Warning: Itasasu-ish, dark-ish content. Mentions of Shiita.

Also that thing that always happens in my fics, at some point.

Also. For the anon who wrote: "Where is Sakura? You know, the woman Sasuke loves, married, had a child with." My reply is go write your manga where such things happen, write your own fic if you're able to. It's pretty obvious that you don't understand that "fanfiction" is a fiction written by fans. This means that everyone writes whatever they want to. This means leave the hell out of here.


Asphyxiate on words I would say (AFI, This Time Imperfect)


It's raining when Sasuke confronts Itachi about it.

Their parents are visiting someone from the Nara clan.

The Uchiha clan is no longer discriminated and public relations are more important than ever. It's Mikoto's area of expertise: with her gentle demeanor she puts everyone at ease, despite her husband's stern attitude.

She is the one who told Sasuke about it.

He was back from a week long mission.

She assumed that his lack of reaction meant that he was really tired. He confirmed it when he excused himself to take a bath and go rest.

What's the proper reaction when the one you love becomes someone else's?

What's the proper reaction when despite his rejection you swear that there was a fleeting moment where he wanted you almost like you wanted him?

Sasuke comes out of his room only when they are alone.

He usually cherishes the rare moments he spends with Itachi, not having to justify to their father why he is wasting his brother's time or why he is not training to be more like him.

Despite his father's remarks the only times Itachi is home are his happiest moments, to fondly remember even days after.

He always trained hard, harder than anyone his age; according to his teachers and superiors his ability is remarkable, but Uchiha people expect nothing but perfection from the leader's son and the prodigy's brother, and he is far from it.

"Why?"

He barges into Itachi's room, tense and troubled.

"This is how things go, Sasuke."

This is how things will keep going if I don't change the system, providing peace at a larger scale, which would grant personal freedom at a smaller one.

But you don't need to know about this, little brother.

I'll deal with this so you won't have to.

The elder is polishing his weapons, composed as always.

He polished his resolve when he heard Sasuke pacing back and forth in his room.

"Yeah, I remember your speech. Don't be afraid of your feelings, cherish the time you have with who you love because you could die anytime...and so on."

He speaks fast, with hitched breath.

"You don't even love her."

"You don't love her".

Itachi deadpans.

You are right but I need you to believe this lie, his heart says wordlessly.

"You don't love her. I heard you telling Shisui once. Right before you two kissed."

Itachi doesn't remember if his ability to stay impassive in every kind of situation is acquired or he was born this way.

He remembers that moment. It was a long time ago.

The clan was rejoicing for the prevented massacre.

Izumi too, like many others, bowed before him and Shisui, as a sign of respect for the heroes who saved them all.

His cousin teased him about her once they were alone. He replied that he wasn't interested.

"Then prove it."

Shisui challenged. Itachi silenced him with a kiss.

They were young, with years of distress to release and they only trusted each other.

Weird how they didn't notice Sasuke's presence back then. Even weirder how the boy remembered such episode. Yet the weirdest thing was that he didn't bring that up earlier.

He was too young to understand, until his own feelings and needs opened his eyes.

"So", Sasuke comes closer, "You are ready to get a wife and do your duty because you already followed your feelings, lived your life and cherished the bond with your loved one?"

Itachi puts the kunai on the table and gets up.

"Sasuke, listen. I'm not getting married tomorrow or next month. And nothing is going to change between us."

His words are delivered in the most reassuring way, hoping that it will be enough to convince Sasuke. Knowing that it won't.

"Answer me."

Sasuke's tone is harsh.

He is close, so close, Itachi can smell his hair.

The sense of smell is so powerful that it can trigger forgotten memories.

Sasuke's hair have a different scent now, yet there is still a trace of the toddler he cradled in his arms so many times.

"Answer me."

His tone is no longer harsh this time.

It's a plea.

His eyes locked on him, his voice lower, his arms hanging at his sides, his body open, defenseless: he's begging Itachi.

He's begging his brother to tell him what he feels. He's begging his brother to taint him. With the purest soul he's begging him.

Giving him what he wants would be easy -it's what he wants too- but the price is too high.

Sasuke's future is more important than this present moment.

Sasuke's soul is more important than his selfish desire.

Because it's Itachi's selfish desire, not Sasuke's. Sasuke is confused. Sasuke is pure.

"Please" Sasuke whispers, tentatively pulling Itachi's neck towards him.

Their breaths are mingling in the little space that separates their mouths.

If that space were to close now he would never be able to let Sasuke go.

If their mouths were to touch now his very soul would become a part of Sasuke's and that can't happen. His soul is tainted; he killed and spied and manipulated.

He would sully Sasuke's, destroying him forever, for he knows that if they started now there would be no way to end it, later.

Without releasing his hold with one hand, the boy caresses Itachi's cheek with the other, his lips slightly parted, his eyes locked into the elder's.

Sasuke would do anything for him.

He loves him more than anyone, Itachi knows this all too well.

He also knows that his brother doesn't realize what it means to give himself completely to the wrong person.

Even if this person loves him more than words can express and if only they weren't born in that place and time he would accept him like a gift from the gods.

Sasuke's love is too pure, too strong, too impulsive, just like him.

Sasuke's love won't fade away. It can't.

Sasuke's love must turn to hate. It's the only way to set him free.

Itachi grabs his wrists and pushes them back to his sides.

"Yes, I did."

His voice is devoid of any emotion, unlike Sasuke's.

"So you're marrying Izumi because it's your duty?"

"Yes."

It would be pointless to claim he changed his mind about her. It would be too unlike him.

"But you love Shisui."

"Yes."

Shisui is his best friend, his mentor, the one who taught him how to kiss, the only one he could trust during dark times, when he was only focused on protecting the one his heart belonged to.

Has there ever been a time he was focused on someone else?

"More than me..."

"Yes."

Sasuke is smart but he has never been able to detect his lies.

He trusts him too much.

He admires him too much.

"Why?"

"You are my brother. I can't love you differently."

Not a lie but a purposely vague statement whose particular shade Sasuke's doesn't get.

I can't love you differently yet I do love you differently.

I shouldn't love you differently but I do and it destroys my soul and will destroy yours if I don't set you free.

"What about our kiss?"

Sasuke asks, his voice fainter with each blow his heart is taking.

Itachi's is firmer with each blow it's striking.

"You were confused. I was careless. It was a mistake."

"I was not confused," his determined look confirms his words, "I am not confused."

"...Besides," Itachi interrupts him like he never did before, "That wasn't even a real kiss..."

He can't be fair if he wants Sasuke to be free.

He can't be kind if he wants Sasuke to hate him, even if his heart is aching because he can tell how strongly he is hitting his brother with each word.

Yet it's for his sake that he must continue.

Sasuke can't be happy if he's in love with his own brother. Itachi knows it by experience.

"You bastard!"

Finally anger gets the best of Sasuke; his first aims for Itachi's face.

The elder blocks him effortlessly, pulling him over.

Strong shinobi never let emotions get in the way of a fight.

Emotions reveals their weaknesses, making them vulnerable.

Itachi knows that he's going to win because Sasuke ignores that he has always been his brother's weakness.

He ignores that even right now Itachi would want to pull him over and hug him tight, kissing him again and again, instead of holding him still with a stone cold face.

He grabs his brother's throat and pushes him against the wall.

The air forced out of his lungs, Sasuke coughs choking out a curse, trying to get free from the vicious grip.

He looks confused. He took blows from him, it's normal to be hit when training or sparring but this is different.

This is real. His older brother is standing in front of him, his ponytail resting on his shoulder from a previous movement, his eyes slightly narrowed.

He looks threatening and beautiful at the same time.

He truly is perfect, Sasuke thinks despite being at his mercy now. Or maybe because of that.

Itachi sees the same perfection as about him, as he takes in the pale face, the wide open eyes, the parted lips, the chest going up and down, the nails dinning into his wrists, the pulse under his fingers.

The next blow will be fatal for both.

Itachi loosens his hold, enough to keep the boy aware but not enough to make him feel safe.

He'll be safe once he'll hate him.

"It's our duty to love our flesh and blood, no matter how foolish and weak they are, don't you agree, Sasuke?"

So naive, his little brother; so ready to believe everything his big brother says.

Itachi fights his instinct to pull him close to his chest and protect him, but it's him, he must protect him from, now.

"Do you want to know why I prefer Shisui over you?"

The boy doesn't recognize that malicious tone.

"Because he is stronger than you..."

He whispers and Sasuke stops breathing, Itachi's words hurting more than his fingers curled around his throat.

"...Because in my eyes you are worthless."

Itachi knows Sasuke's weaknesses.

His brother wants to be acknowledged.

Their father never did, his standards set on Itachi's achievements.

Itachi did when he could, but he had other priorities, like stopping the massacre, like building a better future, so he ended up neglecting him too.

He knows that his brother overthinks his words, as they are the only positive reinforcement for him, who can't live up to their clan's standards.

He sees that behind the mask of detachment and arrogance Sasuke hides a low self-esteem. He is aware that his brother imagines that he and Shisui spend more time together because Shisui is stronger, not imagining that in Itachi's eyes Sasuke is not weak.

To him Sasuke is the pure perfect creature born after the war.

To him Sasuke has to be kept pure and safe.

Did his efforts to grant him a better future matter more than his self-esteem? Itachi asked himself many times, seeing how dejected his brother looked.

The answer was always the same.

"My worthless little brother..."

How ironic that Itachi is trying to distance himself from Sasuke but he got so close to his body without realizing. He knows that he's sending mixed signals that will confuse the poor boy even more. He hates his weakness for not being able to prevent his body from leaning on his brother's, even if only for an instant, before he gets a hold of himself.

Sasuke is hard.

The proximity -the hand on his throat- must have caused the unwanted reaction.

Sasuke hates his pathetic self, turned on despite his brother's hateful words.

Itachi hopes that he'll only hate the one who pronounced them, in due time. Not himself.

The elder looks down at him, disgusted.

He can't show weakness now. He can't ask for forgiveness.

He can't comfort the boy. He can only go on.

As he releases his hold he turns his back on him, going back to cleaning his weapons as if nothing happened.

If Sasuke could see Itachi he'd spot the wetness shimmering in his eyes.

If Sasuke could hear Itachi he'd notice his voice is broken, just like both their hearts.

Itachi can only guess that his brother is fighting hard not to fall on the floor as his legs give out.

When he hears him whispering "I hate you" before leaving the room, he knows that he successfully completed the mission.

He always does.


I guess it's safe to say that it is not a fic by Avenger Hawk if there is no throat grabbing at some point.

In my defense I should say that when Itachi does that in canon it's a meaningful moment in their relationship, that signs Sasuke very deeply. Also, whenever they stood against each other in canon, Itachi was always very physical with Sasuke, punching and grabbing his arms and throat, in a very intimate way, unlike his usual self. Sasuke on the other hand had an opposite approach, using weapons or a chidori charged hand. this made me think a lot about them. But I'm trailing off.

In this non-massacre AU, this is a sort of inn-scene. Here Itachi thinks he must be cruel to Sasuke so he will move on with his life. He wants Sasuke to hate him because he saw how much Sasuke loves him, and how that love will destroy him, since Itachi is bound to the clan and his goal in life is not only changing the world but also, especially, changing Sasuke's world, so that he will be free, unlike him.

I like Itachi's dark side very much. The lengths he'd go for Sasuke, even against Sasuke's will, even with methods what are extreme. Here in this AU there is no war or death danger, but still I tried to express the same feeling, in a different, softer context.

He is not a sadist, of course, but he is extremely controlling. And he sees pain as inevitable, so his dark side has a sadistic streak in my opinion. Even though he'd take all kind of pain and suffering on himself, lessening Sasuke's burden, if he could. which is more or less what he's doing here, living a life for the clan, so that Sasuke will be free. So his apparently sadistic gesture is not sadistic at all, in the big picture.

Needless to say I broke my own heart in the process.

Sasuke doesn't care about the consequences of his feelings. He loves Itachi and that's all. Their society, as I wrote it, is quite liberal. Not for incest, of course. But for him that is a lesser problem.

I see Sasuke as someone with a masochistic streak. Not in a BDSM sense though. In this AU he has been neglected because he is not as perfect as Itachi, and he's used to only have the crumbs of Itachi and his father's attention. so he's starved for anything that Itachi can give him.