Disclaimer: I do not own GG and its characters. I do, however, own this story.

Therefore © by drifted-haiku.2010. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of moi.


02.

I'm a little far from the shore and I'm afraid of sinking

You're the only one who knows me and who doesn't ignore

That my soul is weeping

Somewhere after asking her to enter and her asking for a drink, they end up in his room. She's strolling around, sipping, and chirping about their time spent here and he's listening attentively, trying to decipher what the hell is going through her mind because she's acting way too normal for someone who has just lost her mom; and he's trying to read her face, her body movements and her voice while locking gaze with her. It almost feels like a game of tag but he knows better. The next thing he knows, she accidentally stumbles on a sharp corner of the bed then ends up fumbling into it. Her body turns to face him and her arms involuntarily stretch out, trying to grab a hold of something to break her fall and they find comfort in his. She ends up pulling them both down onto the bed with her landing on top of him.

Of course, she would end up on top because that's the way God has dictated it to be.

"Sorry…" she giggles, which scares him because she doesn't giggle. She might laugh, smirk, taunt and sneer but Blair Waldorf hardly ever giggles. Her head tosses back; her hair falls all over the place and she just giggles. "My apology—" she stops when she realizes how close their bodies are to one another; her cheeks turn a sudden shade of pink. The last time they were in this position, they both ended up in a very compromising position the morning after.

"As much as I love staying in this position, with you on top and resume our conversation about the good old times, and whatnot but uh—do you think you can—oh I don't know—move off of me a bit?" he asks, clearing his throat before projecting his body upward before getting rejected by her gentle push, thrusting him back onto the bed. She weaves her fingers with his and pins him down with newfound strength. "Yah—" he stutters with a dumb look on his face when he sees the close proximity of his face to hers. His breathing shallows because he has very strict rules about touching Blair Waldorf; and when their body presses together like this, the thought of kissing her crosses his mind more than he wanted it to.

She looks to be enjoying this way too much. "I'm not going to rape you, Humphrey," Blair says but the gleam in her eyes tells him that he should know better than to let his guard down.

"Blair—look, this—you—I am not—this" He pauses, licking his broken lips. "I mean, this is crazy. You're just—"

Her mouth catches him off guard. Her eyes seal shut while his open wide as he fights the urge to respond, even if she does bite his lips teasingly. Wriggling away from her grasp, he latches both hands onto her should and gently pushes her back. "Whoa—Blair—what are you doing?" asks Dan, panicky. "We've tried this, remember? You love Chuck, remember?"

She looks hurt and he almost regrets doing so. Then without as much as a reply, she removes herself from him, grabs her jacket and briskly exits the room.

"Blair, where are you going?" he calls while trailing behind.

She turns back; lips quivering; eyes brimming with pile of unshed tears while looking like a kid that has lost her favorite toy, far worse than that time he found her sitting out in the hall after finding out her mother didn't want her. "It's just a kiss, Humphrey," she says quietly. "Not a promise of eternal love."

He stares her, unable to process her response. "You're engaged and I have a girlfriend." By the expression on her face, it hardly seems like his words have any effect at all. "Am I speaking in tongue?"

She scoffs. "What's your point, Humphrey?"

Running his fingers through his hair, he paces back and forth with his hand on his mouth. "It's not only a kiss, you know that," he says after awhile. "It's us and it's wrong. You should know better than this."

"I'm Blair Waldorf, Humphrey," she says, as if that would explain everything about her behavior when he knows that really, she's better than this and all it does is reminding him how things used to be between them; she, taking whatever she wanted, and he, gave whatever he could and in the end, he walked away with a knife in his back.

"What's going on, Blair?" He sighs. "Talk to me. I'm here for you."

"Until when, Humphrey? When the fucking sun rise? Do I even get a goodbye this time?"

Her words feel like a slap across the face that almost sends him stumbling backward. "We're not talking about us, Blair. We're talking about you and your insane logic."

"You don't get to choose the topic, Humphrey," she bites back sharply. "You also don't get to act chummy with me when you're the one that—"

"Well, what the hell did you expect me to do? Stay here and watch your romance unfold with Chuck Bass?"

"No, I expected a decent goodbye, not an act of a lover scorned because if I knew—" her voice cracks, "I would have done something more."

It's not him she's talking about. He knows, because she's looking right through him even though her eyes are glued to his; but that doesn't make his old wounds ache any less. "It'd not changed a damn thing, Blair."

And that's when she finally lost it. "Yes it would. I'd have said that you're a horrible person that you deserved everything you got—" she bursts unexpectedly. Hands covering her face, she opens the gates and let the tears break free. "I'd have said that none of that mattered because I'd still love you. I'd still miss you and that I'd do anything to let you have more time with me; because it hurts to breath; it's even harder to live knowing that I didn't get a chance to say any of this to you because of my stupid pride of appearing weak."

Then she tears down her wall and sobs; body trembling and all as she tries to regain her control; and it's déjà vu, like he's seeing her again for the first time without the expensive clothes, the sharp tongue and the brave exterior she puts out and sees that regardless of the opinions he has of Blair, she's still just a girl, whose goal in life was for her mother to accept and love her. "She's fucking dead, Dan. My mother, the woman who made my childhood a living hell, the one who shouldn't even be called a mother because she never acted like one, is dead. She was supposed to be my warning sign; my fucking red light but she's gone and I'm here. I'm here and I don't know—" her voice softens as she peers up at him, silently screaming for a helping hand, "I don't know how to make this pain stop."

Her eyes beg him to do something, anything, so he does the first thing that came to his mind. He brings his hands up to her cheeks and slides his calloused fingers across her smooth complexion. She holds her breath when his thumb finds its way across her lips, tracing it back and forth, tingling her nerves. He then dives his fingers underneath her curls and gently strokes behind her ear; he leans her closer and softly presses a kiss to her forehead. "It'll be okay."

She runs her hand up his chest; eyes lock with his and a tear gently glides down her cheek; her breathing turns haggard as she mumbles, "How can you be so sure?"

Then he trails over her temple, her cheeks then down to both of the corners of her mouth. She stiffens then softens as she opens her mouth for him to enter. She tastes of bittersweet and regret. When her hand tugs at the hem of his shirt, red flags goes off in his head. He immediately takes her wandering hand in his. "Blair," he whispers, "This is as far as we can go."

She looks lost and confused as she asks, "Why?"

"Because we'll both regret this in morning. You know it and I know it; so let's stop this before it goes any further," he responds and backs away two steps, "Look, you're in a vulnerable state right now and the person who you should kiss or do anything of this with is not here; and if I take advantage of that, I will never forgive myself."

"You're worried about Chuck finding out about us?"

"No, I'm worried about you, damn it." he says through gritted teeth, frustrated because Blair Waldorf's getting under his skin again, frustrated because he's remembering why he loved her in the first place, frustrated because he still wants her but she could never be his and most of all, frustrated at himself for not being able to control his overflowing emotion and ended up kissing her.

"Chuck's gone."

"What?"

"He left me, Humphrey so go ahead and say, you're right," she answers with a wry laugh. "He packed up all his stuff, said he couldn't do it anymore and left. I thought it was going to be like every other times but it's not; 2 months has passed and I haven't heard from him. No one has heard from him."

And that's when everything clicks, why his dad hang up so quickly and why no one ever talks about Chuck. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."

She looks like she's shooting darts from her eyes. "Why would you? You don't live here anymore, remember?" It's as if she's directing her hate at him, for seeing her this way and for making her look so pitiful; and she does what Blair Waldorf does best when someone manages to poke through her wall, she puts the blame on them and build an even tougher defense so that it'd not be torn down again. "And why does it always have to be you, Humphrey? Damn it. It's entirely your damn fault."

He laughs because she went from seductive, sad, needy to angry in 30 minutes flat. That has got to be a record of some sort. "Of course I'm the one to blame."

Her face twists in a displeased manner. "I'm glad you can still find humor in all this because if I didn't tell you before, I really hate you, Humphrey."

He snorts and rolls his eyes. "What else is new?"

She delivers a punch to his arm.

"What the hell was that for?"

"For getting your Brooklyn smell on me."

"Whatever, Waldorf." With a wide grin, he holds out his hand. "So…want to give me your jacket and stay for the night or would you like to catch a taxi back to your place?"

As if he really has to ask.


Author's Note: this is what happens when I try to be descriptive and 'deep' with my words, I end up somewhere on the shallow end anyway, I hope this chapter somewhat flows because it was really hard trying to be coherent with all the things that I wanted to write in but it seems like there's still some things missing. Blah. This story should end around 7 chapters at most, I somewhat calculated it already so hopefully the next update should be up soon but who knows? since today's my last day of having internet TT_TT Thanks to ronan03, nicensweet28 and LisaLevine for the support =)