Kurosaki-sensei

The consensus was unanimous: Ichigo's dad is annoying as hell.

Ichigo wasn't one to talk much, especially about his home life; but before Keigo ever met the elder Kurosaki, he was used to Ichigo's hostile comments about the man. Ichigo hinted at all manner of familial dysfunction but Keigo wrote off his complaints as part of the tortured antihero image Ichigo cultivated. Then Keigo met Kurosaki-sensei at the festival.

The bearded doctor was refreshing at first, embracing the holiday as Keigo wished his friends would. He had front row seats for the fireworks show? He wanted to check out cuties in kimonos? Sweet. Keigo was gonna hang with Kurosaki-sensei.

But the guy never. Shut. Up. Kurosaki-sensei caromed from stall to stall, bits of dango and candy floss stuck to his roguish stubble. He babbled with the self-absorption (and volume) of a four year-old.

At one point Kurosaki-sensei pulled from Kami-knows-where in his kimono a sizable poster of a smiling woman and, sobbing rivers of tears, wailed that his children didn't love him and never willingly spent time with him. He fantasized their cruelty would drive him into an early grave, but then they'd have a deathbed reconciliation where the bawling girls would snuggle into his bare (still chiseled) chest while Ichigo pledged to name the firstborn of his (many) sons Isshin and train them for combat using the revered Kurosaki technique...

The real Karin and Yuzu began to blubber in earnest. They were drunk because their nutjob father knowingly let the eleven year-olds chug down spiked punch at the festival. What the hell! Keigo was beginning to understand why Ichigo was so hung up on the guy. Who in their right mind would respect or spend any time with such a needy freak?

Kurosaki-sensei might be mentally impaired; could there be any other explanation for his episodic emotional exhibitionism? If Keigo ever lost it like that, he hoped someone would end him. Maybe that Afro-san samurai dude would run him through. Wait, the prop sword was probably dull... Oh well, Keigo didn't have to worry because he'd never become so ridiculous.