That night, Alex and I weren't able to sleep. Around midnight I told him that I knew he wasn't sleeping, and that he could come into my bed.
As soon as I said that I felt his little form slip into my bed, I put an arm behind his back and buried one of my hand in his blonde hair. He sighed and relaxed a little.
"I'm scared Kay."
"Why ?"
"What if they don't come back ?"
"They will, don't worry, okay Lex ?"
"But what if they don't like us in the end ?"
"They will like us."
We kept talking, and I tried to soothe all of his anxiety away even though mine was worse, but nothing helped, and he finally fell asleep while the sun was rising.
I didn't though. I was so afraid Dan and Phil would find out how fucked up we are, especially how much of a mess I am, Alex was still alright. What if they found out about me cutting ? What if I got bullied at my new school and they thought I just got into fights ? What if they started thinking I was not worth it ?
At 6am, two hours later, Alex woke up. What an early bird, I will never understand him.
"You didn't sleep ?" He mumbled.
"Of course I did, you woke me up a few minutes ago when you moved." I lied. He didn't notice, since he was so very tired and I am so good at lying.
I think it's actually the only thing I am good at.
The next few days passed very very slowly. All we really did was wait for Dan and Phil to come back, if they would ever come back. We couldn't know. And the computer in the common room was broken, we couldn't go check on the internet if they made a new video or anything.
And then, on thursday, there was a knock on the door. Alex ran to it and opened it before calling me excitedly.
I got up and saw Phil standing in the doorway.
Alex ran back to me and pulled on my sleeve. He wanted to tell me a secret. I smiled and bent down to be at his level. I was short, only 5'2, but Alex was even smaller, being the 8 years old boy that he was.
"He has black hair and blue eyes, and he came on thursday to save us, do you think it's Castiel ?"
I chuckled and Phil smiled, even though he didn't hear us.
"What are you whispering behind my back, kids ?"
"We're not behind your back, Cass" Replied Alex, feigning confusion, but the sparkles in his eyes told another story.
"And we won't tell you" I continued.
"Even if we just did." Finished Alex, smirking.
Phil blinked, confused, before laughing.
"Anyway, Kaila, Alex, I came here to ask you an important question."
Alex and I nodded, holding our breath.
"Can I sit on your bed ?"
The three of us burst out laughing. I actually had tears in my eyes. Really, count on Phil Lester to bring a smile even in the darkest lives.
"No but, uh, well, you know what I meant." Stuttered the black haired giant.
We nodded again, calming down. We all sat on Alex's bed and just when Phil opened his mouth, Alex spoke.
"So do you want to adopt us ?"
Phil closed his mouth, and opened it again, and blinked at Alex, before laughing again.
"Will you let me talk little one ?" He asked between two bursts of laugher.
When he sobered up a few seconds later, he finally asked.
"Do you both want to be Dan and I's kids ?"
"YES !" Screaming Alex while I nodded, smiling shyly and blushing, because Phil was scanning my face, the slightest of frowns on his face.
"Do you really though ? Kaila ?"
"Yes, yes I want to ! Sorry, I'm just kinda.. Tired." I answered, hiding my face with my light brown hair.
"Yeah... Ok. So uh, kids, I can't take you with me right now.. You need to sign some papers and then Dan and I need to sign a few more, but tomorow, you two will finally be home ! How does that sound ?"
"SO FUCKING GREAT ! " Yelled Alex, jumping up and down.
"So fricking great" Me and Phil corrected at the same time.
Phil had to go then, but he took us to Miss William's office, and she made us sign the papers we had to sign. She then gave Phil the papers He and Dan had to sign, and Phil waved us goodbye before leaving.
That night, Alex and I had trouble falling asleep, even though we didn't even try to sleep in separate beds and immediatly went to sleep into Alex's.
"Kay ?"
"Yeah ?"
"Why wasn't Dan here today ?"
"Maybe he was just busy with something."
"Do you think only Phil likes us ?"
I didn't answer.
Maybe Dan doesn't like us.
Dread filled my bones.
"Kay ?"
"Lex ?"
"Does Dan likes us ?"
"I don't know."
I felt Alex tensing and suddently I feared he might start crying. So I did something I always did when he was feeling bad.
"So, this is the story of a baby dragon. Nobody likes him, because all he can spit is black smoke. So he spits black smole all around him all the time, because it makes him feel like he is invisible. But then his parents decided that he should go on an adventure and that maybe he would find his fire by stealing a princess. However, the princess was the daughter of the king of the dragon slayers, and she loved dragons. Living dragons, not dead dragon heads. So her parents made her go on an adventure on her own, and she couldn't go back unless she had the head of a dragon. The dragon and the princess met and..."
I looked over at Alex's face. He was asleep. I smiled gently and closed my eyes too.
The next morning we woke up, got dressed, and packed our stuff in the matter of minutes. We were so excited, we couldn't help it. We talked to each other super fast, wondering if Dan would come with Phil this time, or if they would do a video with us in it to introduce us to the phandom, or if we would have a computer to play video games, if they would let us play video games with them, if we would have separate rooms, which would be the first time of our life...
"ALEX, KAILA, GET DOWNSTAIRS, YOUR PARENTS ARE HERE"
We squealed, grabbed our stuff, and ran out of our room, not even bothering to look back. We hated it here, no need to stay here a second more than we had to.
As we ran, I remember Miss Williams' words : parents. So Dan was here too ?!
"Hi kids" Smiled Phil before Alex jumped on him.
The giant caught him and they both laughed while I searched Dan.
"Dan is waiting for us at home" Phil told me when he saw me looking around.
"Oh, okay" I replied, trying not to sound too disappointed.
Alex opened his mouth, and by the sad look on his face I knew what he was about to ask, so I glared at him, silently telling him that this question was not to be asked, EVER.
We said goodbye to Miss Williams, and phil took Alex's bag while I carried mine. Once we were in his car, Phil looked at us, frowning.
"You sit in the backseat, Kaila ?"
"Yeah, I don't, uh, want to leave Lex alone." I mumbled, suddently feeling really bad.
Two minutes in, and I was already screwing things up.
"It's alright. Ok so the ride home will take around half an hour, want some music ?"
"Fall Out Boy is alright ?" Asked Alex for us both.
"Yeah, of course it is ! I love Fall Out Boy too." Smiled Phil, and I couldn't help but smile back.
Phil pushed a few buttons after linking his phone to the car radio, and Uma Thurman came on.
Alex sang along, and Phil joined him. I listened to them, and I tried not to cry : they looked just like a father and a son singing along to their favorite band.
Then Irresistible came on. And then Dance Dance, at which point Alex and Phil stopped singing along, out of breath. Sugar we're going down followed as I looked out the window. The city looked great. I wondered where Dan and Phil lived. As my song know what you did in the dark came on, I decided that I'd know soon enough. Then I quietly listened to last of the real ones, did the same for thanks for the memories, and as save rock n roll started, Phil parked the car.
Alex made a sad noise.
"That's my favorite" He mumbled, not really wanting anyone to hear him.
However Phil turned around, looking sad, but then his face lit up. He just had an idea.. Should I be scared ? Dan always looks so scared when Phil has an idea.
"Hey, what about I lend you my phone and my earbuds so you can finish listening to the song while he get to our flat ?"
Alex looked really glad and took the phone and earbuds happily, pressing play as soon as he put the earbuds into his ears.
We got out of the car and I took Alex's bag as Phil took mine, before the giant nerd that was one of our two new fathers led us inside, and then into the elevator.
He pressed the '3' button, meaning we lived on the third floor, which was the highest one of the building.
Alex grabbed my hand, suddently anxious, and I pressed replay on Phil's phone, filling my brother's ears with his favorite song again, making him relax.
I felt Phil staring at us while the lift went up.
When the doors opened, we stepped into a corridor and looked around. Should we go left or right ?
"Come with me kids" Called Phil, who then turned right and went to the very end of the corridor before putting his key into the last door and opening it.
We didn't move though. We were... Alex squeezed my hand tighter. Kinda scared.
"Kaila ? Alex ? What's wrong ? Come on, Dan's waiting for us to get home."
I shook my head a little to get out of my anxious thoughts, and started walking towards the door, pulling my brother with me.
As soon as we walked in, Phil closed the door and told me to drop Alex's bag here for now.
I looked around slowly, scanning the room.
Where was Dan ?
"Dan ? We're home !" Called Phil.
"Busy !" Dan called back.
"Sorry about that kids, he is kind of... Antisocial."
"We know" Said Alex, looking up to Phil and holding out the phone and earbuds shyly. "Thanks for the music, Phil"
"You can call me dad, you know." Smiled Phil, and Alex blushed.
I knew Alex never really had a father. Ours was gone too soon for him to remember enough.
Having two dads, and especially two dads as amazing as Dan and Phil, was the wildest of dreams for him, and it had just came true. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like for him.
I better not screw this one up.
But I knew I would, and suddently I needed to cut.
"Hey hm, do you think you could show us our room ? Please ?" I asked in a small voice. I didn't want to seem rude or annoy Phil.
"Yes, yes of course ! Come on kids, follow me !" He started walking upstairs before stopping.
"Wait, room ? As in, only one room ?"
"Yes, uh, no, but uh, we don't mind if we got separate rooms, right Alex ?" I elbowed him discretely so he didn't try to answer honestly.
"Okay, cool !" Replied Phil, completely oblivious to our struggle.
once we were upstairs we found ourselves in another corridor.
"So, to the right is the part where there is Dan's room. To the left, there is mine. We put Alex's room on my side, and Kaila's is on Dan's side. Is that okay ?
We nodded in sync.
Alex awkwardly walked to his room, and I was right behind him, curious to look at what the guys tought a boy room should look like.
And Alex had the coolest room in the universe.
The walls were blue, and the floor was white.
Band posters covered a whole wall, against another there was a black desk with a computer and school stuff on it, and on the wall where the door was there was a bed with pokemon sheets.
On the last wall there was a large window with blue curtains.
Alex looked amazed, and he went right to the bed, sitting on it, his mouth open.
"Thanks" Was all he managed to say.
"So you like it ?" Asked Phil excitedly.
Alex nodded, scanning the room with wide sparkling eyes.
"I think he went mute again" I chuckled.
"What do you mean again ?" Questionned the giant, frowning.
"Can I see my room now ?"
"Yes ! Let's go !"
Alex didn't follow us, and I smiled to myself : maybe he would learn a little to be on his own now. I would love it if he kept needing me forever, but I knew it was important that he learned to be alright on his own.
As Phil led me to my room I looked at Dan's room's door. I was so curious. I'd love to just push it and see what was so important that Dan didn't want to greet his new kids, the kids that he was about to spend years with.
That is, if I don't screw up and get me and Alex send back to the orphanage because they discover they can't deal with all the problems I have.
Phil pushed my door open and I was greeted with a room very similar to Alex's, unless the walls were a ligh and soft shade of purple, and the desk was wooden. The computer was exactly the same, and i desperatly wanted to try it right now.
"I like my room a lot" I smiled widely at Phil, hoping he knew how thankful I was.
"Hey it's just a normal room you know... No need to be so grateful" Said the man awkwardly.
"Yeah, but it's perfect !" I couldn't stop smiling. I went to the bed and sat on it.
My eyes widened and I let out an appreciative groan.
It was the most comfortable bed I ever tried.
Phil chuckled before turning to Dan's door and knocking.
"Hey, Dan, wanna come out and say hi to the kids ?"
"Still busy sorry !"
I was kinda disappointed, and I suddenlty felt like my fear of Dan not liking us was the reality.
"I wonder what he's doing in there" Mumbled Phil. He probably thought I didn't hear him, I realized.
"Hey Kaila, wanna eat some cookies ? We made them for you."
"Yes ! I'm so hungry" I got up quickly and ran to the kitchen. I hoped that putting something in my mouth would distract me from the hole that was growing inside my chest.
Dan doesn't like you, Kaila. How could he, you're so ugly, both inside and out.
I shivered.
Phil and Alex soon entered the room and Phil got the cookies out of the cupboard, forgetting to close it. I wondered if I should tell him, but thought better of it. It would most certainly annoy him.
The cookies looked... Almost good ? There were maybe a little over cooked, and it seemed that there was more chocolat than biscuit. I took one and bit it.
It was delicious.
Alex, on the other side of the table, was making a face.
Oh no I forgot...
"Hm... Phil..?" I called in a little voice. How was the youtuber going to take it ?
"Yes sweetheart ? The cookies aren't good ? It's okay if you don't like them, I'll eat them"
"Uh no, I like them, but uh... I'm sorry. Alex doesn't like chocolate.."
"Oh."
Alex was trying to be as small as possible, blushing and looking at his feet.
"I'm going to get you some cereals, you like cereals Alex ?" Asked Phil.
Alex nodded shyly and Phil bent down and put two fingers under my brother's chin, lifting his face up so they could make eye contact.
"You really are a weird one" Smiled Phil, and it looked like he was kind of... Prouf ?
Alex smiled back and blushed again. "Thanks" he replied before looking at the door, something catching his eye.
I turned around just quick enough to see a shadow moving back towards the stairs.
"Dan ?" Called Phil.
No one answered.
"Hey, Kaila, was about you grab a few cookies and go back to your room ? Alex I'm so sorry, but you will have to wait until dinner to eat, is that ok with you ? I need to go talk to Dan right now, I think something's wrong. See you later kids"
After that Phil went upstairs, probably to Dan's room.
I grabbed a few cookies in one hand, and Alex's hand in the other, and we went to Alex's room. I sat on the bed and he started cuddling with me. His eyes were that dark shade of blue that meant he's sad. I buried my free hand in his dark blonde hair while I was chewing on a cookie.
"Hey Kay, do you think Dan really doesn't want us here ?"
"... I uh." I paused. Then I decided that sometimes, it's better to help a child face the ugly truth, instead of hiding it from them until they find out the hard way.
"I think so yeah. But Phil seems to want us here, and that's cool isn't it ?" I knew I sounded sad. I knew it, but right now, I couldn't help it.
"Yes, yes that's cool." Alex replied, and even though his voice didn't change, tears started pouring our of his eyes and he buried his face in my shirt.
"It's going to be okay Alex, I promise. You're going to be okay." I whispered.
I then proceeded to tell him a story about a pirate fighting the king of the sea, and after a few minutes Alex was already asleep.
I slowly got up, remembering way too late that Phil told me to go to my room. I silently went to my room and got into bed. It was only 5pm, but I was so tired.
My eyes slowly closed as I thought that this was my bedroom now. The orphanage wasn't my 'home' anymore. And even though this place wasn't home yet, maybe one day it would. Anyway, I can't go back to the orphanage. Now, all I have to do in order to never see that place again, is not screw up.
But there was also another thing that I couldn't control : Dan's rejection.
3157 words. Don't ask for more, this is probably the longest chapter you will ever read from me XD
Ok so I must make something clear : there are things I don't care about, like what characters are wearing, what their home looks like (I tried really hard during this chapter, really), and all those little details I keep finding in the adopted by cliché fanfics (yes, your author is well aware that this is a dumb cliché fanfiction that has been written way too many times, and she is still writing it, what are you gonna do ?)
So uh, next chapter, you will have a little of phil's pov ! yaaaay ! But you will soon get back to Kaila (sorry)
Maybe the mystery around Dan will be uncovered ? Maybe even... solved ?
I don't even know when I will solve it yet, so sorry not sorry for the angst, I'm having a lot of fun over here. *drinks tea made with readers' tears*
See ya at the next chapter !
And please, stay alive |-/
