MUAHAHAHA! Wow, it's been FOREVER since I tormented the Twilight world! :3 In this issue of My Adventures... I do something random. :D Oh, and just so you know, in the past chapters, characters (namely the ones who got thrown up on) have quotes where they only say "!". This is because they were yelling something repeatedly (example: EW x a lot) and it probably took up too much space. Not to mention that they had numerous exclamation points as well. My bad. Anyway, with out further ado, CHAPTER 3!
By the way, I only own kb, 'cause that's me. Everything else belongs to their rightful owners.

"As I was fleeing the Cullen residence, I happened to (literally) run into Jacob Black.
"HI JACOB!" I screamed in his face. "Why are you creepin' around the forest? People could think you have bad intentions, doing stuff like that you know. They might think you're gonna do something NAUGHTY." :3 "Who the hell are you?" he asked, confused as anything.
"Call me kb!"
"Okay...? What do you want with me?"
"Well, I would like you to get out of my way, so I can keep running away from the Cullen house."
"Why are you running from them?"
"I'm not really running from them, I- OH MY GODS I FORGOT!" Jacob made the O.o face at me.
"What did you forget?"
"I WENT THERE TO MEET THE FAMILY! And in my elaborate plan to vomit on Eddy's stuff I completely forgot!"
"Uh... Okay then... I'm going to leave now..."
"WAIT! Don't go back to the wolf pack yet!"
"WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT- I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Poor Jacob. Poor simple, naïve, plump Jacob. I know everything!"
"...Did you just call me 'plump'?"
"Yes. Yes I did. Now, can you do me a favor?" :3
"YOU JUST INSINUATED THAT YOU THINK I'M FAT!"
"Oh, it's just a saying. Now quit being such a drama llama and go get your wolf pack. Bring them back here."
"NO!"
"Poor Jacob. Poor simple, naïve, plum-"
"FINE! JUST- BE HERE WHEN WE GET HERE!"
"Yeah, like I have somewhere better to be." I said in a deadpan voice.
"GRRRRRR!"
So Jacob ran off, leaving me in the middle of the woods. In a matter of roughly two days, I had managed to piss off at least four people. GO ME! As I did a little dance in celebration, Eddy, along with Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle came up behind me.
"HI SEXY MEN!" I yelled in their faces. "Oh and Eddy too." :3
"KB!" Edward yelled back in my face. "ARE YOU INSANE?"
"Yes. Yes I am. It's a known fact. So, how may I help you gentlemen today?" :3
"YOU MAY START BY TELLING ME WHY YOU KEEP THROWING UP ON ME!"
"Poor Eddy. Poor simple, naïve, plump Eddy. I shall tell you the same thing I told Fig- I mean Mike: 'I torment because I hate.' That's why."
"BUT IF YOU HATE ME WHY DO YOU KEEP STALKING ME?"
"I realize we're outside Eddy, but do you have to use your outside voice ALL THE TIME?"
"YES! BECAUSE I'M ANGRY!"
"Oh man. I hope he doesn't turn into The Incredible Hulk up in here." This comment got a few chuckles out of the others. Eddy only seemed to get angrier. Fortunately for me, Jacob and the wolf pack arrived before Eddy could murderize me.
"Well, we're here. Now what do you want from us?" Jacob asked, still rather agitated with me.
"I've got two words for ya: DANCE BATTLE! Oh, and if you're not down with that, I've got another two words for ya-"
"Dance battle?" Emmett asked as his eyes lit up.
"Dance battle...?" Jasper said warily.
"Dance battle... hmm..." Carlisle said thoughtfully.
"DANCE BATTLE!" the wolf pack screamed collectively.
"CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!" I interjected randomly. Everyone slowly turned and looked at me like I was crazy (which I had already admitted).
"Okay... So are we going to get this thing started or what?" Emmett asked eagerly.
"YES!" I screamed back. "Just let me get the music!" So I pulled a big sound system and big dance floor out of hammerspace, and turned the stereo on.
"LET'S GET THIS THING STARTED!" I shouted excitedly. Everyone was still looking at me weird. The wolf pack then got into a huddle, and there was much whispering and murmuring amongst them. Emmett tried to get a huddle together, but Eddy refused to participate.
"This is completely idiotic! It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of! I'm not doing it!"
"Eddy, now you're desperately asking for your secret to be exposed. I'm just trying to have a little fun around here and you're all 'Oh look at me, I'm Edward and I don't like to have fun because I've got the biggest stick in the universe up my butt, and I'm also frustrated because I can't get-'"
"DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?"
"I might, if you quit complaining and just have fun!"
"Seriously Edward, you need to chill out, man. You can't be wound up all the time," Emmett calmly said to him.
"Yeah, what this sexy man said," I said, gesturing at Emmett, who smirked at the sexy man comment.
"I DO have fun! But this isn't fun! This is just making ourselves look like idiots and smell like dogs, just like them," he argued, pointing at the pack.
"You know what? I'm tired of you and your bad attitude Eddy. I SMITE YOU!" Before he could speak, he was covered in my lunch. He didn't react, he just looked down, looked back at me, and calmly said, "I hate you. I really do."
"Why thank you Twinkle Fairy~ Now, who's going first?" :3
"We'll take it from here kb," Jacob said as the pack 'turned their swag on' and strutted to the dance floor. The Cullens cleared the floor, and I magically appeared at the DJ station.
"Let's do this," Jacob said very dramatically.

*we interrupt this broadcast for a special message because the author(ess) can't really write dance scenes*

HI! So, since I can't really write dance scenes, let me summarize how it went...
The pack scattered out on the dance floor, and started doing flips and stuff. Jacob went to the middle of the dance floor and started breakdancing. Then Jacob did some acrobatics, and the rest of the wolf pack got into mini-dance fights, and then they all did more flips and ended in a kung fu pose thing. Jacob (who had found a baseball cap somewhere and was now wearing it sideways) got up in Eddy's face. "You just got SERVED." Needless to say this made Eddy even angrier at them, so he finally joined the huddle. Then the Cullens took the floor. All hell pretty much broke loose, with each of them doing their own thing. The wolf pack promptly started booing them. Emmett stood there gawking at them and finally came up to the DJ table. He whispered in my ear.
"Listen. In case it wasn't obvious, they CANNOT dance as a unit. But there is one song I know that they can actually dance to." He told me the song.
"This is going to be interesting. Now get down there and dance you sexy man!" I shouted as he left. He stopped and looked back at me. He laughed a little and smiled while shaking his head. When he reached the dance floor, I started the song: Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. Once the song started they all stopped what they were doing (thank the gods for that; Eddy looks TERRIBLE doing the robot. or anything for that matter) and started doing the dance from the music video. I wasn't sure if I should have been happy or terrified that they were all wearing tight leather pants for no reason. After the song was finished, the pack simply
stared with their mouths open. It was Emmett who went up to the pack and said, "No sirs, I believe it is YOU who have been served."

*and now we return to your regularly scheduled broadcast*

"Well that was fun." :3 "No. No it wasn't. Why did you have us wear leather pants?"
"Because I can do whatever I want Eddy! You said I could." :3 "I hate you so much."
"No you don't, you secretly love me for helping you have so much fun~ Besides, the fanpeople probably had a field day imagining you four in leather pants. I know I did. Except for you anyway." :3
"If I wouldn't get arrested for murder, you'd be dead right now."
"No you wouldn't. 'Cause if you did, you'd cease to exist at this point!"
"You suck."
"No, no I don't. You're just a grumpy Twinkle Fairy, Eddy."
"GRRRRR!"
"So are you going to tell us who won or what!"
"Well I have to think about it for a minute Jacob! Yeesh, keep your shirt on Captain Impatience."
"NO! I'll take my shirt off if I want to!"
"Oh whatever... Anyway, I've decided! Drum roll please!" *drum roll* "Hey, It worked this time! Anyway... The winner is..."
"Don't you mean 'winners are'?"
"NO JACOB NOW SHUT UP! Anyway... The winner is... ME!"
"WHAT?"
"Well of course it's me! I got to see a shirtless wolf pack breakdance, and see sexy men- and Eddy- dance in LEATHER PANTS!"
"Hey kb?"
"Yes Eddy?"
"Go jump off a cliff."
"Aww, I hate you too Eddy~ By the way..."
"You're going to throw up on me now, aren't you?"
"No! I've done that enough times already! I'm going to do this!" and promptly ripped his pants off, exposing his Hello Kitty underwear. Everyone laughed.
"KB!"
"Heehee~"

WHEW! Well that probably sucked.
Edward: Yes. Majorly.
No one asked you Twinkle Fairy! What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be washing your Hello Kitty underwear?"
Edward: I hate you.
"Reviews please?" :3
Edward: Don't feed her ego.

"SILENCE! I SMITE YOU!" He promptly got struck by a bolt of lightning.

But seriously, reviews please? I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :3

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