Don't Think, Just Feel

Olivia didn't have strong family ties. The one family member she regularly kept in contact with was her cousin, Kelsey, who lived in San Francisco. Even as a child, her parents weren't very attentive or affectionate; leaving her alone most of the time under the reasoning that it fostered a healthy spirit of independence. She hadn't spoken to either of them since their divorce three years ago. As far as she knew they were both off 'finding themselves' with their respective new partners. Their lack of contact with her was a clear indication that they had no concern for her life at all. Most of her life she felt like an orphan, masking the pain by convincing herself that she didn't need a family to feel whole but it was a lie.

So as she sat at the dining room table with Fitz and the girls, listening as they laughed with each other, eating the chicken fettuccine she cooked, Olivia thought this was what natural looked like; her life was not natural, normal or loving but this was. Fitz' jokes were corny; the girls were more laughing at him than with him and Buttercup lay at their feet hoping for any food scraps from the table; the scene was perfect. It was a family and instead of feeling like an intruder or stranger, they made her feel like she was one of them; like she belonged.

After dinner was over, the girls cleaned the kitchen and were about to leave to watch television. "Goodnight, Uncle Fitz", they each said as they gave him a hug and kiss. They then went to Olivia, hugged her and told her thank you for the food. It was a surprise to Olivia, an unexpected form of affection that warmed her heart.

"You know Olivia, it's getting late," Alex suddenly said. She and Cassie were looking at her in a peculiar way that Olivia couldn't quite discern.

She shouldn't feel uneasy under the scrutiny of two ten year olds, but she did. She tried to smile when she replied, "Um…I guess so." It wasn't really that late; it was barely after nine. But even if so, the hour was late due to the fact that she had to cook a second dinner. Were they throwing her out? Was she mistaken in thinking they liked her? Maybe the hug was a hint that she had overstayed her welcome.

"And I think you already had a couple of glasses of wine," Alex continued. It wasn't a question; it was a statement and it meant they had been watching her movements all night. They both looked so innocent but as Olivia tilted her head to the side, she wondered, were they as innocent as they appeared?

Despite her frown, she chuckled and said, "Yes I have."

"Alex…" Fitz warned. Alex was forward and sometimes needed to be reminded of her place as a child when talking to adults.

They continued to smile sweetly and Alex explained, "I'm just thinking that maybe you should spend the night…There is an empty guest room next to mine; you could use it. We won't mind." They both nodded vigorously as encouragement for Olivia to comply with their suggestion.

She was put on the spot and she didn't quite know how to answer. She looked to Fitz to guage his reaction. Thankfully he cut in to save the conversation, "Thank you for the offer but I think Olivia will take a raincheck."

Olivia wide smile warmly conveyed her appreciation of the offer. "Yes, thank you Alex and Cassie but maybe some other time."

They shrugged as if it was no big deal and said, "OK, goodnight."

As soon as they left the room, Fitz and Olivia looked at each other and laughed out loud. "Those two are something else; I don't even know what to say?"

"They must really like you…which is understandable, the feeling is mutual."

She instantly sobered and stilled; a sudden concern popping into her head. "How many of your girlfriends have they invited for a sleepover?" Olivia was tense; not sure if she had a right to ask the question but more anxious to find out the answer.

Fitz waited and waited. He watched as Olivia toyed with the stem of her wine glass; in a daze as the burgundy liquid sloshed from one side to the other. Eventually she would find the courage to look at him and he would only answer her when she did.

So lost in her own thoughts - creating scenarios of how she would respond when he told her that it was really none of her business or that he preferred not to talk about his past relationships or that he really didn't know because there were so many - Olivia barely noticed that he hadn't answered. When she finally took note of the silence; she allowed her questioning eyes to meet his.

"Olivia," Fitz started; his voice soft, deep, soothing. Between his captivating voice and his piercing eyes, that seemed to be peering into the depths of her soul, Olivia thought she could melt right there on the spot. Then he reached over and gently caressed her hand; she didn't know if she shivered but she may have; at this point all she could hope for was that her reaction was not visible to him. She watched his mouth as he continued, "I don't have girlfriends and I don't bring random women around my nieces. My divorce was finalized 3 months ago; after being separated from my ex-wife for 6 or 7 months. You are the first woman I've dated since the break-up of my marriage…I can't explain my instant attraction to you; I know we don't really know each other but the attraction is there and I want to pursue it. So you have to let me know. You let me know if I'm moving too fast for you."

Her head was moving in all different directions; she was saying "no" he wasn't moving too fast for her; she was saying "yes" she was attracted to him also and judging by the frown on his face neither of these movements made any sense to him.

Fitz saw her internal struggle and he supposed he may have come on a bit strong; but he didn't regret it. He was a man that didn't hide his feelings or put up pretenses. He knew there was games people played; trying to get the upper hand; trying to guard their feelings so they wouldn't appear vulnerable or prone to injury but something told him that with the woman sitting at the table with him, there was no need to brush up on his Dating 101 skills. He could tell her what he felt without it being thrown back in his face or used as a weapon to manipulate him. Just the way she was reacting to his words told him that she was not casual about relationships either; she was attracted to him for sure, he could see that in the coffee shop, and as cautious as she wanted to be; she still wanted in, all in – and that made him smile.

When Olivia saw his smile, her whole body relaxed and she found her words. "I….I'm attracted to you too. I want to pursue it too. And no, you are not moving too fast."

"Good then that means you are staying the night," he decided and when he saw her eyes widen, he laughed and said, "relax Olivia, I'm kidding."

XXXXXX

She liked to laugh.

Fitz watched as she threw her head back in laughter as he told the story of his first directing job and how much he hated his lead actor. The actor was arrogant and ignorant, barely able to remember his lines but still trying to give Fitz advice on how to direct the film. Fitz pulled several discreet pranks on him, which in the end humbled him and made the shoot much more bearable. He had told this story a number of times before but this time, telling it to her; seeing her carefree, unguarded response brought life to what he thought had become a pretty stale incident.

She was affectionate.

When she laughed; when she talked about her life, her job, the island; she would alternate between touching his arm and touching his leg. It was an unconscious move; she was likely not aware of the action but it was telling. It meant that she was more than comfortable with him; she enjoyed being with him but more importantly, if she liked touching him then she also liked to be touched.

"So…you're able to manage with the girls on your own?" Olivia asked when Fitz explained that his brother and his wife had gone on an extended vacation; a much needed one, since they hadn't really been alone since the girls were born.

"I do the best I can and when I make a mistake one of them, more likely Alex, is not afraid to call me out on it. Their housekeeper will be here tomorrow; she's taking the express boat. But really, as you can tell they are very independent. I think it's more of them putting up with me than the other way around."

"Really? That doesn't seem like such a hard thing to do," Olivia concluded and she smiled in an inviting, covertly seductive, way. He loved it when she did that.

"And a month from now, when you've really gotten to know me, I'll be sure to hold you to that statement," he joked.

Her smile brightened more so from the confidence in his statement that they would definitely still be together a month from now. "I have no problem with that, at all."

"How is it that there isn't some guy waiting for you at home?"

"How do you know that there isn't?" she asked playfully, a knee jerk reaction to divert the question of past relationships. When his eyes darkened, she chuckled and said, "Relax Fitz, I was joking…I had to get you back for the sleeping over comment."

"You didn't get me, I knew you were joking."

"mmhmm, yeah OK, I believe you," she said, even as she shook her head to tell him that she really did not.

"Are you dodging the question on purpose?"

She faltered. Her gaze cast downward as she now noticed his hand had covered hers. How long had his hand been there? He was doing that thing where he liked to use his thumb to create circular patterns on the back of her hand. His relaxation technique was working because even as it seemed he moved closer to her on the couch, nothing he did sent off alarms or made her want to retreat into a shell, as she had done with men before.

"Yes, I guess I am."

"It was that bad, huh?"

"It was not only bad, but public….It's a tiny island, when you consider that almost everybody knows everybody else and it doesn't take much for everyone to know your business. And people love a juicy story of infidelity and heartbreak," she explained as she looked up into his eyes. She didn't want to talk about it but she would if he wanted her too. It wasn't that she still pined over lost love; it was more that she didn't want to dampen the mood with such a sad story. But if it meant making him understand that she was not attached in any way to anyone else, she would tell him whatever he needed to know.

"Olivia, we don't have to talk about it tonight. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't attached to someone already. It's been a long time since I literally had to fight over a girl; not since 7th grade, I just wanted to be prepared in case I had to fight a guy for you," he had successfully lightened the moment and they both easily fell back into the enjoyment of the evening.

XXXXXX

For Olivia, the night ended much too soon. She tried not to dwell on it too much; trying not to make herself crazy by over-analyzing and dissecting their interactions over the past two days; but her connection to Fitz was the strongest she felt in her entire life. Over and over again, she kept telling herself, don't think, just feel. And in time, just sitting and talking to him, she no longer had to remind herself; she was just feeling.

He didn't want to let her go. She didn't want to go. Their movements were reluctant; their conversation deliberately prolonged and drawn out. She was washing the wine glasses; he was tidying up the dining room; unimportant tasks but anything to stall; to create a few more moments in each other's company. It was a delay of the inevitable, but it was time for it to end.

"Fitz stop fussing over me…I'm fine. I live maybe 10 minutes away from you. I'll be home soon and I'll text you when I get there." He was worried and it was endearing. It had been a long time since someone was so concerned for her and it felt good. She liked being looked after.

"Are you sure because I can lock up the house and follow you home? Or if you're feeling the effects of the wine, you could just stay here?"

"You're sweet but the alcohol wore off hours ago. And you're not leaving the girls alone; just to follow me back home. If I don't text you in the next 15 minutes you can send out the cavalry to find me."

In Avalon, cars for residents were scarce. There was a 14 year waiting list for a pemit to own a vehicle. It was an effort to promote clean air and clean living. People either walked, biked, used public transportation or traveled by motorized golf carts. Olivia was walking out to her cart and he followed close behind. "Don't text me, call me. I want to hear your voice," he said from behind her.

She turned around to face him and smiled. "Of course I will. Thank you again, I had a good time. I'm glad I came."

"Thank you for coming. I'm glad you came."

He was about to close in and say goodnight to her with a simple, uncomplicated kiss on the cheek but he didn't have to. She did it for him; although it was very different from what he intended. She boldly stepped closer, took his hands into hers and pulled him down while she stood on her tiptoes; they could meet in the middle. When his lips were practically on hers she paused and smiled at him; excitement dancing in her eyes. Fitz smiled back, she's a tease; a sexy little tease, he thought.

She brought his arms around her; it was all the invitation he needed as he took over and claimed her mouth with his. He lifted her up, bringing her eyelevel with him, as he tried to keep the kiss chaste, innocent. Once again, she had other ideas. Her hands were in his hair, toying with the curls at the nape of his neck. And then he felt it. Her tongue requesting entry into his mouth and he generously complied; opening up for her, allowing their tongues to meet as they tasted and savored each other between the shared moans of pleasure. It didn't take much for the kiss to become intense as they slanted their mouths over each other again and again; gasping for wisps of air but refusing to let up.

There was no awkwardness; no tentative reserve; they didn't need to become familiar with each other's rhythm – they just fit. Their bodies melded together; their mouths fused solidly, completely attached without hesitation. They could delight in finding that they were equally matched in passion and desire; they could give and take with one another without regret or apprehension. They could also easily get lost in each other; something that was not too wise considering the time and the place.

Simultaneously, they both seemed to realize where they were – outside, exposed in front of his house – and they pulled back to end the kiss. Momentarily, Olivia got lost in his eyes and felt a strong inclination to kiss him all over again but she resisted. It was late, she needed to get home and it was careless of her to display this type of affection in public for anyone to see. She gave him a small parting kiss on the lips as he settled her back to the ground. Her legs were a bit shaky but then she felt the warmth of his hand at the base of her back guiding her to the driver side of her cart and helping her get in.

"Don't forget to let me know you're in safe, Olivia."

She looked up to find him looking at her in a way that no man had ever done before. The concern in his voice; the expression of his tenderness; the firm, yet gentle feel of his touch made her believe in the possibility that he could be the one. She could chide herself for thinking about being in love, when she only met him yesterday; she could chastise herself for being so wanton in displaying affection for him and allowing her vulnerability to show but she decided not to. She made a conscious choice not to over-think this; to just feel. And everything she had done thus far, felt right.

"I won't Fitz, I promise. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Maybe she would fall asleep with the smile still playing on her lips; thinking of him – how he smelled, how he smiled and how it felt to be in his arms. Maybe she would dream about him and the role he would have in her life. She could still feel the taste of him and as if in remembrance her hand went up to touch her lips and she realized, in actuality, the steady vibration still humming through her body meant she probably wouldn't be getting much sleep at all tonight.

XXXXXX

He squinted, frowned, then squinted again. His eyesight wasn't bad and even though he had on sunglasses, he knew what he saw. He knew it was her, walking on the beach, looking absolutely amazing and sexy and every other word he could think of to describe the beauty in the white bathing suit. And next to her, walking in step, talking while she laughed; laughing while she talked; was a man he had never seen before. A man who was now touching her, pulling her into a quick embrace. An attractive man; bare-chested, chiseled frame, winning smile – the complete package. Who was he? Why was she with him? She didn't notice him watching her yet, but she would soon and he would wait until they got close enough to tell her that she had been caught in the act.

For the past week, Fitz and Olivia were practically inseparable, at least in private. They talked on the phone regularly, daily and had dinner at either his place or hers about four times. Since their first kiss, they both tried to slow things down, agreeing that moving too fast could be potentially damaging to their relationship. What was more important was that they had mutually agreed to be committed to the relationship and being open to wherever it would lead.

Fitz was happy with their understanding, as long as he knew that she was committed to their relationship alone, he was satisfied. He did often wonder at her apprehension of openly dating, going out in public together, but he knew how her last relationship ended and he didn't want to push her. He hoped that in time, she would feel comfortable enough to let any and everyone know about their attachment.

But now, as he looked on from his spot on the beach, where he had alternated between watching his nieces play in the water and reading a new screenplay that was sent to him, he thought maybe he had misunderstood her or misread the signs. But he couldn't have, could he? He didn't think of himself as a jealous man by nature; he never exhibited those traits before but now watching her with him, the feeling was starting to manifest itself.

When she caught sight of him, she smiled and waved in greeting. She grabbed the guy's hand and brought him over to where Fitz was. Instinctively, Fitz rose to greet them, his arms crossed over his bare chest in a defensive stance and without his usual friendly smile.

"Hey Fitz, how are you? I didn't expect to see you at the beach today," she said excitedly and gave him a brief hug but she pulled back too quickly. It was nothing like the hug she had given the other guy minutes before.

Fitz was thankful for the sunglasses that he hoped continued to hide the deepening scowl on his face. He cleared his throat and said, "Yeah I came to the beach with the girls today." His voice was short, clipped and Olivia tilted her head in confusion; it was so unlike his usual friendliness. She wanted to focus on his muscled chest and the perfect tan he was getting from the sun. He looked like an Adonis to her and she wanted to tease him about it but looking at his face she knew he was not in a mood to be teased.

She remembered her manners and happily said, "Fitz this is Stephen…Stephen, Fitz," she watched as they shook hands and continued, "Stephen works with me at the hospital. We had no patients this afternoon so we decided to play hooky and come to the beach."

Fitz gave a nod in understanding and said nothing else. Olivia stared at him trying to comprehend his cold demeanor.

"Fitzgerald Grant, you are the talk of the entire island….Everyone is glad you have settled here," Stephen said enthusiastically. Fitz' frown was not in any way lessened by the fact that Stephen had an accent; a Scottish drawl that no doubt attracted every woman's attention.

"Thanks," Fitz responded. The three stood there in awkward silence. Olivia racked her brain trying to think of something to say that could ease the tension of the situation although she had no idea what had created the tension in the first place.

Alex and Cassie ran up to get their towels to dry off. They each gave Olivia a hug in greeting. "Oh hey girls…this is my friend, he works at the hospital with me. His name is Stephen…Stephen this is Alex and Cassie, Fitz' nieces."

Stephen politely shook each of their hands. "It's nice to meet you. You are very beautiful young ladies."

Neither Alex nor Cassie smiled at his charm and Olivia thought she heard Fitz groan in irritation. It was clear that they did not like Stephen. She still didn't know why, at least not until Alex asked a question that put it all in perspective.

"Stephen, does your girlfriend live in Catalina?" Alex asked in her normal blunt, straightforward way.

Stephen looked from the young girl back to Olivia with a half-smile. He was amused Alex' question. "Well the only woman I am dedicated to at the moment is my Livvy," he joked. That comment earned him a nasty look from all parties. Olivia thought she would have a fight on her hand at any moment; the tension was too thick.

"Stephen stop joking, they don't understand what you are talking about," Olivia said to chastise him. She then addressed Fitz and the girls, rushing to explain his meaning, "Livvy is his boat, not me, his boat. Stephen and I are just friends." It still didn't seem to do much good. "Stephen go away, I will talk to you later; I'll see you at the office tomorrow."

Stephen laughed good-naturedly. He could always tell when his attention to a woman had made a man jealous. And this Fitz guy was definitely jealous, which meant there was some type of relationship between Olivia and Fitz that she hadn't told him about. He wanted to ask what was going on with them but knew now was not the time; he would grill her later. "No worries Love…I'll talk to you later," he said as he hugged her to him and kissed her temple before taking off. The last gesture was intentional, a proverbial salt on the wound; he smiled as he envisioned Fitz frowning at his back as he walked away.

"Olivia, can we talk in private?" Fitz asked in a hoarse voice; he did his best to hide his anger but he knew he was failing.

Olivia groaned inwardly. This was not a discussion she was looking forward to.

(A/N: Thanks everyone for the kind reviews of the first two chapters; hopefully this chapter was just as entertaining for you. Feel free to offer comments, suggestions, predictions and criticisms - I read each one and I enjoy it! For anyone waiting for an update on Constancy of Happiness, it's coming up next!)