Mikau: Hi there, everyone! I've got a nice friendship chapter today between Haku-chan and Kaito for you. I think that it turned out pretty well for the most part, so I hope you enjoy it! Thanks a bunch to all of the reviewers from last time: Ern Estine 13624, Bunnyz-chan, Kimmiko T, kakashikrazy256, Kitty Offline, Miss Emotion, Assasin8, osa-chan, Guest, and Orange4! Also, I've got a lot of new, exciting stuff happening. Check out Summer Glow, a HeiKai friendship fic that may turn into actual HeiKai if I ever continue it. There's Nightmares, a reaction fic to the Dark Knight episode that's 2/3 angst and 1/3 comedy. Also, I have a new HakuShin fic called Endings Are Only New Beginnings. Okay. Enough advertisement. On with the show!
Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd have a ton of fun coming up with all sorts of coded riddles. I've actually got a nice collection started. I'm going to have to write more heists.
…...
Chapter Three: Warmth
Kaito returned to his dark, empty abode feeling slightly better than he had when he'd left.
The thought of losing Aoko and her seeing someone else still hurt like a knife being shoved down his throat, but…after spending the evening with Kudo, baring his soul to the one person that just might be able to understand, and sharing some laughs and lively conversation…the pain in his chest was more of a dull ache than the searing, sucking, gaping wound that it had been.
Kaito went up to his room once again, this time going to the trouble of turning on the light and changing into his pajamas.
He took a minute to look at his father's portrait, studying his idol's face.
"Sorry about earlier," he whispered, but there was no response.
With a sigh, Kaito flopped down on his bed. "It's better that you can't answer," he muttered, grabbing Sassy, his stuffed llama, and hugging her to his chest. "It would be worse if you were still alive. I don't think I could take it if you actually had just abandoned me, left me for all these years. I'd rather you stay dead…stay the way you are in my memories, 'cause I don't think I'd survive the heartbreak and disappointment if you really were still alive somewhere out there.
Kaito grabbed his phone off of the nightstand, intending to set an alarm, and it was then that he noticed that he had twenty missed calls…all from Hakuba Saguru.
Quickly checking the time and making sure it was still okay to call, Kaito punched the button for speed dial.
"Kuroba, where are you?" the Brit demanded as soon as the call connected. "I've been worried sick! Why haven't you been answering your phone?"
"Sorry. I didn't have it with me. But I'm home now, and I'm okay, so…" Kaito bit his lip, hoping that Hakuba wouldn't ask too many questions.
"Where have you been for the past three hours and twenty-two point forty-one seconds?"
The blonde was glaring at him on the other end of the line. Kaito could feel those molten gold eyes boring holes through him.
"Because you were certainly NOT okay when we dropped you off at your house earlier," Hakuba raged on. "And I would have stayed, but Aoko-kun was there, and you looked like you wanted to get away from her, so I didn't want to raise her suspicion. And then she ended up inviting me in, and I couldn't say no, and by the time I got back to your house, you were gone."
"I just needed some space…to clear my head, so…I was out jumping off of skyscrapers in downtown Beika."
There was silence, and then Hakuba heaved an enormous sigh before breaking into a fond chuckle. "Only you would go diving off of buildings in order to clear your head…. Are you better now?"
Kaito thought about it for a moment. "Yeah. A little bit. Enough," he decided.
"Do you need to talk? You could come over or I could come over or…?" Saguru offered.
Kaito chewed on the inside of his cheek in thought. "You know, I think I'm good. I actually talked with someone else, so…"
Hakuba's brow creased. "While you were sky diving?"
"After that," Kaito chuckled. "I had a date."
Saguru's frown deepened. "Oh?" The single syllable carried with it a litany of inquiries.
Kaito ignored most of the unspoken questions like: "Who is this person?", "How long have you known them?", "How did you meet?", and "Have you run a background check on them yet, or shall I?"
"Yeah. He's nice. We ate curry and got ice cream afterwards," Kaito replied with a jester's grin. He was having too much fun with this joke.
"Does he know that you're not actually a woman?" was the Englishman's chief concern.
"…I…think so?" He was pretty sure that the shrunken detective knew for certain that Kid was male, but…Kaito did dress up as an awfully convincing woman on a regular basis, so…
"Kaito," Hakuba called in a rather severe tone, causing the magician to jump.
The use of his given name meant that his friend was serious.
"Kaito," Saguru repeated. "You're in absolutely no emotional state to be dating right now. You're vulnerable. I know you; you're going to end up transferring all of your feelings for Aoko-kun onto this…this guy, and you're going to become convinced that you're in love with him. Then, you're going to be a bloody mess when things don't work out, and Kaito, as your friend, I cannot allow you to do this to yourself."
"It wasn't actually a date," Kaito offered rather lamely when Saguru's impassioned speech came to its conclusion. "I was joking. I mean… Yeah, I ate with the guy, and we talked, but…I wasn't seriously flirting with him. You know how I am. I was just playing around, and it's not like I'm actually going to fall for him of all people, so—"
"—Wait. Kaito," Saguru brought the magician to a sudden stop midsentence. "You…seriously had curry and ice cream and talked and flirted with someone?"
"Not 'seriously'. Not the flirting part, but…yeah?" Kaito rolled over onto his stomach, all of the sudden feeling as if he had done something wrong.
Hakuba took a deep breath, removing his reading glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "What's his name?"
Kaito didn't reply right away.
"I want his name. If he's going to be sniffing around you, if you're going to see him again, I—"
"—Haku-chan, seriously. It's not—"
"—His name, Kaito. The terms are non-negotiable."
Kaito sighed in defeat. "Don't overreact."
"I can assure you I will react appropriately," Saguru snorted. "You are the one that does not assign the proper gravity to the situation."
"You're going to overreact," Kaito grumbled.
"At my own discretion."
"Edogawa Conan."
Saguru said nothing for a moment as those two words were processed.
And then: "God, Kaito! Are you smegging out of your mind?!"
Kaito removed the phone from his ear and muttered, "Now as always."
"That child is vicious and dangerous and…and… There's something just NOT right about him. What were you thinking?! Just thought you'd flirt with the enemy? Take him out to tea? See how long it takes him to get your finger prints or your DNA? See how long it takes until the police show up with an arrest warrant because you decided to play cat and mouse outside of the heists with the child known as your natural predator?" Hakuba demanded incredulously. "This is beyond crazy, Kuroba. This is just stupid."
"I don't expect you to get it," Kaito replied softly into the receiver. He let go of the anger and annoyance he felt. He didn't have the energy to express them.
His friend's quiet, exhausted tone gave Saguru pause. The magician was lowering his walls and showing just how drained he was.
Hakuba swallowed hard before he responded, "…I'm sorry I've been so busy lately. I feel like I haven't had a lot of time for you the past couple weeks because of the Nagoya case…. We haven't talked much."
"That's okay. Your work is important." Kaito shrugged it off as he curled up into a ball under the covers. "Those three kids are waiting to find out who killed their mom. Your attention is in the right place."
Saguru shook his head, folding up his reading glasses and putting them in their case. He stood up from his desk and went to stand by the sliding glass door out to the balcony. "Kuroba, you're important too. You get that, don't you? That you're important to me?"
"Yeah," Kaito whispered. "But—"
"—No. No buts," Hakuba interjected. "Not from you and not from me either. No excuses. I need to make you my priority sometimes."
"What are you? My boyfriend?" Kaito chuckled, burrowing into the pillows.
"I may as well be," Saguru snickered.
"We need to get you a girlfriend," Kaito laughed right back.
"No thank you." Saguru could only roll his eyes. "I have no time for a girlfriend. I'm married to my work."
"Isn't Kid your work?" Kaito teased. "Did we get married while I wasn't paying attention?"
"You're such a loon," Hakuba laughed. "But in all honesty, I'm your friend, Kuroba, and you're my best friend, so…I need to make time for you."
"Thanks," Kaito hummed, feeling comfortably warm at Saguru's words, as if he'd just had a luscious cup of rich hot chocolate accompanied by fudge brownies, fresh from the oven. "You know I really appreciate you being there for me, right?"
"As much as I appreciate you reciprocating," Saguru chuckled. "…Kaito? How are you doing? Are you okay?"
The magician sighed. "Aoko's gonna start dating that Yamada guy. She told me today."
The detective winced. "Ah. I was afraid of that. I had hoped that you wouldn't notice, but…yes. He's been making eyes at her for a while now."
"Yeah," Kaito mumbled.
"Yeah," Saguru echoed. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Nah. Thanks, though." Kaito stretched, spreading out like a starfish. "I…that's why I went jumping off buildings. On the way home, I ran into Tantei-kun at the park, and I slapped on a quick disguise and dropped in on him. He was taking some of his own frustrations out on a soccer ball at the time, so…"
"He's not a normal little kid, is he?" Saguru hummed in thought.
"No, he's not," Kaito returned.
"I haven't interacted with him much, but…I've noticed that he pretends to be a dopey kid sometimes, hides his intelligence. I used to do that. It was a defense mechanism. People don't like bratty little kids that are smarter than them. Little kids don't like little kids that are smarter than they are, so…I used to pretend I wasn't very bright sometimes…so that people might like me. It never worked. I was no good at being normal, but…he seems to have a good group of friends, doesn't he?" Saguru asked hopefully.
"Yeah. The Shounen Tanteidan are a great bunch…. They're just not geniuses. You know as well as I do how lonely that can be," Kaito mumbled into the receiver.
"Yes. When no one can keep up with you? Yes. I don't have to imagine. That was our existence just a few short years ago, wasn't it? Before we found each other?" Hakuba smiled softly at the memory of their meeting and several failures later when he finally knew he had met his match.
"Speak for yourself. I'm still smarter than you are. I'm still lonely," Kaito teased.
Saguru was quiet for a moment before he replied, "True. I do hope I amuse you somewhat, though? And you have Conan-kun besides. Surely he is your mental match."
"Haku-chan, you know I'm kidding," Kaito snorted. "Before you came, I died a little inside every time the Taskforce went after the dummy. You saved me from my solitude of boredom. You know I acknowledge you as my equal."
"Even though I'm not." Saguru could barely contain a grin at Kaito's heartfelt praise.
"You know what? Shut up, you masochist." Kaito rolled his eyes, hearing the chuckle in Hakuba's voice.
"Never…. So…where are Conan-kun's parents? Do you know?" Saguru got them back on their sober topic.
Kaito shrugged. "Traveling. They left him behind. Well, he chose to stay with the Mouris, but…"
"He's got a lot on his plate for an eight year-old, doesn't he?" Saguru noted gravely, easily able to relate to what he imagined Conan's situation to be.
"I'm sure we don't know the half of it," Kaito mumbled and then continued with his narrative. "Earlier, like I was saying, I ran into him in the park, and…he was in bad shape. We both were, so…we talked. Serious things, ridiculous things…we talked for two whole hours or more. It was really, really good, Haku-chan. I mean, he just…he's so smart, and he's funny. Most of all, he just gets it. I've never meet someone that could empathize with me like that. I mean, you sympathize with me, Saguru, and you've saved me so many times, and I'm really grateful to you for being there for me, but…empathy is just…I can't…I don't know how to describe it, but it's the best feeling ever."
And now Hakuba was concerned once more. "Kuroba…not to try to diminish your elation at having found a new friend, but…do remember that he's eight."
"He's not eight," Kaito snapped. "Mentally, anyway. Mentally, he's…" The anger left him, and Kaito chuckled, "…eighty."
"Be that as it may, his body is that of a child," Saguru ventured forth tentatively. "Do try not to get carried away."
Kaito took a breath, intending to use it to gripe and snarl that, no, he was not going to get carried away, and he was practically an adult, so…but then he realized that his friend was just trying to look out for him. Saguru truly cared about Kaito and wanted him to be safe and happy and healthy. Saguru didn't fully understand the whole situation, so…
Kaito let it go.
With a smile he whispered, "Thanks, Haku-chan. Look, I'll talk to you later, okay? I'm gonna head to bed."
"All right," Hakuba replied with a sigh. "All right. You take care of yourself, Kuroba, and do call me if you need anything. You know I'm always there for you, right?"
"Yeah," Kaito chuckled. "I know. Thank you, and right back at you, buddy. Night, night."
"Goodnight, Kuroba."
Kaito set the phone down on the nightstand and settled into the covers with a sigh.
He hugged Sassy, the stuffed llama, to his chest once more as he curled up for warmth.
Why did the house suddenly seem so cold? It was late summer, early fall. It was still warm out, so…maybe it was all the thoughts spinning around his head. They were sapping the energy and the warmth right out of him.
His mind was flooded with thoughts of his father, Aoko, Hakuba, and Tantei-kun. Well, mostly it was Aoko and Tantei-kun giving him the large part of the trouble.
The former…he was still angst-ing over her, even though he felt a little better now than he had earlier. He'd given up hope of anything coming of his love for Aoko months ago. He had talked about it extensively with Hakuba, but…but officially letting go was still painful.
Losing Aoko was like losing an arm. She'd been an important part of him for so long that he didn't know what to do without her. He'd have to adjust, relearn how to do some things.
He wasn't looking forward to it.
And then there was Tantei-kun…Con—Kudo…. Hmm. Shinichi? Tantei-kun. There was Tantei-kun who was currently making him feel all out of sorts after those crazy deep conversations they'd had. That was the most honest Kaito had been with another human being in, surely, years. Well…except for a few months ago with Hakuba when he'd spilled his guts and they'd truly become close, but…you know. Before the whole thing with Hakuba, it had been years since he'd been that honest with another animate being besides his birds.
It was kind of freeing being that completely frank with someone. Kaito liked how it made him feel. Except…at the same time, sharing everything, all of those personal things with Tantei-kun, sort of made him feel sick to the stomach.
He found himself going over everything they'd discussed and shuddering. He couldn't believe that he'd said all that! And then other times he'd giggle, utterly giddy. It had been so great to finally get some of that stuff off of his chest.
After much consideration, finally he came to the conclusion that tonight had been good for him. Talking to Tantei-kun, getting it all out, actually talking about it with someone that understood was beneficial no matter how sick or giddy it made him feel afterwards. This was good. This was healthy.
At least it made him feel better.
When he'd been jumping off of those buildings and screaming his frustrations out along with his lungs, it had felt like that was it: the end of the world. Aoko was leaving him behind, so what was the point in going on? But then…Tantei-kun had given him a little glimmer of hope. There were other broken people out there in the world going through some of the stuff he was. He wasn't alone. He didn't have to deal with it all on his own anymore. He had Hakuba, and now he had…Shinichi as well.
He was a little apprehensive about the future, but…there was eager anticipation mixed in there too. It was hard to describe, this feeling. It was like a stick of dynamite about to go off. He had all of this pent-up, explosive energy.
…And thinking about all this anymore was not going to do him any good. He needed to go to sleep, and going over the evening again and again was only getting him wired. If he didn't sleep, he'd be bouncing off the walls in class tomorrow. He'd be irritable and end up playing a very nasty prank on someone whose last name started with Ya and ended in –mada.
And Aoko would be soooo pissed at him.
And he wasn't sure he could deal with that, the way he was feeling. Normally he'd brush it off or trick her into forgetting her anger, but…
And that was enough of that. Bed time.
He turned his thoughts off like a radio, silencing all of the chatter inside his head.
He felt blank, numb. Which was good for sleeping.
With another deep breath, he drifted off.
He couldn't remember what he had dreamt about in the morning, but he got the feeling that it had been unpleasant. He didn't feel rested at all. He wasn't really surprised, though, what with everything that had happened the previous day.
He went to school armed with his poker face. Only it was shaping up to be a rather thin shield today. He laughed and he joked, causing mischief, wreaking havoc like usual, but his heart wasn't in it.
Still, knowing that Saguru was there for him helped as well as the fact that there was someone else out there going through a long, drawn-out breakup of sorts with a beloved childhood friend.
He was a little embarrassed to admit it, but what helped more was what he overheard Keiko mention to Kaede during lunch. Apparently, the place in Haido where Kaito usually liked to buy his heels was having a buy one get one half off sale this weekend.
That put a spring in his step. He couldn't wait to get a new pair of stilettos so tall and so pointy that the heel could actually be used as…well, you know. A stiletto. He could really use a pair of red ones. Oh! And some strappy heels! And maybe some wedges? He had that one dress that he needed to find wedges to go with. But that was three pairs. He needed a fourth since the fourth pair would be half price anyway. He could get some with buckles! But he needed some new stripper heels too. And some platforms! And maybe a fun color like yellow? But that would only be seven. He needed an eighth pair. Would it be too ridiculous if he got some with big bows on them?
He was getting giddy just thinking about it. There were times when he wished he had been born a girl so that he could dress up all the time. Only…then he would miss out on all the fun of being a guy. He really liked being a man, but he really liked women's clothing too. If only the world were more accepting of his preferences. Well, as it stood, he was a guy about seventy-five to eighty percent of the time, and he just didn't have enough opportunities to wear the shoes, so it was hard to justify buying them.
He'd have to plan more heists…in a setting where it would be appropriate to wear stripper heels. Hmm. Were there any clubs or bars hosting any large, priceless gemstones? He'd have to do research.
Regardless! Kaito knew how he was spending his weekend. Retail therapy would do him some good.
Too bad Kaito's relaxing shopping spree didn't turn out as well as he'd hoped.
…
Mikau: I don't know how I feel about this chapter. Some parts I really like, and then the rest is… I always say stuff like that, though. There are few chapters that I'm really, truly happy with. Oh well. Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you thought!
