Jeff's only option for the moment was to pay close attention to Carol and see just what her insidious plan really was. However, instead of needling Annie and working her manipulations on her, she seemed to be working on the rest of the study group as their outing through campus continued.
Abed had worked through his three allowed movie/TV references pretty quickly; so when Carol went on a spiel against a number of Abed's favorite shows and films, it almost made Abed's robot face visibly twist from not being able to defend them.
When Chang inevitably barged in to do his crazy guard act, it was enough to make Jeff and Annie nervous then and there. But Carol actually took Chang's security harassment well; or at least did an incredible job pretending to; stating that authority figures had every right to do this. The angry tics in Britta's eyes were probably exactly what Carol was going for.
Since Carol already knew about Troy and read a lot of Annie's diary entries about him while she was in rehab, it gave her the pretext to ask him a lot of questions. She didn't get any answers since Troy was under a gag order, but it seemed like she didn't really mind.
Even if Carol actually saw Annie and Britta restrain Shirley behind her back after she talked about the superiority of Hanukkah, she probably wouldn't have minded that too. Jeff didn't want to think about how she would goad Pierce into acting like his usual deranged self; something about race or breasts would probably be involved.
It was pretty clear by now that she knew Annie wanted to keep her friends from acting up, and was trying to get them to do it anyway. Since she did do her research on all of them, she knew very well how to get their ire up and set them up for wacky breakdowns. Although this would likely put her in much deserved agony, it was a price she seemed willing to pay to make Annie disappointed in them; and to set the stage for Carol to browbeat Annie's life without it looking like her fault.
Jeff still stayed quiet through it all, while Carol didn't even try to talk to him or needle him. But she didn't have to target him specifically; she knew this entire act as a whole was making him crack up. And of course, they both knew the consequences if he actually cracked and spilled the beans about it all. Yet with every jab at his friends and every time Annie wrung her hands in fear, it got much harder to keep quiet; and got much more aggravating when he remembered why silence was golden.
But at this rate, he had to tell someone what was going on or he would crack up. Then Carol would play the tape in front of Annie and the group, and then the others would probably want him gone too. After he helped drive Annie from Greendale for good and cost the group their only study expert, what else could they do? There certainly wasn't anything Jeff could think of to avoid that worst case scenario, at least not by himself.
There was really only one person who could help him; and do it without freaking out and bashing him over what he had done first. Luckily, this friend really needed to get away from Carol at the moment too.
"Abed, you look like you need a snack. Would you care to help me pay for mine while you're at it?" Jeff asked once the group got back to the lounge area.
"Cool. Very cool cool cool," Abed stated, as the added "very" indicated how much he wanted to leave, even if his face was as blank as ever. Jeff thanked whatever agnostic Gods were out there for that one small favor, as he led Abed away from the group and towards the vending machines where Carol couldn't spot them. She probably already knew Jeff was trying to work out a plan against her, and was probably planning out when to play the tape in response. So Jeff had to act fast if this slim hope of stopping her could work.
"Abed, you want to talk about movies and TV again, right? But you can't as long as you have to restrain yourself around her, and she's making it very hard for you. I know for a fact she's doing it on purpose." Jeff started when they were out of Carol's range.
"I knew she reminded me of Hannibal Lecter without the cannibalism. Or the Joker without so much makeup, or Emperor Palpatine with slightly less makeup, or Hans Gruber without the accent, or-" Jeff stopped Abed there before he relapsed too much for him to help out.
"Anyway, she's also got me in a….huge problem right now. I can't figure out how to stop it, but you have to know some kind of movie or show with the same plotline! Tell me how those fictional characters got out of it and I can make it work in real life before it's too late!" Jeff demanded.
"Well, I'd need to know the plotline, of course. Let me take a stab at what genre it could be first. Considering that this sounds like a Jeff/Annie-centric episode, it has to be one of the romantic genres. But you go back and forth between romantic comedy and romantic tortured melodrama all the time, and you haven't done melodrama in a while. Adding her mother is dramatic enough to set up an extended spring sweeps arc before the third year finale, so….."
"I slept with Annie's mother, is that dramatic enough for an arc?" Jeff finally whispered in frustration. This shut Abed up, but it got more unsettling when he didn't mention any more TV clichés or say anything else for several seconds. Since Jeff actually seemed to shock the all-knowing Abed, he figured there was no sense in holding back the rest now.
"Okay, so the thing is I didn't know it was her when I slept with her this weekend. But she stuck around and found pictures of Annie, tricked me into telling her everything about her…..and now she's trying to force Annie out of Greendale because of it. By the time we get back, she'll probably make Pierce go on a racist rant or grab her boobs. Then the others will act normal again too, Annie will freak out, and Carol will start turning her against them and Greendale. Or she'll just play an audio tape of me confessing to banging her mom, and just make her turn against me. Either way, Annie will be gone forever unless you have some TV cliché that can help me stop her mom!"
Abed still stayed quiet, but it did look like he was scanning his robot brain for the right plotline to reference. Jeff waited on baited breath to see which movie or TV character he should be like; only to then hear Abed say "I got nothing."
"Come again? And do you mind coming again with a real answer?" Jeff forced out. "You're….Abed! You have to know what movies and shows did this before and how they got out of it!"
"The real answer is I got nothing. This is a very unique, genre defying mess you've gotten into. Maybe Ms. Edison made me rusty, or maybe you really found an original plotline for the first time. Sleeping with the mother of a forbidden love that isn't really that forbidden….having to stop her from ruining her daughter's life without exposing their affair…..I can't think of an American show that says how to deal with that. I'm even drawing a blank through all 46 years of Inspector Spacetime."
"E tu, Abed, TV and Inspector Spacetime?" Jeff groaned out in lue of banging his head against the vending machine. "Then that's it….the only one that can bail me out is me. Which means we might as well say goodbye to Annie right now."
"Granted, without remembering a show or movie that's done this sort of thing, I can't help you. But in regular plotlines with romantic misunderstandings and family turmoil, things spiral out of control because no one tells the truth until the third act. Perhaps since you've already been original so far, you could keep it up by defying this genre rule too. Tell Annie the truth before her mother does in the third act, and it might foil her plans early. At least it'd give you more of a fighting chance than if she told her first."
"Abed, why did you have to pick today to finally be wrong about something? At least tell me that much. Even regular you would realize no matter who tells Annie, she'll never speak to me or go near Greendale again," Jeff reminded him.
"Is your goal in this episode to keep her from never speaking to you again, or to keep her from never going near Greendale again? The two aren't one in the same, you know. Even if she finds you gross and never looks at you the same, that doesn't mean she would leave everyone. She's at the point of her arc where she doesn't need just you to define her character, or her time in Greendale. I thought you were at the point of your arc where you stopped underestimating her like that. But I guess you're still a full season away from that milestone. It does make sense to save that before the finale, however, so I can't hold it against you."
Jeff was a bit relieved that Abed was back to his old form, but it wasn't helping him the way he wanted yet. "I don't underestimate her like I used to, you know that. But it's….a different thing with her mother. If anyone can make her…..regress her character development, she can, and she's already blocked me at every turn!"
"Right, that Hannibal level of evil can mess up character development rules. Well, if she does succeed, Annie might just leave for the rest of this year, only to come back and reset everything at the start of year four. Since your character hasn't been redeemed enough to wait that long yet, I suppose that's not an option. That brings us back to you telling the truth first. Then she might only leave the group for a few episodes, come back and act distant around you, and then set up a dramatic reconciliation in the year three finale. I can't say if it would lead to you starting a relationship for year four, or just end with another making out cliffhanger….it could go either way with you two. If it's the cliffhanger option, you'd probably have to have sex to top yourselves. But if you don't start a relationship even then, there might be backlash that you can't afford going into the final year. Shippers are impatient like that."
Jeff really started to not listen when Abed brought up telling Annie the truth again. Then by the time he got to relationships and sex, it took everything not to cover his ears and yell "La la la!" Shouldn't the ultra-observant Abed know that this was not the time and place to put those thoughts in Jeff's head? He really was incredibly off his game today. "Are you sure there isn't one pop culture cliché to keep Annie here without the truth coming out from anyone?" Jeff asked to give Abed one last chance at redemption.
"I don't know. I could double check Inspector Spacetime seasons 4, 8, 15, 16 and 23 again, but I don't think I'd have enough time right now." With Abed's admission, Jeff slid back into the increasingly familiar feeling of defeat.
"I shouldn't be shocked. If you've taught me anything, it's that real life is messier than TV. In TV, this sort of thing would be resolved easy and everything would stay the same. Especially since this isn't happening in February or May sweeps," Jeff said mockingly. "And in TV, when this sort of thing comes out, writers could make Annie speak to me again after this, no matter how little sense it made. But real life is messier and more logical….so that won't happen. So much for our 'unrequited love' paying off in the 'series finale,' huh?"
"Hmm, I recognize that cliché. The one where you got exactly what you wanted and didn't like it….there's hope for your predictability yet," Abed exclaimed.
"Abed….there are many ways for me to take that. Please talk me down before I indulge in the angriest ways," Jeff insisted.
"I didn't mean you wanted to sleep with Annie's mom and get in this plotline. I meant that you have claimed you wanted Annie to fall out of love with you for a while. This twist would certainly do it and give you exactly what you wanted. But it sounds like you don't want it to happen here….so like so many TV antiheroes, getting what you want won't work out for you after all. Especially after you realize, or finally admit, you never really wanted it. Or does that come later in the third act? Truthfully, I expected you to go through this arc next year, so I didn't give it much thought until now."
"I'm pretty glad you didn't. No matter what I….wanted regarding Annie's feelings, I didn't want this. I wanted us to stay friends once she came to her senses about me. That won't happen now," Jeff reminded Abed.
"Assuming she leaves Greendale when the truth comes out. If she stays, time will heal her hurt and you'll probably become friends again, although any romantic attachment would finally be too creepy for her. If she leaves, she'll have the better life away from here that you also wanted for her. If you're not happy about either of these outcomes now, it brings us back to the 'you don't want what you said you always wanted' cliché. Which means you don't want her away from here or from you, and that you don't want her to turn off her feelings either."
"Abed, I've never been in the right state of mind to work all that out, and I'm sure as hell not in my right mind now. I just want to stop Annie from leaving because her mom will turn her into….well, her if she goes back with her! That's it!" Jeff pressed on.
"Then it seems the only plot twist with that potential outcome is to tell the truth yourself. It'll stop her mother from doing it, give Annie a better chance to stay in Greendale, stay her old self, and never think romantic thoughts about you again. If you just want her to stay, it sounds like finally making her kill her crush on you would be worth it. Unless that's not just what you want. But again, I thought your character wouldn't have a dilemma like this until next year. So don't feel too bad if you get it wrong."
It was pretty much too late for that, but since they were going around in circles, Jeff didn't have the strength to argue anymore. So he just actually got a few snacks from the vending machine, in order to make themselves less suspicious to the group when they did return.
On the way back, Jeff tried one last time to make sense of it all while the Edisons weren't around. If Carol told Annie about what happened, she would certainly frame it in the right way to make Annie leave forever in disgust. If Jeff told her, she was still 99 percent likely to do the same….but if he got to tell her, there could still be that 1 percent chance to spin it the right way. Or at least spin it better than Carol would, and give Annie at least a fighting chance to keep herself in Greendale….even if it didn't keep her close to him. Or as close as he had strategically allowed her to be without getting any closer.
As much as Jeff refused the possibly of him and Annie, he had never quite gone the extra mile to shut that door forever. This would probably do it….but would he really be willing to? If it meant even a slightly better chance to keep her mother from taking her away and sucking out the Annie he….cared about, wasn't it worth likely shutting that door for good? And if not…..
Before Jeff could figure out how to back away from that line of thinking….if he actually could this time…..he heard a bit of shrieking from around the corner. It sounded like Pierce had indeed gotten offensive right on cue, as per Carol's plan. Now she was pretending to be offended, and that would start a certain chain reaction that blew the group's whole façade up according to plan. Most likely by the time Jeff and Abed turned the corner and saw the group, Britta and Shirley would let their righteous fury out, Troy would let out a bunch of loopy one-liners, and Annie would be set to pull her hair out in fear.
"Well, time for the full group to have its last freak out together. At least they're going to send Annie out with their loudest chaos yet. All it's missing is….." And with that, Jeff finally had the backbone of his final, desperate plan to avoid the consequences of his actions. It would subject Carol to an even more God-awful fate than arguing with the study group, but it's not like she didn't have it coming. It might fuel Carol's rage to cut down Annie's lifestyle, and Annie would certainly be even more upset in the short term. But in the long term, this was the last, best shot to stop this without….making certain sacrifices.
"Abed, you go help the group distract Carol and quote as many movies as you want. I'll be right back," Jeff promised as he rushed off.
"Yep, a year too early for him. But at least that should mean we'll get another year after all. Cool cool cool," Abed said before heading off, hoping he could finally set Ms. Edison straight on the Kickpuncher series before Jeff exacted his predictable vengeance.
