like Me and Harry Potter series I guess are mine. Sorry to all those people that have been reading my story, I haven't updated my fic in a while. I've been busy and I'm getting ready to go back to college and stuff.
Narration is in Italics.
--- Emotions, gestures, etc.
Next chapter: On the Job and Gravelings.
Anything else ... Oh! Please review and tell me what you think. Pleeezeee...
I CLEANED UP THE GRAMMATICAL AND TYPING ERRORS IN THIS CHAPTER. SORRY FOR THE INCOVIENCE.
Aurora Angel
