A thought sprung to Kadaj's mind. It was not often that this happened, so he got a headache. He sniffed the sandwich and pulled a face, ignoring the evil look the seagull gave him. Then, very quickly, he managed a tiny, tiny nibble. The bird charged at him, wings flapping. Kadaj yelped, bringing his arms up to shield his face. When the bird pecked his foot, he kicked out.
"This sandwich tastes terrible." He said in a voice of mock disgust. "Ugh, disgusting. Terrible. You wouldn't want it. I guess I'll have to eat it all to save you the trouble…" The bird put its head on one side and regarded his mortal rival with a cold, unconvinced look. Not on your life, human-ish thing!
#11, pretend sandwich does not taste nice
Kadaj, deciding to take another stab at it, in the way any self-respecting little brat can do, rolled his eyes, forced a little drool from the corner of his mouth and fell sideways onto Loz, who blushed. Kadaj moaned. "Poison…" he managed to say quietly. "I am felled! Here, at my last hours…" Loz pushed him sideways, and he fell from the bench. The bird was on him in an instant, pecking at Kadaj's leather-clad hands. At this point, Kadaj screamed like a girl and scrambled back up onto the bench, clutching onto Loz and half-sobbing. Yazoo was looking the other way, humming Bohemian Rhapsody.
#12, pretend sandwich is poisoned
Five minutes later, after the subtle and clumsy comforting of Loz, Kadaj was back upright and normal-faced. He sighed and readied himself for the necessity of measures of desperation. Closing his long-lashed eyes, he spat on his precious sandwich. The seagull just looked at him. Kadaj groaned.
#13, spit on sandwich
Kadaj grumbled to himself as he placed his hand on Souba. Drawing his precious sword on a seagull… what would Mother say? Still, desperate times call for desperate measures. And these were desperate times. Kadaj had a reputation to protect… well, a reputation as a bi-polar, sadistic psycho-bitch with a mama complex, but it was still a reputation that deserved better that to loose a sandwich to a seagull.
A few very confusing seconds later, Kadaj was face-down in the mud with the weight of a seagull on his back, not quite sure how he got there.
And half his sandwich was also in the mud. He groaned and tried not to cry, focussing instead on trying to figure out which limbs were which, muttering a few choice phrases about medieval instruments of torture as he untangled himself from the rest of himself.
#14, attempt to kill bird
Kadaj did his best to ignore the stares as he pulled himself up, until a shiny, shiny black boot came into view. Kadaj followed the black suit up to a smirking face surrounded by flaming red hair. Reno simply blinked for almost a minute before bursting into hysterical laughter, tears streaming down his face. Loz was staring, and Yazoo, the lucky bastard, was eating. Kadaj groaned and tried to impale himself on Souba. However, a certain bird collided with the sword, causing our poor silver-haired victim to fall back down into the mud.
#15, attempt to kill self
A/N I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that. The Seagull is hereafter called Bob. Thanks to SapphireXSerpent for some great ideas, and to the reviewers who tweaked my little heart with your laughter (or something like that). Love you all! ahem next chapter enter the Turks!
