Disclaimers: Paramount owns them all I'm just playing with them a little.
Ok, A lot but in a good way most of the time. After I'm thru playing I
will return them. I know Janeway and Chakotay would never act like this.

Author Note: All errors are mine, since this was written before my beginning
as an official fanfic writer.

Rating: M for sexual situations, languish, violence, pregnancy, rape, child abuse.

Genres: AU, romance, angst, tragedy, mystery, Sci-fi, fantasy, time-travels,

More may turn up

Summary: Voyager is home and secrets are beginning to surface. Why is
there no civilian record of Chakotay and Kathryn Janeway after a certain
point in their lives? When Starfleet start an official trial they will find something
that will leave Earth and humanity marked for Generations.

Pairing: Chakotay/Janeway, Chakotay/OFC, Tom/B'Elanna

Read, Enjoy and Review.

Time To Go Back
By Monkan

Part 3

Over the next few Kathryn and Chakotay saw each other every day while they
acted as nothing was out of the normal they tried to sneak away more often
just to hold each other and share kisses. In the nights they were much
more closer.

Chakotay didn't like hiding from every one, to be honest it scared him.

Not to be able to trust any one except the maid of his feelings for
Kathryn. Lying to his father had been hardest. It's not easy to lie to
some one that is your only family and who you had learned to respect and
rely on when you had no others around you.

While they where walking down to what used to be a beach so long ago they
held hands when they were sure no one would see them while they walked in
silence just enjoying the company.

Not to be able to trust any one except the maid of his feelings for
Kathryn. Lying to his father had been hardest. It's not easy to lie to
some one that is your only family and who you had learned to respect and

rely on when you had no others around you.

He felt guilty not to have told his father but if any one would be against
his relationship with Kathryn it was his father. Chakotay sighed.

But if he could turn back time he wouldn't. He never regretted meeting
Kathryn. Never once. She made him feel peace and love in his heart but one
thing recently with Kathryn was that she seemed thoughtful and sometimes
lied so badly when he asked what was wrong that he got worried.

Kathryn may be beautiful, strong, compassionate and loveable but she was
still an enigma to him. She had become more and more quiet like she was
deciding something or feared something would come out.

"What are you thinking?"

Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. "Nothing, darling."

He didn't believe her, he knew her to well. "Come on Kathryn, you can tell
me."

She would tell him sometime, that he was sure of. But that didn't strop
him from trying to find out earlier.

"I just..." She stopped, not sure how to continue. "What do you feel for
me?"

"What?" Chakotay stopped walking.

"I mean are your feelings strong enough for me so you won't leave me if
your father finds out. About us I mean." Now she felt like everything
depended on what Chakotay answered. She felt horrible to doubt his
feelings but she had to know.

Chakotay couldn't believe what he was hearing, was she actually serious?
The look in her eyes told him so. How could she not know how he felt. In
the way he kissed her, how he touched her and to not forget how they made
love together. It was like his soul depended on it every time. After when
he held her he never had felt so satisfied like with Kathryn. It felt like
he finally had found his soul mate. He had learned what heaven really
meant. He was in it with Kathryn every day and every second he was with
her.

He took a step closer. "Kathryn, my love, never doubt how I feel about
you." He stepped even closer. He could see the rapid breathing coming from
Kathryn. "I will never, ever, leave you." His mouth was just inches away

from hers when he lightly brushed his lips against hers. Kathryn gasped.

Trying to hold back she said.

"Thank you for getting me a job under your dad."

"My pleasure." Chakotay breathed.

Kathryn sighed when their lips once again lightly touched.

It was all he could take before he claimed her mouth in a passionate and
demanding kiss.

Kathryn sometimes felt shy about her in-experience in this kind of area.

Mark never roused this kind of feelings the few times he kissed her. With
Chakotay it was almost scaring, but in a good way.

The kiss should be enough to tell her how he felt but now she felt in
lower regions how she affected him. May be I can tell him.

Pressing her hips into his she made him groan and his arms went around her
waist and one hand to her butt to pull her closer while he grinded himself
into her. Desire almost overwhelmed him. Damn, this woman knew how to play
this game.

Soon the air depletion was a more demanding matter and they parted only
long enough for each other to gasp in a few needed breaths until they
resumed again. Kathryn's hand moved from his chest to the nape of his neck
where she griped at anything she could grasp. While her hips moved...

"Chakotay." A voice said and they broke apart and turned to see Kolopek
standing a few meters away. They both knew they were blushing.

Kolopek's face was cut out of stone. Not a single emotion showed on his
face. He had suspected that something was going on between his son and
that woman. Now he knew it was worse then what he first thought. "Spirit's
they are lovers."

There were rules that you had to live by and never break. One was not to
engage in sexual activities with some one that stands under the protection
of another clan. If that was proved it could lead to exile or even death.
I've all ready lost my wife and two sons. Please don't let me lose my
last son too.

Ever since Chakotay had brought her to their house the night Chakotay
hadn't been able to look else where and the look he gave her when he
watched her sleep... It had been the same one he gave his wife when they
meet all those years ago. And when it had come to what they would do with
her Chakotay hadn't been reasonable to be talked into other things like
returning her to her clan. Even then had Chakotay showed how much he cared
for her even if he didn't knew it himself.

Kolopek sighed, there had been a time when he had felt so and he could
still remember the bliss from it. It was almost like sweet things, the
taste of it could erase many things from your mind and make you completely
defenceless in front of the journey you would take. The feel of it to
would never leave your senses in a soon future. It could wrap around you
and tease you until you would go crazy.

IF you were lucky to get one of those sweet things then you were
considerate a god..

Then when they shared rooms while they recovered it had grown every time
he came near her.

The night Chakotay had rocked Kathryn, yes he could use her name more
often he realized, Kolopek had felt stunned at the show of emotions his
son showed for the then still unknown woman. After how Rakel had been his
girlfriend and how she treated him Chakotay had closed up like a shell.

Never letting anyone in.

There are only so much pain some one can take before they reach the line
and break down from the weight of it. It was almost like a defend
mechanism we all have, only some put it up faster then others.

Rakel there were a story that could cover three holy scripts and still be
write down in a few lines.

But he couldn't worry about that yet.

"Chakotay, come with me." Kolopek turned and started to walk back to their
house.

For Chakotay and Kathryn shock was a fact. There could be no colder
showers like being caught by his father. Any arousing feelings Chakotay
had felt a moment ago was long gone, at least limp to be precise.

Kathryn stiffened in his arms before they followed Kolopek.

When they reached the house Kathryn left Chakotay's secure arm that still
held her around the waist.

In the living room was two people, one old man and a young girl. Rakel and
her father, or was they family? They didn't have much in the look to state
that in case you asked Kathryn. More shocking was the fact that she was
pregnant.

"What the hell is that woman doing in your house, Kolopek?" Asked the
angry man when he saw Kathryn.

"She works for me. She help with the house hold and are doing a very good
job to." Not giving any more information. what I own him is a ticket out
of my house if anything.

"why don't you just send her back to her family? Or did you take pity in
her cause she was born out side the marriage?" He spat out with just a
little hint of amusement in the thought of her like that.

Chakotay couldn't stand it any more by how Kathryn was insulted. "Her
family are dead." His voice almost black with rage. "They were murdered."

Not taking any pity in Kathryn the man continued. "I don't think she have
anything to do here when we talk. Ask her to leave." Totally ignoring her.

Kolopek nodded his head to Kathryn so she would leave and she walked up
the stairs not noting the dark look Rakel gave her when she saw Chakotay
look after her.

In her room Kathryn sat down on the bed. She could hear bits and pieces on
what was going on down stairs when some one yelled or spoke louder.

Kathryn closed her eyes as her mind summarised what she heard. Rakel,
baby, Chakotay and marriage

Tears rolled down her cheeks but this time no one was there to brush them
away.

Was this how she would lose Chakotay? The man she loved with all her heart
It wasn't fair. Not when she was in this situation. If he married Rakel
then she had to leave.

Kathryn laid down on the bed, her head resting on the pillow. Tears
finding their way to her ears and hair. She always hated to cry, thought
if made her look weak. But for once it felt good to cry the tears she held
inside her for so long. To show this kind of weakness and not be ashamed
by it.

Poor Chakotay. What a dilemma. If he didn't married Rakel he would draw
shame over his family and if he married Rakel it would be at the lost of
his heart. He didn't love Rakel, even a dog could see that.

"Dear god, why must our paths be so hard to follow?"

Kathryn's stomach saluted her dinner making her dash for the bathroom.

When she came back out she looked pail and was trembling from the force
and sped she had lost her dinner in the toilet. She laid down on her bed,
her stomach still fighted against t her but slowed when she took some deep
breaths and closed her eyes.

Will I ever tell him? She thought Yes.

Darkness invaded her mind and on the edge of sleep. He deserves so much
more then I can give him.

Chakotay entered the room where Kathryn slept. A stab of pain rolled over
his heart when he saw the remains of her tears. He could kill himself for
causing them. Just before his father found him and Kathryn, he had made
sure she never doubted her mind of how he felt and would never leave her
but now... he had to break that promise.

It would kill her and then it would kill him but at least he could make
sure she had it good, working and living under his father when he was
married.

What a hard blow that would be for him, he literally hated Rakel and to
marry her, disgusting.

Chakotay had known in the beginning that something would come between him
and Kathryn. They had been in a no winning position. But a man could dream
and live in a dream until he woke up.

He loved Kathryn very much; that he never doubted and secretly hoped he
would have a future with her but now with Rakel destroying his life once
more. Rakel's father demanding he took his place and made right by
himself. If he didn't know better he would say he was set up to this.

He was standing on a bridge between two cliffs. On one side he had Kathryn
waiting for him, her beautiful face smiling to him, just smiling lovingly
toward him. Waiting. Just simply waiting for him.

On the other one was Rakel and everyone else he ever knew. Shouting for
him to come.

How do you choose, what do you step from to have the other. How do you
leave your heart behind for doing the right thing, or do you follow your
heart and take the consequences for it.

One answer leads to another question and in the end it's up to what you
have left to go to that you have. But now in the beginning what do you do.

What you reject to do what you must and how much do you stand before you
lose your heart and die.

In this moment his answer was simple and he had to tell Kathryn.

He couldn't betray his dad, not when there was a baby involved in the
matter. Even Kolopek had a more dislike toward Rakel then he had let on.

But that still let the pride feeling not to separate a parent from his
child, not now or they would die and nothing but remains would sign that
they had been there.

He stroked Kathryn's face, rousing her from her sleep.

"Chakotay." she whispered.

"I'm here Kathryn." he sat down on her bed.

"I dreamed you were gone, Chakotay." she wrapped her arms around his neck,
holding him to her. "That you left me."

May be I will be, my sweet Kathryn. he could barely hold back the sob.

Both so caught up with the feeling of each other that they didn't noticed
the door open slightly to let a pair of green eye's watch them.

"Kathryn there is something I have to tell you."

She leaned back so she could see his face.

"You used to be lovers, you and Rakel I mean?"

How could she have realised it so soon. "Yes. Once... it was... before I
found out what kind of person she was." It was now or he would lose his
nerves.

"Kathryn, I have to marry Rakel." he began.

"I see." Not trusting her to say more.

"I can't let down my fathers honor. I never knew there would be a risk
like this with her. It was over when I found you. My heart was bleeding
and wouldn't stop from reminding me of what she did to me, there was
always that terrible hurt. But when I found you, you showed me how life
was meant to be lived. Even in a world like this, then it didn't hurt so
badly any more.

She broke my heart when I... and ever since then..." He couldn't go on,
the memories that he thought was gone came back, not as bad but they still
hurt. He looked away.

"It's ok, you don't have to say it and I will be leaving soon."

Chakotay's eyes shot up to fix on Kathryn's face. "Kathryn, what are you
talking about? I've asked my father to let you stay. You will be safe here
and I will come to visit."

Kathryn gave a small laughter; sure he would come in a few months. In a
few months she could be dead.

"Chakotay, I can't stay." Looking into his eyes made her feel tear-eyed
again. Dammit, could she ever stop crying. She evaded his eyes and looked
at every thing else in his face.

"Why?" The one question that would lead to the truth. Kathryn looked
pained and scared into his eyes. She wasn't even sure he would like this.

His eyes begging her to say something.

"Because in a few months people will know what kind of relationship we
had."

"How. I don't see how they would..." He went silence when Kathryn took one
of his hands and placed the palm on her belly.

"I'm pregnant."

Chakotay was dumb fooled to do anything but stare where his hand rested.

"You had right to know, Chakotay." she said it quietly. "I didn't want to
tell you under this circumstances but..." Kathryn chocked back on a sob.

Chakotay raised his other hand to her cheek, caressing her. His own body
shaking when he tilted his head forward so his forehead rested against
Kathryn's.

"A child, a baby, our baby." he whispered. "How long... how long..."

"How long have I known? May be a week. How far along am I? I don't know
but I would guess when we started be intimate, 5-6 weeks. My booster went
out when we were recovering."

Kathryn suddenly felt dizzy and moved from Chakotay and laid down with her
head on the pillow. Away from Chakotay, facing the wall opposite him.

"I thought you should know why I leave." Her voice unsteady. "I will
cherish everything we had together but we both knew it couldn't be
something forever."

Crossing her arms around her, almost like she was cold she shivered when
Chakotay weight made the bed dip and a hand came to rest around her and on
her belly.

Kathryn was pregnant, with his child. Their baby.

Reality hit home once again. If Kathryn had the baby when he married
Rakel, it would always stand out what they had but it would be she and
their baby that would pay for it. People calling her whore and more. Some
even trying to see who she would take to her bed next time.

In the worst case of Scenario, if he didn't marry Kathryn their baby may
not hold a future in this world. They could inject her with drugs so she
miscarried. The prospect made his heart froze over and die.

"Oh, God, what will we do?" Chakotay whispered.

"There are nothing you can do, love. I will leave and never return to this
land again or you. That way nothing will come out. I can say my man died
protecting me. Then I don't have to tell them the truth."

Chakotay's hand caressed her stomach. Sitting up a little more on his butt
he ran his other hand thew his raven hair. "Have you seen a doctor?"

Looking down, finding the sheets very interesting. "No."

"Kathryn." Chakotay almost said it louder then he meant to do. "If you
haven't seen a doctor how do you know you are pregnant and if so..."

Stressing the last word. "you should make sure there is nothing wrong with
the baby or you for that thing to."

He couldn't believe Kathryn of all could be so reckless in a thing like
this.

"Chakotay, my period haven't come for almost 4 weeks. I have always been
on the same date or one day late but always in the same area of the month
since I was 18. And I have woke up with what I think is morning sickness.

You have always slept to deep to hear me leave or you was back in your own
room. If I went to a doctor the baby's father would soon be found and
everyone that could read it could spread it. I wasn't ready for something
like that yet."

Tears once again found their way to Kathryn's eyes. When he saw them he
immediately soften.

This must be just as big shock to Kathryn of not greater. Their child
growing inside of her, nursing and so innocent.

The baby may never know how he at this moment his existence made his
parents happy and at the same time making a hard situation even more
difficult.

If he married Rakel he would lose Kathryn and their baby forever. He
wouldn't be able to live after that.

If he married Kathryn he had no ideas what if would bring to them.

All he was aware at that moment was the woman he had in his arms, in this
room where they had spend so many beautiful nights loving each other and
now the child underneath his hand was the result of those nights.

He embraced her and held her tight to him, trying to chase away the dark
reality now closing in on him. His head resting on her shoulder while his
arms was around her waist.

"I don't know what to do, Kathryn." he chocked on the words. "I am so
confused at the moment I don't know what to do...but I know I don't want
you to leave."

Kathryn stroked his head and back, trying to give some comfort to the
distress man in her arms.

"Hush, it's all right. You will come up with something."

"No I won't. I am so lost." He whispered when her touch calmed him. "Will
you let me stay Kathryn? Just to let me hold you in my arms when I sleep
like it should be tonight if nothing today happen." When he saw her mouth
open and close without something coming out he finished. "Please, my
love." Not aware of what he said and Kathryn's reaction to them.

"You can stay as long as you want, Chakotay." she whispered. "What you
ever decide remember I will always love you, no matter what."

Holding onto the other and laying down again neither never saw the one
watching them.

Bastard. Your whore will pay for stealing you from me, so will your baby.

And then Rakel left. A plan all ready forming in her head on how sweet the
revenge would be.

The two aliens walked down a street in the main city. No body really
noticed them cause they looked like every one else in their cloths. They
where just observe people. Judging from their way and then when they
thought they had found the one they walked with him/her into a valley and
looked telepathically in their mind. But they were always meeting with
disappointment.

Soon they had to leave but they still had two months, in three there
wouldn't be any planet to live on.

They where back in their room on a hotel or what every this terrains
called it.

"We have to hurry, in this rate it will take more months then this planet
have left to find the one we are looking for."

The female looked at the horizon though a window. "Something is happening;
they will be here in time."

"You always speak of him as them. Are it your fore sight that tells you we
will find them soon or do we have to move again."

"I don't know."

"You don't know or you won't tell me?"

"They will be here, I know it. In time they will. I don't know when due to
this atmosphere." But they will come here and we will wait for them, they
will need us to save them. That I know.

The next morning Chakotay woke from the feeling of someone shaking him.
When he opened his eyes he saw Kathryn's sleeping face resting next to his
on his arm, memories from the previous night came back to him and he
smiled a little when he noticed his other hand on her belly.

Then another shake made him look around and came to stop at his father.

Now Chakotay saw no way out of this, he was caught kissing Kathryn and now
in her bed. With their cloths on but very intimate.

Kolopek turned, indicating for him to follow.

Chakotay let go of Kathryn's sleeping form and when he was up Kathryn
snuggled to where he had laid, finding comfort in the smell and remaining
heat from him in the bed.

When he looked down he hoped if only for a second that the baby would be a
girl and look just like Kathryn.

Chakotay sighed then left to follow his father.

Kolopek looked out the window in his office when Chakotay walked in.
"Funny as it sounds, I almost have forgotten how this world used to be
when I looked out. So dead and lifeless. And this colour, they aren't
supposed to be here. For the last few weeks I saw beauty in this place,
not death."

Chakotay had no idea where this would lead but when he thought of it he
realizes it to.

"I did to, how funny." Now they stood side by side.

"I have thought long of it since yesterday. Chakotay, it was you who
changes on how to see on the world. You got me to see through your eyes.

It was your happiness that did that. This can be a beautiful place, if we
just concentrate on it."

"If I can be honest it was Kathryn who got me to see like that."

Kolopek nodded his head in understatement. "You really love Kathryn, don't
you Chakotay?"

Sighing he nodded his head. "With all of my heart. When did you find out?"

"Yesterday but I had my suspicions a few days before that."

Turning back in the room, Chakotay sat down in a chair. Kolopek just
turned so he could look at his son.

"What are bothering you, I can see that something are on your mind. And
it's just not Rakel."

Closing his eyes Chakotay leaned back in the chair. "Kathryn is also
pregnant."

Kolopek's eyes widened, slowly nodded his head. This is just getting
better and better.

"I don't need to ask if it's your?"

Looking up. "Of course it's mine. She's not a..."

"No, no I never implied something like that." Sitting down in a chair
opposite Chakotay. "How far along is she?"

"5 may be 6 weeks."

Opening a desk box taking out a photo. "I should had showed this to you a
few years ago. But the time never come."

Handing it to Chakotay. On it was a younger version of his father. With
another woman then his mother. Both looking very happy.

"Her name was Sophia. Beautiful as the night. Clever as a queen. She had
everything, compassion, passion, brain and a damn temper. much like
Kathryn, if I got it right."

"Who was she?"

"The only woman I ever loved."

"But what about mom?"

"Much like you I got into a position where I had to choose between love
and honor. I loved Sophia with all of my heart; I meet her during a visit
into the main city. It was love at first sight. But there was your mother,
I was attracted to her and in the end I was found in a compromised
position. I broke Sophia's heart and I never saw her again. Then your
mother found out she was pregnant. Much like Rakel. I learned to love her.
And we began a life together after we destroyed one."

Chakotay say totally stunned, he didn't mean to it but he stared. Not
believing his father could had been in the same trapp as he was in now.

"Did you ever found out what happen to Sophia?"

"No, I never did." Kolopek looked deep in thought. Then he locked eyes
with Chakotay. "I have always regretted what I did to her. I don't want
you to do the same. If you really love Kathryn then DON'T give her up. You
will never be able to forgive yourself. Not now when you know you are
going to be a father. I never trusted Rakel OR her family, they have a
neck for trying to get in the higher system in a rotten way. It wouldn't
surprise me if you really aren't the father to Rakel's baby."

Chakotay put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe what he heard.

That with Rakel was probably true. But that about his father. Was he
actually saying that he should chose Kathryn before Rakel. He would do
that for centuries chose Kathryn, both for love and trust and the hope she
felt the same for him.

Suddenly Chakotay found a new respect for his father. How hard it was to
leave the person he loved. Now making sure his son didn't do the fault he
himself did. Kolopek actually wanted Kathryn to stay if she made Chakotay
happy.

Chakotay and Kolopek stood up when they heard something from the floor
over them and that suddenly moved to the farther part in the room from
them. Chakotay rushed out of the room and toward to the stairs where he
stopped in horror.

Kathryn laid on the lower part on the stair. Not moving, only whimpering
in pain. Chakotay hurried to her and pulled her into his arms. Then he saw
the note beside him. He took it with out looking at it for Kathryn was
more important at the moment.

Chakotay heard his father order someone to get help. Chakotay lifted
Kathryn up and walked her to her room but when he saw her trashed room he
stared at what could had happen while he talked to his father. Then he
took her to his room, laid her gently down but the movement still made
Kathryn whimper and moan with the white sharp flashes of pain that shot
through her.

Chakotay didn't leave her side until a doctor came and Kolopek showed him
out of the room. Was it an accident, no that didn't explain the room.

Someone pushed her out over the stair, yes but why. Then did he notice the
note again. His world seemed to stop.

YOU WAS LUCKY THIS TIME, NEXT THOUGHT WON'T BE FOR I WILL KILL YOUR LITTLE
BITCH IN THE HEAT AND YOUR PRECIOUS BABY

COUNT ON IT...

End Part 3