- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 17:12 -

EB: jade.

EB: jade, help me.

EB: jade, talk to me, I am having a crisis of epic proportions.

GG: oh noooo whats wrong?

EB: i met my new roommate today.

GG: is he really bad?

GG: is he a total freak like you :P

EB: it's dave.

GG: ...dave?

GG: your old best friend who we both fell out of contact with dave?!

EB: yep.

EB: i have no idea what to say to him.

EB: it's so awkward.

GG: you guys used to talk all the time!

GG: ask him what he's been doing since you broke up :D

EB: what.

EB: what.

EB: jade, we didn't break up.

EB: society dictates that you have to be dating someone before you can break up.

GG: just get off the computer and talk to him!

GG: if youre living together you cant be totally awkward around him!

EB: i guess you're right…

GG: of course im right!

GG: now go talk to him! 3

- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:16 -


- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:13 -

TT: I see that you are loitering online, rather than going to frat parties and sleeping with drunk freshmen.

TT: You, Dave, are a disappointment to college students everywhere.

TG: fuck rose

TG: i only got here today

TT: Oh, I'm sorry. I suppose I overestimated the long-touted Strider Charm. How's your new roommate?

TG: ...

TG: i dont wanna talk about it

TT: Judging by your reactions, I am going to assume that it's not going as well as you hoped it would.

TT: Tell me, does this stem from an inability to cohabitate with anyone who doesn't like to wear sunglasses inside?

TT: Or is your roommate simply not ironic enough for your tastes?

TG: you haven't even started your psychology degree

TG: dont you fuckin analyse me

TT: No need to bite my head off, Dave. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?

TT: I promise to keep all analysis to myself.

TG: its john

TT: And what, precisely, would be John?

TG: my roommate

TT: As I am so well-versed in Strider-speak, am I to infer that your roommate's name is John?

TG: you dont get it

TG: my roommate is john

TG: THE john

TG: as in john dave jade and rose

TT: Are you completely positive? John is an incredibly common name among Western societies.

TG: he knew my shades were the ones he gave me

TG: and his last name is egbert

TG: how much more sure do you need me to be here rose

TG: would you like a copy of his birth certificate

TG: would you like a dna sample

TG: would you like me to cut off his head and mail it to you

TG: because ill do it

TG: you know i will

TG: anything for you babe

TT: I would have thought you'd be utterly pleased by this entirely improbable turn of events, Dave. What seems to be the issue here?

TG: its awkward as fuck

TG: were not bros anymore

TG: we have nothing to say to each other

TG: and hes gotten really hot

TG: wait

TG: ignore that

TT: Oh, no you don't. So the problem is that you can't immediately slip back into the friendship you used to have?

TT: And you're feeling a level of sexual attraction to him?

TG: NO

TG: well no to the second one

TG: you might actually be right for once about the first one

TG: as much as i hate to say it

TT: You keep telling yourself that, Strider. Whatever will help you sleep better at night.

TT: Maybe you should just pretend that he's a stranger. After all, you are only now meeting in person for the first time.

TT: Go through the motions of all the awkward small talk, and hopefully you can move past that and back into friendship.

TG: or I could move into another dorm

TT: Dave, consider your options: you can either live with your childhood best friend, or you can end up living with a Neanderthal who doesn't understand the concept of hygiene.

TG: whatever bitch

TG: i dont need this shit from you

TG: you dont have any friends

TG: what would you know

TT: And now you're acting like an overgrown toddler. Dave, just talk to him. Give it time. This sort of thing cannot be forced.

TT: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have people to talk to who don't act like children.

TG: bullshit

TT: Oh, shut up, Dave.

TT: Go and have a touching reunion with your boyfriend.

TG: HEY!

- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:24 -


Dave: Grumble irritably under your breath.

Actually, you think you might just do that.

"Stupid interfering little hussy," you grumble irritably. "Thinks she knows everything about you."

Your angry muttering has caught John's attention, the other guy looking over from his laptop.

"Uh…you okay there, Dave?"

You consider avoiding the question, but if there is anyone who will understand why you're annoyed, it will be him. If you remember correctly, he used to be Rose's second favourite unwilling therapy patient.

"Shit's chill, man. Just Rose pulling her usual psychotherapy bullshit."

"Oh, she hasn't changed then! Not that I thought she ever would." He gives you that derpy grin again, and you feel the tension in the room melt slightly.

"Yeah, sadly miracles don't exist. Kinda hoped she'd grow out of it, but it's only gonna get worse. She's studying psychology in New York now."

"Really? That's pretty cool!"

You shake your head, a tiny little smirk threatening to break your cool expression. "Nah, it really isn't."

There's another uncomfortable pause, but this time you actually decide to take Rose's stupid advice and keep the conversation going.

"You still talking to Jade?"

"Yeah, she hasn't changed either. She's taken off to gallivant around deserted islands, researching something or other. Really, I think she just wants to be on permanent vacation."

"Guess it's just us who changed, then."

The moment you say it, you know it's the wrong thing. John's face drops, his bottom lip drooping out in a manner you definitely don't consider adorable.

Just when you're wondering if you should try and fix the situation, though, he suddenly perks up again.

"Are you sure I've changed?"

He sits his laptop aside, rolling onto the floor towards his bags. Quickly rifling through one, he makes a triumphant noise and tosses something onto your bed. Picking it up, you take one look and groan loudly.

"Con Air? Seriously, bro? You brought this shitty thing into my sacred dorm room?"

John fixes you with a look of mock disapproval. "Con Air is one of the greatest films ever made. You can't deny its status as a true classic."

"No fuckin' way, dude. That piece of crap can't even be enjoyed ironically. There is no level of irony where Con Air is an acceptable film to watch, let alone like. There's a reason it's only found in bargain bins."

"C'mon, just watch it again, I promise you'll like it this time around."

"Don't make me drop some sick burn rhymes on you. I will seriously bring the pain so hard that Nic Cage will feel it."

John opens his mouth to say something else, but all that comes out is hysterical laughter. You're wondering if he's hyperventilating or something, but decide to wait it out. He needs to learn not to try and make you watch the shitty movies he adores.

Finally, the laughter ends. John wipes a hand under his eyes, smearing away tears. "Dave, neither of us have changed. You still try to win every argument with rap battles, and I will be putting up Nic Cage and Matthew McConaughey posters. You don't get a say in that one."

You scowl: there's no way you're having those creepy pricks staring at you all the time. "Then enjoy your posters while you can, because they're gonna end up with dicks drawn all over them."

His grin morphs into something a little challenging. "Oh, yeah? You try your best, bro."

For once, you tip your shades down slightly, allowing him to actually see your eyes. "Your gay little mancrushes won't last a night."

"Dude," John laughs, "how many times do I have to say it? Not. Homosexual."

Tipping your glasses back up, you bite your bottom lip in exaggerated seduction.

"This is college, Johnny boy. No one makes it out without getting a little bit gay."

"Even you?" It's clearly a joke, but you aren't gonna let that one slide without messing with him a bit.

"It's too late for me in that department, broseph."

John laughs, but it's a little awkward, as if he can't tell whether or not that was a joke. You figure you'll let him stew for a while before you tell him that it really wasn't.