Super Smash Bros. But With Dialogue Chapter 1… WITH COMMENTARY!

(Author's notes are in bold)

Hey Fan Fiction peoples! To settle for the wait for chapter three (Which is still in development) I'm writing a commentary for my most popular fan fiction, Super Smash Bros. But With Dialogue: The Crappy Intro! So, yeah. That.

Kirby and Mario are in the Arena for literally no reason!

Seriously, why? WHY NINTENDO, WHY? I believe they're fighting over who gets less lines.

"Hello-a Kirby!" Mario said to his puffball acquaintance.

"Puyo!" Kirby replied.

Noklevername sez: I used to believe that puyo was Japanese for melon! I don't remember why exactly…

"What the hell are you saying?" Some jerk in the audience yelled.

The jerk in the audience? Waluigi. Because why not.

Kirby then coughs, quite loudly.

Apparently, I also cough very loudly. My dad used to call me 'Seal Boy'. I totally wasn't offended at all!

"Sorry, what did you say?" Kirby said to Mario, "My throat was all stuffy."

Yes, I know that Kirby doesn't talk. There was that one game where he did… And I should stop bringing this up. I'M ALSO GOING TO MAKE POKEMON TRAINER TALK! Mwahahaha!

"What-a throat?" Mario taunted.

"Oh snap!" The same jerk from the audience yelled.

"I can't believe I didn't think of it first! Wahahahahaha!"

"Oh, it is ON!" Kirby bellowed at Mario in reply to his, extremely crappy, insult.

I thought I wrote a good insult…

The Player then picks between playing as Mario or Kirby for the fight. Seeing as Mario's Great Balls of Fire royally suck, and Kirby is a freaking Vacuum alien, you get to pick from two separate types of suck. I pick Kirby.

Get it? Royally! Because Mario saves Princess Peach!

Oh, screw you. Oh, and I usually don't pick Kirby while doing this, personally, I dislike his move set. Wow. I thought I'd be funnier…

Kirby punches Mario repeatedly without much difficulty, due to the fact that it's the beginning of the Game, and so every single thing sucks but the player. So, the opposite of real life.

Take that. ONE POINT FOR NOKLEVERNAME!

"Yay illegal Alien!" The Audience cries.

"He's almost as amazing as Superman! The man who represents America's greatness, while not being American! Wooh!"

"Boo!" Dick Cheney screams. Dick hates illegal aliens, right? I don't know politics.

Do I seem like someone who listens to politics mumbo jumbo? Something, something, that politician who was afraid of a black guy, something, something, Obama care?

"You-a suuuuck!" Mario yells at Kirby.

Yes, I'm going to make jokes more about him being Italian. I'm also going to make jokes about me making jokes about him being Italian. JOKECEPTION!

"Yes I do."

Kirby then puts on some wicked shades.

"Yeaaaaaaaah!"

That's what happens on C.S.I. Whateverthehell right? I only know it from that meme. You know the one.

Kirby is officialy bad ass. Yes, I just made a C.S.I. reference. Deal with it!

Mario turns into a Trophy, because this game is P.G.

Have you noticed the trophies are darker in Subspace Emissary? Well, now you know. And knowing does twice the damage!

"Are you not entertained?" Spatacu- I mean Kirby says to the Audience.

Also never watched or read 300. And yes, it is based off a comic book. And now you know. And knowing is overusing a joke!

"That joke sucks worse than you!" The Internet types, eerily at the exact same time, into the comments section.

The internet is like a hive mind. And I'm part of it.

"Screw you, Internet! I don't need you!" Kirby said. The Author immediately feels the rage of 151 trolls.

I apologize to anyone who wants to troll me for writing this. Also, 151, get it? Because 151 pokemon in Red and Blue. Yeah, I can be clever!

Kirby touches Mario's Trophy Pedestal Thing which turns him back into a target for infinite offensive Italy jokes.

I never understood that 'touch the pedestal to free them!' Thing. I mean, if you trophified a world threatening villain, and you accidently touched the pedestal, you'd free him! Wouldn't that just suck?

"Thank-a you!"

"For-a the spaghetti!" Anyone remember that spaghetti thing? Well, Youtube poop does. And know you do. DIDN'T I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?

"You know how you could thank me?"

"Make a penguin suit out of that stupid king."

"How-a?"

"How about some spaghetti!" Sorry, I just couldn't resist.

"Stop being such a horrid stereotype. Seriously, there people in Mike Tyson`s Punch Out that are less offensive then you!"

Lets see the stereotypes in Mike Tyson's Punch Out. The weak Frenchman, drunk Russian, fat islander, Japanese martial artist, the American character named after the Big Mac, Flamango dancing Spanish person, Disco black guy, cheating Irishman, fat black guy, and those are all I can think of today. Join the Noklevername fun club today!

"NEVER-A!"

Little known Mario fact: He hangs onto the Italian jokes because those are literally his only joke.

Princess Zelda and Princess Peach then run onto The Arena, because they're there for some reason.

"Yeah," Zelda said, "I'm just watching this wrestling fight because I'm royalty totally not because I bet a million rupees on Mario losing. It's totally not that."

"Are you allowed to do that? Just, run onto The Arena?" Kirby asked Zelda.

"Not usually, but can this plot get anymore stupid?"

"Of course we are! Nothing bad ever happens in these things-"

Knock on Whispy Woods.

"Holy crap red clouds!" Peach screeched.

I'm honestly sorry that I use these blonde jokes. I'm well aware that they are rude, and I am also (Kind of) blonde. Sorry if I offended anyone with my portrayal of Peach.

Red clouds of foreshadowing appear above The Arena.

Foreshadowing: Hinting at something that will happen later in the story. This is usually done subtly, but screw subtly, I'M TOO AMAZING!

"Don't worry, Peach!" Zelda said, "There is no way something evil will come out from those clouds-"

"There is no way bad guys could've possibly taken over the Halberd!"

"And there is no way that Mr. Game&Watch's make Primids!"

"And there is no way Snake could've been hiding in the cargo hold, waiting to make a badass entrance!"

"Yeah, those things would be bad story telling."

A wild HALBERD appears!

"Uh oh Spaghettioes!" Mario geniuslee commented.

MARIO used CRAPPY JOKE.

"Don't worry!" Kirby said to the other three smashers. "The Halberd is owned by Metaknight, who's a d-bag at worst-"

KIRBY used REASON. It's not very effective…

A bunch of evil crap falls from the Halberd.

Apparently they're actually called 'Subspace Bugs' or some crap. And now you know! And knowing is- Ah screw it.

"Oh noes! It's evil crap! Literally!" Peach squealed.

And then I refer to it as that forever. Is it sad that I made the idiot voice my opinion?

"Stop trying to be funny." Zelda told the fellow Princess. You go girl.

Zelda is probably my favorite character to write for so far in the series.

A Bunch of Evil Battery Looking Guys are formed from the Evil Diarrhea.

Duracell are biatches. The Energizer Bunny? He hit me in the head repeatedly.

'Yes, I think Primids look like batteries," The Author said directly to the Author, "And so do my characters. LIVE WITH IT!"

What I just said up there.

"What-a are the odds of having evil things invade a place with the main characters?" Mario asked.

I didn't write him being sarcastic in this scene. Mario and Peach are truly perfect for each other.

"Dammit. I really shouldn't of come. Putting you all in danger…" Kirby said, hoping someone agrees.

I'm pretty sure Kirby is in more scenes than Mario. Am I the only one who thinks that? Hopefully not.

"I'm-a the main character y'know." Mario argued.

No, you aren't.

"No you aren't." Kirby countered.

Thanks for agreeing, character I wrote.

MARIO used: Argue Some More!: "This-a is a Nintendo thing! And I'm Nintendo's Mascot!" It's not very effective...

Pokemon reference, YEAH!

KIRBY used: A Good Point!: "And I'm the mascot of the people who made this damn thing." It's Super effective!

"Crap." FOE MARIO was defeated! KIRBY got 200 POKE for winning!

KIRBY sent some to his MOM… Who's on a separate PLANET!

"We should get to fighting these Triple A mooks." Zelda said, ruining the combo of crappy Pokemon jokes.

READY? FIGHT!

"Yeah!" Peach cheered.

UM, YOU CAN FIGHT NOW.

Peach then gets out her Generic Frying Pan (Trademark)

HA, BUT SERIOUSLY, LET'S GET TO FIGHTING!

"You just set female rights back 200 years. I have a sword." Zelda said to the 'Shroom Royalty.

NOPE, JUST MORE DIALOGUE?

Zelda then looks in the pockets she doesn't have for her sword.

WOOH! A SWORD! ACTIONS GONNA BE COMING!

"Where in Hyrule is my freaking sword?" Zelda yelled.

WHAT?

"About that…" The Pink Puffball said to the the Hyrulian Princess nervously.

OH MY GOD MORE DIALOGUE!

"You ate my sword?"

UGH.

"Yes, that's what I'm implying."

SIGH.

"Well, it's better than it just being that Nintendo didn't want me to be powerful." Zelda said.

SHUT. UP!

The Author then realizes he needs to get back to the plot.

YEP!

Zelda then uses magic to totally own some Primids.

FINALLY!

"Fun!" Zelda cheered.

Aren't there people who have fetishes like this?

Peach uses the Ass Smack of Love on a Primid.

So, quick thing on 'Ass Smack of Love'. You know that side A move? Where she hits the enemy with her ass? Well, a acquaintance of mine who I was playing Brawl with named it. So, yeah. That.

"This is so hot!" The Primid yelled.

Snake would agree. Though Peach doesn't do it on him to hurt him. SEXUAL INNUENDO, YAY!

The Primid then explodes.

Isn't exploding people a little… Weird? How do you explode someone with your ass?

"Yeah! Exploding people with my ass!" Peach laughed.

Well, I don't know how it happens, but apparently it's fun.

"Does Nintendo hate women?" Zelda thought out loud to the other smashers.

"I'm not really talking to all of the smashers, Sir Noklevername. I'm talking to the only character who isn't dumber than an Octorok."

"If they did, you wouldn't exist." Kirby replied.

Also Samus, if you forget the zero suit. And other M.

"True."

"Can we get back to the action?" The Player yelled to the T.V. Screen. The Player is most likely insane.

Shut up. I MEAN I APPRECIATE YOUR HELPFUL COMMENT!

"Fine." The Author replied to the whiner- I mean valued fan!

What I just said.

Kirby inhales a Primid.

Delicious Game&Watch!

"And you're the good guy?" The Primid asked nervously.

"Yes." Kirby replied.

"If you eat me, you will always have evil crap in your stomach! I'm like gum! I never leave!" The Primid yelled as a last ditch attempt at not being swallowed.

Ha! Trying to reason with an immigrant! That's preposterous! Dick Cheney totally isn't holding a Star Rod to my head and making me say this!

But he is.

Mario burns a Primid with his Great Ball's of Recycled Joke- I mean Fire!

"I'm-a still in this plot?"

Don't worry, you won't be here long.

All the Primids are now dead.

"I love mass murder." Kirby commented.

You could say this is a reference to that one series that portrayed Kirby as a cannibal (Which name has escaped me).

A loading time later, some robot carrying da bomb flies to the Main Cast.

Yes, I'm referring to it as da bomb. DEAL WITH IT!

"Who the Heck are you?" Zelda asked the robot.

"I'm totally not R.O.B.!" The obvious R.O.B. in disguise yelled back, "I'm the original character, Ancient Minister!"

In hindsight, this was really obvious.

"Oh yeah. Spoiler alert." The Author said.

Sorry if you didn't want to know that crappy twist.

"Wait. Ancient? You're a freaking robot! How ancient can you be?" Kirby yelled at "Ancient" Minister.

Apparently, the R.O.B.'s also have their own island. Am I the only one who finds this ridiculous?

"… Shut up!" The Ancient Minister countered, obviously being a 12 year old on the Internet.

Ha. You thought I wasn't going to make Ancient Minister a jerk.

Ancient Minister drops da bomb.

Two R.O.B.'s clunkily roll over to da bomb hooking onto it and opening it up, revealing a 3:00 minute countdown.

"A boss fight is about to come, isn't it?" Kirby asked.

No, Kirby. You're going to have to fight another Primid.

"What the hell's going on?" The Audience yelled, then realizing that a countdown on a bomb always ends in death for literal background characters.

I say Tom Nook said that. I SAID IT SO NOW IT IS CANON!

Everyone stands there, until Petey the Diaper Wearing Piranha crashes onto The Arena.

"God! That fall sucked! I think I crapped my diaper…" Petey moaned.

Why does a Pirahna Plant need a diaper? I mean, do plants poop? I got a 64% in science last term, so I don't know.

"Ha-a Ha!" Mario laughed, suddenly becoming a stereotypically Italian Nelson Muntz.

Everyone knows Nelson Muntz, right? That bully from the Simpsons, he is.

"Screw you, Plumber!" Petey yelled back "I'm a firin' ma Bullet Bill!"

That's a reference to the Lazer Collection, a great series on Youtube.

Petey shoots a Mario reference at the Plumber, shooting him into the next Level.

I'm glad they included Bullet Bill's in this scene.

"I'm-a blasting off agaaaaaain!" Mario yelled.

"Well, looks like it's just you us three against Petey, guys!" Kirby said, "It'll be difficult, but I`m sure we can do it-"

Zelda and Peach are put in cages by Petey.

Kirby should really stop trying to cheer everyone up.

"Sex joke." Petey commented.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Hmm… Who should I save?" Kirby pondered, "Princess Zelda, the only person who I've met so far who I genuinely like, or Princess Peach, the slut. Peach, I choose youuuu!"

A commenter (Writes4u) Commented a while after I posted chapter 1 that I should've saved Zelda so I could make more Peach Bowser jokes. Thanks, writes4u!

Kirby somehow kills Petey by punching Peach's cage repeatedly. Peach is freed

"Oh noes! Being harmed indirectly! MY ONE TRUE WEAKNESS!"

*Dies*

"I'm out of here, bitches!" Ancient Minister yelled, then flies away.

Yes, I'm going to keep making Ancient Minister annoying. DEAL WITH IT!

"Oh, screw you." The R.O.B.'s stuck to the bomb yell to Ancient Minister.

Wario then jumps into The Arena.

"Ha ha! Just when you thought this damn level is over, Wario! Wahahahaha!" Wario laughed. Laughing at the fact that the Author now has to write even MORE of this crappy level.

If you couldn't tell, at this point, I was really tired of the first chapter. And you're probably tired of reading it.

Wario takes out his bad ass gun

I'm pretty sure it's called the Subspace Gun. CREATIVITEY!

"I'm going to turn you into a trophy, if you couldn't tell! Wahahahahaha!"

Actually, on the first play through, this isn't obvious until the end of this scene. Also, I'm pretty sure at least one of you reading this hasn't played Brawl. So, thanks Wario!

Wario aims his gun at Princess Slu- I mean Peach.

I have no clue why I hate Peach so much…

"Just move slightly to the left, Peach! Wario's too fat to move!" Zelda yelled.

I was thinking about that Lucas scene in Brawl Taunts when I wrote that line.

"Screw you!" Wario screamed at the Zelda.

Wario aims his gun at the caged Zelda.

"In hindsight I really should've aimed at the chick in the cage first!" Wario thought out loud.

"I agree!"

-Captain Hindsight

"No shit Sherlock!" Zelda screeched.

SWEARING? :O

Wario shoots a weird arrow thing from his gun at Zelda, turning her into a trophy.

Y'know, no matter how much I criticize, I honestly liked playing through Supspace Emissary. I loved the trophy concept.

"Wahahahaha!"

Wario takes the Zelda trophy and miraculously jumps out of the Arena.

"My fat makes me jump higher! Super Man is all like, 'how does he jump so high?' Wahahahahahaha!"

The Warp Star appears by Kirby.

I also love how they used the Warp Star. Hm… I thought I'd be funnier with this commentary.

"Quick, Peach! Get on the star!" Kirby yelled at Princess Toadstool.

"…. Okay! Nothing bad could happen from that!" Peach squeals.

GENIUS!

"I'm starting to see how it's so easy to kidnap you."

Kirby and Peach get on the Warp Star and flies away.

Well, that was the end of the commentary! Thanks for reading, and I'm really sorry about the wait for chapter 3. I've been really busy with other series, some contest stuff, and I'm going on vacation soon. Chapter 3 should be up by the eighth. Thanks for reading!

-Mr. Noklevername