As soon as Mara left, I started thinking about how I would get in touch with her again. I had to wait a few days of course, so I wouldn't come off as desperate, but not too long that she thought I wasn't into her. And of course, it would be best if I had a actual reason to show up at her door.
"Maybe I could say my Metapod is sick," I told a young (actual) Rising Star, whose legal name was actually Star. Like me, he lived outside the Pokemon Center.
"You live ten feet from where you could get him healed, dude," he replied with an air of smarminess common among young trainers.
"I could catch a Snorlax," I tried, and immediately I heard someone laughing. It was a boy who'd been known as Tubbs ever since he'd gained 20 pounds eating at Cafe Le Wow trying to evolve his Wailmer.
"You'll get shredded," he said as soon as he'd stopped laughing.
"And where would you even find a Snorlax?" asked Star.
That was an excellent question.
"Maybe I could say I saw a Snorlax and wanted to tell her?"
Star smirked at me,
"Yeah, it's not like she has an advanced degree in Snorlax, and could tell that you're lying."
Over the next two days I tried to think of some better ideas, but it turned out it wasn't necessary. The next day I saw Mara and CJ walking by the Pokemon Center.
I immediately stood up from my bench and smoothed my shirt, trying to pretend I hadn't slept there.
"Hello, Mara!" I said, and she turned to talk to me. She told me that she had come to get some more Pokeballs, as there had been a Snorlax sighting near the Lumiose Badlands. We chatted for a bit, but just as I was about to ask her if she wanted to get together some time, she said she had to go, or she might miss the Snorlax.
"See," I said to Star, "If I said I'd seen one she totally would have believed me!'
Star just shook his head.
I saw Mara on her way back too. She hadn't managed to find any Snorlax.
"To be fair, it wasn't a very credible report," she said, "The Lumiose Badlands are not prime Snorlax habitat. But I figured it was worth checking out."
I hoped that Star couldn't hear this, but of course he and Tubbs were standing a few feet away.
"Where's CJ?" I asked, noticing this was the first time I'd seen Mara without him trailing behind her.
"He's in a Pokeball as a punishment until he learns how to behave!"
"What did he do?" I asked, my mind full of many possibilities.
"I got hungry in the field, so I started roasting a hot dog on Charizard's tail, and he put his arm right through the flame and grabbed it."
That didn't seem so bad, considering what I'd seen of CJ's behaviour so far.
"Did he get a burn?" I asked.
"His fur caught fire for a bit, but he just blew it out, ate the hotdog, and then turned around and ate all the hot dogs and marshmallows I'd taken out of my bag. I got no lunch, and I had to use up all my Burn Heals!"
I considered joking that it might be for the best that she hadn't caught another Snorlax, but thought better of it.
"Roasting food on your Charizard's tail, that's pretty creative," I said instead.
"Actually, it's pretty common these days, for every efficiency" she replied, "I actually have a Charizard kitchen. The stove and oven and even the toaster can be powered completely by Charizard's tail."
"That's really cool," I replied.
"You should come and see it," she continued, "I'll cook you dinner and you can see the benefits of a Pokemon-powered kitchen."
In the corner of my eye, I could seen Star and Tubbs waving thumbs-up at me.
"Sure," I said, "I'd like that."
"Tomorrow at six o'clock?" she asked.
I pretended to be thinking about whether I had any other engagements.
"Sure," I said, "Should I bring anything?"
"Just that Metapod of yours," she replied, "CJ and I will be waiting!"
The next day, I went to the apartment I used to live in and borrowed the shower and washed my clothes. After being regaled with gossip from Cafe Le Yeah, I started off towards the head of Route 3. It was a long way from Lumiose City, but I made it there by six. I knew I was in the right place when I saw a slightly rickety wooden house with a picket fence around it. Mara was out in the yard with her Charizard, and was forcing her tail through the wall.
"Good job Charizard!" she said when it got all the way through, and threw her some sort of treat.
"Sorry," Mara said, "I'm just getting started. CJ ate someone's garden and I had to fix it."
I pretended to be surprised.
"Come in," she said opening the gate and letting me in.
I went inside and saw that it was a simple house, one room with the kitchen on one side and some furniture and a large book case on the other. A narrow staircase veered off in the corner.
"You have a nice place," I said. It was palatial compared to where I currently lived.
"CJ and I built it," she smiled.
I tried not to worry the place was going to fall down.
"I got Slowpoke tail for dinner," she said, "I hope you're okay with that."
"Sure," I replied, not having a strong opinion on the subject.
"Great," she spoke quickly, "I've never liked Slowpokes. They're disgusting! People say they should be conserved, but I think they're just Rattatas with larger tails."
"Delicious though," she added after a second.
"It's important to take a principled stand," I quipped.
"Kevin, you're so funny," she said, batting at me playfully.
We chatted as she made dinner, and it turned out we had a lot in common. She'd also worked at the Hotel Richissme, and had her own experiences with being a less-than-exceptional trainer.
"It's so glorified," she complained with a touch of anger, "There's so much focus on kids becoming great trainers, when the truth is that most adults hardly ever battle. Sure, there might be the odd occasion, especially if you work somewhere that wants to attract young trainers, but I don't see why it's the standard we judge every young person by."
It turned out that Dr. Tree-Name who she had lost her professorship to was also a champion trainer.
As she finished dinner, I looked around. All the books in her bookcase were about Snorlax. Snorlax Behaviour: An Analysis. Snorlax Anatomy for Breeders. Current Snorlax Diseases and Treatments, Third Edition. Snorlax Trisomies. Mara was the author of that one. On her desk were notes and a sketch of a Snorlax claw, alongside a photo of a much younger Mara with CJ.
I was interrupted by a loud crashing noise from above me.
"Argh," she said, "That's CJ, he smells food. But he's still not getting any after the marshmallow incident!"
The banging continued as she put dinner on the table, but finally it subsided. We sat down and started eating. The food was delicious.
"This is really good Slowpoke tail," I said.
"Yeah," replied Mara, "It's the Charizard flame that really gives it the crispness."
Suddenly, Mara excused herself and ran outside.
"Sorry about that," she said when she came back inside, "I forgot to let Charizard out of the stove."
I supposed that was a hazard of the technology.
"What does CJ stand for?" I asked, hearing some quieter rumbling from upstairs.
"I have no idea," said Mara.
"How can you not know?" I asked.
"He was a trade. I traded a boy at the Lumiose City Pokemon Center a Smeargle for him. I came back to ask him what it stood for, but all he would say was 'Take good care of CJ' over and over."
That didn't surprise me somehow.
"And you didn't just make something up?" I asked.
"No, that would be wrong! CJ must know what his full name is."
I wasn't so sure of that considering that he didn't know not to grab a flaming marshmallow, but I didn't say anything.
After dinner, Mara suggested that we watch a movie. She put on Sarah and the Snorlax and we sat on the couch. It was a fairly boring film, a documentary on a family that raised Snorlax, so I spent most of the time contemplating making moves on Mara. It had been a long time since I'd had any action, but I didn't want to scare her off by doing too much too soon. Most of my encounters with women seemed to end that way. I wished I'd asked Star and Tubbs for guidance.
After I'd definitely decided I was going to wait for the fifth time, Mara sidled up beside me. Then she was in my lap. Mara was so beautiful, and she smelled like those flowers at the side of Route 4, so there was no resisting at this point. I turned her around so she was straddling me and leaned in and kissed her. Eventually the movie ended, and we stopped kissing. I decided I'd pressed my luck enough for one evening.
"I should get going," I said.
"Sure," Mara said, "I can fly you home on Charizard so you don't have to walk. Where do you live?"
Mentally, I kicked myself for causing such an awkward question.
"Um … well …" I started, "I mostly sleep outside of the Pokemon Center these days. It's where you find the most dedicated trainers."
"Well you should stay over then," Mara said, sounding concerned, "It's so cold out this time of night."
It had never occurred to me that being homeless could get me laid, but I figured I'd run with it.
We went upstairs to her bedroom, and it was almost completely filled with CJ, snoring on his back. I walked around him, stepping over his feet, and looked on the other side.
"Wait a sec," I asked, "Where is your bed?"
"Well, actually," Mara said, "I sleep on CJ. I have blankets and pillows, and because he knows the move Yawn, he emits a sleep-inducing aura. It's actually very comfortable"
I doubted this very much, but figured I'd give it a shot. I stripped down to my boxers, and with Mara's help, climbed onto CJ's belly. It wasn't too bad, but I was taller than her, so my body was slightly curved near my head and my feet. And CJ shook every time he let out a snore. But still passable as a place to sleep.
Then Mara rolled on top of me and started kissing me. I tried to enjoy it, but I couldn't stop feeling ripples through CJs body and hearing his breathing.
"What if we wake him up?" I asked in a whisper.
"He's never wakes up" she said.
"Wait, you do this a lot!?" I asked, surprised.
"No, no, no," she said quickly, "It's just that Snorlax are very hard to wake up. You can almost never do it without a Pokeflute. I've never woken him up accidentally."
I was slightly relieved to hear that, but it didn't put me completely at ease.
"It's just that my back is in a funny position," I went on, trying to articulate what was bothering me, "And he keeps moving."
"I forgot, you're used to your orthopedic park bench," she said sarcastically, and I couldn't think of anything else to argue. I gave up, let her continue kissing me, but it was hard to get turned on. And then, CJ gave off a giant snore that almost caused Mara to fall off me.
"I'm sorry. I can't do this," I said after a minute, "It's just too weird."
Mara looked disappointed.
"Next time," she whispered in my ear, resting her head on my chest, as she thought somehow next time I would be used to it.
As I lay there, my head was buzzing. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I could totally understand sleeping on top of CJ, but she didn't think she could just bring guys there, did she? And I idly wondered if she had done it before.
Snorlax Maniac Mara, indeed.
