Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters I'm writing about.

Author's note: There is talk of Rape, Suicide, Self-Abuse, and the therapy that goes

along with this type of thing. Also Thank you for all the reviews and yes Sirius and

Remus are a homosexual couple in my fic.

Disclaimer 2: I'm using a poem and a song that was first presented to me in

"Degrassi the Next Generation: Episode, Shout" If you'd like a copy of the poem

then please let me know.

Harry, Ron and Sirius came into the room where Hermione was being held. She looked

awful. She had dark circles under her eyes and her arms where badly scarred. She was

staring out the window looking out onto the grounds into the rain. It reminded Harry of the

Muggle song "Only Happy when It Rains." By Garbage. Some band that Dudley had liked a

while back.

Harry shook his head and looked at Hermione. She still looked broken. A Ghost of her

former self. He looked at Ron and saw a single tear slide down his cheek. He quickly wiped it

away and straitened his shoulders.

Hermione was too busy starring out the window to notice her friends. She felt dirty and

didn't want to talk with them. She knew that they would think her stupid because of the

stunt she tried to pull off. At least the spell had worked and her body was ridden of the evil

inside. Now she just had to get rid of the memories and the evil in her heart. Tears slowly

started to assault her cheeks again. She sighed and wiped them away. She turned around

and sat pulling her knees up to her chest. She rested her head on one knee, looking at the

small group that had just come in.

"Hello Hermione. I brought you some flowers." Sirius said. He held out some white roses

and she took them and put them at her feet looking at them like they where poison.

"Hi Hermione, I-uh- brought you some chocolate frogs." Ron said.

"Thank you Ron." Hermione said simply eating one and looking at the card. It was Merlin.

"Hermione. Would you like to talk to us about things?" Harry asked.

She shook her head. It was the last thing that she wanted to do. She looked up at her

friends with tears in her eyes.

"You're not the only one you know." Harry said softly.

"Not the only one what?" Hermione said.

"Not the only one who cuts." He pulled up side sleeve to reveal a badly scarred arm and

some new fresh gashes on his inner arm.

"I never knew. I thought you where well adjusted." Hermione said ripping the head off

anther chocolate frog.

"We know it hurts Hermione. Please talk to us." Harry said softly.

"Fine. I'll talk. I'm a dirty mudblood whore and I deserved everything I got. I think I'm

better then everybody else. Ron I can't see you anymore because I'm damaged and you

deserve better. I have no future because I'm just a dirty little slut." Hermione was shouting

and crying at the same time. Harry had gotten on the bed with her and wrapped his arms

around her. She tensed but at the smell of green apples that she knew could only be Harry

she relaxed and sobbed into his arms.

They stayed like that for a long time. No one had noticed that Ron had slipped out of the

room with tears in his eyes. He'd been completely heartbroken.

They talked some more and Hermione was feeling tired so they left. Hermione sang softly to

herself, "I'm only happy when it rains, I'm only happy when it's complicated, Although I

know you can't appreciate it I'm only happy when it rains."

Poppy had come in just them and pulled the sheet aside, "Hermione?"

"Yes Madam Pomfrey?"

"I was just coming to tell you that starting on Monday you'll be seeing Jenny. She's a

counselor from St. Mungos."

"So I really am crazy."

"No, not at all. You just need to talk about what's happened to you. She's asked me to give

you this journal so you can write down everything you feel before you two talk."

She handed Hermione a purple journal with a purple ribbon attached to it to mark her place.

With it was a qwill that would change colors according to her mood.

She thought staring at the blank page for awhile then she began writing, the ink a bright

red color with little pieces of glitter in it.

It happens to other people,

you say how sad you say "Poor thing."

But when it's you it's something else.

It's everything

It started with something minor which led to something worst

The friends you loved thought you knew just dissapeared

it felt so weird

Half blessing, Half curse

It happens to other people

you say how sad you say "Poor thing."

She turned the page and began writing again a similar poem.

It happens to other people,

you say "How sad"

you say "Poor Thing."

When its you it's something else.

It's everything

You'd never believe the nightmares

you'd never know the pain you caused

you'll never see the scars you left

The things you stole everything's lost.

You took my body tore it in half

you took my childhood my heard and my laugh

you took everything I'd kept for myself

then your gone I'm not your Poor Thing

I'm stronger then you think

I can beat this

I'm on the brink

cause your hurting me

just please let me be

You took my body tore it in half

you took my childhood my heard and my laugh

you took everything I'd kept for myself

then your gone I'm not your Poor Thing

Feeling tired again and not knowing what else to do she put the journal away and laid down

to go to sleep. Her dreams where riddled with nightmares.

*She was walking down a long dark hallway and Malfoy was there hurting her again. She

was in such pain. Then she was in anther room with a craddle singing to her daughter,

"Hush little baby please don't cry mommy's gonna buy you a diamond ring" She held the

baby and it had long blonde hair and steal grey eyes, just like her father. She dropped the

baby and ran away running strait into Draco. "Hunny what's wrong. Don't you love me?" She

looked down on her finger where there was a wedding band, in the back ground she could

hear screaming.*

She woke up screaming sweating and out of breath. She was angry and very alone. It was

dark outside and she pulled her knees up to her chest wanting to cut so badly but not

having anything to do it with. There was a glass on the table beside her filled with water.

She drank the water and broke the glass she took a rather sharp piece and began to carve

her skin. It hurt worse then when she'd done it with her pocket knife. She whispered,

"Reparo." to the glass and the glass was whole again. She wrapped her arm up in the

bandages by her bed. She laid down and felt her stomach. "A baby? No way." she thought

Suddenly she felt every empty inside and wanted to throw up.



Unknown to her Poppy had watched everything from her office. Frowning grimly she hoped

that Hermione would last long enough for Monday to role around.