Happy birthday to me, I think watching her pole dance for me. I could barely keep my mouth shut watching her on that long, metal bar and I catch myself turning my head sideways from time to time as she does certain tricks. A song in which I'm guessing is called Good For You is playing in the background and I say that since that's the phrase repeated the most. And yes, baby, yes she looks good for me. So, so damn good for me.

The song ends and I'm sad but happy in the same moment since she's making her way over me.

"Happy birthday, baby." She says once she's above me on all fours.

"Free me from these ties so I could show you just how good you looked."

She teased a smile. "You're allowed on hand, which one do you want?"

Duh, "Right."

I lick my lips as her breasts are right above my face unfortunately held back by a fancy, blue bra. My favorite color. I'm so distracted by her perfect rack that I don't realize that she did the opposite of what I wanted freeing my left. I grunt making her smile before she moved down to kiss my lips. I dig my fingers in her hair pulling her in closer as she rocked her hips over my boxers. He's crying.

"Please fuck me."

Her lips trail down my neck as her hand reaches down and begin slow strokes having my breath shorten. With the little strength I had, I use my left to try to untie my right hand. The ties aren't tight, it's just difficult to…to concentrate. I feel like crying when I succeed just in time for her to slide down on me. Her walls tighten around me, squeezing me, pure torture!

I sit up so I can touch her and squeeze her. Her body is pure silk, so fine, so smooth I don't know how she does it. I meet our lips again squeezing her breasts having her moan then I wrap an arm around her moving her to lay flatly on her back.

"I'm supposed to be pleasuring you, birthday boy." She moans.

"Please know that whenever we fuck it is a pleasure to me no matter who's on top."

I kiss her again feeling her finger rake through my hair.


She fucked me to sleep. Of corse I didn't stay on top for long for any of our rounds. It's kind of a blur, but all I know is that I woke up naked as day on top of the sheets and with her rested naked right on top of me. I move my hand up her back having her stir a little before she lifted her head to meet my half-awake eyes. She smiles proudly then kisses me then moved to get up, but I hold her down. "Not yet,"

She rests her head back on my chest. "I need to give you your present."

"The pole dance wasn't my present?"

"Nope."

"I'm a lucky man." She kisses my chest. "What did you get me?"

"It's pretty big."

My eyes grew wide, "You did not get me what I think you did, did you?" She sits up and smiles at me. "You're seriously the best girlfriend on the fucking earth."

She laughs a little then gets up slipping on my shirt before going into her closet. I get up to get my pants and by the time I slip them on, she's holding a wrapped box in her hands with a bow on top and sets it on the bed.

"Open it, open it," she smiled widely bouncing on her toes and I can't help but to smile back.

I kiss her multiple times before I go tear at the paper literally feeling like a little kid on Christmas. She squeals and laughs as I lift her in my arms and twirl her around once the wrapping paper is off and I see the gift that I've always wanted.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too," she giggles then kisses me.

I put her down and look back over at the tall box. Now don't call me any names, but I've wanted this for a very long time. A telescope. But not just any telescope, it's a damn Orion Sirius ES80 EQ-G and it's damn beautiful… well I know it's going to look beautiful once I put it together.

"You like it, is this the one you wanted?"

"Yes, I love it, it's perfect. Thank you so much, baby." I kiss her then pull her in for a hug.

"I'm glad you like it, I was worried."

I pull away slightly to meet our foreheads and my hands move to the sides of her face. "No, it's perfect. I love you, seriously this is the best present ever. Thank you so much."

She smiles. "You're welcome." I kiss her. "I can't wait to see it when you put it together."

"You'll be the first person to look through it with me, I promise. I love you so much."

"I love you too. Happy birthday."

"Thank you."

We kiss multiple times before I lift her in my arms laying back down with her on our bed.

•••

I get home from "work" to walk in on a surprise birthday party. It's honestly no surprise since Stace throws me one every other year. The shouting still manages to scare the shit out of me though.

"Happy birthday, Stef!"

"Thanks, babe."

We kiss then I wrap my arm around her to greet my family and friends although I have more friends than I do family. Stacie's fam is the closest to cousins that I have, most of my family lives nowhere near Mystic Falls.

"How was part one of your birthday at casa de Bonnie?" Damon asks raising a glass to his mouth.

"Fantastic. She got me a telescope, man. I know I sound like a nerd, but that's the best damn gift I ever got."

"Since when were you into telescopes?"

"Always, you would've known if you actually paid attention to me as a child."

"I was kind of a dick, wasn't I?"

"Was?"

He rolls his eyes, "Whatever. Oh and thanks for the warning about mom. She stayed over my place for two days."

"Really? Why?"

He looks at me oddly then it relaxes. "I don't know."

"Damon, what aren't you telling me?"

"It's your birthday, Stefan. Enjoy it."

"Fuck that, what is it?"

He sighs then grabs my shoulders looking me dead in the eye and I know it's bad and serious. "She has leukemia, Stefan. She doesn't have much time. I'm sorry."

"How could she not tell me that?"

"You're the youngest, you're the attached one out of the two of us, the sensitive one. She probably just didn't want to ruin your day."

"Where is she now?"

"The hospital."

"I need to go." I don't wait for a response, I head towards the exit, but I'm held back by Alaric as Stacie walks up to me with a cake in her hands smiling acting as happy as ever. I know that people are singing to me, but I hear nothing. I look over at Damon and he has an apologetic look on his then Alaric shakes me and I'm snapped back to reality.

"Blow out your candles, man, make a wish."

I wish to get the hell out of here.

•••

Before going to the hospital, I have to make a stop by Bonnie's because I'm scared as hell and I know she'll calm me down. She's surprised to see me but welcomes me inside and I sit on the couch and once she joins me I just hug her.

"What's wrong, Stef?" She asks hugging me back.

"My mother is dying."

I hear her lightly gasps. "I'm so sorry, Stef." She hugs me tighter. "What happened?" She kisses my head.

"She has cancer. Leukemia and I just found out. I know I haven't seen much of her or talked much about her, but damn."

"I get it. Not exactly, but I get it. A girl I used to call my best friend passed away a few years back and I heard the news through another friend and it was all so strange. I didn't cry, I was just so damn shocked and I had so much regret. We stopped talking because I moved away and it was just hard to keep communication a lot and then the next I hear, she's dead. I wish I had made more of an effort, you know?" I nod against her chest then shortly feel her hands on the sides of my head then the next I'm looking into her eyes. "Don't feel regretful, Stefan. Go see your mom, have your goodbye. I'll be here for you, whenever you need me, we'll get through this together, alright." I only nod because I know if I speak I'll cry. "I love you so much." She kisses me then pulls me in for a hug.


She's asleep by the time I get there and I can't believe at how drastically she's changed. She looked completely different from when I saw her last week, what the hell? I don't want to wake her but at the same time that's exactly what I want to do.

"Mom?" I don't touch her and when she remains still I take a seat on the chair closing my eyes. I'm not tired, just stressed.

"Stefan?"

My eyes shoot open she I lean in, "Mommy," I move my hand to the side of her face, "how could you not tell me?"

"I'm sorry, I never wanted you to see me like this. I wanted your last memory of me to be…not like this."

"I don't care about that, you know that, mom."

"I'm sorry,"

I let out a long breath. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing the best I can. I knew something was wrong, I just ignored it until I couldn't anymore."

"How come you looked so well when you visited me at work?"

"Good makeup and false eyelashes."

We laugh a little and I place my hand atop hers. "I want to tell you about her. About Bonnie."

"Please," she sits up some.

"She's beautiful, mom, and I love her so much. She gets me, you know, I've only know her for two years, close to three now but it's like we met before. Her mind, her body, her spirit, her soul, everything just calls out to me. She got me a telescope, mom." She smiled and wiped away her tear. "A really expensive one too and I… I just love her so much. I'm sorry, I know this isn't how you raised me,"

"I raised you to love, Stefan. Ideally would I would've liked for you to be in love with one woman, yes, but sometimes things don't work out the way a mother wants it to, especially when it comes to our children." Her hand moves to the side of my face. "I want nothing more than for you and your brother to be happy. My dying wish is for you to be happy and for you to follow your heart, understand?"

"Yes." I close my eyes when she wipes away my tears.

"You're a good boy, Stefan. Your heart is big, it carries so much love and you need to learn how to follow it. You know what you want, but you're scared and that's fine, but let go of that fear."

"I'll try."

She smiled. "You've never lied to me so I believe you."

"I love you, mom."

"I love you too, son."

I hug her then look up to see Damon walk in and we stay together as a family until our mother is no longer.


I shut everyone out of my life for the next five weeks. I slept on the couch for no reason, I drank, barely ate, and I didn't even assemble my telescope. It was the first funeral that I have ever attended and I never want to go to another ever again. Surprisingly, my father was there and we talked but I didn't want to get reattached because death is everywhere. I really wanted Bonnie there to hold and to lean on, to be weak with, but there was no way that she could be there with Stacie there.

I cried once but that was it. A woman sang 'The Parting Glass' which was my mother's favorite song and it put me to tears.

Good night and joy be with you all.

The person I shut out the most was the person who cared the most. Bonnie texted me every morning and night but I would never respond. She sent me quotes, asked how I was doing, wanted to know if I needed any help, asked if I needed to talk to anyone so she could recommend me someone. Everything, but I gave her nothing in return. She didn't stop though.

Stacie was quiet. She didn't know what to say, no one really knew, so she was quiet. Didn't protest when I would drag a blanket and my pillow downstairs to the couch or run through cans of beer and bottles of alcohol, she stayed quiet and cleaned it up.

Damon might have acted like he didn't care, but he was exactly like me. We didn't speak to each other at all.

Five weeks roll by so quickly and I call Bonnie at three AM and ask her to meet me at the park. She agrees and now I see the headlights of her car pulling up. She wraps her cardigan closer to her body as she walks up to me and once she's in reach, I pull her close and we hug so tightly I feel like I'm going to break her.

"You smell like shit, Stefan."

"My mother is dead."

"I'm so sorry for that, Stefan. I really wish I could've been there for you during this. I wanted to be there."

"I wanted you there, I really did. It may not have seemed like it, but I wanted you there."

"I'm here now, Stefan, don't push me out. We'll get through this together, I promise." She hugs me even tighter. "You have to stop. The drinking, you have to stop."

"I know,"

"You have to stop. It's killing you."

"I know, I'm sorry." I feel her lips on the side of my head and I pull her closer and exhale. "I have to break up with you, Bonnie."

She's silent. At first I didn't think that she heard me, but shortly she nods. "Okay. If that's what you need."

"I love you so much. I don't want to let you go, but I need to. My heart is telling me to let you go because you deserve better than what I can give you. I have to follow my heart, I promised my mother."

"I understand." She sniffs in then moved her hand away before wrapping it back around me.

"Thank you for everything that you've ever done for me. Loving me like no other. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and it sucks that I have to lose you."

"Thank you, Stefan for everything. I love you."

We hold each other. My heart is breaking all over again. This time it takes five months.


I'm still not over it, but I'm better than what I used to be. Stacie and I have recently decided that we want to start a family and even though we've had no luck yet, we're still trying. I feel like a baby could really help us or drive us apart but either way, I'm ready. I want a son, we both do so hopefully we're blessed with one.

I started talking to Damon again and told him the news about the breakup and us wanting kids. He was shocked but oddly supportive and I know that this baby will not only possibly bring Stacie and I closer but Damon and I as well.

My life is odd now. I try my hardest to not think of her, to not let her consume my thoughts, but it's not that easy. I catch myself driving by her place sometimes to see if she's still there or if she's moved away and every time I do I'm glad that it isn't the latter. I never see her, though, only her car parked in the driveway and sometimes Caroline's SUV. Those drive by's lessen and lessen until I don't go anymore.

I really want to focus on my family, building my family. I work so hard for my family but then I realize that I don't even have one. All I have is Stacie, Damon doesn't need me and it's not like Stacie technically needs me either. I want to be a father, I'm tired of coming home everyday from work without someone cheering 'daddy' and running up to me because they're excited that I'm home. I want someone to depend on me, to actually depend on me and I know my child will be that person. I'll try my hardest to be the best father that I possibly can be because my father sucked ass.

The timer goes off and I watch her take a breath before going into the bathroom. She comes out looking down at them. "I'm sorry,"

"Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately. They're negative." She throws the tests in the trash then sits next to me on the bed with a puff. "I'm trying not to stress out and I think the stress is what's causing me to not have a baby."

Isn't it ironic that when most couples actually try for a child it takes forever but when it's all fun, a baby comes out of it?

"Maybe we should stop trying and just go back to what we used to be like. It's too much pressure, even for myself, I mean it does rely on me."

She smiled slightly the falls down staring up at the ceiling and I join her after I kiss her lips. Being with Stacie is actually better than I thought it would be. I think the death of my mother made us both realize that life is too short to be anything but in love and happy and it has really healed our relationship.

"What are you in the mood for?" I move my hand to the side of her face.

"I don't know… Chinese, I guess."

"I'll be right back." I kiss her again then head for the stairs as I call the Chinese place to place our order. It's always busy in there and if I'm lucky our food would be ready by the time I walk in so I wouldn't have to stay.

I freeze once I step inside fifteen minutes later because I see her. The back of her standing alone but with people on both sides of her who I figure are random customers. It's been forever since we've seen each other or spoke to one another and I want to know how she's doing. I might regret this later, but I walk over to her letting out a breath before I place my hand on her shoulder. She turns around and I drop my hand along with the slight smile I was forcing as I looked down. Either she ate everything in sight or she was carrying a child.

"Is it mine?"

"So what if it is."

"So wha- Bonnie, why didn't you tell me?"

"You broke up with me, you were respecting your mother's dying wish, following your heart."

"Fuck that, you still should've told me."

"I didn't know then. I had my suspicions, but I wasn't sure."

"Oh, Bonnie. I want to be there for you."

"I'm fine on my own, but thanks."

"You can't just expect me to walk away from all this, that's my child."

"Stefan, you're married. Be with your wife. I'm fine on my own."

"I don't care if you are or not, I'm going to be there for you, Bon." I'm trying my hardest to not yell.

"I don't want my son bouncing around between houses like he's in the system or something, I want him to be stable. With me, he's stable, he can be stable, with you it'll be nothing but a complicated mess. No."

In all honesty I barely heard a word she said because she tells me that we're having a boy. A boy, a baby boy, all that I've ever wanted. "We're having a son?"

"Did you even listen to word I said?"

Again, I ignore her and drop to my knees coming face with her growing stomach. I know that I probably look like an idiot doing this but I don't care. Softly, I move my hands up and I'm almost moved to tears. I can't believe she didn't tell me, was she really going to let our child grow all his life thinking that he was without a father when I'm still very much here? What was she thinking? I know I've made mistakes, but I don't deserve that, she knows I would be there for her through every step of the way and for her to keep this from me is like a major slap in the face.

"I should go."

"No, please, please." I stand back up moving my hands to her face but she only moves her head away. "Bonnie,"

"I can't do this, Stefan. Do you really expect me to do this all over again? We're not going to be a secret, my son and I are too valuable to be a secret from anyone, it's not going to happen."

"Bonnie, wait,"

This time she ignores me and walks out. I know that the best thing for me to do now is give her space so I grab our good and head home. If telling Stacie about my affair is what I have to do to see my son, then that's exactly what I'll do.

I grab Stacie's hand and sit next to her on our bed. She knows something's up so I don't beat around the bush. "I have something to tell you. It's been a secret that I've had for two years and I honestly was going to keep it that way, but I can't anymore."

"What is it?" She probably thought that I was going to finally admit that I'm an alcoholic and been going to AA meetings on the weekends.

"I had an affair. I was cheating on you but I ended it. I'm sorry. I really am."

"Who is she?" Her voice was shaken.

"Her name is Bonnie, I doubt you know her. And um… she's pregnant."

Her eyes widened and I heard her heart literally breaking before she fell back and cried in her hands. A women crying is my ultimate weakness and though she punches my chest, I hold her in my arms trying to comfort her in some way. "I'm so sorry."

"How could you do this to me?"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking and we were going through a tough time and I just— I'm so sorry."

"I hate you,"

"I know. I'm sorry."

I hug her tighter and I'm surprised when she hugs me back. Her tears stop after a few minutes and she just sniffs in. Her hold is loose around me but I continue hugging her as tight as I am.

"You want to be there, don't you."

"Yes."

"Do you want a divorce?"

"Honestly…no."

"Why not?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, Stace, I love Bonnie and there was a point in time when I loved her more than I loved you, but being with you and only you for these past months, I can't leave you. I love you so much."

"I don't know what I want. When it comes to us, I don't know, but I want to meet her."

I was a little surprised. "I guess that's fair."

She nods and wraps her arms tighter around me and we fall asleep this way.

•••

My throat was dry as we waited for Bonnie to show up. I wonder if she would actually show up, but when I called her she sounded genuine when she told me that she would. That doesn't mean that her mind didn't change.

Bonnie knew nothing about Stacie or my life at home, she knew I was married, but that was it. I always kept everything else a secret from her just as I kept Bonnie and my life with her from Stacie. I was damn good at keeping it all a secret.

The bell chimes and I turn to see her walk through. She catches my eye then heads over in this direction. My hands are somewhat shaking so I place them on my lap under the table. She offers a smile to Stacie who smiled slightly back watching her get situated sitting in front of us.

"I uh… Bonnie this is my wife Stacie, Stacie, Bonnie."

"Hi," Stacie says but Bonnie only smiles. I think I pissed her off by introducing Stacie as my wife. "So, you're pregnant."

"I am."

"So, uh how are you handling it all?"

"I'm actually doing really good on my own." I roll my eyes. "Well I'm not really alone, I have my family and my friends with me, but it is an adjustment. I just didn't want to drag you guys into this. And I'm sorry, Stacie. I really am. I'm kind of young and stupid and that isn't an excuse, but I am sorry and I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me for all this."

"Thank you, Bonnie."

She nods then searched in her purse for her phone that went off. I watch her read the name of who was calling for a few seconds before she ignores it and puts it away. I narrow my eyes at her face.

"Who was it?" It's a habit and I regret asking.

"Don't worry about it, it was no one." She clears her throat then moves a lock of hair behind her ear looking up. "So are we done here?"

"I think—"

"Actually we're not." I cut Stacie off. "I want to be there, Bonnie, he's my child too."

"I thought we already discussed this a little."

"A little, but you barely let me speak."

"I sorry, Stefan, I never wanted you to find out, I wanted you to forget about me and live your life with your beautiful wife and be happy and maybe start a family, I don't know. After the breakup, I had time to think and I'm taking the advice that you took by following my heart and I'm moving to Ohio."

She's what?! "What the fuck?"

"It's to make things easier on you two. You don't have to worry about me, you want to be with your wife then do that. I'll be fine with my aunt in Ohio."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Actually, I'm not. Not anymore." She grabs her bag. "It was nice to meet you, Stacie, and again, I'm sorry for everything." She gets up and walks away.

Stacie looks at me unsure about what to say. I'm paralyzed. I cannot believe that she's going to move away just so she wouldn't have to see my face, I have never been so shocked in my life. I'm more than shocked, I'm fucking pissed.

"I'll be back." I follow after Bonnie into the parking lot. "Bonnie!" She doesn't stop walking forcing me to chase after her. "Bonnie, you can't do this to me."

"I'm sorry but it's already decided. Half of my stuff is already there, my aunt is expecting me there by the end of this month, I'm going. Forget about me, Stefan, I'm sure it won't be hard."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just forget it. I have to go, I'm tired." She closed the door and drove off.

My breathed heavy watching her car drive away and I feel like fainting until I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Stacie. "I'm sorry, Stefan."

"She can't do this to me, she can't. I- I have to see my son."

"And you will, there are ways that we can fix this."

"I don't want to take her to court, Stace. She'll probably win even if I do."

"Then what do you want to do then?"

"I don't know," I sighed running my fingers through my hair.

I don't know what in the hell I'm going to do. But I have to do something.


A/N: Thanks for your support in this fic and uh… poor Stefan?