A/N: I wasn't planning on writing this chapter today, much less posting it, but here it is ~ good surprise!
...
Chapter 3
Daryl remembered his dreams most nights, had ever since he was a kid. It was like he was in a different world when he dreamt, teasing him that he could be different, better, but the truth was he had as little control over his dreams as he did his waking life.
He mostly dreamed about walkers these days, no reprieve from real life, but he'd had a new dream recently, a dream where he was tracking Sophia in the woods near the farm, but the tracks were bigger and led him into a part of the forest that only existed in his dream world.
The first time he had the dream, he had followed the tracks and woke up unfulfilled, the trail stretching out forever with no reward. Just like tracking Sophia. But the second time he had the dream, he came into a small clearing with a pool of clear water, more like a swimming pool than a lake. He knew it didn't fit, it wasn't real, but he ignored that and stalked around the edges anyway.
And then she had emerged from the water, naked, with her back to him. Carol.
He had ducked behind a tree, his heart racing and blood pounding in his head. When he gathered the courage to look again, she was facing him now, stretching her arms high above her head and looking to the sky. Her body was lean and beautiful, like he'd always imagined it would be. But his mind urged him to pay attention to her actions, not her body.
The snap of branch behind him caused him to whip around and come face to face with a tiger. Daryl wasn't used to being afraid, but pure terror flooded his senses and he froze. I'm gonna die, he thought. He swallowed hard and drew a shallow breath, paralyzed and unable to lift his crossbow. And then she's going to die, the voice in Daryl's head had replied, causing him to jerk awake.
It had been a couple of days since he'd had that dream, but it still gripped him, terrified him and strangely gave him hope. The tiger nagged at him, like something he wasn't seeing in his real life that needed addressing. Yes, Daryl Dixon had flipped through a dream interpretation book or two before the world imploded, not that he'd ever tell anyone about that. He'd always been fascinated by dreams, probably because it was the closest thing to an escape he ever had while growing up.
He already knew what dreams about water meant—subconscious desires. Daryl grunted to himself when he remembered that. "Ain't subconscious if you already know 'bout it," he said to himself, fighting back a grin. He looked around, safe from prying eyes. He was alone in the fenced in courtyard, a rarity now that the prison was usually bustling with people in every corner.
He needed space from her, from everyone, so he'd added a couple of extra shifts of watch duty that week to keep his distance. All that had done was give him time to think and he realized now he'd have been better off if he'd gone hunting or on a run to blow off some steam. It wasn't that he needed her to back off, it was that he needed her to step forward and that wasn't something he was ready for. Truth be told, the tiger hadn't been scariest part of that dream.
...
Carol was exhausted. She'd spent the whole day with Judith to keep busy and give Beth a break, but babies could be more tiring than clearing walkers. She hadn't seen Daryl all day, he had been gone before she woke up. There was a pang of something in her chest when he hadn't shown up for dinner, not fear, more like disappointment. More like love, she thought, her heart constricting in expectation that this would only lead to heartbreak.
But that wasn't why she was looking for him, no, not at all. She needed to ask if he'd go on a run later in the week, for Judith. The little girl needed something, like diaper rash cream or a rattle or baby food. Yeah, baby food. Never too early to stock up on something like that, she'd be old enough to eat it before they knew it. Hell, maybe get her a My Little Pony too, it's not like it was a war-zone out there where he could die trying to get a can of formula.
Carol mentally caught herself and what she was about to do and stopped in her tracks—she was using Judith as an excuse to go see Daryl, to put his life at risk. She looked up at the night sky and put her hands on her hips. "Really?" She said to the sky, talking to whoever might be up there, guiding her poor heart into a hope that couldn't be sustained.
Had she really thought this was a good idea? Who had she become to think of putting Daryl's life in jeopardy all so she could soothe that feeling of missing him in her heart—she was selfish, foolish, but most of all, stupid. Love did not conquer all, not in this world. Her silly little insecurities couldn't get the best of her, not now, not when his life was at stake.
"Not sure if anyone's up there." Daryl's voice made her jump, her hand flying to her chest in shock.
Her hand moved to cover her mouth and she breathed out in relief. "You scared the shit out of me."
Daryl stepped out from a dark spot near one of the buildings, his hand resting on the crossbow strapped to his side. "You scared the shit out of them walkers," he said, pointing to the outer fence. "Comin' out here, stomping around like this is River Dance or something'."
He never failed to amuse her and she couldn't help but imagine what must have been going on in his head when he first found out what River Dance was. Daryl was an intriguing man.
"Mmm-hmm, I'm sure they're real scared of little ol' me," she said, grinning as he walked over.
"They should be," he said, but he wasn't smiling and she knew he was serious. He believed in her, believed she could take care of herself and it made her want to hug him, but she didn't, because her feet wouldn't move. "You out here for a reason?"
"Yeah, I was looking for you," she said, not really thinking. When she saw the anticipation in his eyes, waiting for an explanation she stumbled for an answer. She very well couldn't tell him the truth. She didn't think he was ready for I spent the last hour making up an excuse that Judith needed supplies so I could come out here and ask if you'd put your life on the line by going on a run tomorrow just so I could spend five minutes talking to you, because I missed you today.
Hell, she wasn't ready for that sort of truth either.
"What? A girl can't want some fresh air?" Deflection by teasing was what came out of her mouth and it seemed to work, so she went with it.
"Just seemed like you was in a hurry when you busted outta that door is all," he said, his gaze still more serious than she expected.
"I was," she said, her heart pounding so loud she was convinced he could hear it. "In a hurry. For some fresh air." Not her smoothest recovery, but then nothing was smooth when it came to feelings and Daryl.
"You 'fraid it's goin' somewhere?" He asked and she realized he was more aware of what was going on between them than she had given him credit for.
"No," she said, not knowing what else to say.
"Good, cause it ain't." Daryl said firmly then looked away from her, out across the yard and into the tree line beyond the fence. She followed his gaze, but didn't see anything of interest.
"Do you see something?" She asked.
He shook his head slightly. "Naw, just making sure."
"Daryl," she started, words she wanted to say lingering on her tongue. "I'm not afraid it'll go away, but sometimes when I haven't been near it for a while, I miss it." This was one of those moments where she'd find out if he really did get it or not, if he really got her and how she felt.
Their eyes met, no teasing, no humor, just seeing each other as they really were. "When you ain't been to visit, I bet it misses you too."
And just like that, Carol finally understood the meaning of fireworks going off in someone's heart.
...
Daryl still had a couple of hours left on his shift, so he sent Carol in to get some sleep and did a quick check at the fence, taking a few walkers out just because he could, because it kept him distracted from what had just happened.
When he'd seen her come outside and look up into the sky, it reminded him of his dream, only her hands were on her hips not raised up like they had been in the pool of water. He had learned to pay attention to things that matched his dreams, he considered them signs on the trail and when she'd done that, it'd confirmed something deep within him—he didn't just want to track her and follow her trail, he wanted to catch up to her and pull her into his arms.
He just didn't know how.
When they'd been talking, he'd look out to the yard to make sure there was no tiger waiting to take away what they'd found in each other. He wasn't going to let anything take that away, no matter how terrified he might be of actually having it.
He finally understood the tiger. It was his own primal instincts and he was terrified of those instincts, because Carol deserved better. She deserved everything and he had nothing.
