DUSK: SNOWFALL
Bella and I had differing experiences with our second day of school. While we mutually found it easier now that the names and faces of our new friends were more memorable, and happy that it wasn't raining for a change, whatever happened between her and Edward definitely bled into her mood today; she was sleep deprived, antsy and looked nauseous at the thought of seeing him again— something easily noticeable with our new carpooling arrangement. When we finally arrived at school and proceeded to go our separate ways to class, I was certain for a moment Bella sincerely contemplated following me.
In the morning, I spent my time happily chatting with Ben in Biology, with him even offering to invite me over to see his collection of comics, something I definitely wasn't opposed to. I was looking forward to creating more a meaningful friendship with him and Angela.
My mood did fall slightly when I went to World History. It was equally as nerve-wracking as yesterday, being in the presence of the Hales and Alice. Rosalie was still as devastatingly attractive as the day before and I didn't think I would ever really get used to her beauty. It did pick up however, when I tried once again in vain to get her to talk to me, because while I didn't ultimately achieve my goal, I did notice that she seemed to be paying more attention to me— when I wasn't looking that is.
I was disappointed when Alice didn't speak to me anymore, and she looked mildly guilty about it too when the bell rang and she left without a goodbye. I assumed it was Edward's doing. Douche. Whatever he said to her in gym yesterday must have really distressed her.
Turns out, he was surprisingly absent today from school, missing both English and Gym. At lunch Bella was a mixture of relieved and distraught by his absence which oddly irritated me. In my opinion, Edward Cullen was a foul-tempered boy who was far too unworthy of my sister's attention and he definitely shouldn't matter enough to influence her feelings. Bella deserved to feel special and important, not rudely glared at. He even tried to switch classes! As much as I didn't like how Mike and Eric were so territorial over my sister, they at least attempted to impress her which I respected.
The rest of the day ended reasonably well once Bella realized Edward wasn't around to sour her mood, and deciding on taking advantage of the good weather we drove to Port Angeles to stock up Bella's Forks friendly wardrobe. We agreed to take my car since it was an hour and ten minutes drive and both of us didn't trust Bella's truck to not break down half-way. Once we arrived, we bought a sizeable haul of parkas, flannels, sweaters, cardigans and even a long sleeved wool dress; all in muted colors and complimentary shades so that they could be mix and matched. We even bought a pair of water-proof hiking boots so that she could walk easier, which were slip-proof, and a beanie/scarf combo set in beige. While the price was rather steep, I offered to pay half, something Bella was deeply reluctant about without persistence. I insisted because I knew the items we bought were necessities. It was far too cold for her to be running around in outfits she wore back in Arizona.
By the time we arrived home, it was a few hours after sundown and I helped her carry her bags of new clothes into her room before we both started on preparing dinner. It wasn't an elaborate meal, just steak and potatoes with a side of salad. Dad undoubtedly didn't mind, looking content when he came in to the kitchen to check on us after he came home. He was thrilled that we made anything in the first place— especially something that looked edible. Our mother was an imaginative cook, and her experiments weren't always what you'd consider fit for consumption. Dad was unfortunately left with a lasting distrust in non-diner food afterwards, something I had been painstakingly attempting to change throughout the years.
Bella set the table and I called him in when dinner was ready. He sniffed appreciatively as he walked into the room.
"Smells good,"
"Thanks, dad," Bella replied and I hum in agreement around a cheeky mouthful of potatoes.
We eat in silence for a few minutes, both dad and Bella were alike in that they weren't very talkative, and I was mostly preoccupied with filling my stomach. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence anyways.
"So, how did you guys like school? Have you made any friends?" Dad asks as he piles his plate with a second helping.
"Well, I have a few classes with a girl named Jessica. I sit with her friends at lunch. And there's this boy, Mike, who's very friendly. Everybody seems pretty nice." Bella answers, clearly omitting the one exception.
"That must be Mike Newton. Nice kid — nice family. His dad owns the sporting goods store just outside of town. He makes a good living off all the backpackers who come through here. What about you Ri-bear?"
"Our friends are pretty mutual, I'm pretty close to a girl named Angela Weber who's also friends with Jessica, we all sit together. Oh- and a boy named Ben Cheney. He says he has a pretty substantial collection of comics and I'm planning on going to his place to check it out some time."
"The Webers are pretty decent folk, and Ben is a nice boy too, he helps out with church functions quite a lot. I'm glad you're both settling in alright."
"Do you know the Cullen family?" Bella asks hesitantly. I perk up, interested.
"Dr. Cullen's family? Sure. Dr. Cullen's a great man."
"They… the kids… are a little different. They don't seem to fit in very well at school."
Both Bella and I were surprised by the angry expression on dad's face.
"People in this town," he mutters, looking troubled. "Dr. Cullen is a brilliant surgeon who could probably work in any hospital in the world, make ten times the salary he gets here, we're lucky to have him — lucky that his wife wanted to live in a small town. He's an asset to the community, and all of those kids are well behaved and polite. I had my doubts, when they first moved in, with all those adopted teenagers. I thought we might have some problems with them. But they're all very mature — I haven't had one speck of trouble from any of them. That's more than I can say for the children of some folks who have lived in this town for generations. And they stick together the way a family should —camping trips every other weekend… Just because they're newcomers, people have to talk."
Dad was obviously passionate about this and I felt proud of him. I've always admired his sense of justice and his kindness to people.
"They seemed nice enough to me. I just noticed they kept to themselves. They're all very attractive," Bella quickly back-pedaled, not wanting dad to think she was being uncomplimentary.
"You should see the doctor," Dad chuckles, "It's a good thing he's happily married. A lot of the nurses at the hospital have a hard time concentrating on their work with him around."
Dad's phone rings, interrupting our conversation. He answers it and frowns, looking at Bella.
"It's your mother, she says she emailed you but you haven't been answering and she's worried." dad says, handing the phone to her.
Bella looks horrified as the disembodied voice in the phone starts rising in volume. Mom was definitely very upset, maybe even hysterical.
"Mom? No! I was just out buying clothes with Rina, I didn't- no mom, everything is fine, I just didn't see the messages, I'm sorry...yes everything is great, school is going fine...okay, I'll email you soon, yes, I love you too. Bye." Bella returns the now silent phone back to dad.
I know I should say because I'm used to my mother's lack of attention it means that it doesn't hurt me when she didn't even ask to talk to me but I'm not a liar. It stung a lot that she only wanted to speak to my sister, but I knew my mother and she probably didn't think she was being hurtful. She was just callous to things that didn't matter to her. It was just unfortunate that I was one of those things.
I help Bella wash up and then I leave her to organize her new wardrobe while I take a shower and lay on my bed in the dark. Oftentimes I wonder if I should feel resentful towards Bella for being the favored child, it certainly wouldn't be hard to wallow in years of pent up negativity. I felt like I had a blazing inferno inside of me and through will alone, I've pushed it into a tiny, volatile ball. It was just waiting inside my chest, coating my lungs in thick smoke, threatening to turn my life into ashes at the smallest hint of weakness— on bad days it felt like it would consume me as well, leaving no remnants behind. All I can do is swallow hard and wait until it smolders into something manageable again.
It was hard to want to dwell on my pent up feelings because I love my sister, just like I love my mother and father. If I were to let go, and let that inferno run free, it would be me that would be hurt in the long run. I didn't want to destroy all that I've built with patience and understanding for some quick gratification and release. What was the point of starting things now? It was far too late for change.
I reluctantly do some math homework before exhaustion kicks in and I fall into a deep, restless sleep for the first time in forever. The only thing I remember from my nightmares is the orange flicker of flames and a heat so terrible I wake up drenched in sweat.
The rest of the week went by uneventfully. I got used to the routine of my classes, as did Bella, who became increasingly more confident when Edward Cullen didn't come back, but also guilty. I felt like her guilt was misplaced, I mean, how was it her fault that Edward was a prick and threw a massive tantrum because my sister existed? Which I assumed was the case because my sister was very meek when it came to new environments and no way could she have offended someone to that extent.
We continued to carpool together and it became sort of a sister bonding time in the morning and afternoons. In Gym, I excelled, and it seemed like everyone wanted to be on my team. Coach Clapp had never looked so animated, often coming up with more interactive and creative activities— the poor guy just needed someone who as into his subject as he was.
Rosalie still refused to talk to me, but she felt less distant than before. Or I was slowly adapting. I would take to doodling things in my book because from the corner of my eye I could see her peeking. She was always more fascinated by the mini comic stories I would do, usually involving the people in our class in some way, rather than just idle drawings. Like the comic strip I did on Friday about Mrs. Thompson actually being an immortal faerie general who had to flee into the human world and pose as a history teacher because her Kingdom had been conquered and her King executed.
Of course, it probably just entertained her because I was such a poor artist. The only reason I even drew at all was because of her. I just really liked having her attention.
By the end of the first week, Bella and I were basically settled. The rain stayed soft over the weekend which greatly improved Bella's sleeping problems, reducing the dark circles under her eyes to nonexistent. It was also nice that she looked less gaunt and sallow. Maybe dad was right and she could learn to enjoy her time here.
When the bell rang for Lunch on Monday the week after, it had begun to snow; apparently it was the first snowfall of the new year and everyone seemed to be taking the opportunity to throw as much of it around as possible. Spotting my sister, Eric, Mike and Jessica, I excitedly dragged Angela towards them, cheerfully shoving a fistful of snow into Mike's face which started a fun snowball fight that Bella hastily moved away from. She was such a spoilsport sometimes, I mean, who hates snow?
After playing around for a while, we all shuffled into the cafeteria, with Mike and Jessica talking animatedly about the fight and who had actually won as we stood in the queue for food. I yelped when Bella froze in front of me, the pumpkin soup I grabbed almost spilling everywhere at the sudden stop. She was looking down and her ears were red, I looked around wondering what had caused her to suddenly look so anxious before my eyes landed on Rosalie's table.
Edward Cullen was back.
"What's with Bella?" Mike asked Jessica.
"Nothing," my sister answered. "I'll just get a soda today."
"Belsy, you're going to be hungry," I say with worry, Bella just shakes her head.
"Actually, I feel a little sick," her eyes were on the floor and I hated the fact that Edward was back and upsetting her like this.
"Alright," I sigh, as we paid for our meal before we went to our usual table, Bella slowly following behind. Mike kept making a scene and asking her what was wrong and I glared at him to be quiet. She looked about ready to bolt out the door and all the way home.
My eyes are inevitably drawn back to Rosalie and I held my breath at the sight of her smiling and laughing. This was the first time I'd ever seen her so animated and I was completely entranced by it, my eyes glued to her as she ran a hand through her wet hair.
"What are you guys staring at? Bella? Rina?" Jessica intruded, her eyes following our stares towards the Cullen's table.
At that precise moment, Rosalie's eyes lock with mine and I flush as I turn my focus back on my soup.
"Edward Cullen is staring at you, Bella" Jessica giggles before looking at me, "why do you keep looking at Rosalie Hale? You do it a lot."
"Shut up Jess," I mumble before I take a bite out of my bread, she looks mildly offended before a more spiteful voice pipes up at the end of our table.
"Isn't it because she's a dyke?" Says Lauren, smirking at me, "bet you're in love with her."
Rage and humiliation flares up inside of me, "Shut the fuck up, Lauren." I snap, trying desperately to push it down.
"Why so defensive? Did I hit a sore spot? Are you gay?" She taunts, amused by my reaction. My hands tighten into fists and I seriously consider decking her in the face.
"Leave it, Lauren," Angela warns, backing me up.
"Whatever," Lauren replies, rolling her eyes before turning her attention to whatever it was that was entertaining her before.
An awkward silence falls onto our table and my eyes flicker towards Rosalie again before looking back at my food. She was still looking at our table. At me.
I felt irritably hot, as if I was being burned alive from the inside out.
I had never given much thought to my sexuality, always assuming I was straight. But I wasn't completely not self-aware enough to admit that there was more to it than the boys I previously dated just 'not being right". It was the fact that I felt no attraction at all that was the problem. No matter if they were celebrities or real men, I just didn't feel anything for them. I had thought that if I dated around, I'd feel a spark or anything really but it just reaffirmed that I didn't find men romantically attractive.
I also knew that I was unhealthily fascinated with Rosalie, whom I had to keep reminding myself was in a relationship. It didn't take a genius to conclude that I was possibly, most likely, crushing on her, so it wasn't the suggestion that I liked her that I had been offended by, it was Lauren's lack of respect. She had no right to talk about my feelings or speculate on my sexuality in front of all our friends like that.
That was a right that was exclusively mine to bring up, and I definitely didn't want to bring it up.
"He doesn't look angry, does he? Edward, that is," Bella asked Jessica, taking the tension away from the table, and subtly bumping her shoulder with mine comfortingly. She was really sweet sometimes.
"No," Jessica replied, sounding confused by Bella's question. "Should he be?"
"I don't think he likes me," Bella confided. Putting her head down on her arms.
"The Cullens don't like anybody… well, they don't notice anybody enough to like them. But he's still staring at you."
"Stop looking at him," she hissed.
Jessica snickered, but she looked away.
Mike interrupted then — he was planning an epic battle of the blizzard in the parking lot after school and wanted us to join. Jessica agreed enthusiastically. The way she looked at Mike left little doubt that she would be up for anything he suggested. I kept silent, along with Bella. I'd usually be up for it but my mood had been significantly soured by Lauren's comments and I really just wanted to go home.
Deciding that I wasn't up for class, I spent the rest of the day in the nurse's office, laying down. She didn't really complain since I only had three classes left anyways and left me alone to sleep.
When school ended, I met up with Bella outside of the gym before we both walked together to her truck. It was raining and freezing, a combination which made us both eagerly warm ourselves with the heater turned up to full blast. Bella unzipped her jacket, put the hood down, and fluffed her damp hair out so the heater could dry it on the way home; it made me doubly glad that I didn't have long hair, mine would dry significantly faster than hers.
To my surprise, she was oddly perky- happier than I'd seen her in a while, even more alert? Maybe Edward apologized for being horribly rude to her. She unquestionably deserved an apology.
Proceeding to leave the parking lot, she looked around to make sure it was clear but something set her off and I shrieked when Bella threw the truck into reverse, almost hitting a rusty Toyota Corolla in her haste. Lucky for the Toyota, she stomped on the brake in time.
I stare wide-eyed around, looking for the source of her poor driving skills and spotted Edward Cullen's Volvo and him leaning against it, staring at us. It made me groan. Of course Bella would endanger everyone because a boy was looking at her. Great. Bella took a deep breath, still looking out the other side of her truck, and cautiously pulled out again, with greater success. I watched as she stared straight ahead, determinedly, as she passed the Volvo. We both saw him laughing in his car and I roll my eyes as Bella's face turned tomato red in embarrassment.
At least we made it home safe and sound.
Not exactly 4k, but here you go.
