the second match is here! Enjoy :D
Me: And without further ado, let us now start the second match!
-cheering-
Me: Okay, and the second on the list are Hera and Takashi! Hm, how will these two battle? Let's find out!
-when Hera and Takashi are now in the arena-
Me: And they entered with no hesitation. Typical entrances… And Hera, as proud and boastful as she is, decided on a bragging contest! Well, it's a kind of 'top this one' contest, actually. She even ordered a coffee table and some tea for their match or something like that, she says. And as usual, Mori-senpai of the Ouran Academy just agreed. Oh, by the way, Mori-senpai…
-Takashi turns-
Me: Honey-senpai and his Usa-chan wished you good luck before he ran to the dessert table and started eating cake.
-Takashi just nods-
Me: Okay, let us now start the second match!
-a bell rings to mark the start of the match-
Hera (smirks): You know my dear young man, they don't call me the wife of Zeus for nothing. I'm powerful and I have four beautiful and powerful children from him. Do you know who they are?
Takashi: Ares, Hebe, Eileithyia, and Hephaestus.
Hera: Yes. My strong son, Ares. My ever so gentle daughter, Hebe. My protective daughter, Eileithyia. And my crafty and clever son, Hephaestus.
Hephaestus: Oh, cut the crap! You never loved me since I was born! You threw me over the battlements of heaven when I was born for Zeus' sake!
Hikaru: Eh? I thought Zeus was the one who threw you?
Hephaestus: Never believe altered mythology books, my boy.
Medusa: That's right! Don't ever believe that I dated Poseidon! He RAPED me in the temple of Athena! And I WAS THE ONE who got cursed! They don't know justice!
Other monsters: THAT'S RIGHT! THEY DON'T KNOW JUSTICE!
Poseidon and Athena: Hey!
Me: Hey, wait… WHY IN HELL ARE THERE MONSTERS WITHIN THE AUDIENCE?
Hitachiin Twins: Duh. Obviously, they want to see the Olympians get their immortal butts kicked.
Me: Right… Oh, and Medusa, we're living in the twenty-first century. And when we receive no justice in the twenty-first century, we call a lawyer.
Medusa: Do you want me to turn you into stone? Or is your brain already a rock? THEY'RE IMMORTAL!
Me: Well, yah. And so are you. You disintegrate when someone cuts off that pretty head of yours and reform after a while. You can sue them.
Medusa: And where will I find an immortal lawyer, hm?
Me: We have our goddess of justice, Nemesis.
Nemesis: I ain't a lawyer.
Me: Yah, whatever. Now, we'll resume to the match! Hera and Takashi are still staring at each other. Hera's first shot was bragging about her children. What will Takashi respond with?
Hera: He doesn't have any children. I win.
Takashi: You only had four from Zeus while he had many from other women. From what I have learnt, the percentage of all his children from various women are ninety-six percent while yours are a mere four percent.
Me: He's got a point.
-crowd nods-
Hera (furious): But those are demigods! They DIE. My children with him are immortal!
Hermes, Apollo, Artemis, Persephone, Aphrodite, Dionysius, Athena, the Horae, and the other immortal children of Zeus: EHEM.
Takashi: Well, what do you say to them? They're immortal.
Hera: Fine. Okay, so what if my husband doesn't keep his hands to himself-
Me (mutters): More like penis…
Zeus: Watch it, human.
Me (sings): Anti-god location~~~.
Someone from the monsters and audience: Nice one.
Me: Thanks. Okay, enough extras and let's continue the match.
-after a few bragging sessions-
Me: Okay, people. I think Hera's on her end of the line. She has no more things to brag about. She used the apples of Hesperides, but Takashi countered it by saying that Paris didn't give an apple to her because she is not 'the fairest', she also bragged about driving Hercules mad, but Takashi also had a comeback to that, and she bragged about many more things but he countered all of them. What is she gonna do?
Hera: Wait! Why am I the only one bragging? Isn't he supposed to brag, too?
Me: Technically, you're the boastful one and he's the humble one. All he does is counter what you've thrown to him. And by my rules, he can do just that because that is a form of annoying you. And when you are at your end of the rope like now, and you succumb to his method of beating you, you lose. It's completely fair and square.
Hera (to Takashi): Will you brag? It seems like I'm the only one who's proud of the things that I have!
Takashi: You don't have anything to brag about, anymore?
Me: Mori-senpai's awfully talkative today, folks. Maybe he's sleepy?
-Takashi nods-
Me: I thought so. But you won't sleep until your match is finished. Now, continue.
Hera: Just like I said, don't you have anything to brag about? I've bragged from the things about my children to the fact that my husband, Zeus, makes love to up to thirty women within ten years, and you just sat there, sipping your tea and countered the things I've told you about. Aren't you surprised that my husband falls in love with approximately thirty women within ten years? Or are you really stone-faced?
Takashi: You want me to be surprised by that fact? From the lessons and books that I've learnt in mythology books and Greek classes, I'm not surprised by that. How about this, for astonishment?
You see my cousin at the dessert table?
-Honey-senpai waves with his Usa-chan-
-Hera nods-
Takashi: You see him eating every bite-sized cupcake in all those trays?
-Hera nods again-
Takashi: You're worried about his weight and teeth, aren't you?
Hera: Who wouldn't be? I'm a mother and if your cousin was my son, I'd call dentists and nutritionists everywhere.
Takashi: Well, don't be. That guy can eat up to thirty whole cakes in a day.
-Hera and the other Olympians, the monsters, and the other Greek people gasps-
Hera: SERIOUSLY?
Takashi: And at weekends, he eats up to forty.
Hera and some Olympians: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Takashi: It's not. He ate the whole four feet cake at our aunt's wedding.
Me and you: COOL!
Hera: That's absurd!
Me: Better believe it, Hera. I've seen that guy go from cute loli-shota boy to cake-craving monster in three days of prohibition of sweets. If you don't believe it, ban the world from producing cakes and sweets, and you'll see.
Hera (groans): I give up. I like my opponent better if he doesn't brag, thank you.
-Olympians groan and the monsters cheer-
Me: Well, there you have it, people. Hera gave up. She ran out of things to brag about. I guess the second match goes to the hosts of Ouran Academy! They're even, now! One point for each group! And the-
Stupid screen: SECOND MATCH ENDED. BREAK.
Me: Who the fuck is controlling that stupid screen? Can you tell him that he ought to let me finish talking, first?
A person from the staff: Yes, ma'am.
Me (sighs): I guess that's it, people. Break time… go get a new batch of popcorn quickly if you want to witness the third match. This face-off will be something awesome, I guarantee. Not like the first two that we had…. What are you staring at? Go take a break, now!
it's awful, isn't it? yah, I kinda got lazy in writing these days... sorry... the third match will be... I dunno... but I hope you'll tune in for it! :D
